Chapter 3: Flooded By Emotions
Daniel Jackson pulled into his driveway and got out of his car, slowly making his way up the path that lead to his front door. Once in the comfort of his own living room, Daniel sank wearily onto his couch and stared at the floor for a long moment.
"I have got to keep my mind off of this. Seek distraction for your mind. You're losing it, Daniel. That's what Jack would tell you. Just put it out of your head. Man, I sure wish I had something to put me out right about now." Daniel thought to himself as he turned on the television and tried to let himself relax. These efforts were in vain, however, as he soon became engulfed in a storm of his own emotions.
* * * * *
Meanwhile, back at the SGC, Sam sat with Teal'c back outside the infirmary room where Jack O'Neill lay in a coma. She was worried about her injured friend but she was also very concerned about Daniel. Since he had left the SGC about an hour earlier, Sam had been haunted by how haunted he seemed. Teal'c noticed this and placed a strong hand on her shoulder.
"You are very distracted, Major Carter. Is there anything that I can help with?"
"I'm just concerned about how Daniel is dealing with Jack's condition. He seems to be shutting down and keeping everything inside."
"As am I." Teal'c agreed.
After a few minutes of pondering on what she should do about this, Sam got an idea of how she could at least help someone.
"Hey, Teal'c. Can you stay here and keep an eye on Jack for me? I'm going to take a drive over to Daniel's place and see if I can't get him to talk to me about whatever it is that he's feeling. I think I might pick up a pizza and some beer and see if I can get him to eat something as well." Sam asked.
"Indeed. I believe this is a good idea you have, Major Carter."
"Thanks. I think I'll stay with Daniel until he's ready to head back to the SGC. I have a feeling he shouldn't be alone right now. If anything changes with Jack's condition, call Daniel's if we aren't back here." Sam instructed as Teal'c nodded to her as she headed out the door to see if she could find a way to comfort her distraught friend.
* * * * *
Thirty minutes later, Daniel was still sitting in front of the television though he wasn't paying any attention to it. All he could concentrate on was Jack's condition. It had nearly torn him apart to see his best friend lying unconscious through the infirmary window while Janet fervently worked to help him. Although she had told them he was stabilized, Daniel couldn't help but feel helpless in a situation that he could do nothing about.
It didn't take Daniel long to realize that he was losing the battle with his heart and that his emotions would soon get the better of him. He had told himself that he couldn't allow that to happen so he closed his eyes to try to block it out. Before he could determine if this was working, however, the doorbell rang and caused him to open his eyes.
"Hey, Sam." Daniel said quietly when he opened the front door to see Sam standing there with pizza and a twelve pack of beer in her hands.
"Hi, Daniel. I brought some pizza and beer so we can have a little late night snack." Sam greeted him.
"Oh. I appreciate the trouble you went to Sam but I'm not very hungry right now."
"Daniel Jackson, you need to eat and you're going to regardless of whether you want to or not. I don't care if I have to sit on you and force food into you." Sam insisted.
"Okay, okay. I guess I could try to put something in my system. Come on in, Sam." Daniel agreed finally, moving away from the door to allow Sam to enter.
Back inside his living room, Daniel went to sit back on the couch and Sam came and sat across from him. Once she opened the pizza box on the coffee table, Daniel suddenly had a sudden surge of appetite. He picked up a piece of the hot pizza and proceeded to devour it like a starving man.
"See. What did I tell you? Be careful not to eat so fast. If you don't then you'll get sick."
"Thanks a lot, Sam. I guess I've been so absorbed in everything that I didn't realize that I was starving. You said you brought something to drink too, didn't you."
"Yep. I did. I brought some beer for us. Thought you might be needing some of that, too." Sam smiled at him.
"I really do appreciate this. With Jack is such rough shape, you guys have more to be concerned with without having to worry about me, too." Daniel said as he opened a can of beer and downed it in record time.
"Daniel, in times like this we all need to look out for each other. You've been acting really strange since we came through the Stargate this afternoon."
As Sam went to put the remaining pizza in the kitchen, Daniel became lost once again in the thoughts and emotions that had been threatening to overwhelm him ever since that afternoon. He was so distracted that he didn't even notice when Sam came to sit back beside him and put an arm around his shoulders.
"Daniel?" Sam whispered quietly, trying to get his attention.
"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, Sam. I guess I spaced out for a minute."
"Daniel, are you sure you're okay? It's like you've got something that you're holding inside that you won't tell anyone and it's going to bury you if you keep it up. I can tell that you're struggling with something related to what we went through today. Why don't you talk to me?"
"I don't want to be a burden on you. I can just as simply work this through on my own."
"Daniel, please. Whatever you're dealing with isn't something that you can just take care of by yourself because if it was you wouldn't still be struggling like you are. Plus, I don't want you to ever think you are a burden to me. The reason that I came over here tonight is because I didn't think you needed to be alone right now. I care about you, Daniel, and I want to help you if you'll only let me. So you need to talk to me." Sam pleaded.
"Well, I can't get past this feeling that I'm somehow responsible for Jack being in the condition that he is. I mean, if I had been more aware of my surroundings instead of absorbed in whatever stupid thing I was obsessed with at the time, then Jack wouldn't have had to push me out of the way of something that was about to fall on my head and none of this nightmare would have ever happened. Basically, what I'm saying, Sam, is that I should be the one fighting for my life back at the SGC right now, not Jack." Daniel said, his voice cracking with the trapped emotions that were threatening to engulf him at any moment.
"I don't understand why you think like that. There's no possible way that you could have known that the Goa'uld were going to launch a surprise attack. You thought, like we all did, that we had eliminated the threat. Don't beat yourself up over this. Daniel, you are not to blame for this. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. Just know that I'm here for you. I'll always be here." Sam said softly.
The soft, reassuring voice of a friend was all Daniel needed to send him over the breaking point and it hit him all at once as he folded up in tears, tears that were a long time coming.
"Shh. It's okay. Come here." Sam whispered as she pulled her sobbing friend into her arms and held him tight. "Let it go, Daniel. You need to cry. It's not healthy to bottle everything up inside. Just let it all out. I'm right here and I won't leave you here alone. I promise."
For a long time, Sam held Daniel close and tried her best to comfort him as he cried his heart out in her arms. It broke her heart to see him so devastated and distraught because she cared so much for him. She cared for all of the members of her team, of course, but she had finally admitted to herself that she cared for Daniel on a deeper level than she did Jack or Teal'c. She just wished that she could take his pain away as she felt his body shaking under the weight of his sobs. Finally, she felt him go completely limp and Sam snapped out of her thoughts, startled.
"Daniel?" Sam whispered, only to be greeted by the sound of deep, rhythmic breathing. She smiled a little at what she saw. Daniel's emotions had taken a toll on him and he had cried himself to sleep on his couch in Sam's arms and his head was resting heavily on her shoulder. "Sleep well, Daniel. You need to get some rest now."
Sam then reached for a comfortable-looking pillow that was lying at the far end of the couch and laid it in her lap. Then she gently maneuvered Daniel to where his head rested on the pillow so that he could sleep more comfortably. Finally she reached down and gently removed Daniel's glasses and placed them on the coffee table before unfolding the afghan on the back of the couch and spreading it over him. She sat there for the next several hours keeping watch over Daniel, gently stroking his back as he slept to keep him relaxed. Sam then realized that for the first time that day, he seemed very peaceful and tranquil. Then Sam took the remote control off of the table and turned the television on at an appropriate volume. She had to keep it a little louder than she would have liked to but she had to due to the fact that, as his slumber continued to deepen, Daniel had begun snoring softly. Sam readjusted the afghan over him and watched the television, taking care to be quiet so she could let Daniel sleep. At about 3:00 in the morning, Sam decided to get up and stretch her legs so she lifted Daniel's head and slid out from under him before placing the pillow on the couch and resting his head on it, being extremely careful not to awaken him. Before moving away from the couch, Sam lifted Daniel's legs up onto the couch to ease any pressure on his back. Then she went into the kitchen to grab a piece of leftover pizza and munched on it hungrily. She was thinking about everything that had happened over the past day and she couldn't get what Daniel had said out of her mind. At that moment, she found herself wishing that they knew something about Jack's condition that would put Daniel's mind at ease.
