Disclaimer: Do I really need to keep writing these things?

A.N: Ok odd chapter ahead…well I guess it's more of an interlude really and feel free to skip it because it's really not essential to the story. It just wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down so I figured I'd share it with you guys! I Love you all!!

Chapter 17 - To cease to exist…

It's not that bad you know. Pretending you don't exist. It can become an art form if you work at it hard enough. First you decide just whom you are hiding from, then you know what you have to do to achieve perfect invisibility.

My aim was always the same.

I wanted everyone to forget I existed.

If Liam forgot I existed, then he would forget how much it made him feel better after he had taken his frustration out on me.

If Dru forgot I existed, then she would forget who she blamed for ruining her life, for stealing her freedom, for saddling her with a burden.

If the kids at school forgot I existed they wouldn't bother teasing me. They wouldn't remind me that no one loved me, that I didn't belong to any of their groups. Children can be so cruel – their supposed innocence making the sting of their words just that little bit sharper.

If the teachers forgot I existed then I wouldn't be the one to blame when something went wrong, I wouldn't take the punishment meant for someone else. It was always easier for them to believe the bruises were just because I was a troublesome girl who fought and fell out of trees. My clothes were never clean because I played in the dirt and enjoyed making a mess. I was so thin because I was still a growing girl – some people are just naturally skinny they supposed.

If the neighbours forgot I existed then I could excuse them for ignoring my pleas and my screams. I couldn't hold it against them that they didn't respond to my call for help. They passed me in the street because they simply didn't know I was there. It was me who didn't exist rather than the problem they simply pretended wasn't real.

If my mother forgot I existed then her rest would be peaceful. She wouldn't be blowing in the four winds cursing herself for leaving me in hell.

I don't wonder what would happen if my father forgot I existed because I don't think he even remembered to begin with.

Mostly though, I was the one who wanted to forget I existed.

If I didn't exist then this wasn't happening to me. I wasn't being beaten down everyday for the sin of breathing. I wasn't a punching bag. I wasn't the outcast, the leaper, the freak. I wasn't a convenient excuse or an alibi. I wasn't the one whose pain was ignored. I wasn't the abandoned child of a man who couldn't care less. I wasn't the pathetic excuse of a human being who had committed some heinous crime in a former life to warrant such a lot in this one.

If only I didn't exist then I could say all of this was true.

But what do I do now that I have found a reason to lay my desire to cease to be behind me?

 How do I move on and accept that perhaps I can have a life worth living?

How do I ask for help to show me the way?

And If I manage to do all of this, how do I stop it from slipping through my fingers?

All of these questions and a million more swim in my head, battling each other for dominance. A thousand debates and no sign that the conflict will end any time soon.

But none of that matters right at this moment. My swirling thoughts and queries remain on hold to be addressed anther time. Right at this instant there is only one matter I wonder about. One question I want answered.

Now that I know he loves me…how do I tell him I fell the same?

And of course one question leads to a hundred more.

Can I finally say the words out loud, or will I be scared and write them?

Will that make it less real if I do?

Will he kiss me when I tell him?

Will he hold me and never let me go?

Will he help me deal with my past and become a part of the world?

Will he stand by my side for the nightmares that I know I haven't see the last of?

Will he keep away the bad men and protect my right to be free?

Will I want him to if he does?

I take a deep breath as I gaze in those cornflower eyes that are studying me intently, wondering what I am going to do. I'm going to get my answers.

And for once I knew just how to begin…

A/N: I know it's short but…well it's an interlude, it's allowed to be! And I know that cliffhanger is still there but I promise to resolve it next chapter – please don't yell at me, but let me know what you think. Love you all!