A/N: School starts back on Tuesday, so I won't have as much time to write
for a while. I'll still be continuing the story, of course, but I don't
know how often I'll be able to update. I have geometry next semester, and I
just know that class is going to kill me.
Thanks to ema, ckat44, dav, RivanKnight, Lady Shadowlight, Gryffindor620, La Pamplemousse, crazyone17, Daxi, Summner, HIEIhotsause, Stupid_Girl_of_Cold, Lily of the Shadow, Panther Queen, Professor Farfie, Elza, MedNar, Potter-luvver, LadyFortune, Romm, Tiani Lunaris, AllStarChaser20, Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape, Paula, and hyz for the wonderful reviews!
And thanks to Gryffindor620, KDarkMaiden, Professor Farfie, HunnySnowBunny, ~ANON~, and Draco-Malfoy-Severus-luva for reviewing at my author's note and helping me out by giving me wonderful ideas!
~MESSAGES!~
ema: Wow. Thank you for that amazing review! I'm glad you enjoyed chapter nine so much, and I hope chapter ten makes you laugh just as hard! Sev doesn't know about him hitting on Dumbledore, but he does know that he was dressed as a woman. There is no way Snape is going to let the trio get by with that, so of course he has retaliation in mind! Except that this time, he gets back at them individually. ;) I thought hard about what McGonagall's reaction was going to be to Snape hittin' on her Albie, and I was tempted to have her just slap Snape outright for trying to move in on her territory. In the end, though, I figured the way I wound up writing it was best for now. Who knows? In chapters to come Snape may do something like that again, and McGonagall may very well slap him the next time! Can you just imagine the look on Dumbledore's face? :)
dav: No, Snape doesn't have a crush on Dumbledore. At least, as far as I know he doesn't. :) It was just, like you said, the influence of Harry's spell.
RivanKnight: I'm so glad chapter nine made your day! The idea for Snape hitting on Dumbledore honestly hit me at the last second. I hope you enjoy chapter ten as much!
Lady Shadowlight: I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! In answer to your question, Snape has switched the minds of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Harry's mind or personality or whatever you want to call it is now in Ron's body, Ron's mind/personality is now in Hermione's body, and Hermione's mind/personality is now in Harry's body. It gets confusing to both write and read, but it's not going to last much longer.
Daxi: Okay, okay! You win! I'm going to write the alternate ending. :) Please, please, no more applause! J/K, LOL!
HIEIhotsause: LOL! Very good guess, but you'll just have to read the chapter to find out. ;)
Stupid_Girl_of_Cold: I'm really glad you like the story!
Panther Queen: LOL! I'm sorry you hit your head. ;) Um, you might want to back away from your computer a few feet before you read the next chapter, then. You know, just in case.
Professor Farfie: At first, I was just going to have Snape's revenge against Harry just involve Draco somehow for a short time and let that be the end of it. But your review got me thinking, and then I wound up plotting and planning. So now Draco is going to be more involved than I ever imagined he'd be, all thanks to your review.
Elza: Wow, another amazing review. You're going to spoil me if you're not careful, Elza. :) I hadn't thought about having to do several alternate chapters before, so I'm glad you pointed it out to me. How about this: Hermione and Snape develop a mutual respect for each other, but neither really wants to admit it. In the end, though, Snape somehow comes to realize that his feelings for Hermione have grown from respect to (do we dare say it?) love. Hehe, I'm glad you liked the "man with a hooked nose" sentence. I wanted something really mysterious-sounding, and that sentence just kind of hit me. I've never read Cluedo. Is it a murder mystery series? And thank you again for your wonderful praise!
MedNar: Nope, you'll just have to read the chapter. :) I don't want to spoil it! But I will say that Draco winds up on the floor. Oh, and I have decided that I am definitely going to write an alternate ending!
Potter-luvver: I've had one heck of a time keeping whose brain/personality in whose body straight while I'm writing, so I know it must be confusing to read. I'm sorry! It's not going to last much longer, though.
LadyFortune: Thank you for the suggestion of a striptease or lapdance! I'm planning on having Snape do something very similar to a striptease in the next chapter. No, I've said to much! Shush, tell no one! ;)
Tiani Lunaris: Thank you for telling me the name of the story! Hehe, I'm sorry you hate cliffies, but how else can I keep you on the edge of your seat? Just thanks for being patient with me!
AllStarChaser20: It's no problem you haven't reviewed in a while. I'm just glad you came back! :) I know for being such a Rickman fan that my actions against Snape are a little odd, but I can't help it! Even though I love Severus Snape dearly, he's just so much fun to torture!
Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape: Thank you again for bouncing around ideas with me!
Paula: Thank you for saying that. I'm so glad you're enjoying it!
hyz: I'm so glad you like the story!
To Gryffindor620, Professor Farfie, HunnySnowBunny, ~ANON~, and Draco- Malfoy-Severus-luva: You all suggested that Ron experience Hermione's period or PMS while he's in her body, so that's exactly what's going to happen. The thought of doing that had crossed my mind, but I was afraid it wouldn't go over well. So thank you all for reviewing and telling me so, because I think that part in the chapter is one of the funnier parts. :)
!TROPIC OF SCORPIO! I'm honored that you mentioned me and this story in your bio. Thank you very much!
I bow down to the best beta in the world: Lissie89! Go check out her stories; they're awesome!
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J.K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new? I also don't own the "I'm A Little Teapot" song or "Oops! I Did It Again".
PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING BEFORE YOU READ THE CHAPTER! I know it's long, but some of it's important...I think.
I had several people suggest that Ron experience menstruation or at least PMS while he's in Hermione's body, so I hope I wrote it with enough humor that it doesn't come across in bad taste. Even though what we females go through on a monthly basis is anything but humorous in my opinion, I tired to make it funny.
Oh, there's also singing in this chapter. I wasn't really sure how to write that, so I wrote it as sentences. If anybody knows of a better way to write singing, please let me know!
The first part of this chapter is in Draco's POV, so I refer to the trio as he sees them. I have their names in '', but don't forget whose brain is in whose body! :)
HG/SS shippers: I have an important announcement: *clears throat* I have decided that I AM going to write an alternate ending! Yaaa! But even before that, Severus and Hermione are going to develop a mutual respect for each other. Starting...now.
This chapter is dedicated to Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape, who gave me several wonderful ideas for this chapter and the next and even let me work out some of my own. Thank you!
Okay, on to the story...
**********
Chapter Ten - 'Phase Six' continued - plotting for 'Phase Seven'
Draco Malfoy, who had been greedily stuffing his face at the Slytherin table, stopped eating and stared at who everyone thought was Harry.
'What does he want?' Draco wondered. He narrowed his eyes at 'Harry' but didn't respond. Suddenly, 'Harry' got a very dreamy look on his face.
"Oh, Draco," he said, "when you look at me that way, my knees go weak." 'Harry' put his hands over his heart and continued to look intently at Draco. "You really have no idea what you do to me, do you?" 'Harry' threw his hands out to his sides and looked around the Great Hall. "I bet no one here knew that whenever I catch even the slightest glimpse of that gorgeous and very sexy-" 'Harry' threw a wink in Malfoy's direction "-blonde Slytherin, that my heart speeds up and beats ten times faster than normal.
"My precious," 'Harry' said, turning back around to face the ashen-faced Malfoy, "I've been in love with you since the day we met." At this very blunt statement, Draco spit his partially-chewed food four feet across the Great Hall. At the same time, 'Ron Weasley' fell backward off his seat and landed very painfully on the Great Hall floor. He stared up at 'Harry' with his mouth open. No one else in the Great Hall made a sound. If, however, someone had looked at the Head Table, they would have seen Professor Severus Snape leaning precariously forward in his seat with his chin in his palm and a big smile on his face. No one was paying the Potions Master any attention, though, because the scene unfolding before them was much more interesting. 'Harry Potter' was slowly making his way down the Gryffindor table, hands still thrown out at his sides, and his eyes never left the face of Draco.
And speaking of the blonde Slytherin, he seemed to have frozen in place. His mouth was hanging open in shock, and he was slumped over slightly. He was watching 'Harry' with wide, surprised eyes but seemed unable to respond to the declarations.
"Draco, my love," 'Harry' said, finally stepping down from the Gryffindor House Table and starting toward the Slytherins, "won't you say anything? I know you return my feelings, and now is our time to tell the world how much in love we are!" 'Harry' spun in a circle to include the entire Great Hall as he shouted the last couple of words of that sentence. Snape began to discreetly laugh behind his hand as Crabbe and Goyle looked from 'Harry' to Draco and back with wide eyes. They then watched the leader of their group for some kind of cue as to what they should do about 'Harry', but Draco didn't seem to know that they even existed. Suddenly, 'Harry' rushed toward the Slytherin table and jumped on top of it. Everyone gasped, and Draco had to grab the edge of the table to keep from falling backward, but other than Malfoy no one moved. The Slytherins sitting next to Draco had to duck, however, when 'Harry' kicked Draco's plate out of the way. He sat down and grasped Draco's head in his hands. Malfoy stared at Harry in shock and horror as 'Harry' leaned close to him.
"That's okay, my sweet," he whispered. "You don't have to say anything. I know what your feelings for me are. You're as much in love with me as I am with you." 'Harry' was in the process of leaning toward Draco again when he was grabbed roughly from behind and dragged across the table, across the Great Hall, and out the door. Everyone stared in silence at the door as they listened to 'Harry's' fading shouts of, "Let me go!" Once 'Harry' could no longer be heard, the entire Great Hall began talking at once.
