Chapter Ten-My Hero's Have Always Been Cowboy's

Authors Note: Im changing this up for this chapter. I'm making it Seajae's POV. Then Maybe move on to other's on first person. Bear with me my friends. And of course as always I don't own a darn thing.

They say you can love someone without really liking them. I found that out first hand recently. My husband and I had been married eight years when I realized that I hadn't liked the man he'd become in recent months. Bitter and hardened by the accident that left him paralized from the waist down Maurice Boscorelli was not the loving man I married. He had become a stranger to me. The man I fell in love with was gone. Leaving him wasn't an option. We worked hard to get to the place we were before the accident. If it killed me I swear I'll get there again.

"Seajae?" I broke out of my thoughts. Elliot Stabler sat in front of me. He'd always been there for me. Now he was practically holdning me together.

"Sorry." I looked up from my coffee. "My mind wonders alot these days."

"Thinking about Bosco?"

"Arn't I always?"

"He's going to pull out of this."

"I know. I just don't know if I can be there when he does."

"Don't talk that way."

"I don't know what to do anymore." I drank down the rest of my cold coffee.

"Just be there for him Seajae."

"Elliot, I'm at the end of my rope."

"Then get a longer rope." Elliot almost sounded mad. "It's not like you just to give up." I knew he was right. It wasn't me to give up on someone I loved. But I never loved anyone like I love Bosco.

"Then tell me how to fix it Elliot. He's miserable and I don't know how to help him."

"Just be there. Like always." Elliot said softly. I knew he was right. He always was. I left our lunch knowing what I had to do to make things right. On the way home I stopped and visited Kim and Kelly who were days from giving birth. I dropped them both off some chocolete and headed home to put my life back together again.

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"Dinner's ready!" Bosco was sitting on the patio when I got home and I left him there while I cooked dinner hoping the smell of lausaunga would coke's him into coming in. I walked to the door and called him again.

"I'm not hungry." His voice was dull and void of emotion.

"You need to eat." He flinched when I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Just leave me a plate."

"The kids want to have dinner with thier dad." I rub his shoulders trying to will him to relax.

"Seajae, please." He didn't look at me. He just strugged my hands off of him. I knew using the kids was an underhanded thing to do but I was getting deperate.

"I love you." I said as I looked over the city I learned to love over the years. It wasn't Austin but it was home. We both risked our lives everyday for the people of this city. Now we both had other things on our minds and protecting and serving was getting lower on the list. Sqeezing his shoulders one more time I kissed his cheek and headed back into the house.

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"Goodnight Angle Faith." I kissed my daughter on the forhead then each cheek. Something we have done since she was born. Dinner had been a quiet affair. Bosco choosing to stay out on the patio. I was to stubburn to bring it out to him like I usally do.

"Is daddy coming to say gooding to me?" I knew Bosco always made his rounds before he came to bed but the kids missed him kissing them goodnight while they were still awake.

"Not tonight love." It was eight thirty and it was still a couple of hours till it got dark. I missed doing things with the kids and Bosco while the long hours of summer were apon us.

"Does daddy still love us mommy?" I choked back the tears.

"Of course he does baby." I answered without hesitation. I knew no matter what Bosco would never stop loving us. "Daddy just needs time to ajust to his new situation."

"He doesn't like that he can't walk."

"That's right. He's just sad right now."

"Mommy I want to tell him I love him no matter what but he won't even talk to me." Tears fell down my angles face. Her black curls standing out agaist the white pillow case. Bosco was tearing all of them apart and I still wasn't sure what to do about it. I tucked Angle in tight and kissed her again.

"It'll be alright baby. Say your prayers and asked Grandma to watch over daddy." I kiss her again and go and cover up her sister and kiss her one last time. I check on Makenzie and kiss him goodnight too. He looked more and more like Bosco every day. Closing the door I go to the patio for one last cigarette. I notice Bosco has gone to bed. I light my cigarette. I know I'll make it though this. But I feel alone. Not since I came to New York have I felt so alone. My friends can say all they want about staying strong and sticking by my husband but they don't know what I'm going though. They don't know how hard I'm trying. Crushing out my cigarette I head back into the house and to my lonly exsistance.

