Disclaimer: Unfortunately, everything relating to ASOUE belongs to Mr. Lemony Snicket, which is a Very Fickle Dilemma for me, as I am writing this Very Formidable Dialogue. I also do not own The Beatles or their song 'Happiness Is a Warm Gun'. Michael Jackson does. I do not like Michael Jackson. He is an ugly ape who rapes children. Ugh!
Author's Note: This might just be a one-shot, but I'm thinking of adding another chapter if this first one turns out O.K. Umm… I would list the ships, but I want that to be a surprise! It is two of my favorite ships! This is the second ASOUE fic I've written, but the first to post on FF.net. I have two other fics up, which are still being written, so if I do decide for this to be a chapter fic, then it'll have to wait until after I've finished with my other stories. So, without any further ado…
When Your Heart Quits Wishing
She's not a girl who misses much
Do do do do do do, oh yeah
She's well acquainted with the touch
Of a lizard on a window pane
The man in the crowd with the
Multi-coloured windows on his hot-nail boots
Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy
Working overtime
A soap compression of his wife
Which he ate and donated to the National Trust
In romances there is a lot of crying. That is why I decided not to have one early on. After Klaus died I felt there was no reason for me to live whatsoever. I didn't commit suicide, though there were certainly days when I felt like it. But I had to care for Sunny. She was only three then. Klaus had died in a car accident and when I received the news it felt like the world was crashing down on me. Everything melted together. That is when I decided to love nobody more in the world. Who I loved now was enough.
I explained to Sunny there had been an accident, as she sat on the kitchen of our little apartment making soup with a little hot plate. She looked up at me questioningly and asked, what? And I said there was an accident and Klaus died in it. We both cried. But I didn't at first. I tried to stay strong, until Sunny looked up at me with her big blue eyes and said in her little voice, "You don't have to be strong for me, Violet. I know how much you need to cry." And then I did cry. But I haven't cried since. The grief I've felt since is beyond words as I search, now, a month later, for memory of my brother. It hurt too much before to even go over the thought he wasn't alive, that he was with Mother and Father. A massive pang of quilt stabbed at my heart. Images sailed quickly and roughly through my head.
"You know what, Violet? I love Isadora, okay?"
"But… but Klaus!"
"She loves me too!"
"I have something to tell you…"
"I know you have that little crush on her, but Isadora loves me!"
"Klaus… Isadora is my girlfriend."
"That is impossible!"
"But it's true, Klaus."
"No. No, it isn't. You're lying!"
"I'm afraid I'm not."
"That's it! I'm going for drive."
"Fine, then Klaus! Don't come back!"
"I won't!"
I had hated him the last moments I had seen him. When I realized that, I felt so nauseous. Suddenly too weak to stand, I sunk to my knees. I had killed Klaus. It was me. I grabbed onto my bedpost and got up, swallowing my pride and tears and pushing memories of the funeral and myself thinking then, 'I wonder what idiot would have the sense to crash into someone? They should watch what they're doing. They killed someone! The bastard!' I screamed as I got my coat.
"Sunny! I'm going for a walk!"
"Okay. Dinner when you get home!"
I did not reply, instead, slammed the door and pulled on the bright yellow raincoat and ran. Ran and the wind blew through my ears, making noises that sounded like when someone blew on the top of a glass bottle or jug. The rain fell on me and soaked me to the bone. The skies were so gray and the rain permeated through the clouds onto my skin and then fell to the ground.
When I reached Isadora's place I knocked hard on the door. I had broken up with her the day Klaus died. No more romances for me. But this I could not stand. I knew that Klaus loved her and I should respect that, but Klaus had passed away, and I could not live alone.
"Violet!" Isadora said, concerned, looking at my blue lips and chattering teeth; my wet body.
"Isadora…" I whispered, standing firmly on her doorstep.
"Do come in, Violet." She said to me, inviting me in. I walked in. I looked around, remembering everything like it had not been three weeks that I had not said her name. Three and a half weeks. "Violet, why are you here?" She spoke so sweetly to me, not in any anger like I presumed she would.
"Well… oh! Isadora! I love you! I love you still!" I wrapped my arms around her and she looked at me adoringly, but a bit unsure.
"Well, then why did you hurt me like you did, Violet? You really hurt me! And after Klaus died…"
"I was afraid of losing you. Of loving you too much and then losing you." I sighed. "Then I realized that I missed not being held by you, just by not being with you. And, damnit! I was just going to miss you so much if I ever lost you, if you were my lover or not! I would miss you more if you weren't mine."
"Well, Violet… I'm not going anywhere." And she kissed me. Dinner that night was spaghetti and meatballs. Isadora came. It was the first meal I had spoken at in a long time. And holding hands under the table so Sunny didn't suspect anything, just being close to her, was something. Sunny went to bed and Isadora followed me into the bedroom. I laid beside her on the bed, we were both unclothed, and touched her cheek.
"I love you so much, Isadora."
"And I you, Violet."
"This is truly the best moment of my life, right now."
"Well, this is second best for me."
"Oh?" I turned on my side and leaned on my elbow. She was looking at my breasts. I felt slightly uncomfortable, but it soon wore off.
"My first favorite was seeing you at lunch at Prufrock Prep three years ago and falling in love for the first time."
"You're too kind." I said, giggling as I reached up to turn the light out. Isadora and I held each other for a long while and then I realized that when your heart quits wishing, everything slows down and everything hurts too much, like when your fingers are numb and you touch something sharp. But as soon as you look at a star and your heart jumps at the wish you make, everything melts into spring, and everything is okay. My star was Isadora. My wish was love. And I surely got some, and gave some back. Love is needed. You should never feel ashamed.
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Happiness is a warm gun
(Bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
Happiness is a warm gun
(Bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
When I hold you, in my arms
And I feel my finger on your trigger
I know! Nobody can do me no harm
Because
Happiness is a warm gun, mama
(Bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
Happiness is a warm gun, yes it is
(Bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
Happiness is a warm… yes it is
Gun… (Happiness, bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
Well don't you know that happiness (happiness), is a warm gun, mama
(Happiness, is a warm gun, yeah…)