Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from J.K's Harry Potter.
The following beginning of this chapter is in both Remus Lupin's P.O.V. and Harry Potters.
Wotcher! I give mucho kudos to the kind folks who already gave me those very kind reviews!
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You ever wonder how it is that you are going to die?
Homicide? Suicide? Ripe old age? No one really knows how they are going to die until it happens…
That is, everyone except the Boy who Lived…
But the enigma is, did he want to die?...
Does he have a reason why he wanted to die of his own free will?...
There's something called Sacrifice,
And in the wizarding world it's a choice that a person takes when they are willing to die for a cause…
And in Harry Potter's case that cause is for the ones he loves…
And for them, he would save the world…
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Flashback
"Harry, we have been searching for hours… Its late, and I reckon that you should get some sleep." Mumbled an exasperated Remus Lupin from his seat across the oak wood table. Seventeen year old Harry Potter looked back at the shabbily dressed werewolf from beneath his long, jet-black fringe. His startling green eyes blinked sleepily, exhaustion etched into deep lines upon his forehead. The stressed lines made the questionable lightening bolt scar branded on his head stand out all the more conspicuously.
"But Remus, it has to be here somewhere, it just has to be… Let me finish with this one volume and then I promise to go back to Gryffindor tower." Harry pleaded, his fingers lingering upon the massive book open before him. The two wizards sat alone among the many ancient tomes of the restriction section in the Hogwarts library. The myriad of towering book shelves created a veil of shadow over their table, and the half moon shone like a gleaming beacon in the night sky. It had to be midnight at the castle, perhaps even later?
All evening and night had Harry Potter and Remus Lupin been secretly exploring the depths of the restricted section in the library, intent on finding one particular page. A page that could be the only answer to all the misery and despair reining among the wizarding world. That one page could mean the salvation of wizard and muggle kind alike from the ever approaching doom commenced by the dark lord Voldemort. The serpentine dark wizard was bent on his ambition of taking the world into the palm of his hand, every being and every creature under his absolute control. The secrets that remained hidden, but were being sought for by Harry, could mean an end to the chaos.
"Alright, one more book, but then its straight to bed after." Relented Remus, with a pointed expression. Harry could not help but snort at his friend's admonition. He sounded almost like Molly Weasley just then, ordering him to go to bed after a hard day. Ever since Remus Lupin had taken upon the task of being Harry's new guardian, he had been doing everything in his utter power to make up for James and Sirius, both passed souls who could not do what fathers and godfathers needed to do for a growing boy like Harry. It still pained him, even then, to be taking the place of two men that meant so much to Harry. Ever since learning about the prophecy from the department of mysteries, he was determined to find any thing that might help Harry Potter take one step forward to defeating Voldemort. The only person that was perhaps even working harder than Remus to help Harry was red-haired Ginny Weasley.
A dream had come to Harry one night months ago. A dream about a spell, a spell in particular that lead him to think was the very key to defeating the dark lord. He had never really put much faith in divination, like Harry and his friends; he thought it to be nothing but rubbish. But there was a nagging feeling that was mutual between all those who knew the boy who lived. A nagging feeling that the questionable dream was anything but rubbish. Ever since the dream, the order was set on finding anything that could relate to what spell Harry had seen. Hermione Granger had been especially earnest and vehement in her trips to the library to help out the cause.
Remus let his calculating gaze land on the jet-black haired Gryffindor researching across from him. His dark brows were furrowed in concentration over the top of his round wire-rimmed glasses as he searched. He had seen that expression many a time upon Lily's face.
"Find anything?" He asked a moment later.
"No… Nothing at all…" Replied Harry in a resigned whisper. His brows were furrowed angrily, his lips pursed in an agitated frown. Remus could not help but sigh in disappointment, his hopes deflating like a balloon. Then in a swift growl and sweep, Harry's quidditch-callused hand had knocked the book off the table. It landed with a resounding crash, causing the werewolf to glance warily at the young man. His temper was very short as of late, he noted. But he could understand. He could understand what it was for this boy to be sitting there trying to find the answer to his problems while more people were getting killed everyday at the hand of his mortal enemy. An enemy that only he could kill…
One will murder… the other will be murdered…
The book that crashed to the stone floor fell open, the pages fluttering in a whisper. Remus leaned back in his chair with another sigh as he watched Harry bend down to pick up the book.
