On The Road With Danny Concannon: Zimbabwe

Title: "The Africa Hot." A.K.A. "The sub-continental subconscious."

Companion Piece: None

"I think he spent too much time in the Africa hot." –Josh Lyman "Holy Night."

The smell of her hair in the morning, that's what Danny was thinking of. He wondered what it smelled like. Did it smell the same as it did when her hair was dry or was it stronger when she just got out of the shower? What hair products did she use, or was it natural? He wanted to think natural, but his guess was no. He wiped the sweat from his brow as he followed the group through the jungle. Why was he thinking of this? He thought to himself. Danny watched the back of the head of the woman walking in front of him. Her shampoo, he thought to himself. She smelled like CJ. Great, he contemplated to himself, just what he needed another reminder of her? Not that he really minded, but this trip of his, this almost year away, was in part to try and get CJ off his mind, along with his task at hand of course: the story. Yet it seemed the more he was away the more he thought of her. Maybe he did need therapy? Why did women do this to him? Why did CJ do this to him? Oh, who was he kidding, he knew why she did this to him. Between CJ and the Africa hot Danny was bound to loose more pounds then he needed and weigh less then he ever had. He was fine with that, but he didn't want to do it all in one sitting. Danny took a breath and continued up the rocky landing.

Danny slept on a rough sleeping bag as the fire blazed outside his tent. He tossed and turned as CJ tossed and turned in his head. He could feel her skin as he placed his cold hand on her silky back. Danny had gone a full two weeks without dreaming about her and there she was again, smiling and giggling. It always felt so real, so real he sometimes thought when he and CJ finally got that far it wouldn't be uncharted territory, but an undiscovered country he knew so well. Soon his inter monologue vanished and Danny was able to enjoy himself in the moment of his dream.

Voices and breathing. Darkness and flesh. The light and dark of different textured clothing in different stages of dress and undress, melted together like candle wax, not knowing were one body ended and the other began.

"Stop." Danny ran his fingers over her cheek.

"Why?" She said breathlessly.

"Just stop." He said sweetly.

"Okay?"

"Just for now." Danny looked up at her above him. CJ smiled like a half moon. Danny didn't. He leaned himself up so they were face to face. "I just want to look at you." She looked at him with her big eyes. "Talk to you."

"You talk to me all the time. This is what dreams are for." She leaned forward and Danny stopped her sliding his hands around her back.

"I know." He took a breath and looked into her eyes. "I want to see your eyes." He felt as if all he could see were her eyes.

"Talk to me." Danny said.

"Come back to me." She said breathlessly.

"Talk to me"

"Come back to me." She whispered. "Calling isn't enough."

"It's a big step for me."

"For me too."

"Do you love him?"

"Okay, I'm leaving." CJ climbed off Danny and out of the bed and in an instant she was dressed.

"Don't leave." Danny leaned forward and buried his head in the covers. "I won't ask. I don't know what your answer is gonna be so I can't answer it anyway." Danny looked up. Wait, where am I?"

"This is what you think my apartment looks like?"

"I like it."

"I think I'd use more eggshell on the walls." CJ started to button her blouse covering her camisole. "And why am I dressed like its five years ago?"

"I like you dressed this way. It's my happiest memory. Before things went…"

"-Yeah." CJ smiled bitter sweetly

"Good bye Danny." Her face was sad.

"Nooo." Danny reached his hand out as she disappeared. "Ahhh." Danny hit the pillow in front of him.

In a flash Danny found himself in CJ's office. Danny flipped his notebook closed and smiled at his surroundings.

"Danny, what can I do for you?" CJ entered her office.

"I'm working on my pentagon story."

"That time again already." CJ walked closer to Danny, almost brushing up against him, and closed the door. "Maybe this time there's a way we won't have to have a repeat of what happened last year." CJ threw off her glasses and pushed Danny onto the coach.

Danny smiled. CJ started to unbutton her blouse, but in mid unbutton she froze as if a pause button had been pushed.

"Yeah, this dream's original." CJ cracked from across the room. "These are the kinds of dreams you have about me?" Danny turned to see another CJ, more like the real CJ, sitting cross legged on her desk. "I mean how corny can you get."

"What are you doing here?" Danny stood up and walked toward her.

"You're dreaming about me, don't I have a say in this?" She looked up at him leaning her hands around the edge of the desk.

"No, it's my dream."

"How many times have you had the "do it in my office" dream. 'Cause it is a dream you know that? Never gonna happen."

"Yes, I do. Believe me I do."

"Can't you dream a more realistic dream?" CJ walked over to her frozen self. "What color of lipstick am I wearing—?"

"-You do know that if this was- at all- realistic this wouldn't be a dream would it?"

"Well." CJ gestured with her hand.

"I really don't wanna have this conversation right now."

"What kind of conversation do you want to have?"

"I love you CJ." Danny found himself laying along side her in bed. "I love you so much it hurts. I can't explain it sometimes. And I will always be here for you no matter what."

"I love you Danny." Her eyes filled with tears. "I love you too." She said soft and sweetly as she leaned in to touch his soft lips.

Flash. Danny was back in the office, with CJ, sitting with her on the couch.

"This can't work." CJ looked down at her hands and away from Danny.

"We can't ignore what we feel CJ. It's been five years and I can't get it out of my head. You out of my head." CJ gave a well yeah look. "And you can't get it out of your head. I know you can't. We pretend and pretend…that… we don't care and it…. just makes things worse. I don't know how much more of this I can take?"

"Three more years." She looked into his eyes and set his hair off his forehead.

"I know, I know."

