On The Road with Danny Concannon: Chicago

Title: "Brotherly Love."

Companion Piece: None

Danny sat at the bar letting the atmosphere take him in instead of the other way around. He wasn't in the mood to take anything in. He nursed his beer and kept another eye on the TV. If he was a smoker, Danny would have been lighting up for that was the kind of mood he was in. He was in that Spencer Tracy bar mood. What ever that meant. St Patrick Day decorations still lined the pub walls, and smoke filled the air, while the ruckus of the small but few patrons penetrated the space.

The door opened letting in the light of the late day into the dark pit of browns and greens. The tall thin red headed men with a duffle bag over one shoulder wandered into the establishment with eyes all too familiar. He looked around and made his way to the bar. Once he appeared out of the fog of the white door light, it was apparent the man looked a young fifty years old. A little gray by his temples, but he was fit. After all today's fifty was the forty of old. The man took Danny in, walked right up beside him, and singled the bartender.

"Excuse me." The man asked, "You wouldn't know where I could find a scrawny looking red headed Irish kid." Danny's head perked up with the noise.

'Tommy!" Danny stood and put his arms out.

"Never mind I found 'um." The man joked taking Danny in a manly bear hug and patted him on the back. "How ya doin' little brother?" Thomas Concannon said gleefully as he sat down next to Danny.

"Good. Good. I'm glad you could make it." Danny sat himself down looking at his brother like it had been a long time. For it had.

"What and miss a chance to see my little brother? I'd take more than the train." Tommy undid his scarf and took eyes with the bartender. "Guinness." He said with a glint in his eye. "Why we meetin' here?" Tommy set his bag down next to him and started to unbutton his jacket to let in air. "Whoo." He smiled as his Guinness was set down in front of him.

"I'm celebrating my own belated St Patrick's Day." Danny took a drink. "I spent mine in a ditch in Nepal."

"Well, faith and bogora and all that". Tommy said with sarcasm as he raised his glass and the two men clinked glasses and drank.

"Thanks for coming. Really I mean it."

"Nayyy".

"I'd come out - but I have to head out in the morning. Another book signing."

"Nooo. No. I told you on the phone. No problem. No problem." He patted his brother on the back. "It's a chance to see you. I think I haven't seen you since you went off to Bermuda."

"Yeah, that was the last time I took a vacation." Danny laughed.

"Take a vacation and you win a Pulitzer."

"Not yet."

"Yet, my little brother. Yet. You're gonna win. At least get nominated for that damn thing. I mean - it was good. Damn good. Well all your work is good; I don't just mean the writing. Whoa! I mean the way you - well, hell I should go on vacation more often. Of course with four kids - well, I don't think I'll be finding many Watergate type scandals in Disney world." He took a drink. Danny smirked and nursed his bear. "You know what it's like being an editor and having you for a little brother." He laughed. "You're showing me up." He said with all humor. "You're showing me up."

"Come back to DC."

"Nayy".

"Tommy."

"That beat was never for me, even Boston and New York was too much for me. I have my small paper, I got my family, and I like it that way. I was never as ambitious as you."

"I'm not ambitious." Danny took a drink and Tommy nearly spit out his own.

"Come on Danny! You always were. You're working for The Post, you have a Pulitzer Prize - and I'm putting one hundred dollars down... of my kid's college fund says you win another one. Nothin's wrong with that, it's in your nature. You're just like Pop. Always were. Always will be."

"I just always want to be the best. You can't go through life if you're not going towards somethin'."

"Ambitious". Tommy smirked and took a drink. They both shared a silent moment. Danny took his Corona to his lips and then sat it down cupping his hands around it.

"You like being an editor?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"I love my kids and I love my family-"

"So, you do miss it?"

"No. Really I don't." He paused. "Again I'm not like you. The chase just doesn't appeal to me anymore."

"You're happy?"

'Yeah." He said with love.

"I looked at you and I think if only I could do that-."

"Be an editor?"

"Yeah,"

"-I'd have a family-"

"It'd stifle you."

"A family?"

"No. Danny you're a family man without a family. Kathy says it all the time. What's more, I agree with her. You wouldn't be happy. You were smart not to take that job. It's not for you. You have a talent for this Danny." He saw Danny wasn't looking at him. "Look at me, Danny boy. Look at me." Danny took his eyes. "You were born to do this. When god was passing out talent, or waving the talent stick, or whatever it was around to the Concannon kids, this was yours - always was. Writing…and going after that story is your god given talent. Giving that up would not only be a shame. It would kill you."

"Yeah, but if I did I could have a family, I could have-"

"Who says?"

"I say."

"You couldn't take my live-"

"I could have a different life."

"Different for sure, but not yours. What's gotten into you?"

"I just think sometimes, what could have been? If I wasn't so driven. If I didn't love so much… Journalism I mean."

