Sometimes I sit down and think
Of the things that might have been
Of all the golden opportunities that have faded away
The ones that will never return to me again.
She sat staring blankly at her computer screen. Nothing. Her screen was empty, not a word could she write. She needed some kind of inspiration, but what? She pondered on what could bring about some kind of new idea. A walk through the freshly awaken night would do, but it simply could not do for this night. She needed something else to spark her imagination. Searching through her mind, nothing came. Now becoming rather frustrated she pushed her chair back and removed her fingers from the keyboard. If she could not write, she would not pressure herself to do so.
With her face in her hands, she began to rub her eyes as though she wanted them to see more clearly. With a slight turn of her head to the right of her, she laid her eyes upon a picture. To some it would just be another picture, but to her it was more. In that picture she found her inspiration. Everything about him was like a fresh breath into her smoky lungs.
"Fox," she said with a sigh of sadness and a little pain of regret.
Her mind quickly began to skim over the memories that she had left of him. Too many years had caused many of them to fade away like a rose in the winter. Even so, she still clung to those precious few that nothing, not even God Himself, could erase.
'He had this infectious laugh,' she wrote. 'The kind that no matter what you were feeling, you just had to join in and smile.'
Theresa had to pause before going on any further. Before she could go on, she had to re-live the past, something that seemed impossible for her to do. Enough time had passed by since he left her, her wounds were able to heal and no longer did she pine away for him as though she was an obsessed, immature teenager. She had learned how to really love a person, not obsess over them.
"Where are you going?" She cried out after opening their bedroom door to see him packing his bags. The shock over the situation had just hit her, she now realized that her marriage had hit rock bottom.
"I'm leaving, Theresa," he said not wanting to give her an explanation.
"You can't leave me, Fox! I'm your wife."
"Not for much longer." Seeing her in such pain killed him. He didn't want to ever hurt her intentionally, but this was something he had to do. He hoped that within time she would understand as he had time to do. "Don't cry," he said as he caressed her face with his hand, "This is for the best."
"Oh how can you say that!? Fox," she said as she followed him to the door, "I'm sorry. I should have told you the truth."
"Should've, could've, would've, but didn't," he replied. "I'm not going to listen to your apologies anymore, Theresa. We had a wonderful marriage...at least I thought we did. You ruined our chance of happiness when you slept with Ethan, not me." Pausing for a moment, he looked around and said with tears in his eyes, "Goodbye, Theresa. I hope you find happiness with whoever makes you happy."
"Oh please understand!" she cried as she pulled at his arm, trying to make him stay.
"No, I won't stand her and listen. Goodbye."
"Fox!" She screamed in pain as though she was being murdered, "Come back! Come back!"
'Watching him leave was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. When you watch the person you love walk out the door and know that they will never be yours again, a piece of your heart dies. Soon that dead piece spreads like a disease, killing you inside slowly and painfully.'
To think of what could've been
The things I could've won
The things I could've accomplished
All of things that I could've done.
'He was right, I lost any chance of happiness we ever had. I blew it by sleeping with his own brother. To this day I cannot look at myself in a mirror. All I see staring back at my is someone I don't recognize.'
Day by day Theresa managed somehow to go on. She would have to face the sad music of reality though. When she lost Fox, she lost her life, her future, and him. She could do anything with him by her side before, but now she was left alone to defend for herself.
Theresa had always dreamed of becoming a mother one day and raising a family with the man of her dreams. She sadly believed that the man of her dreams was elsewhere when he was next to her throughout all those years. So now that she was alone she would have to live her life alone. Not as a mother and not as a wife. If she could not spend her life raising a family with Fox, she didn't want to have a family of her own with anyone else. No one could replace Fox.
It fills me with sadness just to think
How wonderfully those things could've affected me
But when I look on the other side I see
That maybe these things would've affected me negatively.
'I suffered a severe case of depression after he left. Knowing that my life was over was too much for me to handle. When he walked out that door, my life was over.
Until then Theresa had always imagined how much better her life would have been with Fox. Now she saw a different side.