"Oh my God!"
"Can you believe that?"
"Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy? Together? But they hate each other!"
"Oh, that was just wrong!"
Draco heard none of this. His mouth was still hanging open slightly as he stared straight ahead at nothing. When other students began to laugh, Draco passed out and slid from his seat to the floor.
Meanwhile...
"Hermione!" the real Harry shouted as he and Ron dragged Hermione into an empty classroom and set her on one of the desks. Hermione, however, would not be stopped.
She kept struggling and shouting, "Let me go back to Draco!"
"Hermione, please snap out of this," Ron said as he and Harry held tightly onto her hands. Harry suddenly jumped in front of Hermione and grabbed her shoulders.
He shook her as he said, "Hermione, I have just been made a fool of in front of the entire school over something that you started in the first place. If you don't quit struggling this very second then so help me God I will slap you." Hermione quit fighting to get away, and she crossed her arms in front of her chest. Harry released her and took a step back.
"I want to go back to Draco," she said, pouting.
"Tough luck," said Harry, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair.
"Harry, I..." Ron started but then hesitated. Harry looked at him. "I can't believe Snape did that. That was horrible."
"Well," Harry said, staring at the wall across the room, "it's Snape. What else can you expect?" Hermione suddenly launched herself at Harry and caught him around his neck. Harry thought she was attacking him, but as he made to hit her he realized that she was hugging him.
"Oh Harry," she sobbed, "I couldn't stop it. I tried, but it was like I didn't have control of my actions anymore. I'm so sorry, Harry. I tired, I promise I tried." Hermione hugged him a little tighter as she waited for his response.
"It's okay, Hermione," Harry said. Hermione released him and stepped back.
"Harry, I tired so hard to stop it." Hermione looked near tears.
"I know you did, and there's nothing any of us could have done to stop it. What's done is done. I hope Snape enjoyed that," Harry said with a good bit of venom in his voice.
"Oh, but I did, Mr. Potter," came the silky voice from the doorway. "But I don't think Mr. Malfoy enjoyed it nearly as much. He's just been taken to the infirmary." The trio turned slowly around to face Snape, and they all looked at him with pure hate. Snape, however, was grinning at them in an extremely amused manner.
"You..." whispered Harry as his hands curled into fists at his sides. Snape raised an eyebrow at him and replaced the amused smile with a challenging smirk.
"Yes, Mr. Potter?" Harry didn't say anything. He just stared at Snape while his fists shook with suppressed anger. Snape smiled at him again. "An eye for an eye," he whispered, "but don't begin to think that this makes us even. One down and two to go." The trio exchanged worried looks.
"What?" Hermione and Ron whispered.
"I thought you were just coming after me," Harry said, stepping forward.
"Well," Snape said, clasping his hands together, "that was my original plan, yes, but I just enjoyed that so much that I'm going to...oh, you don't have to worry about that. All you have to know is-" he looked at Ron "-your, shall we say humiliation is next, Mr. Weasley." Both boys' eyes widened.
"And I guess I'm after Ron," Hermione whispered, crestfallen. Snape nodded. Everyone remained quiet for a moment while the trio digested this news.
"Well," Snape said, starting toward the door, "I have a class to teach. I hope you three are looking forward to the next few days as much as I am." Snape smiled at them once more before he walked out of the classroom and closed the door behind him.
~
The next two days were rough for Ron because he couldn't stop worrying about what was going to happen. They were even worse for Hermione, though. Friday night, it took two hours of talking for her to convince Neville, Seamus, and Dean that what she did was the result of a dare and that 'Harry' was not in love with one Draco Malfoy. Even though they all said they believed her at the end of the two hours, she still heard them casting wards around their beds before they went to sleep.
The next day there were whispers and stares in the corridors, and the smirks and outlandish comments started during classes on Monday. The worst of it came from the Slytherins. They backed off, though, when someone wrote "Harry + Draco Forever" over the Great Hall doors, and they realized that their precious Draco didn't find any of it amusing. The one good thing that came out of all of this was that Draco was avoiding Hermione at all costs. He wouldn't look at her if they passed in a corridor, and he made sure that someone very large was sitting across from him at all meals. But whether they were supposed to block 'Harry' from Draco's view or act as bodyguard should 'Harry' decide to rush Draco again, Hermione didn't know and she didn't care.
The next day dawned bright and sunny, but the moods of Harry, Ron, and Hermione were anything but bright. Harry and Ron didn't eat breakfast at all, and Hermione only picked at her plate. Their moods didn't improve as the day wore on, either. None of them could concentrate during class, and for the first time ever Hermione wasn't quietly encouraging Ron to answer questions.
"I'm ready for this day to be over," Ron moaned as they took their seats for dinner.
"Yeah, me too," agreed Harry. He had just reached for a basket of rolls when Hermione grabbed his hand.
"I'm not so sure eating is a good idea, Harry," Hermione said, nodding toward Snape. The other two looked at him, and Snape quickly looked away. "I bet he's put something your food. That's how he got me on Friday."
"But I ate last night," said Harry.
"I know, but Snape wasn't watching us at dinner last night." Harry looked very put out about the whole situation. "Look, you can either go ahead and eat and be performing a strip tease for the entire school in about five minutes, or you can wait and sneak down to the kitchens later tonight," Hermione said, still holding onto his wrist. Ron looked at Harry pleadingly at the mention of the possibility of a strip tease.
"Okay," Harry said, standing up. "But I'm not passing up this." Harry grabbed his glass and gulped down the rich, smooth, chocolate drink that got served only every so often. Hermione looked at Harry with disapproval while Ron watched in horror.
"There won't be any left later," he said, defending his actions as he set the cup back on the table. "And besides, if he did put something in my food or drink and somehow I didn't get it, you know it would just make him really mad and possibly make what he's going to do that much worse."
"Yes," Hermione ground out between her teeth, "I realize this, and that's the only reason Ron and I aren't pounding you into the ground right now." Harry threw his bag over his shoulder, winked at them, and walked out the Great Hall doors.
"Hermione," Ron whispered fearfully, "do you think that Snape put something in the drink?" Hermione sighed.
"Honestly, Ron, I think he did." Ron didn't say anything. He only pushed his plate away and laid his head on the table. Hermione laid her hand on his shoulder.
"If it makes you feel any better, I really can't think of anything worse than what happened Friday."
"Really?" Ron asked, lifting his head up. Hermione nodded and this cheered Ron up a little. He pulled his plate back to him and continued eating. About five minutes later, the Great Hall doors burst open. Murmurs, shouts, and whistles immediately rose from the students, and Hermione and Ron mentally braced themselves before they turned to look.
Both of their mouths fell open.
Standing in the doorway was Harry, but to everyone else it was Ron Weasley. He was dressed in a skin-tight pink leotard, a fluffy pink tutu, pink ballet shoes, and a silver tiara. His hands were clasped above his head, and he was standing on his tip-toes.
"Oh," he said, as if preparing to sing. Suddenly, Harry (in Ron's body) began twirling in place. "I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout." Harry stopped twirling and put one hand on his hip and held his other arm straight out. "When I get all steamed up, hear me shout. Just tip me over and pour me out." Harry leaned toward the side that was the spout. A round of applause began the moment Harry stopped singing. He bowed deeply at the waist and continued dancing around the room. He spun several times and even did a split in the air. He received many whistles for that; the loudest of which came from Severus Snape. As Harry was making his way toward the Head Table, the real Ron Weasley was slowly sinking to the floor of the Great Hall. In fact, if anyone had looked, all they would have been able to see of 'Hermione Granger' was her forehead, and it would have been blood red. Harry finally came to a stop in front of the room, and he turned to face the sea of students. He put his handle and spout in their correct places before he continued singing.
"I'm a clever teapot, yes it's true. Here's an example of what I can do. I can change my handle to my spout." Harry switched his arms and leaned toward the side that was now the spout. Somewhere in the crowd, a camera shutter clicked quietly and went unnoticed. "Just tip me over and pour me out." Another round of clapping began at the completion of his performance. Harry bowed deeply again, and many students began to rise, giving Harry a standing ovation. Suddenly, Harry lifted his head slowly up. The whistles and shouts started up again as Harry ran as fast as he could from the Great Hall.
"Come on," Hermione said, grabbing Ron's shoulder. The entire student body was rolling on the floor in laughter. Hermione glanced at Ron as they stepped over various people. Ron looked ready to kill someone.
"Now, now," said Dumbledore, standing up, "let's try to calm down, everyone." He put his hand over the stitch he had gotten in his side from laughing so hard. "We must remember to thank Mr. Weasley later for providing that amusing entertainment and for making all of us smile." Ron balled his hands into fists and ran through the doors, across the Entrance Hall, and up the Grand Staircase.
"Ron!" Hermione whispered shrilly. She looked around quickly to make sure Harry hadn't darted into a nearby classroom before she followed Ron's path. It led her to the boys' dorm in the Gryffindor Common Room. Ron was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands, and Harry (back in normal dress) was sitting across from him on his own trunk.
"I'm sorry, Ron," said Harry. "There was nothing I could do."
"Where did the...outfit come from?" asked Ron, not lifting his head.
"The clothes were on the bed when I got up here," said Harry, rubbing his hands together absentmindedly. "Next thing I knew, I was changing into them, and I couldn't stop myself. I've thrown them out already."
"Oh, Ron," said Hermione, rushing to sit next to him. She couldn't think of anything to say, so she patted his shoulder comfortingly.
"Snape," hissed Ron. Hermione and Harry remained quiet.
After a moment, Ron lifted his head and asked, "What are we going to do to get back at him?" Hermione looked at Ron, surprised.
"But I thought...You mean you actually want to keep going with this?" she asked.
"Oh yes," said Ron, standing up. He began to pace the room. "We can't let him get away with this. We have to do something to get back at him. I don't know what but something."
"Our lists are in the Room of Requirement," said Hermione as she and Harry stood. "And we'd have less of a chance of being overheard there."
"Well," said Ron, starting down the stairs leading from the boys' dorm, "let's go, then." Ron led the trio through the Common Room and out the portrait hole. They had just turned in the direction of the Room of Requirement when someone began to clap. All three knew who it was before they even turned around.
"Bravo, Mr. Potter, bravo. I think I enjoyed that even more than Miss Granger's...announcement." Snape stopped clapping and instead clasped his hands together. "Especially when you did that marvelous split in the air." He looked from Harry to Ron. The latter was glowering at him furiously. "Did you not enjoy it, Mr. Weasley? Pity. But I'm sure you'll find much more amusement in Miss Granger's humiliation, even though you'll be experiencing it." With this statement, he looked at Hermione.
"I'm not even going to ask when that's going to happen," said Hermione, "because I know you won't tell us. So what do you want?" Snape raised his eyebrows slightly at the bold tone in her voice, but her tone didn't come as much of a surprise to him as it should have. He was actually beginning to respect her will and determination, however scary that thought was. Snape chuckled before answering.
"Just to tell you that tomorrow it will be your turn, Miss Granger, and skipping meals will do Mr. Weasley no good whatsoever." Hermione widened her eyes at his being so straight forward with her.
"Then how do you expect Ron to drink the potion?" Might as well see how straight forward he's willing to be.
"He's already drunk the potion," he said, then smiled at their confused expressions. "I made that potion a little different than the other two. He ingested it during lunch today, actually, and has got it in his system as we speak, but it won't take affect for another twenty-four hours." Ron looked at Snape in pure horror, and Hermione looked crushed. "Have a nice night," was his parting shot before he left the trio.
"Let's go," Hermione said, leading the rest of the way to the Room of Requirement. As soon as they reached the room, Harry sat down, Hermione began gathering the various lists they had written over the last couple of months, and Ron paced.
"Okay," Hermione said, pulling the lists in front of her as she sat down, "I say we wait for a couple of weeks before we do anything. How about we embarrass the fool out of him the day before everyone goes home for Christmas?"
"That's not good enough," said Ron, pacing around and around the table.
"Well then, Ron," said Hermione with a bit of annoyance, "what would you suggest?"
"Tomorrow, we have to do something tomorrow."
"We can't get anything ready by tomorrow," said Harry, looking a little surprised at Ron.
"Well little miss know-it-all over there," said Ron, stopping in the middle of the floor and pointing toward Hermione, "needs to work a little bit harder on it, doesn't she?" Hermione looked quite taken aback at his tone as Harry shot to his feet.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked. "Ten minutes ago you were all excited and happy that we were even talking about getting back at Snape. Where do you get off yelling at Hermione?" Ron sighed deeply as he sank into the remaining chair.
"I don't know where that came from. I'm sorry, Hermione." He looked at her, and she nodded. "I guess I'm just worried about tomorrow."
"I don't see what you have to worry about," said Harry, taking his seat again. "It will be Hermione who has to suffer the long-term consequences for whatever it is. You know, provided we get back to normal within the next year."
"Maybe after tomorrow," Hermione mused, "Snape will be satisfied with his revenge against us, and we can return to our own bodies." Harry and Ron looked at her.
"You don't think Snape is doing something to make the spell last this long, do you?" asked Harry.
"I don't know, but it is a possibility. I mean, we've been like this for over two weeks."
"That jerk!" Ron yelled, standing suddenly and sending his chair flying backward. Hermione and Harry jumped in surprise. "Oh, I can't believe he's doing stuff to keep us like this." Ron kicked the bottom of his chair angrily and sent it crashing into the wall. "That man is evil. How much lower could he possibly get?"
"Good grief, Ron," said Harry, standing up once more and starting toward Ron. "What is wrong with you tonight? One minute you're happy, the next you're yelling at Hermione, and now you've kicked your chair into the wall."
"Yeah, everything is always my fault, isn't it? You two never screw up, so when something goes wrong, let's everybody blame Ron," said Ron, throwing his hands in the air dramatically.
"Stop it," said Harry, taking hold of Ron's shoulders and shaking him slightly. "I don't know what your problem is but you need to snap out of it." Suddenly, Ron started sobbing. Harry released him and jumped back in shock.
"I'm sorry, Harry," Ron said, wiping at the tears running down his face. He plopped back in his seat and sniffed very loudly. Harry looked at him like he was crazy. "I don't know what's wrong with me." Ron suddenly wailed with despair, and Harry backed into the door. Hermione's eyes widened with understanding as she handed Ron a tissue.
"Ron, listen to me," she said. "Has your stomach felt at all weird the last couple of days?"
"Yeah, a little," he sniffed. "But what does that have to do with anything?"
"Um, Harry? Do you think you could give Ron and me a few minutes? We'll make a decision about what we're going to do later." Harry nodded and fled from the room. Hermione looked back at Ron.
"Ron, I'm about to teach you more about the female anatomy than you ever wanted to know."
~
"Hermione, how do you live like this?" Ron whispered as they filed into the Great Hall for dinner the next day. "I've been in pain all day." Hermione had to fight to suppress her smile. Last night had been awkward when she tried to explain all about a woman's, shall we say, menstruation cycle, and what Ron would have to do while he was going through it.
"Oh my God," he had whispered. "And this lasts for maybe two days, right?" Hermione couldn't help but laugh, and it had lightened the mood considerably.
"Didn't you go to the infirmary, like I told you to?" she asked now. "Madam Pomfrey has a potion that helps with the cramps."
"No, I forgot."
"Well," Hermione said, pushing him away from her, "go now, and then you can eat." Hermione smiled as she watched Ron disappear around a corner. She was sure he was going to have a whole new respect for the female race once he was back in his own body. She became slightly worried, however, by the time thirty minutes passed and there was no sign of him.
"Harry, do you think he's alright?"
"I'm sure he's fine, Hermione. He's probably just dawdling."
"But during a meal? That's not like Ron."
"Maybe it's taking Madam Pomfrey a while to find the potion." Suddenly, Hermione looked very scared.
"Harry, Snape's revenge against me; my 'humiliation'. It's supposed to happen during dinner today." Harry and Hermione looked toward Snape. The professor was grinning evilly at them.
"One of these days," Harry said, "I'm going to walk right up to him and wipe that smirk off his face." Hermione continued pushing peas around her plate. She had just started to say something when BANG! The Great Hall doors burst open. Harry and Hermione, like everyone else in the room, looked immediately at the doorway. Hermione dropped her fork and Harry dropped his cup. The first year student he spilled it on, though, didn't even notice. Standing there was Ron, but to everyone else it was Hermione Granger standing in the doorway, with a pose very similar to Snape's when he had showed up dressed as a woman. The outfit Ron was wearing, though, was very different from Snape's
'Hermione Granger' was wearing knee-high socks, a short plaid skirt, a white button up shirt (which had several buttons open, revealing a white undershirt), and her hair had been teased to slightly larger than its normal size. She was also wearing makeup: blush, blue eyeshadow, and rep lipstick. Professor Snape discreetly waved his wand in the air, and music began to play (A/N: I don't know if that's even possible, but let's just go with it).
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," 'Hermione' sang, moving her shoulder up and down with each 'yeah'. 'Hermione' walked toward the Gryffindor table and stepped on top of it. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," she repeated. 'Hermione' began stepping over plates, cups, and different dishes as she sang.
"I think I did it again. I made you believe we're more than just friends." Ron stopped in front of Hermione (to everyone else: Hermione stopped in front of Harry). He bent down and rubbed his hand along Hermione's cheek. All the real Hermione could do was stare with large eyes at her own form dancing in front of her. "Oh baby. It might seem like a crush. But it doesn't mean that I'm serious. 'Cause to lose all my senses. That is just so typically me. Oh baby, baby." Ron stood back up and began dancing around on the table. The male students from each table stood and began whistling.
"Oops! I did it again. I played with your heart, got lost in the game." At this, Ron fell to his knees on the table in front of Seamus. A camera shutter once again clicked unnoticed. "Oh baby, baby. Oops! You think I'm in love. That I'm sent from above." Seamus started to lean toward 'Hermione', but Ron put his hand on his face and pushed him away. "I'm not that innocent." Ron stood back up and danced around on the table some more. Then he started walking toward Harry. He stopped in front of Harry (everyone else: Hermione stopped in front of Ron - A/N: I keep doing that to remind everyone what it looks like to others. I'm sorry if it's annoying, but this can get pretty confusing!) just like he had with Hermione. He bent down and rubbed Harry's cheek.