--------------------BOSCO-------------

Seajae will be home soon. She always was home for dinner lately. I can't stand how damn chipper she is. I know that she's hiding her fear that I will never be able to be the husband she needs me to be. Seajae has always been the strong one. The one that could handle it all. She shouldn't have to be handling this. I sit in my chair day after day and wish........wish I'd died that day. My friends and family have done so much for me. Mikey installed an elevator in the building just for me. Hell the labor on that alone must of cost a fourtune. I hear the door open and Jimmy and Billy come on the patio with a case of beer.

"You want some company?"

"If the beer is cold." They sit next to me. "I'd get up but....."

"Hey if you want to be rude that's your business." Jimmy laughed.

"How's Kim?"

"Ready to pop. She wants you guys there."

"In the room or just the genral vacinity?"

"Well you know how tight she and Seajae are. By the way I haven't seen much of her lately."

"She's been working days. With Kelly out of commission till she has the baby it's the only time Tatianna can watch the kids."

"Why can't you watch the kids?" Billy had been silent since he sat down. Now he was asking supid questions.

"You need to walk to chase kids."

"Last I heard all you needed was some sence. You got a little of that." Billy was never one to hold back. Jimmy either for that matter. But I knew he was holding back something. He had an opinion for everything that envolved my wife.

"I just don't want something to happen and not be able to help." I take a long swig of beer and hoped the company I had wished for would leave. Jimmy got quiet. He was just looking out over the nieghborhood itching to say something.

"You'd do okay Bosco." Billy sounded like he almost believed it. "Angle's starting school in a couple of months. I can't believe she's five."

"Yeah." I didn't want to talk about the kids. As much as I love them I've been to busy feeling sorry for myself to pay much attention to them lately. Jimmy turned around and looked at me. The anger in his eyes told me he wasn't going to put up with my pity party much longer. He took a last swig of his beer and tossed the bottle in the trash can.

"Grow up Boscorelli." He looked at me with such anger if I had been standing he would of knocked me on my ass. "You got the best thing in the world right here and you can't see it. Seajae doesn't care if you can walk or not. She loves you no matter what. And your kids.....your there dad weather you can chase after them in the park or not." He walked to the door. "One of these days you'll learn that the reason our wifes love us is because we're not perfect." He slamed the door. I looked at Billy and he shrugged.

"Do expecting dad's get hormones?" I looked at my beer. Jimmy was right. Seajae loved me weather I could walk or not. But sometimes I just feel like if I was alone things would be better. I wouldn't have so many people depending on me.

"I better head out to. When you figure things out Boscorelli give me a call. I want to know how this one ends." I was left alone again with my thoughts. Thoughts of how to spare my wife any more misery. Toughts of how to make my family whole again.

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Seajae walked up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders. I want to relax but I can't.

"You need to eat." I wish I could tell her what I was feeling. I needed to her to love me like she used to.

"Just leave me a plate." God I want to pull her down on my lap and kiss her. Hold her and tell her that I want to be ok again.

"The kids want to have dinner with thier dad." She rubbed my shoulders a little more. That was a low blow. Using the kids agaist me. I shrugged off her shoulders.

"I love you." She sqeezed my shoulders and stood there for a minute. I almost took her hand and pulled her back but she turned and left me sitting in the spring sunset.

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"Mommmy, I want to tell him I love him no matter what but he won't talk to me." I heard Angle Faith's small voice trembling. I was on my way to bed and I over here her talking to Seajae. God what the hell I'm I doing. My little girl was scared to talk to me. Wheeling into the bedroom I parked my chair infront of the bed and got in. Damb my legs. I hate not being able to walk into my little girls and tell her that I love her more then life it's self. I turn over and will myself to sleep. I hear Seajae go onto the porch. She'll be coming to bed soon. I need to fall asleep before she comes to bed. I can't talk to her now. I turn over one more time and let myself fall into a fitful sleep.

-------------Jimmy--------------------

Damn Bosco. I walked into his apartment bound and determend to make him see what the hell he was loosing. He was Seajae's everything. Couldn't he see that.

"Jimmy?" Kim come's out of the bedroom in all her pregnant gloy. God I love her. I know Bosco loves his wife just as much as I love Kim. I know he can't just sit by and let her go.

"Yeah Babe."

"Where were you?" She looked like she'd been napping.

"At Bosco and Seajae's. Me and Billy stopped by for a few beers." I take her in my arms and feel her and our baby. "God your beautiful Kimmy." I feel her smile agaist my shirt. "I know I haven't said it enough since.....well ever but never doubt I love you." I lift her chin and kiss her.