Her wish was granted when the phone rang about a half hour later. Sam hurried to the phone on the wall before it disturbed Daniel and was nervous as she picked it up. Until she heard Teal'c on the other end.
"You must return here as soon as possible, Major Carter. There has been a change in O'Neill's condition and it looks slightly positive."
"Okay. Thanks a lot, Teal'c. We'll be over there as soon as I can try to wake Daniel." Sam said, sounding very relieved.
"Perhaps you should allow Daniel Jackson to sleep and leave him a message to return when he awakens." Teal'c suggested.
"I would but I have a feeling he'd hang me by my ears if I did that."
"Indeed. I shall fill you in when you arrive."
After Sam hung up with Teal'c, she walked over to the couch and knelt down next to where Daniel slept.
"Daniel." Sam whispered. When she got little response, she reached out and gently shook Daniel's shoulder. "Wake up, Daniel."
"Hmm. Sam? What's going on?" Daniel asked sleepily as he squinted to see without his glasses.
"Here. I took your glasses off after you fell asleep so they wouldn't get bent up."
"Thanks. So what's up? Did anything change with Jack?"
"Yeah. Teal'c just called and said that Janet noted a change in Jack's condition and they think it's on the up side. We need to get over to the SGC."
"All right. Good. Let me throw on some fresh clothes and then we'll head out. You can go ahead if you want and I'll meet you over there."
"No, I'll wait and you can ride with me. You just woke up and I want to make sure that you're safe. I don't think if I could handle it if something happened to you too."
"Uh, okay. Just give me a minute." Daniel said as he made a momentary disappearance into his bedroom, slightly confused about what Sam had just said.
As soon as Daniel was ready, the two got in Sam's car and headed back to the SGC. On the way over, Daniel took the opportunity to say something to Sam.
"Hey, Sam. Can I say something to you?"
"Sure you can, Daniel. You can say anything you want to me."
"Okay. I wanted to apologize for losing it on you earlier. I told myself that I wasn't going to fall apart like that. Having a friend there to hold me so that I could have a shoulder to cry on really helped. I really appreciate it. I feel a little embarrassed that I ended up crying myself to sleep on your shoulder though." Daniel said a little sheepishly.
"Don't worry about it, Daniel. I didn't think anything of it. You had a lot of pain and grief bottled up inside and you needed to let it out. Sometimes it helps to cry. As far as you crying yourself to sleep, I think that was for the best too. You hadn't slept since we came through the Stargate and you were both physically and emotionally exhausted after what happened to Jack."
"I do feel better after a few hours sleep and getting some food. You're one in a million, Sam. I owe you big time. To be honest with you, I was surprised when you told me that Teal'c called. I must have been out pretty good if I didn't even hear the phone ring. You did make a wish come true for me, though, you know."
"What wish was that?"
"Well, when I first got home, I had a hundred things running through my mind at once and I wished that I had something to put me out so that I could put it out of my head. Then you showed up with an offer of consolation. I never really realized it before now but soft reassuring words and a comforting embrace of a friend when you're hurting is as good a tranquilizer as you can get." Daniel smiled at her and briefly covered Sam's hand with his own.
"I'm glad I was able to help."
"There's just one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that?"
"You were there when I woke up. You could have easily left as soon as I was out but you stayed. Why?"
"I knew that you needed some company. Plus, I figured you'd rest easier with someone with you. I guess I was right if you were sleeping so deeply that you didn't even know the phone rang." Sam winked at him as she pulled the car into the SGC and she and Daniel went inside.