"You see my problem is this. I'm dreaming away. Wishing that heroes, they truly exist. I cry, watching the days. Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways." Harry seemed to be as dumbstruck as Hermione. He couldn't do anything, either, except sit there while Ron rubbed his cheek. "But to lose all my senses. That is just so typically me. Baby, oh." Ron stood back up and continued down the Gryffindor table.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," he sang. Then he stopped in front of Neville and sat down. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," he repeated. Neville passed out when 'Hermione' started to shimmy in front of him. Ron stood back up and continued on down the table as he sang.
"Oops! I did it again to your heart. Got lost in this game." When Ron reached the end of the table, he jumped off and came to a stop in the middle of the room directly in front of the Head Table. "Oops! You think that I'm sent from above. I'm not that innocent." Ron bent one knee, threw his head back, and threw his hands in the air at the end of the song. It was all male students who stood up and applauded, whistled, and shouted. The professors, however, were all sitting stock still in their seats, shocked at 'Hermione Granger's' actions. Professor Snape was a different matter entirely. He was trying hard to hold in his smile as he looked up and down the table at his colleagues' expressions. In his opinion, the looks on their faces weren't nearly as amusing as the look on the real Hermione's face. It could only be described as shocked, appalled, and vengeful all rolled into one. Suddenly, Hermione rushed forward and grabbed Ron by the arm. She began dragging him toward the doors, and Harry fell into step behind them.
"But they love me!" Ron shouted, waving at the clapping crowd as he tried to get out of Hermione's hold. She only tightened her grip on Ron's arm as she and Harry forced him into an empty classroom. Ron continued to dance around the room as he hummed the tune he had just finished singing. Harry continued to watch Ron with wide eyes as Hermione sat down in one of the desks.
"Oh my God," she said, putting her head in her hands, "I'm going to get expelled!"
"Hermione," Harry said, finally looking away from the twirling Ron, "Dumbledore's not going to expel you."
"You saw what just happened! I danced on a table, with my shirt only half way buttoned. I'm not going to be allowed to stay here after that." Harry sat down in the desk next to her.
"If Dumbledore didn't expel me for...what happened, and he didn't expel Ron for being a ballerina, then he's not going to expel you. Seriously, Hermione, you should try not to worry about it."
"That's kind of hard," she grumbled.
"I know, but it gets easier in a couple of days. Trust me on that." Hermione finally smiled.
"Thanks," she said.
"Miss Granger," said Snape from the doorway, "Mr. Potter is correct, you don't have to worry about getting expelled. As he pointed out- " he indicated Harry with his hand "-you didn't get Mr. Potter expelled, and Mr. Potter didn't get Mr. Weasley kicked out of school." Ron just then danced past Snape, apparently listening to music only he could hear. Snape looked at Ron with an amused expression before he returned his gaze to Harry and Hermione.
Hermione had no idea why Snape was trying to reassure her, and even though it did make her feel better, there was no way she was going to let the most hated teacher in all of Hogwarts see that.
"How would you know?" she demanded, challenging him to back up his words. Before Snape could answer, Ron stopped dancing and got this horrified look on his face.
"Merlin," Ron said looking down at himself. Then he caught sight of Hermione and saw the anger glinting in her eyes.
"Hermione," Ron said, taking a step toward her, "I'm sorry. The clothes were on the bed in the girls' dorm. It was the weirdest feeling. I couldn't control anything, and it was like I was in a dream."
"We're all glad to have you back to normal, I'm sure," said Snape sarcastically. Ron jumped in surprise; he hadn't noticed Snape.
"I'll repeat my question, then. How would you know I'm not getting expelled?"
"Expelled?" came a new voice from behind Snape. This time, everyone jumped as Albus Dumbledore emerged from behind Snape. "Why would you think you're getting expelled, Harry?"
"Umm...I meant Hermione," Hermione covered quickly as she nodded toward Ron. "I'm afraid Hermione will get expelled."
"Not today," said Dumbledore, smiling reassuringly at Ron. "But I would like to know what has gotten into you three lately? First you, Harry,-" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled at Hermione, "-then Ron,- " his eyes twinkled even brighter at Harry as he tried not to smile, "-and now Hermione."
"They were dares," Harry said immediately. "We were all dared. When we found out what we were supposed to do, though, we wanted to back out. But there really wasn't a graceful way to do so." Hermione and Ron nodded their agreement.
"I see," said Dumbledore, but he looked like he knew something was being left out of their story. However, he didn't push the matter. Instead, he said, "Well, even though these last couple of days have given me the best laugh I've had in years, what do you say to laying off of dares for a little while?" All three nodded together.
"Good, good," he said, turning back to the door, but before he reached it, he turned around to face them once more. "One more question, what are you going to do in retaliation to the people who dared you?" Harry and Ron looked at Snape while Hermione only smiled.
"We haven't decided yet, Professor Dumbledore," she said. Snape raised his eyebrows at the expression on her face.
"I get the feeling that this year is going to be much more interesting than last," he said, nodding his head. "Actually, it already has been." He turned toward Snape. "Well Severus, what do you say we go back to our meal?" Dumbledore put his hand on Snape's shoulder to lead him out. Just before Snape disappeared though the door, he threw one last fleeting glance over his shoulder at the trio and was gone.
"Feel better, Hermione?" Harry asked. Hermione nodded. They were quiet for a moment before Ron spoke up.
"Can we go now, please? I really want to change. This skirt is too short," he said, tugging at the end of the skirt. Hermione and Harry began to laugh.
~
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in much better moods the next day. Hermione was a little steamed that guys kept approaching them to ask for her autograph. Well, actually they were asking Ron. The first time, he had almost said yes to a third year Hufflepuff, but Hermione had kicked him under the table. After that, he would rub his shin as he said, "No, I'm afraid not." It seemed as if what 'Hermione' had done made everyone forget about 'Harry's' and 'Ron's' actions. That's what Harry and Ron thought; at least, up until the time they left breakfast.
"Here, take one," said Crabbe, thrusting a piece of parchment into the hand of a Ravenclaw.
"Have a paper," said Goyle, handing one to a Hufflepuff.
"Come and get it!" said Draco Malfoy from where he, Crabbe, and Goyle were standing at the bottom of the Grand Staircase. They each were holding a small packet of parchment in one hand and handing out the papers to everyone who walked by.
"Potter, Weasley, Granger," said Malfoy, catching sight of the trio, "you three will want to see this." He nodded at Goyle, who was closest to them. Goyle walked to the trio and handed each of them a paper before he returned to his original place. They looked down at the parchment they each held and read in shock. The title was "Exposed: The Secret Lives of Gryffindors", and below that were two pictures. One was of Ron tipping over as the little tea pot, and the other was of Hermione dancing on her knees on the Gryffindor table. The following paragraph read:
"It has long been suspected that Gryffindor House's star pupils Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger are not as angelic as they appear to be. Over the last week, this theory has been proved correct. Starting last Friday, Harry Potter threw himself at the feet of Draco Malfoy,-"
"Threw myself!" exclaimed Harry, "Why I ought to- "
"Just keep reading," interrupted Hermione. Harry grudgingly looked back at the parchment.
"-the most sought-after single at Hogwarts. Potter was naturally crushed when Mr. Malfoy rejected him. Then on the following Monday, Ron Weasley disturbed the last meal of the evening to finally 'come out of his closet,' as it were. He appeared in the Great Hall wearing a pink ballerina outfit (tutu and tiara included) and confirmed many suspicions that he is, in fact, a cross-dresser."
"Cross-dresser!" shouted Ron, causing many people to look at him.
"Quiet!" commanded Hermione. Ron continued reading the parchment.
"But the real shock came the next day. Hermione Granger, some say the smartest student at Hogwarts who can never pass up an opportunity to show how much she knows, intruded upon dinner in much the same fashion as Weasley. Except that Granger's outfit and following performance raised a few eyebrows. 'Where did she learn how to do that' you ask? Many think Granger picked up her moves from highlighting at an after-hours bar in Hogsmeade. My question for her is: When does she find time to study?"
Hermione drew a sharp intake of breath as she crushed the parchment in her fist. Malfoy saw 'Harry' crushing the parchment and laughed.
"Don't like it, Potter? I'm hurt," he said, putting his hand over his heart, "I put many hours into this project last night."
"Where did the pictures come from?" the real Harry asked through clenched teeth.
"I took them myself, actually. After Friday, I heard talk about dares. I assumed that if Potter had been dared, then so had you two. I carried a camera with me all weekend and all day Monday. I wasn't surprised when I was proved correct by the Weasel's appearance." Suddenly, who Malfoy thought was Hermione launched herself at him. Malfoy jumped back in surprise just as the real Hermione and Harry grabbed Ron's robes.
"Let's go," he said to Crabbe and Goyle, and they disappeared up the Grand Staircase.
"I'm going to murder him," said Ron, struggling against Harry's and Hermione's hold.
"Calm down," said Harry, grabbing his shoulder. "We can't do anything about it now. We'll get him back, though. I promise we'll get him back." Ron stopped struggling, and both he and Hermione turned to look at Harry.
"What are we going to do?" asked Ron.
"I don't know," said Harry, "but whatever we do to Snape, Malfoy will share it."
****************
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry it took me so long, but I think (repeat: think) it turned out to be one of the funniest chapters I've written in a while. Please let me know by leaving a review! Thanks!
IMPORTANT!