'What if he never left? Would my life have been much better?'
No one knew that answer. There's no guarantee that she would be happy. Theresa was happy now even though Fox was out of her life. She had found an outlet in writing. That turned into her profession as time went by. Would she be writing if she was with Fox? She wouldn't have had the time to if they had started a family together. Her time would have been consumed by changing diapers and cooking meals. She wouldn't have the free time that she had been used to for all these years. Yes, she desperately wanted a family, but she was too young when she married Fox. They had years ahead of them before they should have even thought about raising a family.
'I would have felt like a prisoner inside my own home because of my family. I don't think I could've lived like that.'
I have been spared from evil's touch and terror's reign
All by the hand of God's saving grace
I could've have seen more sorrows and pain
But God has made it so I can walk through the rain.
'I can't say that my life would have been better with Fox because the truth is I don't know what it would have been like. For all I know Fox could've walked out on me for a different reason later on in our marriage. Everyday you are taking a risk in your life, I took mine that day I slept with Ethan. Now, maybe it seems strange, but maybe sleeping with Ethan wasn't so bad. I mean, I don't want to sound cruel, but honestly not sleeping with him could have changed everything for the worst. I'll never know and that will bug me, but maybe it's better off not knowing.'
So when I'm feeling down and feeling blue
I think about what could've been and I know it's true
That I have been blessed because what might have been
Could've been something that I would've lived to regret.
'I have just opened my eyes and realized that I can't dwell within the past. I have to move on and let the past be what it's intended to be. I must pay attention to the present and not forget what may lie ahead. I need to move on.'
Theresa saved her work on her computer and then shut it down. She got up and snuggled into her warm bed as a million thoughts raced throughout her mind. She now knew what she needed to write and once she woke up in the morning she would do it. The next morning she would wake up and write him a letter thanking him for letting her realize that they would be better off apart. As she turned off her light and laid her head down to sleep she stared at his picture beside her bed. Opening her drawer, she placed his picture inside facing down.
"I'll never forget you, Fox."
Of the things that might have been
Of all the golden opportunities that have faded away
The ones that will never return to me again.
She sat staring blankly at her computer screen. Nothing. Her screen was empty, not a word could she write. She needed some kind of inspiration, but what? She pondered on what could bring about some kind of new idea. A walk through the freshly awaken night would do, but it simply could not do for this night. She needed something else to spark her imagination. Searching through her mind, nothing came. Now becoming rather frustrated she pushed her chair back and removed her fingers from the keyboard. If she could not write, she would not pressure herself to do so.
With her face in her hands, she began to rub her eyes as though she wanted them to see more clearly. With a slight turn of her head to the right of her, she laid her eyes upon a picture. To some it would just be another picture, but to her it was more. In that picture she found her inspiration. Everything about him was like a fresh breath into her smoky lungs.
"Fox," she said with a sigh of sadness and a little pain of regret.
Her mind quickly began to skim over the memories that she had left of him. Too many years had caused many of them to fade away like a rose in the winter. Even so, she still clung to those precious few that nothing, not even God Himself, could erase.
'He had this infectious laugh,' she wrote. 'The kind that no matter what you were feeling, you just had to join in and smile.'
Theresa had to pause before going on any further. Before she could go on, she had to re-live the past, something that seemed impossible for her to do. Enough time had passed by since he left her, her wounds were able to heal and no longer did she pine away for him as though she was an obsessed, immature teenager. She had learned how to really love a person, not obsess over them.
"Where are you going?" She cried out after opening their bedroom door to see him packing his bags. The shock over the situation had just hit her, she now realized that her marriage had hit rock bottom.
"I'm leaving, Theresa," he said not wanting to give her an explanation.
"You can't leave me, Fox! I'm your wife."
"Not for much longer." Seeing her in such pain killed him. He didn't want to ever hurt her intentionally, but this was something he had to do. He hoped that within time she would understand as he had time to do. "Don't cry," he said as he caressed her face with his hand, "This is for the best."