Harry reached forward to pick up the offending, vain book that bared no answers to him when he froze, his green eyes glued to the open page. Familiar words were looking back at him from upon the page.
'Priscus Piaculum'
Remus's gray eyes narrowed with suspicion as Harry's outstretched hand froze midair, his eyes locked on the book lying innocently upon the stone floor of the library. There was something almost eerie about how the silver light of the high moon cast the book into a ghostly luminescence.
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The two words seemingly jumping off the page before him continued to beat into his mind, over and over until he found his suddenly dry lips soundlessly moving with them in unison. These words, so familiar, so familiar… He had seen them before, heard them before. Not aloud among the realm of reality but in his dreams. Not just any dream, but the dream… The dream that had shown him the seemingly only possible spell that could defeat Voldemort. 'Priscus Piaculum' yes… this was it! This was the spell that he and the others have spent countless hours searching for. Grabbing the book off the floor, He slammed it down in front of him, much to Remus' dismay, and let his eyes roam eagerly down the text.
'Priscus Piaculum, meaning "ancient sacrifice", was perhaps one of the most potent spells of the globe in the 18th century of Europe. Despite its potency, the caster would no doubt have to pay a terrible price indeed to utter the incantation, death itself. Because of the spells massive cause of casualties in the Franco-Prussian war, many believed Napoleon III to be a wizard in secret, the spell has been sought to be declared illegal by the MWP (Magic Wizard Parliament). No such documents have been found to prove its warrant of prohibition.
The spell, Priscus Piaculum, is as follows: Ego Proventus Mei Piaculum
Readers should take heed of warning if they so choose to utter this lethal incantation. The spell has been used by many noble witch and wizard alike to defeat dark wizards, but not without sacrificing their own life to end the other, thus the name 'Priscus Piaculum'. One cannot live while the other dies when the spell is properly cast. The effects have been proved fatal by the Ministry of Magic; Committee on Experimental Charms and the Department of Magical accidents and Catastrophes in 1882.
The spell itself, while its mechanics are still an enigma to wizard kind, is said to only be useful by those who are pure of heart and willing to forsake their life so that their enemies are defeated. The use of Sacrifice in magical war became popular in the mid 18th century, mostly in France and Russia until around 1897. The sacrifice, combined with ancient magic, are said to only work if the caster is completely certain with the decision to end his or her own life. Feelings of uncertainty will be the failure of such a spell and can be quite dangerous nonetheless.
Studies have proven that there is only one way to bring back the pure who sacrificed themselves before they successfully pass through the other world, and that is self renunciation by those in possession of the former casters blood. The resurrection of a 'Priscus Piaculum' caster has never before happened in wizarding history.
Harry stared blankly back at the page, an obstinate sense of numbness filling his body. The ominous passage about Priscus Piaculum glared painfully back at the Gryffindor who was finding it difficult to inhale his next breath while the words pounded into his mind, his soul. 'One cannot live while the other dies' How similar those exact words were to that one line of Professor Trelawney's prophecy 'One cannot live while the other survives'. It was balefully uncanny…This was what he had dreamed of, and now he knew the truth. Now he knew what he must do to save the world from the summon of the apocalypse by Lord Voldemort, Formerly Tom Marvolo Riddle.
If Voldemort had to die, so did he… One could not live while the other dies…
Harry sat back in his seat, unseeingly, his hands falling into his lap as a bitter laugh began to rise in his throat. Remus who was still watching him intently grabbed the book from the table and brought it to his eyes in the dim light to read. As he roved over the passage, the werewolf distantly felt his lax mouth go dry, and his breath quicken. Dropping the fateful book back onto the surface of the table as if he had been burned, he turned his gaze on Harry who then chose the moment to look back up at him. That's where he saw it. He saw it glittering painstakingly in his green eyes. Green eyes exactly like Lily Potters were when she accepted self sacrifice to save her beloved baby boy. Green eyes like when she was found dead…
Acceptance… Determination…
Remus pitched himself halfway across the table and grabbed Harry roughly by the shoulders. No surprisingly, Harry didn't look shaken by this, only sad.