Everyone who guessed that 'Harry' was going to profess his undying love for Draco, you guys are very, very good. I hope I'm not becoming predictable! *shudder* That's the one thing I can't stand being, so I guess I'm just going to have to work harder to keep you guys on your toes. :)
Thanks to ema, ckat44, dav, RivanKnight, Lady Shadowlight, Gryffindor620, La Pamplemousse, crazyone17, Daxi, Summner, HIEIhotsause, Stupid_Girl_of_Cold, Lily of the Shadow, Panther Queen, Professor Farfie, Elza, MedNar, Potter-luvver, LadyFortune, Romm, Tiani Lunaris, AllStarChaser20, Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape, Paula, and hyz for the wonderful reviews!
And thanks to Gryffindor620, KDarkMaiden, Professor Farfie, HunnySnowBunny, ~ANON~, and Draco-Malfoy-Severus-luva for reviewing at my author's note and helping me out by giving me wonderful ideas!
~MESSAGES!~
ema: Wow. Thank you for that amazing review! I'm glad you enjoyed chapter nine so much, and I hope chapter ten makes you laugh just as hard! Sev doesn't know about him hitting on Dumbledore, but he does know that he was dressed as a woman. There is no way Snape is going to let the trio get by with that, so of course he has retaliation in mind! Except that this time, he gets back at them individually. ;) I thought hard about what McGonagall's reaction was going to be to Snape hittin' on her Albie, and I was tempted to have her just slap Snape outright for trying to move in on her territory. In the end, though, I figured the way I wound up writing it was best for now. Who knows? In chapters to come Snape may do something like that again, and McGonagall may very well slap him the next time! Can you just imagine the look on Dumbledore's face? :)
dav: No, Snape doesn't have a crush on Dumbledore. At least, as far as I know he doesn't. :) It was just, like you said, the influence of Harry's spell.
RivanKnight: I'm so glad chapter nine made your day! The idea for Snape hitting on Dumbledore honestly hit me at the last second. I hope you enjoy chapter ten as much!
Lady Shadowlight: I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! In answer to your question, Snape has switched the minds of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Harry's mind or personality or whatever you want to call it is now in Ron's body, Ron's mind/personality is now in Hermione's body, and Hermione's mind/personality is now in Harry's body. It gets confusing to both write and read, but it's not going to last much longer.
Daxi: Okay, okay! You win! I'm going to write the alternate ending. :) Please, please, no more applause! J/K, LOL!
HIEIhotsause: LOL! Very good guess, but you'll just have to read the chapter to find out. ;)
Stupid_Girl_of_Cold: I'm really glad you like the story!
Panther Queen: LOL! I'm sorry you hit your head. ;) Um, you might want to back away from your computer a few feet before you read the next chapter, then. You know, just in case.
Professor Farfie: At first, I was just going to have Snape's revenge against Harry just involve Draco somehow for a short time and let that be the end of it. But your review got me thinking, and then I wound up plotting and planning. So now Draco is going to be more involved than I ever imagined he'd be, all thanks to your review.
Elza: Wow, another amazing review. You're going to spoil me if you're not careful, Elza. :) I hadn't thought about having to do several alternate chapters before, so I'm glad you pointed it out to me. How about this: Hermione and Snape develop a mutual respect for each other, but neither really wants to admit it. In the end, though, Snape somehow comes to realize that his feelings for Hermione have grown from respect to (do we dare say it?) love. Hehe, I'm glad you liked the "man with a hooked nose" sentence. I wanted something really mysterious-sounding, and that sentence just kind of hit me. I've never read Cluedo. Is it a murder mystery series? And thank you again for your wonderful praise!
MedNar: Nope, you'll just have to read the chapter. :) I don't want to spoil it! But I will say that Draco winds up on the floor. Oh, and I have decided that I am definitely going to write an alternate ending!
Potter-luvver: I've had one heck of a time keeping whose brain/personality in whose body straight while I'm writing, so I know it must be confusing to read. I'm sorry! It's not going to last much longer, though.
LadyFortune: Thank you for the suggestion of a striptease or lapdance! I'm planning on having Snape do something very similar to a striptease in the next chapter. No, I've said to much! Shush, tell no one! ;)
Tiani Lunaris: Thank you for telling me the name of the story! Hehe, I'm sorry you hate cliffies, but how else can I keep you on the edge of your seat? Just thanks for being patient with me!
AllStarChaser20: It's no problem you haven't reviewed in a while. I'm just glad you came back! :) I know for being such a Rickman fan that my actions against Snape are a little odd, but I can't help it! Even though I love Severus Snape dearly, he's just so much fun to torture!
Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape: Thank you again for bouncing around ideas with me!
Paula: Thank you for saying that. I'm so glad you're enjoying it!
hyz: I'm so glad you like the story!
To Gryffindor620, Professor Farfie, HunnySnowBunny, ~ANON~, and Draco- Malfoy-Severus-luva: You all suggested that Ron experience Hermione's period or PMS while he's in her body, so that's exactly what's going to happen. The thought of doing that had crossed my mind, but I was afraid it wouldn't go over well. So thank you all for reviewing and telling me so, because I think that part in the chapter is one of the funnier parts. :)
!TROPIC OF SCORPIO! I'm honored that you mentioned me and this story in your bio. Thank you very much!
I bow down to the best beta in the world: Lissie89! Go check out her stories; they're awesome!
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J.K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new? I also don't own the "I'm A Little Teapot" song or "Oops! I Did It Again".
PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING BEFORE YOU READ THE CHAPTER! I know it's long, but some of it's important...I think.
I had several people suggest that Ron experience menstruation or at least PMS while he's in Hermione's body, so I hope I wrote it with enough humor that it doesn't come across in bad taste. Even though what we females go through on a monthly basis is anything but humorous in my opinion, I tired to make it funny.
Oh, there's also singing in this chapter. I wasn't really sure how to write that, so I wrote it as sentences. If anybody knows of a better way to write singing, please let me know!
The first part of this chapter is in Draco's POV, so I refer to the trio as he sees them. I have their names in '', but don't forget whose brain is in whose body! :)
HG/SS shippers: I have an important announcement: *clears throat* I have decided that I AM going to write an alternate ending! Yaaa! But even before that, Severus and Hermione are going to develop a mutual respect for each other. Starting...now.
This chapter is dedicated to Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape, who gave me several wonderful ideas for this chapter and the next and even let me work out some of my own. Thank you!
Okay, on to the story...
**********
Chapter Ten - 'Phase Six' continued - plotting for 'Phase Seven'
Draco Malfoy, who had been greedily stuffing his face at the Slytherin table, stopped eating and stared at who everyone thought was Harry.
'What does he want?' Draco wondered. He narrowed his eyes at 'Harry' but didn't respond. Suddenly, 'Harry' got a very dreamy look on his face.
"Oh, Draco," he said, "when you look at me that way, my knees go weak." 'Harry' put his hands over his heart and continued to look intently at Draco. "You really have no idea what you do to me, do you?" 'Harry' threw his hands out to his sides and looked around the Great Hall. "I bet no one here knew that whenever I catch even the slightest glimpse of that gorgeous and very sexy-" 'Harry' threw a wink in Malfoy's direction "-blonde Slytherin, that my heart speeds up and beats ten times faster than normal.
"My precious," 'Harry' said, turning back around to face the ashen-faced Malfoy, "I've been in love with you since the day we met." At this very blunt statement, Draco spit his partially-chewed food four feet across the Great Hall. At the same time, 'Ron Weasley' fell backward off his seat and landed very painfully on the Great Hall floor. He stared up at 'Harry' with his mouth open. No one else in the Great Hall made a sound. If, however, someone had looked at the Head Table, they would have seen Professor Severus Snape leaning precariously forward in his seat with his chin in his palm and a big smile on his face. No one was paying the Potions Master any attention, though, because the scene unfolding before them was much more interesting. 'Harry Potter' was slowly making his way down the Gryffindor table, hands still thrown out at his sides, and his eyes never left the face of Draco.
And speaking of the blonde Slytherin, he seemed to have frozen in place. His mouth was hanging open in shock, and he was slumped over slightly. He was watching 'Harry' with wide, surprised eyes but seemed unable to respond to the declarations.
"Draco, my love," 'Harry' said, finally stepping down from the Gryffindor House Table and starting toward the Slytherins, "won't you say anything? I know you return my feelings, and now is our time to tell the world how much in love we are!" 'Harry' spun in a circle to include the entire Great Hall as he shouted the last couple of words of that sentence. Snape began to discreetly laugh behind his hand as Crabbe and Goyle looked from 'Harry' to Draco and back with wide eyes. They then watched the leader of their group for some kind of cue as to what they should do about 'Harry', but Draco didn't seem to know that they even existed. Suddenly, 'Harry' rushed toward the Slytherin table and jumped on top of it. Everyone gasped, and Draco had to grab the edge of the table to keep from falling backward, but other than Malfoy no one moved. The Slytherins sitting next to Draco had to duck, however, when 'Harry' kicked Draco's plate out of the way. He sat down and grasped Draco's head in his hands. Malfoy stared at Harry in shock and horror as 'Harry' leaned close to him.
"That's okay, my sweet," he whispered. "You don't have to say anything. I know what your feelings for me are. You're as much in love with me as I am with you." 'Harry' was in the process of leaning toward Draco again when he was grabbed roughly from behind and dragged across the table, across the Great Hall, and out the door. Everyone stared in silence at the door as they listened to 'Harry's' fading shouts of, "Let me go!" Once 'Harry' could no longer be heard, the entire Great Hall began talking at once.