Daniel Jackson pulled into his driveway and got out of his car, slowly making his way up the path that lead to his front door. Once in the comfort of his own living room, Daniel sank wearily onto his couch and stared at the floor for a long moment.
"I have got to keep my mind off of this. Seek distraction for your mind. You're losing it, Daniel. That's what Jack would tell you. Just put it out of your head. Man, I sure wish I had something to put me out right about now." Daniel thought to himself as he turned on the television and tried to let himself relax. These efforts were in vain, however, as he soon became engulfed in a storm of his own emotions.
* * * * *
Meanwhile, back at the SGC, Sam sat with Teal'c back outside the infirmary room where Jack O'Neill lay in a coma. She was worried about her injured friend but she was also very concerned about Daniel. Since he had left the SGC about an hour earlier, Sam had been haunted by how haunted he seemed. Teal'c noticed this and placed a strong hand on her shoulder.
"You are very distracted, Major Carter. Is there anything that I can help with?"
"I'm just concerned about how Daniel is dealing with Jack's condition. He seems to be shutting down and keeping everything inside."
"As am I." Teal'c agreed.
After a few minutes of pondering on what she should do about this, Sam got an idea of how she could at least help someone.
"Hey, Teal'c. Can you stay here and keep an eye on Jack for me? I'm going to take a drive over to Daniel's place and see if I can't get him to talk to me about whatever it is that he's feeling. I think I might pick up a pizza and some beer and see if I can get him to eat something as well." Sam asked.
"Indeed. I believe this is a good idea you have, Major Carter."
"Thanks. I think I'll stay with Daniel until he's ready to head back to the SGC. I have a feeling he shouldn't be alone right now. If anything changes with Jack's condition, call Daniel's if we aren't back here." Sam instructed as Teal'c nodded to her as she headed out the door to see if she could find a way to comfort her distraught friend.
* * * * *
Thirty minutes later, Daniel was still sitting in front of the television though he wasn't paying any attention to it. All he could concentrate on was Jack's condition. It had nearly torn him apart to see his best friend lying unconscious through the infirmary window while Janet fervently worked to help him. Although she had told them he was stabilized, Daniel couldn't help but feel helpless in a situation that he could do nothing about.
It didn't take Daniel long to realize that he was losing the battle with his heart and that his emotions would soon get the better of him. He had told himself that he couldn't allow that to happen so he closed his eyes to try to block it out. Before he could determine if this was working, however, the doorbell rang and caused him to open his eyes.
"Hey, Sam." Daniel said quietly when he opened the front door to see Sam standing there with pizza and a twelve pack of beer in her hands.
"Hi, Daniel. I brought some pizza and beer so we can have a little late night snack." Sam greeted him.
"Oh. I appreciate the trouble you went to Sam but I'm not very hungry right now."
"Daniel Jackson, you need to eat and you're going to regardless of whether you want to or not. I don't care if I have to sit on you and force food into you." Sam insisted.
"Okay, okay. I guess I could try to put something in my system. Come on in, Sam." Daniel agreed finally, moving away from the door to allow Sam to enter.
Back inside his living room, Daniel went to sit back on the couch and Sam came and sat across from him. Once she opened the pizza box on the coffee table, Daniel suddenly had a sudden surge of appetite. He picked up a piece of the hot pizza and proceeded to devour it like a starving man.
"See. What did I tell you? Be careful not to eat so fast. If you don't then you'll get sick."
"Thanks a lot, Sam. I guess I've been so absorbed in everything that I didn't realize that I was starving. You said you brought something to drink too, didn't you."
"Yep. I did. I brought some beer for us. Thought you might be needing some of that, too." Sam smiled at him.
"I really do appreciate this. With Jack is such rough shape, you guys have more to be concerned with without having to worry about me, too." Daniel said as he opened a can of beer and downed it in record time.
"Daniel, in times like this we all need to look out for each other. You've been acting really strange since we came through the Stargate this afternoon."
As Sam went to put the remaining pizza in the kitchen, Daniel became lost once again in the thoughts and emotions that had been threatening to overwhelm him ever since that afternoon. He was so distracted that he didn't even notice when Sam came to sit back beside him and put an arm around his shoulders.
"Daniel?" Sam whispered quietly, trying to get his attention.
"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, Sam. I guess I spaced out for a minute."
"Daniel, are you sure you're okay? It's like you've got something that you're holding inside that you won't tell anyone and it's going to bury you if you keep it up. I can tell that you're struggling with something related to what we went through today. Why don't you talk to me?"
"I don't want to be a burden on you. I can just as simply work this through on my own."
"Daniel, please. Whatever you're dealing with isn't something that you can just take care of by yourself because if it was you wouldn't still be struggling like you are. Plus, I don't want you to ever think you are a burden to me. The reason that I came over here tonight is because I didn't think you needed to be alone right now. I care about you, Daniel, and I want to help you if you'll only let me. So you need to talk to me." Sam pleaded.
"Well, I can't get past this feeling that I'm somehow responsible for Jack being in the condition that he is. I mean, if I had been more aware of my surroundings instead of absorbed in whatever stupid thing I was obsessed with at the time, then Jack wouldn't have had to push me out of the way of something that was about to fall on my head and none of this nightmare would have ever happened. Basically, what I'm saying, Sam, is that I should be the one fighting for my life back at the SGC right now, not Jack." Daniel said, his voice cracking with the trapped emotions that were threatening to engulf him at any moment.
"I don't understand why you think like that. There's no possible way that you could have known that the Goa'uld were going to launch a surprise attack. You thought, like we all did, that we had eliminated the threat. Don't beat yourself up over this. Daniel, you are not to blame for this. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. Just know that I'm here for you. I'll always be here." Sam said softly.
The soft, reassuring voice of a friend was all Daniel needed to send him over the breaking point and it hit him all at once as he folded up in tears, tears that were a long time coming.
"Shh. It's okay. Come here." Sam whispered as she pulled her sobbing friend into her arms and held him tight. "Let it go, Daniel. You need to cry. It's not healthy to bottle everything up inside. Just let it all out. I'm right here and I won't leave you here alone. I promise."
For a long time, Sam held Daniel close and tried her best to comfort him as he cried his heart out in her arms. It broke her heart to see him so devastated and distraught because she cared so much for him. She cared for all of the members of her team, of course, but she had finally admitted to herself that she cared for Daniel on a deeper level than she did Jack or Teal'c. She just wished that she could take his pain away as she felt his body shaking under the weight of his sobs. Finally, she felt him go completely limp and Sam snapped out of her thoughts, startled.
"Daniel?" Sam whispered, only to be greeted by the sound of deep, rhythmic breathing. She smiled a little at what she saw. Daniel's emotions had taken a toll on him and he had cried himself to sleep on his couch in Sam's arms and his head was resting heavily on her shoulder. "Sleep well, Daniel. You need to get some rest now."
Sam then reached for a comfortable-looking pillow that was lying at the far end of the couch and laid it in her lap. Then she gently maneuvered Daniel to where his head rested on the pillow so that he could sleep more comfortably. Finally she reached down and gently removed Daniel's glasses and placed them on the coffee table before unfolding the afghan on the back of the couch and spreading it over him. She sat there for the next several hours keeping watch over Daniel, gently stroking his back as he slept to keep him relaxed. Sam then realized that for the first time that day, he seemed very peaceful and tranquil. Then Sam took the remote control off of the table and turned the television on at an appropriate volume. She had to keep it a little louder than she would have liked to but she had to due to the fact that, as his slumber continued to deepen, Daniel had begun snoring softly. Sam readjusted the afghan over him and watched the television, taking care to be quiet so she could let Daniel sleep. At about 3:00 in the morning, Sam decided to get up and stretch her legs so she lifted Daniel's head and slid out from under him before placing the pillow on the couch and resting his head on it, being extremely careful not to awaken him. Before moving away from the couch, Sam lifted Daniel's legs up onto the couch to ease any pressure on his back. Then she went into the kitchen to grab a piece of leftover pizza and munched on it hungrily. She was thinking about everything that had happened over the past day and she couldn't get what Daniel had said out of her mind. At that moment, she found herself wishing that they knew something about Jack's condition that would put Daniel's mind at ease.
Her wish was granted when the phone rang about a half hour later. Sam hurried to the phone on the wall before it disturbed Daniel and was nervous as she picked it up. Until she heard Teal'c on the other end.
"You must return here as soon as possible, Major Carter. There has been a change in O'Neill's condition and it looks slightly positive."
"Okay. Thanks a lot, Teal'c. We'll be over there as soon as I can try to wake Daniel." Sam said, sounding very relieved.
"Perhaps you should allow Daniel Jackson to sleep and leave him a message to return when he awakens." Teal'c suggested.
"I would but I have a feeling he'd hang me by my ears if I did that."
"Indeed. I shall fill you in when you arrive."
After Sam hung up with Teal'c, she walked over to the couch and knelt down next to where Daniel slept.
"Daniel." Sam whispered. When she got little response, she reached out and gently shook Daniel's shoulder. "Wake up, Daniel."
"Hmm. Sam? What's going on?" Daniel asked sleepily as he squinted to see without his glasses.
"Here. I took your glasses off after you fell asleep so they wouldn't get bent up."
"Thanks. So what's up? Did anything change with Jack?"
"Yeah. Teal'c just called and said that Janet noted a change in Jack's condition and they think it's on the up side. We need to get over to the SGC."
"All right. Good. Let me throw on some fresh clothes and then we'll head out. You can go ahead if you want and I'll meet you over there."
"No, I'll wait and you can ride with me. You just woke up and I want to make sure that you're safe. I don't think if I could handle it if something happened to you too."
"Uh, okay. Just give me a minute." Daniel said as he made a momentary disappearance into his bedroom, slightly confused about what Sam had just said.
As soon as Daniel was ready, the two got in Sam's car and headed back to the SGC. On the way over, Daniel took the opportunity to say something to Sam.
"Hey, Sam. Can I say something to you?"
"Sure you can, Daniel. You can say anything you want to me."
"Okay. I wanted to apologize for losing it on you earlier. I told myself that I wasn't going to fall apart like that. Having a friend there to hold me so that I could have a shoulder to cry on really helped. I really appreciate it. I feel a little embarrassed that I ended up crying myself to sleep on your shoulder though." Daniel said a little sheepishly.
"Don't worry about it, Daniel. I didn't think anything of it. You had a lot of pain and grief bottled up inside and you needed to let it out. Sometimes it helps to cry. As far as you crying yourself to sleep, I think that was for the best too. You hadn't slept since we came through the Stargate and you were both physically and emotionally exhausted after what happened to Jack."
"I do feel better after a few hours sleep and getting some food. You're one in a million, Sam. I owe you big time. To be honest with you, I was surprised when you told me that Teal'c called. I must have been out pretty good if I didn't even hear the phone ring. You did make a wish come true for me, though, you know."
"What wish was that?"
"Well, when I first got home, I had a hundred things running through my mind at once and I wished that I had something to put me out so that I could put it out of my head. Then you showed up with an offer of consolation. I never really realized it before now but soft reassuring words and a comforting embrace of a friend when you're hurting is as good a tranquilizer as you can get." Daniel smiled at her and briefly covered Sam's hand with his own.
"I'm glad I was able to help."
"There's just one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that?"
"You were there when I woke up. You could have easily left as soon as I was out but you stayed. Why?"
"I knew that you needed some company. Plus, I figured you'd rest easier with someone with you. I guess I was right if you were sleeping so deeply that you didn't even know the phone rang." Sam winked at him as she pulled the car into the SGC and she and Daniel went inside.