"Be patient." She ran her hands over the side of his face.

"Sometimes I'm sure…I'll wait. I'll wait forever, but sometimes I think…"

"Is it worth it?"

"It's always worth it. It's just after all this sometimes I think….deep down inside…I don't know what I'd do if you weren't on the other end of those three years."

"I have hope. Have faith."

"Maybe that's my problem. It's the faith that's killing me."

"You stopped, why?" She asked like a child.

"Stopped what?"

"You were having a dream about me-a sexy dream….very nice by the way.."

"-Thank you-"

"-And you stopped. Something's in that. Even I can see that. You said you just wanted to look at me… talk to me-Which by the way a girl could get use to-If you know what I mean."

"I like talking to you."

"And I you."

"I like talking with you."

"Yes."

"You." They leaned their heads together. "Not this, but you."

"I'm still here as far as you know."

"It's not enough."

Danny ran his hand around CJ's head and though her hair. He took a breath and lightly pressed his lips against hers moving slowly into a passionate kiss that seemed almost painful to them. CJ leaned her head back and she was putty in his hands as he kissed down her neck.

"This is ridiculous… this is craziness." CJ laughed eating Chinese's Food. They were now in the upper pressroom.

"You don't agree with me?"

"I agree with you, but I don't agree with the way you're saying it. You can't say that-"

Danny grabbed CJ behind her head and kissed her passionately. They were all over each other like a cross between a Marx brother's movie and a Bogy and Bacall flick.

Somehow they found themselves on the table; they had once been eating food off of, as Danny sent the food crashing to the floor with CJ's help. Once the contents of the table were replaced by CJ and Danny bodies Danny smiled and CJ grabbed his necktie pulling him closer. Danny paused over CJ while she fingered the buttons on her blouse. CJ smiled and gave him the come closer look, followed by her fingers directing him closer.

"I would never do it on a table." Danny heard CJ's voice behind him as his face was amerced in her neck. "I have a bad back. So do you by the way."

"CJ." Danny greeted his teeth.

"Yeah?" CJ picked up a white container not liking what she found inside and tossing it away.

Danny looked at CJ behind him and when he looked back the CJ on the table was gone.

"Damn." Danny hit the table. "CJ!" Danny climbed off the table. "Stop doing this. This is my dream, not yours. I'm stuck somewhere in Africa, I'm hungry, I'm tried and I just want to have a normal dream-that any hot blooded typical American male might have by the way- so I would appreciate if you would get the hell out of here.."

"You don't mean that." She smirked and set her hands on his hips.

"Yes I said it, so I think I do." Danny climbed off the table and walked towards her.

"-But, your not a typical American male Danny?"

Danny took a breath and looked around him for a moment before responding.

"No." Danny lowered his head for moment and ran his hands on his hips. "I guess I'm not." He looked up feeling a little offended all of a sudden. "Yes I am."

"Face it Daniel. Your subconscious is telling you something."

'This is crazy... I'm losing it. Something's wrong here. I mean really wrong here"

"Maybe it's the Africa hot." CJ hit the H with a larger amount of sarcasm.

"Yeah." Danny bemused with a breath before walking away from her.

"Or maybe you'd just rather talk to me." Danny turned and looked at her. "You'd just rather look into my eyes than just touch me." She paused. "You'd rather speak three words to me in person than have all the time in the world with me inside your head." CJ walked up to Danny. "Cause when it all comes down to it. This isn't me, this is you thinking of me and you're in love with me. "

"Yes."

"And you happen to fall in love with me for me?" She spoke with her own surprise that Danny knew CJ would feel.

"Yes."

"I don't know if this is true, but I don't think anyone has before?"

"I would agree." He said sweetly lifting his eyebrows. "I see it in your eyes."

"I'm right here Danny. Just talk to me. I'm here. Standing here in Washington. Just talk to me." She paused and set her fingers in the palm of her left hand. "I'm here now. In your dream. You can make love to me. Do anything you want." She set her hands out to gesture. "This is your dream. Your fantasy, your love. What do you love about me Danny?"

"I just…."

"Yes…." She walked closed and leaned in.

"I just…"

"Yes, Danny." She leaned closer and sliding her hands over his shoulders.

Danny and CJ leaned their heads together.

"I just love you."

"Do you now?" She smiled with her sarcastic half grin.

"Yes." He ran his finger over her cheek. CJ smiled and he felt the lift of her grin in his fingertips.

"So what does that say Danny?"

"I don't know?"

"I think you do."

"I need to come back."

"At some point I'd hope so."

"I will. I just.."

"Have to finish your story? Are you just telling yourself that?"

"Yes."

"I think you found your answer."

"I wasn't looking for answers."

"You can't kid yourself Danny."

"Or you."

"No." She mouthed the word.

"I don't know what will happen when I get back. It's different in person. I don't know which is better for me. Being away or being close. Both seem to be...I can't even…"

"You'll know when the time is right. Something will bring you back."

"I just want to see her."

"There it is." CJ kissed Danny on the forehead.

Danny woke up and thought over the oddness of what he just dreamed. Maybe he had spent too much time in the African hot.

That morning Danny walked out of the clearing with his group and hit the site of the high mountain he looked out on. It was an amazing vista he could see for miles. Danny ran his hand over his forehead to see better. After a moment he ran his arm across his brow, wiping the sweat with him, and set his hands on his back for a quick strength. He looked out feeling so small and full of wonder for life and the future. He wished he could share the moment with CJ, or anyone. He had never felt so lonely yet so at piece.

Song: Here With Out You - 3 Doors Down

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams.