TITLE: Burgandy

AUTHOR: Ben Is Glory

RATING: PG-13

PAIRING: B/S

DISCLAIMER: Joss, CoRo.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Not a whole lot to say. This should explain Buffy's actions more ((hopefully)). Especially, see the quote below from "The Body." Tara's a genius. And I planned out the *whole* rest of the story, which is very exciting. Also? To respond to g-@-b-S-t-E-r*07's question: Buffy can't tell Will what's going on because Buffy ((on the show and in well-written fic, might I add)) is a complicated and stubborn son of a bailiff. But! Fear not! All will be revealed in time.

FEEDBACK: I need it like Spike needs hair gel.

***

"There's things… thoughts and reactions I had that… I couldn't… understand… or even try to explain to anyone else. Thoughts that… made me feel like I was losing it… or, like I was some kind of ho-horrible person. I know it's different for you… because it's always different, but…"

***

"You're back!" Willow screeched as she entered her dorm that she shared with her best friend. She ran over to Buffy, who was sitting on her bed, and gave her a huge hug. The blonde weakly returned the gesture.

"Hey, Wills," she said. It was mid-afternoon, and after spending the entire morning in a state of shock and despair, her emotions were finally under control. Or so she hoped, anyway.

The other girl gently sat down on the bed and began stroking Buffy's hair. "How are you, sweetie? Is everything all right?"

Lifting her head, she replied sadly, "No. It's really not." Willow gave her a worried look, and she continued. "My flight got in last night, and I went straight over to Will's."

"I bet he loved seeing you again."

Buffy nodded. "And I was so happy to see him, too. It had been nearly a week since I'd talked to him. Every time I picked up the phone to call him, something nagged at me to wait. Everything was just so hectic and painful and…" She stopped, composing herself, then returned to her story. "I must've been out of my mind last night, Willow. I completely lost it." She turned away, trying to hide her embarrassed expression.

"What do you mean?" the redhead asked, confused.

"I… well, we… you know." She couldn't even bring herself to say what she had actually done. Her face flushed.

"Oh," her friend replied, the situation dawning on her. "Was it, um, bad?"

"It was amazing. But it wasn't real." Buffy got up and began to pace the room. "That couldn't have been me, Willow! I would never do that. I would never take advantage of him like that."

"Why would you think you were taking advantage of him?"

"Because I was hurting. I was needy, and he was there. He was comforting and loving, and I let myself give into him. This is so humiliating." She plopped down in the bed and lay her head in Willow's lap. A few tears escaped and trickled down her face.

Her roommate was speechless. Not knowing what to say, she patted Buffy's head. "Shh, honey. Everything's going to be fine."

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. Sitting up, the blonde wiped at her eyes. "Great. Visitors."

"I'll get it," Willow told her, already moving that way. Oh, shit. she thought as she opened the door.

Standing outside was Will.

"'Ello, Red," he greeted her.

Forcing a smile, she replied, "Howdy."

No, no, no! Buffy frantically tried to figure out what her next move should be, but nothing came to mind. There was absolutely no way she could get out of what was about to happen. She quickly felt her stomach tighten up.

Craning his neck to see into the room, he asked, "Is my girl here?"

Turning to give her friend a tiny shrug, Willow stepped aside. "Yep."

Before he had a chance to come in, Buffy rushed to stand right in front of Will. The faster I can get rid of him, the faster I can sift through the mess that is my life. she told herself.

He leaned in for a kiss, and she broke it off in a matter of seconds. Brow furrowed, Will asked, "Love, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she lied. "I can't talk is all. Lots of make-up work, you know. Better get started."

Knowing she wasn't telling the truth, he considered questioning her. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally deciding on what to say. "Buffy, we need to talk. I was so worried about you this morning."

"I know, but I have to work, Will. I'll call you later," she told him, trying to get rid of him as quickly as possible.

He hesitated before turning to leave. "Right, then." Dropping his voice, he whispered, "Love you."

A weak smile appeared on her face. "You, too." Buffy shut the door and turned around to face her friend.

"What was that all about? Why did you just blow him off like that?" Willow was incredibly perplexed by her friend's actions.

Buffy's face fell. "I just can't deal with this right now, Wills. I just can't. It's too much." She walked back to her bed and sat down. She laughed a harsh laugh and said, "God. Look at me. Pathetic much?"

"That's not fair," the redhead told her. "You've been through hell this past week. Give yourself a little credit."

"It's just…" her voice trailed off for a second before she continued shakily, "I just can't help wondering if I'm doing all this. Am I making all this bad stuff happen? Is it me?"

"Oh, no. Of course not!" Willow assured her. "Don't even think that. Things like this just sort of happen, you know?"

Burying her hands in her face, she nodded. "I was such a bitch to him this morning."

"You've been under a lot of pressure. I'm sure it wasn't on purpose, Buff."

"No, it was. I ran out on him." She heard Willow gasp, and finished the story. "He went out to get us breakfast. He was trying to make me feel better, like he always does. And I completely took off." Raising her head to look at her friend, she confided, "I don't think this is going to work, Wills."

"Don't say that," she chided and pulled her roommate into a hug. "You don't really mean that."

"Don't I? I can't go on seeing him knowing what I did. Even if I didn't mean to hurt him, I can't do it." She rested her head in the crook of Willow's neck. Almost inaudibly, she added, "My mom would be so disappointed in me."

So that's what this is all about. the redhead considered. She knew it wasn't true, and she knew she had to say something to Buffy. Still, something in the back of her mind was screaming at her to wait. This wasn't the time. This was the time for love and support. Everything else would have to take a backseat.

-TBC-

***

A/n: More angst, drama, and happiness to come! Stick with me :) Also? Review please!