"Harry, no… I won't let you do this. I forbid you to even think about casting this spell…" Remus hissed, his grey eyes alight with protest. Deep inside him, panic bordered with desperation began to resurface. No, he would not let Harry Potter choose his fate. He would not let the only last Potter sacrifice himself to defeat the dark lord. There had to be something else, anything else to stop Voldemort. There had to be another way! Ignoring his conscious that reminded him that this most likely was the only way to stop He-who-must-not-be-named, he waited for any sort of response from Harry. When he got none, he spoke to the young man in a dead whisper. Even so, Remus' voice seemed to echo around them.
"How could you consider this, Harry?... Do you even realize who you would hurt if you went through with this?" He asked, fury masking his face. There was a brief moment of painful silence before Harry finally responded.
"But, Remus, imagine how many more people will be hurt if Voldemort is not stopped. One life to stop him is a little price for the whole world to survive, you know that…"
Remus did know that Harry's words were indeed true. So terrible, but so true… One life to end Voldemorts would be nothing short of a small price for the survival of wizard and muggle kind. But there had to be another way, any other way…How could he just sit there and let this one boy seal his fate. How could he just sit there and let Harry give up his life? What disturbed him greatly was the fact that Harry talked of dying so readily and easily. Almost as if he had been expecting it to come sooner or later. Licking his starch dry lips, the last marauder spoke again.
"Imagine what your death would do to everyone who loves you Harry… Why would you intentionally hurt Ron and Hermione… The Weasleys…" He paused. "Ginny…" At the mention of Harry's lover, his green eyes visibly darkened with anger. Remus knew that it wasn't fair to bring any of them into it, especially Ginny, but they would be the ones affected emotionally by such a situation. It was important for him to understand the consequences of what he was deciding to face.
"Don't you ever say that I would intentionally hurt Ginny… Or any of my friends for that matter!… This isn't about them; it's about me defeating Voldemort once and for all." He answered, his fingers closing tightly into defiant fists as he stared back at his friend. Remus exhaled sharply and pinched the bridge of his nose before swiping a frustrated hand over his face. The gray locks among his sandy brown hair seemed to glow in the dim moonlight. Swallowing the lump arising in his parched throat, he reached across the table and slowly took one of Harry's hands. The boy stiffened in surprise. Quietly, he looked down at their hands, one larger than the other, not able to look into the resolute, wary green eyes.
"Harry…" He whispered, the words lost like a passing breeze. "Talk to Dumbledore. Surely he would know something, anything at all that might help you against Voldemort without going to such measures…" He asked, still not looking the seventh year in the eye. He could feel Harry's fingers slightly tighten around his own.
"Dumbledore cannot help me anymore, Remus. Nor can he protect me. His priority is to insure the survival of Hogwarts and all the students within it. And he has protected me, Remus, for the last six years. But, I'm no longer his priority anymore…" He said wearily. Remus blinked at this and finally summoned the courage to look up at Harry. Oh how much he resembled James…
"That's not true, Harry. While you still remain a student, you will always be the headmaster's top priority. You have your priority as well, and that is to be safe and survive." He said a bit more harshly than he meant to, his fingers continuing to tighten around Harry's unmoving hand. Both men's powerfully stemmed fingers turned a furtive shade of white mingled with red. Remus Lupin was a calm fellow; he was one never to actually be brought down to the stage of hysteria. But he could feel it start to bubble unpleasantly in the pit of his stomach as Harry continued to inflame his hopes of his own survival. It made him feel ill with trepidation.
The Gryffindor looked down at the oak wood table in a moment of pensive silence before quietly whispering,
"My only priority is to kill Voldemort, and I intend to do it…"
"But, Harry-" Remus began in protest.
"No, Remus!" He exclaimed with a slam of his trembling fist on the table as he got to his feet. "I'm going to end this! I'm going to finish what I set out to do and so help me God, I'll be damned if you or anyone else is going to stop me!" He bellowed, a terrible cold fury alight in his large green orbs. He was shaking violently, the stress of the situation bearing heavily upon his already burdened shoulders. So young, but so old was Harry James Potter as he towered almost menacingly over his werewolf friend, his scar nearly flaming in the darkness of the library. For perhaps one of the first times in his life, Remus felt a shiver of fear race up his spine. The dark lord had taken so many things away from the bright youth standing before him. His parents, his godfather, his fellow students…Was the last remaining marauder next? How many more people were going to be killed and taken away from Harry before it was all ended? When was this madness going to finally be put to rest?!
Harry's anger seemed to finally blow over because he fell back into his chair heavily. There was a defeated, hollow expression upon his face that saddened Remus greatly. He often wondered how it was that Harry was sitting there living and breathing when facing so much. Finding out he was a werewolf had been utter devastation when Lupin was young, but Harry had faced so much more then adult wizards themselves had faced in one lifetime. By the unripe age of eleven he had already faced down what members of the Order of the Phoenix could only imagine. It was very unfair. It would break Lily and James' heart to see what their only son was going through and how he was robbed of a normal existence.
"I'm sorry, Remus…" Harry murmured after some time of tense silence between the two.
"You have nothing to apologize for Harry."
There was another few moments of heavy, question filled silence before Remus closed some of the books lying open before him. He needed counsel, and there was only one person that came to mind when seeking it. A man in renown for his defeat of the dark wizard Grindelwald, but also so happened to enjoy the pleasure of muggle treats such as lemon drops.
"I think its time that you returned to Gryffindor tower. Its late and you do have classes tomorrow." Harry could only nod, his green eyes still reflecting that vivid emptiness. Getting to his feet, Remus secretly planned to speak with professor Dumbledore about Harry's reckless plan. There had to be a way to hinder the boys selfless decision, he would not let Harry give himself up so easily. Not as long as he still drew breath and cared for Harry Potter. Reaching forward to take into possession the book that controlled the boy who lived fate, he was stopped by a hand on his arm. Harry was staring at him, his face an unreadable mask. But there was perhaps the briefest flicker of pain behind his gaze. One moment he was standing there stonily and then the next he had come around the table to stand aside him.
Then without warning, he was crushing Remus in a hug. The werewolf was both scared and surprised by this, but returned the embrace as a father would do with his son. It was not often that two men hugged, especially by a plagued person like Harry, and that was why it scared the former defense against the dark arts professor. Was this Harry saying goodbye? Remus Lupin felt certain desperateness in the way Harry was hugging him and it made his arms tighten. When a few uncertain minutes passed, he heard a soft voice speak from his shoulder.
"Remus?" He asked quietly.
"Yes, Harry?"
"I'm scared." Those words felt like knives to his heart. But what was he to say in return? That everything was going to be ok? That would be a lie and Remus knew it. Nothing was ok anymore…
"I'm not scared of dying, Moony…" The werewolf was startled for a moment at the use of his old schoolboy nickname. Sirius had been the last one to ever utter that name, and because he was now dead, it was sacred. But he didn't feel perturbed when Harry said it. It felt distantly like ol' Prongs was talking to him again. This brought the wisp of a smile back onto his lips. When Remus gently prodded Harry to continue, his next words crumpled that smile.
"I'm scared that I'll never see any of the people that I love ever again…" He whispered, his voice cracking ever so slightly. He sounded broken… Broken like a defeated soldier upon the battlefield…He feared not being able to ever have another chess or Quidditch match with his fiercely loyal best mate Ron. He feared not ever being reminded to finish his assignments by an exasperated but kind hearted Hermione. He feared not ever being able to sleep under the warm crooked roof of the homely burrow. He feared that Molly Weasley would never be able to fuss needlessly with his untidy hair or Arthur Weasley would never be able to fondly show him his plug collection. He feared that he would never be able to eat another deliciously cooked meal surrounded by the whole Weasley Family on Christmas day or be able to sit in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room, surrounded by all of his friends. So many more people he would miss. But above all else, he feared not ever being able to love or be in the same essence as Ginny Weasley.
Remus' face screwed up in inner turmoil as he could nearly feel Harry's heart convulsing.
"That won't ever happen, Harry." He said finally, his eyes drawn to the fateful book lying upon the oak wood table over Harry's shoulder.
"I promise…"
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You wonder why beings of the world commit to others with a vow?
Some will arrise to it with the every true intention of fulfillment…
Some arrise to it contrary to truth and fact only to take that easy path of beguilement…
I.E. lying to escape discord...
But that vow is called a promise, and for some, the pledge will be returned...
No matter what that expectation is...
And for Harry Potter, Moony will keep a promise...
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A/n: I know! I know! That could have probably been written better then it was, but hey! I really did try! Now why don't u all be a bunch of dears and give little ol me a review? If u do, I'll give you a cookie! Ok, well im out of cookies, what about lollipops?!
Cheers much!