Stepping through the oak doors, a bitter breeze met James Potter, unrelentingly whipping against the bare of his face. Hundreds of winters had waged their strength against the castle of Hogwarts, though none quite as menacing as this. After only moments, James' lips were blue, and his skin was riddled with marks of the cold. Snowflakes left their white on his robes, which he buttoned up around his neck. The night punished him not for what he knew he was soon to do, but for wanting it.

Casting his sight across the snow-strewn grounds of Hogwarts, the seventh-year student searched for him. Sirius would be somewhere brooding, no doubt. Musing, as he often did at this hour. That evening, only hours before, James had seen Sirius in the stands watch him obtain victory for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Sirius often watched his friend on the Quidditch pitch, with his mouth open and his eyes alight.

At last, James saw his friend brace against the winter's hold, nestled in the corner of the Astronomy tower and the castle. His face was buried in his robes, and his hands where hidden somewhere under there, too. James crossed the grounds, wishing Sirius had chosen any other place to be alone and think.

"Sirius!" James called over the wind's roar. His friend tilted up his head, looking shocked to see him at this hour.

"James," Sirius said as his friend strode over, "what are you doing here?"

James let out a laugh, running his fingers through his raven-coloured hair. The snow was strewn across it, making the black almost indistinguishable. "I saw you sneak away from the victory party. I slipped out as soon as the others would let me. You looked like you needed someone to talk to."

Sirius tried to match his friend's laugh, though it didn't come out as hoped. It sounded strained, which was the truth, and the quaver was just too strong.

"Something wrong?" James asked, trying to pull the collar of his robes higher over his neck.

Sirius started to shake his head, but stopped. He cleared his throat. "Prongs... James, I mean. Yeah, there is... just a small problem, I guess."

James crouched down, resting his head against the cobblestone wall. "I'm all ears, Padfoot. Or Sirius, if you'd prefer."

Sirius just nodded his head uncomfortably, rubbing his hands together in attempt to find some warmth. "It's just... there's this gu—girl. This girl. She and I have been friends for such a long time, and it's all perfect."

James nodded understandingly. "That sounds good."

Sirius continued. "It's just been that the past couple of weeks... or months, even... I've been thinking about her. A lot. H—she's just amazing. We talk a lot, and we're close, but I don't know... I'm starting to wish it was something more."

James nodded. Suddenly, the corners of his mouth turned into a smile. "Sirius, what's her name?

"Name? Oh, I don't know. You probably wouldn't know her, anyway."

"Sirius."

Sirius grimaced. "Her name's... J-Julie." He turned to James, seeing the smirk on his face. "It's not funny; that's her real name!" After a moment, the two had broken out in hysterics.

"Okay, okay," James said, trying to control his laughter. "So, there's this girl, Julie, who you really like and wish your friendship together could be something more." Sirius nodded. James peered into his eyes, his lustrous blue eyes. Their glint was gone. The energy that always followed Sirius was missing tonight. James spotted a lie. "Well, Sirius, you know what you and Julie should do?"

Turning to face James, Sirius asked, "What?" Their noses were almost touching. Their breaths deepened, until the humour they felt only moments before couldn't have been further away.

"Let him kiss you."
---
"You're such an idiot, Sirius."

James could feel Sirius' lips run up his neck, until making their way to his own. The two, donning naught even a sock, rolled over each other before the light of the crackling flames. The Gryffindor common room was no longer teeming with students, and if they kept quiet, it'd stay that way.

"I mean, you know no girls," James continued, feeling Sirius' lips against the high of his chest. "I'd have to have been an idiot to believe that."

"Shut-up," Sirius said, now gasping, though seeing no end near. James' hands ran up and down his back, now coated and gleaming with sweat. Their lips touched again, and their kisses grew much more deep. Both boys were breathing as deep as they ever had. They wouldn't stop.

"So," Sirius said, as casual as he could make it, considering what they were doing. He felt James' lips run down his chest and past his torso, until they stopped at around his waistline. His hair stood up on the back of his neck. "How long have you... been feeling this, too?"

James' lips made their way back up, until they were locked with Sirius'. After a moment, they parted, and he said, "As soon as I discovered you felt the same way. I saw you watching me, James, and nobody watches another guy like that, even their best friend, unless..." He let his sentence trail off. "It was more than just your eyes, or you lips..." His breaths calmed, and he peered into his best friend's eyes, running his fingers through his hair. "I love you, Sirius."

Sirius smirked, hoping it wouldn't come out too rushed. He had been waiting for far too long to say it. "I love you, too, James."

They did not return to their dormitory until hours later.
---
Sirius hurriedly walked the halls of Hogwarts, not wasting any time watching where his steps were placed. The mere thought that he had touched James the night before still made his hair stand on end. That night had been in his dreams longer than he wanted to admit. He truly did love James, and the notion that it was returned... he was ready for nights like that one for as long as he spent at Hogwarts, and much more after.

The hallways were bustling as students made their way from their classes to the Great Hall for their lunch. Sirius, however, was heading for the Gryffindor common room, where he and James would be able to spend many more breathless minutes undisturbed. He walked with a newfound spring in his step. Nothing could've been added to the feeling inside of him, that swelling feeling of complete mirth, to make it better. He was only minutes away from kissing James again. The thought of him, with his striking mahogany eyes and his hair as black as pitch, not to mention the body that had haunted Sirius' thoughts for so long... well... he was focused on making his way to the common room.

Hastily spouting the password to the Fat Lady, Sirius fit himself through the passageway, entering the Gryffindor common room. James sat in one of the red cushioned chairs, his eyes staring into the white ashes of the fireplace.

"James," Sirius said, leaning forward to kiss his friend again. The two did, for a moment, before James broke away.

"No, Sirius," he said. Tears were now appearing in his eyes. They shimmered, before running down his cheeks.

Sirius stared. "I don't get it, James."

James climbed from his chair, his back from his friend. "This has to end, Sirius. What happened last night can never happen again."

The words sounded through Sirius' head, not entirely registering. They stood there, in a minute's silence, as the words James spoke truly set in to the both of them. "Why not, James?"

His friend turn to face him. His face was wet with tears, the same that Sirius tried desperately to fight back. This had to be a joke... James was just taking it a bit far, that was all. Nothing else.

"Lily is pregnant, Sirius," James said, through a quaver in his voice. "She told me this morning in Charms."

Sirius stared, awestruck. It was if the mirth inside of him had shattered, being replaced with despair. "How... how did..."

"It was one night. It was just one night a couple of weeks back... Lily told me today she had been sick a lot when she awoke each day, so she went to Madame Pomfrey... Sirius," he said, staring into his friend's tear-filled eyes. "It can't... it can't happen again. We can't. If this is really true, then... I can't abandon Lily. For all that's in me, I can't."

The devastation rammed into the pit of Sirius's body, until he could no longer stand. He took the seat James had occupied only a moment before.

"I'll name you the godfather, Sirius, if you want. If anything were to happen to Lily and I... he'd be raised by the most amazing, the most truly spectacular person I've ever met."

"I'd like that very much," replied a distant Sirius.

James bent over, his lips touching Sirius' once more. For a moment they did nothing but kiss, but as James drew back, Sirius fought. He held onto James as long as he could, but as their lips parted, his struggle ended. He knew he'd never share that with him anymore.

"I love you, James," said Sirius, listening to James' retreating footsteps.

James shook his head, knowing he'd never look at Sirius that way ever. He promised himself that much. Climbing out the portrait-hole, he whispered his farewell to his friend.

"I loved you too, Sirius."

THE END