"Oh my God!"
"Can you believe that?"
"Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy? Together? But they hate each other!"
"Oh, that was just wrong!"
Draco heard none of this. His mouth was still hanging open slightly as he stared straight ahead at nothing. When other students began to laugh, Draco passed out and slid from his seat to the floor.
Meanwhile...
"Hermione!" the real Harry shouted as he and Ron dragged Hermione into an empty classroom and set her on one of the desks. Hermione, however, would not be stopped.
She kept struggling and shouting, "Let me go back to Draco!"
"Hermione, please snap out of this," Ron said as he and Harry held tightly onto her hands. Harry suddenly jumped in front of Hermione and grabbed her shoulders.
He shook her as he said, "Hermione, I have just been made a fool of in front of the entire school over something that you started in the first place. If you don't quit struggling this very second then so help me God I will slap you." Hermione quit fighting to get away, and she crossed her arms in front of her chest. Harry released her and took a step back.
"I want to go back to Draco," she said, pouting.
"Tough luck," said Harry, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair.
"Harry, I..." Ron started but then hesitated. Harry looked at him. "I can't believe Snape did that. That was horrible."
"Well," Harry said, staring at the wall across the room, "it's Snape. What else can you expect?" Hermione suddenly launched herself at Harry and caught him around his neck. Harry thought she was attacking him, but as he made to hit her he realized that she was hugging him.
"Oh Harry," she sobbed, "I couldn't stop it. I tried, but it was like I didn't have control of my actions anymore. I'm so sorry, Harry. I tired, I promise I tried." Hermione hugged him a little tighter as she waited for his response.
"It's okay, Hermione," Harry said. Hermione released him and stepped back.
"Harry, I tired so hard to stop it." Hermione looked near tears.
"I know you did, and there's nothing any of us could have done to stop it. What's done is done. I hope Snape enjoyed that," Harry said with a good bit of venom in his voice.
"Oh, but I did, Mr. Potter," came the silky voice from the doorway. "But I don't think Mr. Malfoy enjoyed it nearly as much. He's just been taken to the infirmary." The trio turned slowly around to face Snape, and they all looked at him with pure hate. Snape, however, was grinning at them in an extremely amused manner.
"You..." whispered Harry as his hands curled into fists at his sides. Snape raised an eyebrow at him and replaced the amused smile with a challenging smirk.
"Yes, Mr. Potter?" Harry didn't say anything. He just stared at Snape while his fists shook with suppressed anger. Snape smiled at him again. "An eye for an eye," he whispered, "but don't begin to think that this makes us even. One down and two to go." The trio exchanged worried looks.
"What?" Hermione and Ron whispered.
"I thought you were just coming after me," Harry said, stepping forward.
"Well," Snape said, clasping his hands together, "that was my original plan, yes, but I just enjoyed that so much that I'm going to...oh, you don't have to worry about that. All you have to know is-" he looked at Ron "-your, shall we say humiliation is next, Mr. Weasley." Both boys' eyes widened.
"And I guess I'm after Ron," Hermione whispered, crestfallen. Snape nodded. Everyone remained quiet for a moment while the trio digested this news.
"Well," Snape said, starting toward the door, "I have a class to teach. I hope you three are looking forward to the next few days as much as I am." Snape smiled at them once more before he walked out of the classroom and closed the door behind him.
~
The next two days were rough for Ron because he couldn't stop worrying about what was going to happen. They were even worse for Hermione, though. Friday night, it took two hours of talking for her to convince Neville, Seamus, and Dean that what she did was the result of a dare and that 'Harry' was not in love with one Draco Malfoy. Even though they all said they believed her at the end of the two hours, she still heard them casting wards around their beds before they went to sleep.
The next day there were whispers and stares in the corridors, and the smirks and outlandish comments started during classes on Monday. The worst of it came from the Slytherins. They backed off, though, when someone wrote "Harry + Draco Forever" over the Great Hall doors, and they realized that their precious Draco didn't find any of it amusing. The one good thing that came out of all of this was that Draco was avoiding Hermione at all costs. He wouldn't look at her if they passed in a corridor, and he made sure that someone very large was sitting across from him at all meals. But whether they were supposed to block 'Harry' from Draco's view or act as bodyguard should 'Harry' decide to rush Draco again, Hermione didn't know and she didn't care.
The next day dawned bright and sunny, but the moods of Harry, Ron, and Hermione were anything but bright. Harry and Ron didn't eat breakfast at all, and Hermione only picked at her plate. Their moods didn't improve as the day wore on, either. None of them could concentrate during class, and for the first time ever Hermione wasn't quietly encouraging Ron to answer questions.
"I'm ready for this day to be over," Ron moaned as they took their seats for dinner.
"Yeah, me too," agreed Harry. He had just reached for a basket of rolls when Hermione grabbed his hand.
"I'm not so sure eating is a good idea, Harry," Hermione said, nodding toward Snape. The other two looked at him, and Snape quickly looked away. "I bet he's put something your food. That's how he got me on Friday."
"But I ate last night," said Harry.
"I know, but Snape wasn't watching us at dinner last night." Harry looked very put out about the whole situation. "Look, you can either go ahead and eat and be performing a strip tease for the entire school in about five minutes, or you can wait and sneak down to the kitchens later tonight," Hermione said, still holding onto his wrist. Ron looked at Harry pleadingly at the mention of the possibility of a strip tease.
"Okay," Harry said, standing up. "But I'm not passing up this." Harry grabbed his glass and gulped down the rich, smooth, chocolate drink that got served only every so often. Hermione looked at Harry with disapproval while Ron watched in horror.
"There won't be any left later," he said, defending his actions as he set the cup back on the table. "And besides, if he did put something in my food or drink and somehow I didn't get it, you know it would just make him really mad and possibly make what he's going to do that much worse."
"Yes," Hermione ground out between her teeth, "I realize this, and that's the only reason Ron and I aren't pounding you into the ground right now." Harry threw his bag over his shoulder, winked at them, and walked out the Great Hall doors.
"Hermione," Ron whispered fearfully, "do you think that Snape put something in the drink?" Hermione sighed.
"Honestly, Ron, I think he did." Ron didn't say anything. He only pushed his plate away and laid his head on the table. Hermione laid her hand on his shoulder.
"If it makes you feel any better, I really can't think of anything worse than what happened Friday."
"Really?" Ron asked, lifting his head up. Hermione nodded and this cheered Ron up a little. He pulled his plate back to him and continued eating. About five minutes later, the Great Hall doors burst open. Murmurs, shouts, and whistles immediately rose from the students, and Hermione and Ron mentally braced themselves before they turned to look.
Both of their mouths fell open.
Standing in the doorway was Harry, but to everyone else it was Ron Weasley. He was dressed in a skin-tight pink leotard, a fluffy pink tutu, pink ballet shoes, and a silver tiara. His hands were clasped above his head, and he was standing on his tip-toes.
"Oh," he said, as if preparing to sing. Suddenly, Harry (in Ron's body) began twirling in place. "I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout." Harry stopped twirling and put one hand on his hip and held his other arm straight out. "When I get all steamed up, hear me shout. Just tip me over and pour me out." Harry leaned toward the side that was the spout. A round of applause began the moment Harry stopped singing. He bowed deeply at the waist and continued dancing around the room. He spun several times and even did a split in the air. He received many whistles for that; the loudest of which came from Severus Snape. As Harry was making his way toward the Head Table, the real Ron Weasley was slowly sinking to the floor of the Great Hall. In fact, if anyone had looked, all they would have been able to see of 'Hermione Granger' was her forehead, and it would have been blood red. Harry finally came to a stop in front of the room, and he turned to face the sea of students. He put his handle and spout in their correct places before he continued singing.
"I'm a clever teapot, yes it's true. Here's an example of what I can do. I can change my handle to my spout." Harry switched his arms and leaned toward the side that was now the spout. Somewhere in the crowd, a camera shutter clicked quietly and went unnoticed. "Just tip me over and pour me out." Another round of clapping began at the completion of his performance. Harry bowed deeply again, and many students began to rise, giving Harry a standing ovation. Suddenly, Harry lifted his head slowly up. The whistles and shouts started up again as Harry ran as fast as he could from the Great Hall.
"Come on," Hermione said, grabbing Ron's shoulder. The entire student body was rolling on the floor in laughter. Hermione glanced at Ron as they stepped over various people. Ron looked ready to kill someone.
"Now, now," said Dumbledore, standing up, "let's try to calm down, everyone." He put his hand over the stitch he had gotten in his side from laughing so hard. "We must remember to thank Mr. Weasley later for providing that amusing entertainment and for making all of us smile." Ron balled his hands into fists and ran through the doors, across the Entrance Hall, and up the Grand Staircase.
"Ron!" Hermione whispered shrilly. She looked around quickly to make sure Harry hadn't darted into a nearby classroom before she followed Ron's path. It led her to the boys' dorm in the Gryffindor Common Room. Ron was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands, and Harry (back in normal dress) was sitting across from him on his own trunk.
"I'm sorry, Ron," said Harry. "There was nothing I could do."
"Where did the...outfit come from?" asked Ron, not lifting his head.
"The clothes were on the bed when I got up here," said Harry, rubbing his hands together absentmindedly. "Next thing I knew, I was changing into them, and I couldn't stop myself. I've thrown them out already."
"Oh, Ron," said Hermione, rushing to sit next to him. She couldn't think of anything to say, so she patted his shoulder comfortingly.
"Snape," hissed Ron. Hermione and Harry remained quiet.
After a moment, Ron lifted his head and asked, "What are we going to do to get back at him?" Hermione looked at Ron, surprised.
"But I thought...You mean you actually want to keep going with this?" she asked.
"Oh yes," said Ron, standing up. He began to pace the room. "We can't let him get away with this. We have to do something to get back at him. I don't know what but something."
"Our lists are in the Room of Requirement," said Hermione as she and Harry stood. "And we'd have less of a chance of being overheard there."
"Well," said Ron, starting down the stairs leading from the boys' dorm, "let's go, then." Ron led the trio through the Common Room and out the portrait hole. They had just turned in the direction of the Room of Requirement when someone began to clap. All three knew who it was before they even turned around.
"Bravo, Mr. Potter, bravo. I think I enjoyed that even more than Miss Granger's...announcement." Snape stopped clapping and instead clasped his hands together. "Especially when you did that marvelous split in the air." He looked from Harry to Ron. The latter was glowering at him furiously. "Did you not enjoy it, Mr. Weasley? Pity. But I'm sure you'll find much more amusement in Miss Granger's humiliation, even though you'll be experiencing it." With this statement, he looked at Hermione.
"I'm not even going to ask when that's going to happen," said Hermione, "because I know you won't tell us. So what do you want?" Snape raised his eyebrows slightly at the bold tone in her voice, but her tone didn't come as much of a surprise to him as it should have. He was actually beginning to respect her will and determination, however scary that thought was. Snape chuckled before answering.
"Just to tell you that tomorrow it will be your turn, Miss Granger, and skipping meals will do Mr. Weasley no good whatsoever." Hermione widened her eyes at his being so straight forward with her.
"Then how do you expect Ron to drink the potion?" Might as well see how straight forward he's willing to be.
"He's already drunk the potion," he said, then smiled at their confused expressions. "I made that potion a little different than the other two. He ingested it during lunch today, actually, and has got it in his system as we speak, but it won't take affect for another twenty-four hours." Ron looked at Snape in pure horror, and Hermione looked crushed. "Have a nice night," was his parting shot before he left the trio.
"Let's go," Hermione said, leading the rest of the way to the Room of Requirement. As soon as they reached the room, Harry sat down, Hermione began gathering the various lists they had written over the last couple of months, and Ron paced.
"Okay," Hermione said, pulling the lists in front of her as she sat down, "I say we wait for a couple of weeks before we do anything. How about we embarrass the fool out of him the day before everyone goes home for Christmas?"
"That's not good enough," said Ron, pacing around and around the table.
"Well then, Ron," said Hermione with a bit of annoyance, "what would you suggest?"
"Tomorrow, we have to do something tomorrow."
"We can't get anything ready by tomorrow," said Harry, looking a little surprised at Ron.
"Well little miss know-it-all over there," said Ron, stopping in the middle of the floor and pointing toward Hermione, "needs to work a little bit harder on it, doesn't she?" Hermione looked quite taken aback at his tone as Harry shot to his feet.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked. "Ten minutes ago you were all excited and happy that we were even talking about getting back at Snape. Where do you get off yelling at Hermione?" Ron sighed deeply as he sank into the remaining chair.
"I don't know where that came from. I'm sorry, Hermione." He looked at her, and she nodded. "I guess I'm just worried about tomorrow."
"I don't see what you have to worry about," said Harry, taking his seat again. "It will be Hermione who has to suffer the long-term consequences for whatever it is. You know, provided we get back to normal within the next year."
"Maybe after tomorrow," Hermione mused, "Snape will be satisfied with his revenge against us, and we can return to our own bodies." Harry and Ron looked at her.
"You don't think Snape is doing something to make the spell last this long, do you?" asked Harry.
"I don't know, but it is a possibility. I mean, we've been like this for over two weeks."
"That jerk!" Ron yelled, standing suddenly and sending his chair flying backward. Hermione and Harry jumped in surprise. "Oh, I can't believe he's doing stuff to keep us like this." Ron kicked the bottom of his chair angrily and sent it crashing into the wall. "That man is evil. How much lower could he possibly get?"
"Good grief, Ron," said Harry, standing up once more and starting toward Ron. "What is wrong with you tonight? One minute you're happy, the next you're yelling at Hermione, and now you've kicked your chair into the wall."
"Yeah, everything is always my fault, isn't it? You two never screw up, so when something goes wrong, let's everybody blame Ron," said Ron, throwing his hands in the air dramatically.
"Stop it," said Harry, taking hold of Ron's shoulders and shaking him slightly. "I don't know what your problem is but you need to snap out of it." Suddenly, Ron started sobbing. Harry released him and jumped back in shock.
"I'm sorry, Harry," Ron said, wiping at the tears running down his face. He plopped back in his seat and sniffed very loudly. Harry looked at him like he was crazy. "I don't know what's wrong with me." Ron suddenly wailed with despair, and Harry backed into the door. Hermione's eyes widened with understanding as she handed Ron a tissue.
"Ron, listen to me," she said. "Has your stomach felt at all weird the last couple of days?"
"Yeah, a little," he sniffed. "But what does that have to do with anything?"
"Um, Harry? Do you think you could give Ron and me a few minutes? We'll make a decision about what we're going to do later." Harry nodded and fled from the room. Hermione looked back at Ron.
"Ron, I'm about to teach you more about the female anatomy than you ever wanted to know."
~
"Hermione, how do you live like this?" Ron whispered as they filed into the Great Hall for dinner the next day. "I've been in pain all day." Hermione had to fight to suppress her smile. Last night had been awkward when she tried to explain all about a woman's, shall we say, menstruation cycle, and what Ron would have to do while he was going through it.
"Oh my God," he had whispered. "And this lasts for maybe two days, right?" Hermione couldn't help but laugh, and it had lightened the mood considerably.
"Didn't you go to the infirmary, like I told you to?" she asked now. "Madam Pomfrey has a potion that helps with the cramps."
"No, I forgot."
"Well," Hermione said, pushing him away from her, "go now, and then you can eat." Hermione smiled as she watched Ron disappear around a corner. She was sure he was going to have a whole new respect for the female race once he was back in his own body. She became slightly worried, however, by the time thirty minutes passed and there was no sign of him.
"Harry, do you think he's alright?"
"I'm sure he's fine, Hermione. He's probably just dawdling."
"But during a meal? That's not like Ron."
"Maybe it's taking Madam Pomfrey a while to find the potion." Suddenly, Hermione looked very scared.
"Harry, Snape's revenge against me; my 'humiliation'. It's supposed to happen during dinner today." Harry and Hermione looked toward Snape. The professor was grinning evilly at them.
"One of these days," Harry said, "I'm going to walk right up to him and wipe that smirk off his face." Hermione continued pushing peas around her plate. She had just started to say something when BANG! The Great Hall doors burst open. Harry and Hermione, like everyone else in the room, looked immediately at the doorway. Hermione dropped her fork and Harry dropped his cup. The first year student he spilled it on, though, didn't even notice. Standing there was Ron, but to everyone else it was Hermione Granger standing in the doorway, with a pose very similar to Snape's when he had showed up dressed as a woman. The outfit Ron was wearing, though, was very different from Snape's
'Hermione Granger' was wearing knee-high socks, a short plaid skirt, a white button up shirt (which had several buttons open, revealing a white undershirt), and her hair had been teased to slightly larger than its normal size. She was also wearing makeup: blush, blue eyeshadow, and rep lipstick. Professor Snape discreetly waved his wand in the air, and music began to play (A/N: I don't know if that's even possible, but let's just go with it).
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," 'Hermione' sang, moving her shoulder up and down with each 'yeah'. 'Hermione' walked toward the Gryffindor table and stepped on top of it. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," she repeated. 'Hermione' began stepping over plates, cups, and different dishes as she sang.
"I think I did it again. I made you believe we're more than just friends." Ron stopped in front of Hermione (to everyone else: Hermione stopped in front of Harry). He bent down and rubbed his hand along Hermione's cheek. All the real Hermione could do was stare with large eyes at her own form dancing in front of her. "Oh baby. It might seem like a crush. But it doesn't mean that I'm serious. 'Cause to lose all my senses. That is just so typically me. Oh baby, baby." Ron stood back up and began dancing around on the table. The male students from each table stood and began whistling.
"Oops! I did it again. I played with your heart, got lost in the game." At this, Ron fell to his knees on the table in front of Seamus. A camera shutter once again clicked unnoticed. "Oh baby, baby. Oops! You think I'm in love. That I'm sent from above." Seamus started to lean toward 'Hermione', but Ron put his hand on his face and pushed him away. "I'm not that innocent." Ron stood back up and danced around on the table some more. Then he started walking toward Harry. He stopped in front of Harry (everyone else: Hermione stopped in front of Ron - A/N: I keep doing that to remind everyone what it looks like to others. I'm sorry if it's annoying, but this can get pretty confusing!) just like he had with Hermione. He bent down and rubbed Harry's cheek.
"You see my problem is this. I'm dreaming away. Wishing that heroes, they truly exist. I cry, watching the days. Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways." Harry seemed to be as dumbstruck as Hermione. He couldn't do anything, either, except sit there while Ron rubbed his cheek. "But to lose all my senses. That is just so typically me. Baby, oh." Ron stood back up and continued down the Gryffindor table.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," he sang. Then he stopped in front of Neville and sat down. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," he repeated. Neville passed out when 'Hermione' started to shimmy in front of him. Ron stood back up and continued on down the table as he sang.
"Oops! I did it again to your heart. Got lost in this game." When Ron reached the end of the table, he jumped off and came to a stop in the middle of the room directly in front of the Head Table. "Oops! You think that I'm sent from above. I'm not that innocent." Ron bent one knee, threw his head back, and threw his hands in the air at the end of the song. It was all male students who stood up and applauded, whistled, and shouted. The professors, however, were all sitting stock still in their seats, shocked at 'Hermione Granger's' actions. Professor Snape was a different matter entirely. He was trying hard to hold in his smile as he looked up and down the table at his colleagues' expressions. In his opinion, the looks on their faces weren't nearly as amusing as the look on the real Hermione's face. It could only be described as shocked, appalled, and vengeful all rolled into one. Suddenly, Hermione rushed forward and grabbed Ron by the arm. She began dragging him toward the doors, and Harry fell into step behind them.
"But they love me!" Ron shouted, waving at the clapping crowd as he tried to get out of Hermione's hold. She only tightened her grip on Ron's arm as she and Harry forced him into an empty classroom. Ron continued to dance around the room as he hummed the tune he had just finished singing. Harry continued to watch Ron with wide eyes as Hermione sat down in one of the desks.
"Oh my God," she said, putting her head in her hands, "I'm going to get expelled!"
"Hermione," Harry said, finally looking away from the twirling Ron, "Dumbledore's not going to expel you."
"You saw what just happened! I danced on a table, with my shirt only half way buttoned. I'm not going to be allowed to stay here after that." Harry sat down in the desk next to her.
"If Dumbledore didn't expel me for...what happened, and he didn't expel Ron for being a ballerina, then he's not going to expel you. Seriously, Hermione, you should try not to worry about it."
"That's kind of hard," she grumbled.
"I know, but it gets easier in a couple of days. Trust me on that." Hermione finally smiled.
"Thanks," she said.
"Miss Granger," said Snape from the doorway, "Mr. Potter is correct, you don't have to worry about getting expelled. As he pointed out- " he indicated Harry with his hand "-you didn't get Mr. Potter expelled, and Mr. Potter didn't get Mr. Weasley kicked out of school." Ron just then danced past Snape, apparently listening to music only he could hear. Snape looked at Ron with an amused expression before he returned his gaze to Harry and Hermione.
Hermione had no idea why Snape was trying to reassure her, and even though it did make her feel better, there was no way she was going to let the most hated teacher in all of Hogwarts see that.
"How would you know?" she demanded, challenging him to back up his words. Before Snape could answer, Ron stopped dancing and got this horrified look on his face.
"Merlin," Ron said looking down at himself. Then he caught sight of Hermione and saw the anger glinting in her eyes.
"Hermione," Ron said, taking a step toward her, "I'm sorry. The clothes were on the bed in the girls' dorm. It was the weirdest feeling. I couldn't control anything, and it was like I was in a dream."
"We're all glad to have you back to normal, I'm sure," said Snape sarcastically. Ron jumped in surprise; he hadn't noticed Snape.
"I'll repeat my question, then. How would you know I'm not getting expelled?"
"Expelled?" came a new voice from behind Snape. This time, everyone jumped as Albus Dumbledore emerged from behind Snape. "Why would you think you're getting expelled, Harry?"
"Umm...I meant Hermione," Hermione covered quickly as she nodded toward Ron. "I'm afraid Hermione will get expelled."
"Not today," said Dumbledore, smiling reassuringly at Ron. "But I would like to know what has gotten into you three lately? First you, Harry,-" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled at Hermione, "-then Ron,- " his eyes twinkled even brighter at Harry as he tried not to smile, "-and now Hermione."
"They were dares," Harry said immediately. "We were all dared. When we found out what we were supposed to do, though, we wanted to back out. But there really wasn't a graceful way to do so." Hermione and Ron nodded their agreement.
"I see," said Dumbledore, but he looked like he knew something was being left out of their story. However, he didn't push the matter. Instead, he said, "Well, even though these last couple of days have given me the best laugh I've had in years, what do you say to laying off of dares for a little while?" All three nodded together.
"Good, good," he said, turning back to the door, but before he reached it, he turned around to face them once more. "One more question, what are you going to do in retaliation to the people who dared you?" Harry and Ron looked at Snape while Hermione only smiled.
"We haven't decided yet, Professor Dumbledore," she said. Snape raised his eyebrows at the expression on her face.
"I get the feeling that this year is going to be much more interesting than last," he said, nodding his head. "Actually, it already has been." He turned toward Snape. "Well Severus, what do you say we go back to our meal?" Dumbledore put his hand on Snape's shoulder to lead him out. Just before Snape disappeared though the door, he threw one last fleeting glance over his shoulder at the trio and was gone.
"Feel better, Hermione?" Harry asked. Hermione nodded. They were quiet for a moment before Ron spoke up.
"Can we go now, please? I really want to change. This skirt is too short," he said, tugging at the end of the skirt. Hermione and Harry began to laugh.
~
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in much better moods the next day. Hermione was a little steamed that guys kept approaching them to ask for her autograph. Well, actually they were asking Ron. The first time, he had almost said yes to a third year Hufflepuff, but Hermione had kicked him under the table. After that, he would rub his shin as he said, "No, I'm afraid not." It seemed as if what 'Hermione' had done made everyone forget about 'Harry's' and 'Ron's' actions. That's what Harry and Ron thought; at least, up until the time they left breakfast.
"Here, take one," said Crabbe, thrusting a piece of parchment into the hand of a Ravenclaw.
"Have a paper," said Goyle, handing one to a Hufflepuff.
"Come and get it!" said Draco Malfoy from where he, Crabbe, and Goyle were standing at the bottom of the Grand Staircase. They each were holding a small packet of parchment in one hand and handing out the papers to everyone who walked by.
"Potter, Weasley, Granger," said Malfoy, catching sight of the trio, "you three will want to see this." He nodded at Goyle, who was closest to them. Goyle walked to the trio and handed each of them a paper before he returned to his original place. They looked down at the parchment they each held and read in shock. The title was "Exposed: The Secret Lives of Gryffindors", and below that were two pictures. One was of Ron tipping over as the little tea pot, and the other was of Hermione dancing on her knees on the Gryffindor table. The following paragraph read:
"It has long been suspected that Gryffindor House's star pupils Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger are not as angelic as they appear to be. Over the last week, this theory has been proved correct. Starting last Friday, Harry Potter threw himself at the feet of Draco Malfoy,-"
"Threw myself!" exclaimed Harry, "Why I ought to- "
"Just keep reading," interrupted Hermione. Harry grudgingly looked back at the parchment.
"-the most sought-after single at Hogwarts. Potter was naturally crushed when Mr. Malfoy rejected him. Then on the following Monday, Ron Weasley disturbed the last meal of the evening to finally 'come out of his closet,' as it were. He appeared in the Great Hall wearing a pink ballerina outfit (tutu and tiara included) and confirmed many suspicions that he is, in fact, a cross-dresser."
"Cross-dresser!" shouted Ron, causing many people to look at him.
"Quiet!" commanded Hermione. Ron continued reading the parchment.
"But the real shock came the next day. Hermione Granger, some say the smartest student at Hogwarts who can never pass up an opportunity to show how much she knows, intruded upon dinner in much the same fashion as Weasley. Except that Granger's outfit and following performance raised a few eyebrows. 'Where did she learn how to do that' you ask? Many think Granger picked up her moves from highlighting at an after-hours bar in Hogsmeade. My question for her is: When does she find time to study?"
Hermione drew a sharp intake of breath as she crushed the parchment in her fist. Malfoy saw 'Harry' crushing the parchment and laughed.
"Don't like it, Potter? I'm hurt," he said, putting his hand over his heart, "I put many hours into this project last night."
"Where did the pictures come from?" the real Harry asked through clenched teeth.
"I took them myself, actually. After Friday, I heard talk about dares. I assumed that if Potter had been dared, then so had you two. I carried a camera with me all weekend and all day Monday. I wasn't surprised when I was proved correct by the Weasel's appearance." Suddenly, who Malfoy thought was Hermione launched herself at him. Malfoy jumped back in surprise just as the real Hermione and Harry grabbed Ron's robes.
"Let's go," he said to Crabbe and Goyle, and they disappeared up the Grand Staircase.
"I'm going to murder him," said Ron, struggling against Harry's and Hermione's hold.
"Calm down," said Harry, grabbing his shoulder. "We can't do anything about it now. We'll get him back, though. I promise we'll get him back." Ron stopped struggling, and both he and Hermione turned to look at Harry.
"What are we going to do?" asked Ron.
"I don't know," said Harry, "but whatever we do to Snape, Malfoy will share it."
****************
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry it took me so long, but I think (repeat: think) it turned out to be one of the funniest chapters I've written in a while. Please let me know by leaving a review! Thanks!
IMPORTANT!
Everyone who guessed that 'Harry' was going to profess his undying love for Draco, you guys are very, very good. I hope I'm not becoming predictable! *shudder* That's the one thing I can't stand being, so I guess I'm just going to have to work harder to keep you guys on your toes. :)