"Oh how can you say that!? Fox," she said as she followed him to the door, "I'm sorry. I should have told you the truth."
"Should've, could've, would've, but didn't," he replied. "I'm not going to listen to your apologies anymore, Theresa. We had a wonderful marriage...at least I thought we did. You ruined our chance of happiness when you slept with Ethan, not me." Pausing for a moment, he looked around and said with tears in his eyes, "Goodbye, Theresa. I hope you find happiness with whoever makes you happy."
"Oh please understand!" she cried as she pulled at his arm, trying to make him stay.
"No, I won't stand her and listen. Goodbye."
"Fox!" She screamed in pain as though she was being murdered, "Come back! Come back!"
'Watching him leave was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. When you watch the person you love walk out the door and know that they will never be yours again, a piece of your heart dies. Soon that dead piece spreads like a disease, killing you inside slowly and painfully.'
To think of what could've been
The things I could've won
The things I could've accomplished
All of things that I could've done.
'He was right, I lost any chance of happiness we ever had. I blew it by sleeping with his own brother. To this day I cannot look at myself in a mirror. All I see staring back at my is someone I don't recognize.'
Day by day Theresa managed somehow to go on. She would have to face the sad music of reality though. When she lost Fox, she lost her life, her future, and him. She could do anything with him by her side before, but now she was left alone to defend for herself.
Theresa had always dreamed of becoming a mother one day and raising a family with the man of her dreams. She sadly believed that the man of her dreams was elsewhere when he was next to her throughout all those years. So now that she was alone she would have to live her life alone. Not as a mother and not as a wife. If she could not spend her life raising a family with Fox, she didn't want to have a family of her own with anyone else. No one could replace Fox.
It fills me with sadness just to think
How wonderfully those things could've affected me
But when I look on the other side I see
That maybe these things would've affected me negatively.
'I suffered a severe case of depression after he left. Knowing that my life was over was too much for me to handle. When he walked out that door, my life was over.
Until then Theresa had always imagined how much better her life would have been with Fox. Now she saw a different side.
'What if he never left? Would my life have been much better?'
No one knew that answer. There's no guarantee that she would be happy. Theresa was happy now even though Fox was out of her life. She had found an outlet in writing. That turned into her profession as time went by. Would she be writing if she was with Fox? She wouldn't have had the time to if they had started a family together. Her time would have been consumed by changing diapers and cooking meals. She wouldn't have the free time that she had been used to for all these years. Yes, she desperately wanted a family, but she was too young when she married Fox. They had years ahead of them before they should have even thought about raising a family.
'I would have felt like a prisoner inside my own home because of my family. I don't think I could've lived like that.'
I have been spared from evil's touch and terror's reign
All by the hand of God's saving grace
I could've have seen more sorrows and pain
But God has made it so I can walk through the rain.
'I can't say that my life would have been better with Fox because the truth is I don't know what it would have been like. For all I know Fox could've walked out on me for a different reason later on in our marriage. Everyday you are taking a risk in your life, I took mine that day I slept with Ethan. Now, maybe it seems strange, but maybe sleeping with Ethan wasn't so bad. I mean, I don't want to sound cruel, but honestly not sleeping with him could have changed everything for the worst. I'll never know and that will bug me, but maybe it's better off not knowing.'
So when I'm feeling down and feeling blue
I think about what could've been and I know it's true
That I have been blessed because what might have been
Could've been something that I would've lived to regret.
'I have just opened my eyes and realized that I can't dwell within the past. I have to move on and let the past be what it's intended to be. I must pay attention to the present and not forget what may lie ahead. I need to move on.'
Theresa saved her work on her computer and then shut it down. She got up and snuggled into her warm bed as a million thoughts raced throughout her mind. She now knew what she needed to write and once she woke up in the morning she would do it. The next morning she would wake up and write him a letter thanking him for letting her realize that they would be better off apart. As she turned off her light and laid her head down to sleep she stared at his picture beside her bed. Opening her drawer, she placed his picture inside facing down.
"I'll never forget you, Fox."