"How's Bosco?"

"Never seen him this down. I feel like we need to do or say something."

"Give it time Jimmy. He's always been so strong."

"I know." I stroke her hair. "Where's the kids?"

"My mom's. Ireland was begging me to give her to the gypsies because I was so mean to her." She laughed. God I love her laugh. "Have I been that bad Jimmy?"

"Naw.......nothing I can't handle." I give her one more kiss and take her hand. "Let's go see if we can induce labor......"

------------Billy----------------

I can't help but wonder how Seajae was holding up as I rock Kaitlyn to sleep. Olivia got a call at eight thirty and headed to work. I love the time I get to spend with my little girl. Bosco was more down then I hever saw him. I wish there was somthing I could do for the both of them. I look down and Kaitlyn's fast alseep. Standing up I kiss her on the forhead and lay her in her crib. I wish Bosco and Seajae could be this happy again. Seajae found me happiness with Olivia, maybe I can help her find happiness again with Bosco.

-----------Seajae-------------

Bosco's alseep as usal when I come to bed. I change into my US Marshall t shirt and crawl into bed. I know Elliot was right I need to give him time but......I just can't seem to wait. I need to know if he's ever going to love me like he used to. I turn over and his back is to me. I put my hand on it and slide it around him pulling myself close. I need to feel his warmth one last time. I kiss his shoulder and lean my cheek agaist his warm back.

"I can't." I knew he would reject me even in his sleep but I was hoping I would have some time. Just to hold him. I pull back.

"I'm sorry....I was lonely and I wanted....." I move over and start to get up but Bosco turns and grabbed my arm.

"Don't go. " I sit on the bed. "I can't let you go on with me like this."

"What do you mean like this?"

"With me being .......cripple."

"Bosco .......I love you weather you walk or not. It doesn't change just because you can't chase me around the bed at night." I cross my legs and look at him. He needed a shave and a haircut but he was everybit the man I married.

"I just don't feel like.....like the man you need me to be."

"Your the man I married. What's in your heart hasn't changed. I fell in love with the man inside. Weather you walk again doesn't determen how much I love you." I run a hand over his cheek. "You will always be the man I love."

"How can you love a man who can't stand up. Who can't walk to you when you need a hand. Or help with the kids."

"You can do all that. And if you go back to therepy you might not ever have to worry about never walking. The doctors told you that it wasn't permanent. I believe that we can get though this Bosco." I go on my knees and take his face between my hands. "You've always been my white knight. Now let me be yours." I kiss him hoping he still feels the love that I have for him. I close my eyes as I feel him touch my scar with the tatoo proving I belong to him and only him. "I love you Maurice Boscorelli. No matter what."

"I love you too Seajae. I'm sorry for being an ass. I just ..... I just figured if it wouldn't hurt so much if you hated me."

"I could never hate you Bosco. No matter how much you piss me off." I kiss him again and he holds me tight. I know in my heart everything will be ok. We'll get though this like we do everything else. We'll talk about quitting and taking a vacation and then we'll decide we can't take the time because niether one of us can stay away from the Job too long. We miss the danger, the power, the rush that came with it. When I married Maurice Boscorelli he was a cowboy in my mind. He didn't play by any rules, he just played to win. That's why we found each other and we stay together because we both play to win and when it comes to catching the bad guys, winning IS everything.

----------Epilouge------------Three Weeks Later

Seajae sat at her desk and looked out the small window. Things were working out. That's all that mattered. She watched Jimmy and Billy across the street rolling hoses. Kim was due any day now and well she was driving all of them crazy. Even Bosco refused to go visit her without back up. Things were going ok at the office. And well......Bosco's therepy was coming along. Hearing footsteps Seajae looked away from the window to see a man in cowboy boots and a hat pulled low over his eyes. Standing she nearly fell again when the man pushed up his hat and revield her clean shaven husband. Slowly he took a few steps into the room.

"Howdy mam......heard you were looking for a good hand to russle the cattle 'round here." Tears streamed down her face. She walked around the desk and thew her arms around him.

"God yes I need a cowboy just like you around here." She kissed him long and hard. "But you have to promise me no hero stuff. Just the normal ranch hand business. No going after russlers and such."

"Sorry mam.....I can't promise you that."

"We'll then......I guess my hero's have always been cowboy's so you've got the job......"

AND ONCE AGAIN THE BOSCORELLI'S LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER