Part 11: Sanctus
Irina attacked the block of wood with the axe, glad to have a physical release for her frustration. She sensed someone behind her, but didn't turn. It was probably Elena, who would offer her a hug. She didn't want a hug, damn it. She didn't know what she wanted.
She kept chopping until her shoulders burned, but stopped when the block was in splinters too small to hit with the axe. She put it down and stood there, breathing hard.
"I thought you knew how to chop wood better than that," Katya's voice said behind her.
Irina turned, surprised. "I was expecting Elena."
"Elena doesn't quite know what to do with you. To be honest, neither do I."
Irina raised her eyebrows. "What to do with me? What about what the hell we're going to do with that man in there? What about Sydney? She's never going to be able to mourn anyone properly now; she'll never believe they're dead! How am I supposed to tell her that her father has to go away again? And I hope you two are planning to be the ones to tell Jack that he can never return to his country or see his daughter again!" She was yelling by the end, but she didn't care; it felt so good to finally verbally give vent to at least a little of the anger and frustration that had been building up inside.
Katya just stood there, looking disturbingly smug. "Here I thought you'd be grateful to us for saving the man you love."
"Love him? You think I love him?" she screamed. "Damn it, Katya, I hate him! Ten years I lived with that man, putting up with all of his quirks, and arguments, and damn game theories—ten years I spent serving my country faithfully. And then they accused me of treason and put me in prison, beat me, starved me...and it's all his fault! Then he had to go and die and leave Sydney alone, and now you had to find him and bring him back! He hates me for what I did to him, he'll never forgive me, there's no way we can ever be a family again..." Irina fell to her knees and began to sob. This time it was more than a few tears; she abandoned any attempt at control and simply remained there, shaking violently, as the tears flowed unceasingly.
Katya knelt beside her, put her arms around her, and began to rock back and forth gently. "That's it, Irushka. Let it all out."
Some time later, her sobs finally tapered off to sniffles. She pulled back and looked at Katya, who was smiling. "You made me mad on purpose, didn't you?"
"Yes, little sister. And don't you feel better now?"
Irina had to admit to herself that she did feel a bit better—but she wasn't going to admit that out loud. "Well, now I'm stiff and cold, and my head hurts, my eyes are burning, and my nose is running...And you know, that was either very brave or very foolish to provoke me when I had an axe in my hands."
Katya laughed and got slowly to her feet, as did Irina. "You don't hate Jack, Irushka. I can see that quite clearly. It's the situation you hate. And those fucking morons at the KGB who put you in prison."
Irina nodded. "I never really hated him, Katya. It's just...sometimes I wish...well, I don't wish the whole thing never happened, because then I wouldn't have Sydney. But..." She trailed off. She wasn't really sure how she felt about Jack now. She'd convinced herself that she didn't love him, had never loved him, but now that she'd seen him, making herself believe that was suddenly much harder. She sighed. "What the hell are we going to do?"
"We're going to go in the house and have some hot tea and wash your face," Katya said decisively. "After that, now that you're no longer wandering around under a black cloud and we can put that brilliant mind of yours to use, we'll talk about what we're going to do next."
Irina smiled, then impulsively gave Katya a hug. "Thank you," she whispered.
Irina emerged from the bathroom, having washed her face and feeling almost human. She sat down at the table, where Katya and Elena were waiting. Elena pushed a mug of tea at her. "So did you two actually make some plans for what the hell we're going to do now before you broke him out?" Irina asked.
"Well, our first step, naturally, is to get him out of the country," Elena said. "I can help with that."
"That's assuming he's willing to go," said Irina. "He won't want to leave Sydney. And even if she could go with him without causing suspicion, I'm not giving her up again." She sighed and buried her head in her hands. "I wish there were some way..."
"There is," Elena interrupted. Irina looked up at her in surprise. "Have you ever thought about leaving the KGB?"
Irina raised her eyebrows. "You know perfectly well that no one can just 'leave' the KGB. What are you suggesting, that I go throw myself on the mercy of the American government?"
Katya and Elena gave each other a long look. "Not quite," Katya said. "We were thinking that Jack could leave the country, and then in a few weeks you and Sydney could follow him. You'd have to stay somewhat hidden, of course, but Sydney would have both her parents, and you wouldn't have to keep going out on these damned KGB missions that Elena says half kill you."
"They would at least put you in prison, Elena—probably both of you."
"Not if we leave at the same time," Elena said. "We can plan a date, while you're on one of your missions. Katya disappears from Italy, you leave from wherever you are, and I take Sydney and get out of Russia. Easier that way if we only have two people to smuggle out of Russia."
Irina stared at Elena for a moment. "You would do that? Leave Russia and the KGB? Just like that?"
"Oh, it's not 'just like that'," Katya said. "Elena and I have been talking about getting out for years. The KGB has problems. It's thoroughly corrupt from the top down. Look at what they've done to you! After all the years you served your country..."
"Katya and I were just griping, we never planned to do anything about it—until you came back," Elena said. "When I saw how they'd treated you...I've been getting ready for this for a year and a half. I was just waiting for a chance to talk to Katya."
Irina looked at her sisters in shock. She'd thought many times over the last eighteen months about how much she'd like to leave the KGB, but had never truly considered it because of the danger it would place her sisters in. She'd never thought that they might feel the same way. "God," she whispered. "This just might work."
Irina attacked the block of wood with the axe, glad to have a physical release for her frustration. She sensed someone behind her, but didn't turn. It was probably Elena, who would offer her a hug. She didn't want a hug, damn it. She didn't know what she wanted.
She kept chopping until her shoulders burned, but stopped when the block was in splinters too small to hit with the axe. She put it down and stood there, breathing hard.
"I thought you knew how to chop wood better than that," Katya's voice said behind her.
Irina turned, surprised. "I was expecting Elena."
"Elena doesn't quite know what to do with you. To be honest, neither do I."
Irina raised her eyebrows. "What to do with me? What about what the hell we're going to do with that man in there? What about Sydney? She's never going to be able to mourn anyone properly now; she'll never believe they're dead! How am I supposed to tell her that her father has to go away again? And I hope you two are planning to be the ones to tell Jack that he can never return to his country or see his daughter again!" She was yelling by the end, but she didn't care; it felt so good to finally verbally give vent to at least a little of the anger and frustration that had been building up inside.
Katya just stood there, looking disturbingly smug. "Here I thought you'd be grateful to us for saving the man you love."
"Love him? You think I love him?" she screamed. "Damn it, Katya, I hate him! Ten years I lived with that man, putting up with all of his quirks, and arguments, and damn game theories—ten years I spent serving my country faithfully. And then they accused me of treason and put me in prison, beat me, starved me...and it's all his fault! Then he had to go and die and leave Sydney alone, and now you had to find him and bring him back! He hates me for what I did to him, he'll never forgive me, there's no way we can ever be a family again..." Irina fell to her knees and began to sob. This time it was more than a few tears; she abandoned any attempt at control and simply remained there, shaking violently, as the tears flowed unceasingly.
Katya knelt beside her, put her arms around her, and began to rock back and forth gently. "That's it, Irushka. Let it all out."
Some time later, her sobs finally tapered off to sniffles. She pulled back and looked at Katya, who was smiling. "You made me mad on purpose, didn't you?"
"Yes, little sister. And don't you feel better now?"
Irina had to admit to herself that she did feel a bit better—but she wasn't going to admit that out loud. "Well, now I'm stiff and cold, and my head hurts, my eyes are burning, and my nose is running...And you know, that was either very brave or very foolish to provoke me when I had an axe in my hands."
Katya laughed and got slowly to her feet, as did Irina. "You don't hate Jack, Irushka. I can see that quite clearly. It's the situation you hate. And those fucking morons at the KGB who put you in prison."
Irina nodded. "I never really hated him, Katya. It's just...sometimes I wish...well, I don't wish the whole thing never happened, because then I wouldn't have Sydney. But..." She trailed off. She wasn't really sure how she felt about Jack now. She'd convinced herself that she didn't love him, had never loved him, but now that she'd seen him, making herself believe that was suddenly much harder. She sighed. "What the hell are we going to do?"
"We're going to go in the house and have some hot tea and wash your face," Katya said decisively. "After that, now that you're no longer wandering around under a black cloud and we can put that brilliant mind of yours to use, we'll talk about what we're going to do next."
Irina smiled, then impulsively gave Katya a hug. "Thank you," she whispered.
Irina emerged from the bathroom, having washed her face and feeling almost human. She sat down at the table, where Katya and Elena were waiting. Elena pushed a mug of tea at her. "So did you two actually make some plans for what the hell we're going to do now before you broke him out?" Irina asked.
"Well, our first step, naturally, is to get him out of the country," Elena said. "I can help with that."
"That's assuming he's willing to go," said Irina. "He won't want to leave Sydney. And even if she could go with him without causing suspicion, I'm not giving her up again." She sighed and buried her head in her hands. "I wish there were some way..."
"There is," Elena interrupted. Irina looked up at her in surprise. "Have you ever thought about leaving the KGB?"
Irina raised her eyebrows. "You know perfectly well that no one can just 'leave' the KGB. What are you suggesting, that I go throw myself on the mercy of the American government?"
Katya and Elena gave each other a long look. "Not quite," Katya said. "We were thinking that Jack could leave the country, and then in a few weeks you and Sydney could follow him. You'd have to stay somewhat hidden, of course, but Sydney would have both her parents, and you wouldn't have to keep going out on these damned KGB missions that Elena says half kill you."
"They would at least put you in prison, Elena—probably both of you."
"Not if we leave at the same time," Elena said. "We can plan a date, while you're on one of your missions. Katya disappears from Italy, you leave from wherever you are, and I take Sydney and get out of Russia. Easier that way if we only have two people to smuggle out of Russia."
Irina stared at Elena for a moment. "You would do that? Leave Russia and the KGB? Just like that?"
"Oh, it's not 'just like that'," Katya said. "Elena and I have been talking about getting out for years. The KGB has problems. It's thoroughly corrupt from the top down. Look at what they've done to you! After all the years you served your country..."
"Katya and I were just griping, we never planned to do anything about it—until you came back," Elena said. "When I saw how they'd treated you...I've been getting ready for this for a year and a half. I was just waiting for a chance to talk to Katya."
Irina looked at her sisters in shock. She'd thought many times over the last eighteen months about how much she'd like to leave the KGB, but had never truly considered it because of the danger it would place her sisters in. She'd never thought that they might feel the same way. "God," she whispered. "This just might work."