"But you'd never be that person. Me, I can go to work, come home, and not think about it. You - You got that drive and the Beat would always be your mistress. Always. You'd always be thinking about her- running off to be with her." Tommy took a drink. "Besides you don't want a woman who's going to try and change you. You're a reporter for The Washington Post… Man, listen to that, Pop woulda been proud just hearing that." The two men smiled. "I hate woman who have to change men." Tommy took a drink and Danny wished he could tell his brother the real story. Tell him about CJ, but he couldn't betray CJ's wishes. Tommy kept on talking. "Kathy never asked me to do anything I didn't want it. I love my life, I choose it, I came home and started the job, - and you'd hate my life Danny. You would? It's not for you."

"Kids good?"

"More than good- they and Kathy send their love."

"Yeah." Danny smiled but his brother knew he didn't mean.

"Hey Danny boy, you hopeless romantic you…" Danny gave his big brother his eyes. 'Don't look at me that way. You always have been. You're a sucker."

"I'm not a sucker!"

Tommy took Danny in a headlock. A passerby stared at them causing Tommy to speak as Danny struggled.

"Family. My little brother. Family. You know?" Tommy smiled and the woman half smiled back. Tommy let Danny go. "Don't ever try to out fox me kid. I may be getting older, but I'll always be older than you, so don't try it."

"I didn't try anything!"

"You tried to get loose?"

"You had me in a head lock!"

"Yeah, yeah." Tommy took a drink while Danny composed himself. "You don't want a woman that wants to change you and no brother of mind is gettin' with a woman who wants to change him. I'll take a plane, a train, a boat, whatever the hell I have to stop that wedding… if it happens and when it happens. And something the hell's gonna happen….you're a great guy Danny and you were meant to be married and have kids - look at the way you are with mine. Have faith my brother." He took a drink. "But I'd get a move on, we both ain't getting any older…plus if you wait any longer Kathy's gonna fix you up with Sheila."

"AHHHH, Sheila!" The two men spoke simultaneously followed by a shiver. They took a drink together.

Tommy looked his brother over.

"I don't know how I didn't notice this before. But you look like crap."

"Thanks."

"I'm not sleeping."

"A story?"

"Yeah. Other things stuff. Keeping me awake."

Tommy sighed and looked at his brother who all of a sudden looked his age to the man.

"It's the girl isn't it?"

"Tommy."

"This mystery girl-"

"Woman."

"This mystery woman. The one you won't tell me about. Danny it's been five years. I've never seen you stuck on a woman like this and I do mean stuck. You're stuck." He took a drink.

"It's complicated." Danny took a drink.

"You're telling me." He leaned in. "You never keep things from me".

"I can't tell you about this one."

"What do you think I'm gonna think less of you? You love this woman and you need someone to talk about this to. Maybe that's why you can't get her out of your system? Ever think of that? What stays inside stays inside."

"It's not the reason."

"'Cause she loves you and you love her, but you can't be together. I know. I know. Sounds like something out of Hamlet or something."

"Romeo and Juliet, but no it's not."

"I know it's not Hamlet, I was... and It doesn't matter, whatever it is you two need to work it out or let her be. You're a changed man Danny. You never kept secrets from me - you never sat in a bar all day drinking, and you never took this long to get over a girl, a woman. Look at you, when's the last time you got a haircut?"

"I like my hair this way. Thanks Mom."

"Yeah, right." Tommy took a drink and looked up at the TV; the news was playing low and soft. He looked at his brother. "You gonna tell me." Danny was silent. "Okay, I'll start-"

"-Her job conflicts with mine. She feels we have a conflict of interest"

"You said that, I don't get." Danny heard CJ's voice as Tommy talked looking up at the television screen. "I mean unless she works for The President and I mean even then..." Tommy saw Danny looking at CJ on the television and stopped. "Nooo." Danny looked at his brother. "You're stuck on The Press Secretary?"

"Shhhh."

"You are? I don't-"Danny took Tommy in closer cutting off his words.

"Over here".

They took their drinks and Danny found a booth in which he threw himself into the center of the circle. Tommy slid in next to him putting his arm around his brother to lean in closer.

"She's the girl."

"Yeah."

"How long has this-I mean...?"

"On the campaign I guess. I just…fell in love with her…I think I was from the moment I saw her. Crazy, I know. "

"And she feels the same for you?" Tommy asked his brother sincerely. "Come on, I won't tell anyone." Danny took a breath.

"She hasn't said it, but I'm sure. I'm dead certain she does."

"And she ended it?"

"Yes."

"How long were you two having an affair?"

"It wasn't an affair." Danny whispered as he insisted. "She wouldn't let it go that far. I tried to - I mean she just wouldn't agree to anything beyond what we did. So we didn't."

'What did you do? I mean if you didn't-"

"We kissed."

"You kissed? That's it, you kissed, and you're stuck on her like this?"

"I told you I was stuck on her before. This just made it worse and than…"

"What? Then what? I have to know everything if you want me to help you Danny. Don't shut me out. Don't be like Pop that way; we know where it got 'um."

"This whole Shareef thing. I won't say anything else but-"

'It drove a wedge between you?"

"It made things heated. Yes."

"And not in the good way." Tommy leaned back and took a swig of his drink.

"I love her Tommy. And you're right I've never been this way about any woman. I can't shake it. I can't shake her. And maybe if I didn't feel like if it wasn't for this man made thing. This unnatural thing that's between us we'd be together."

"And that's why you've been wondering about my life and being an editor."

"Yeah." He paused. "She was mad I gave up the job offer. And I don't blame her." He paused. "But you're right I couldn't do it and I knew it. It's not me. "

"Man Danny, how did this start? I mean if she was so against it. She really must love you?"

"Yeah. I hope."

"I hope so too."

"You shouldn't have been fooling around with The Press Secretary anyway. That's gonna get you hurt in so many more ways then one. I mean what if your editor found out?"

"You sound like her. I don't see the problem." Danny looked off. "Well at the time I didn't. "

"-You wouldn't. I guess."

"I mean I still don't - As long as we act like adults I don't see the problem." He paused. "Or maybe I'm Naive."

"You always think people are gonna to the right thing when the situation comes along. Not everyone can be as objective as you in situations Danny. Especially when emotions are involved. You have to see her point."

"A little." He took a drink. "But you're not supposed to play her side."

"Sorry".

They drank in silence for a moment.

"Danny?" Tommy asked. "You're my brother, and I love you and I just want to see you happy, but I hate to see tortured like this." He paused.

"I'll get over it. That's why I'm away."

"Running away from something isn't always the best plan. Sometimes you have to face it head on. Be a man and face it Danny."

"I'm trying this first. And I think I'm bein' pretty noble here?"

"I think THIS is making it worse."

"I need time. I need time to try. I need to try to get her out my system. Being around her just hurts too much. And she did something for me. I can't tell you what all I know is I need to be away for a while. For more reasons then one. Let's just say I learned my lesson."

"Yeah, I got ya." Tommy looked at his brother's eyes.

"She makes the world worth livin' in Tommy. I can't explain it."

"I know."

"She just does." Danny took a drink while Tommy looked at his brother looking for the answers. "I just have to think of her laugh and I'm lost again Tommy. I mean seriously lost."

"I don't know what to tell ya Danny? I really don't?" He paused. "Do you think in three years she'll be waitin' for ya? You think that's why you've been holding out for so long? Danny? Is that what you're wishin' for? Is that what you hopin' for?" Danny didn't respond. " What do you want? What's your dream Danny? I know you. You got a dream?"

Danny took a good long moment as his brain formed sentences through the alcoholic haze. He turned and looked at his brother.

"I wanna wait for her."

Tommy smiled a bittersweet smile.

"To three years from now." Tommy raised his glass.

"To three years." Danny hit his brother glass as his voice broke. Danny leaned over on the table and Tommy ran arm over his brother shoulders hitting the left shoulder with his left hand for comfort. Danny leaned back and looked at his brother.

"Thank you." He said with the utmost sincerely.

"Hey, we are in the city of brotherly love." He joked. Danny gave his brother a dry stare.

"That's Philly."

"Yeah, Whatever." Tommy joked. Danny smiled and Tommy took a drink.

Danny made his goodbyes to his brother and made his way down the street. He looked back one last time to see Tommy in the distance-waving goodbye. Danny smiled and lifted his hand to signal. Tommy smiled and so did Danny. They both knew they would see each other soon.

Danny turned and put his hands back in his pockets. It was almost April but still chilly with the wind off the water. Thoughts of his conversation with Tommy ran through his head, as well as the idea he would have to be on another plane in the morning.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!" Danny heard a women come up next to him as if she had been chasing him for blocks. "Do you speak English?" The dark haired, sweet, woman asked.

"Yeah?" Danny wasn't sure why the woman with a great American accent was asking him if he spoke English. Maybe she wanted directions, but that still didn't seem right.

"Oh, Thank god." The woman blew out catching her breath. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I had to stop you." She took a breath. "You have the most amazing aura around you." The woman showed Danny her card who shook his head and tried to push the card politely back. "I'm a clairvoyant." She took Danny's eyes and he was caught in the sincerely of them and her voice. The genuine kindness for others she seemed to project. "Everything you wish for will come true."

The words hit Danny like a ton of bricks. Perhaps it was just what he wanted to hear. Who, after all, wouldn't want to hear such words or perhaps it was just the convincingness and sincerely of her words that caught Danny off guard, and for that moment he believed she really thought what she was saying, for it made perfect sense to Danny. Something about her made him believe her

"Thank you." Danny took the card. "What's your name?" Danny asked sincerely

"Tina."

"Tina, thank you." Danny shook her hand. "I'm Danny." He said sweetly

"You're welcome Danny."

"Have a wonderful evening." The woman smiled and disappeared off.

Danny stared at the card and placed it in his wallet as a reminder. Perhaps later he would return and pay her a visit. His mind told him no, but his soul was compelled. Danny contained walking into the night.