On The Road With Danny Concannon: New York (One More Time)

Title: "Bookends"

Companion Piece: Memorial Day 5.22

Memorial: adj: Serving to preserve remembrance

Memorial: n : Something designated to keep remembrance alive.

MEMORIAL DAY - MAY 31st - MONDAY

"Ring." The line on Danny's office phone rang and beeped red. "Ring." Being the fact that Danny was never around his office, even when he was in town, the only evidence it was in fact his office was the small basketball hoop attached to the wall and the Daniel Concannon nameplate on the door. Outside the office, voices and commotion were heard making the ringing only audible inside the open office door as the sounds outside blended into each other.

"You got that…" was heard from one area of the bullpen.

"-I want two reporters down there now—as in last week- I don't care-!" An older man's voice was heard.

"-I'm sorry… you heard what? I can't hear you! Can you speak up!" A woman's voice was heard as the television, phones ringing off the hook, and noise, drowned her out.

"Yes, we know about the stoning, Ma'am—it's on the front page—that's all we know right now—can I get an intern over here—We have reporters in Gaza….I'm putting you on with someone—CAN I GET AN INTERN OVER HERE!" The man in his thirties yelled to the heavens.

Danny's phone kept ringing and the red light kept blinking.

"I got someone on the phone says they saw the car explode." A woman yelled as she held onto the receiver.

Maisy ran into the office, she wasn't late, she just had a lot to do, meaning being Danny's eyes and ears in DC, and being at the phone when he called. The office outside was buzzing for an office on Memorial Day, but this wasn't a normal office, this was the Washington Post and this wasn't a normal Memorial Day, this was the day after the Gaza bombing, the day after everything was failing apart again.

Line one blinked and the phone rang loud as Maisy came in earshot of her cubicle, knowing just whom it was and how she needed to catch that call. Running with small steps, yet fast-paced, she dumped her Starbucks coffee cup next to the phone, while at the same time causing the pile of newspapers in her arms to slide to the desk and her chair below it.

Maisy hit the call button and grabbed the phone with a yawn and in a harried voice, "Danny Concannon's office. Washington Post."

"Hey, Hazy Maisy." He said in a sweet lazy tone.

"Danny!"

"To early for ya, Maisy?"

"Too late."

"Have you slept?"

"A little. I fell asleep at my desk. But, I have some coffee now so—"

"Maisy…" He scolded her in his sweet but frustrated voice.

"I was waiting for you to call." She moved her body around her desk as she pulled on the cord so as not to get tangled.

"Did I say I was gonna call?" Danny loved the girl, but sometimes she seemed too devoted to helping him out and being part of the "adventure."

"You got out?"

"Yeah." Danny laughed at the sentence that made it sound like he was the one in a war zone. Maisy sat herself down at her desk and fingered a few pages, finding her place. "I never made it to Wyoming."

"I figured. That Jared guy didn't call. I guess he just figured you bailed on 'um. "What ended up happening?"

"I got a ride from someone. I took a flight out this morning to New York, but it looks like that was fruitless…"

"So, you heard about the apartment house in Gaza?"

"Yeah….I saw the President's speech at the airport. Anything new?"

"No, nothing new's really being released just yet." Maisy looked up at the television suspended from the ceiling and the wall. "Press Conference should start in about an hour."

"Yeah, I better get to a television- Oh, wait, I'll just watch it on my laptop. I'm good."

"You talk to Josh Lyman?"

"Yeah, I just got off the phone with 'um." Maisy noticed the flowers Danny had sent her weeks before, as a thank you for her Pulitzer help, were just about dead and laid her fingers along the brown petals. She looked at the flowers with despair at the loss of their beauty. She'd need to throw them out later, but not now. "Yeah, he had nothing more than's been released…"

"She's okay, though?"

"As much as she can be... yeah." Danny quickly changed the subject. "Listen…. You hear anything, you talk to anyone, someone says anything, I don't care what it is…"

"Yeah, of course, Boss." Maisy was becoming very loyal to the man on the other end of the phone. It was hard not to. He just had that way about him.

"How is it there?" Danny asked with longing.

"Crazy." She looked around at the hustle and bustle of the fast-paced newsroom.

"Yeah." Maisy could hear a smile in Danny's voice.

"You miss it, don't you?"

"What?-The yelling, the running around like a chicken with your head cut off…yeah.." He bemused. "Yeah, I miss it."

"So, you coming back?"

"I gotta be in Seattle tomorrow. I know Terry wanted me to cover the funeral on Wednesday, but I can't." Danny's voice was one of disappointment of something he couldn't help. "This book thing got moved up…I just got the call." Danny hated it, but he made a commitment.

"Yeah, I'll tell 'um." Maisy took a post-it, wrote a note on it, and set it next to the phone.

"And I'm posting now." Maisy could hear Danny's two fingers typing away.

"Okay. Want me to tell Gordon?" She leaned on the phone, and took another post-it note, writing herself another note. Maisy was definitely a post-it note girl as her desk looked more decorated than organized, as multi-colored sticky notes adorned her cubicle.

"Yeah, do that for me." Danny was still getting used to having such a good assistant.

"Sure thing."

"Later, Maisy."

"Sounds good." Maisy and Danny both hung up and Maisy took the attention of an intern as he passed. "Hey Pete!" The boy took her eyes. "Tell Mr. McManus Danny Concannon is posting online."

Danny sat on the park bench with his laptop on his lap. Having had his trip to Wyoming canceled Danny did have the urge to go all the way home, but there was work to do for now. There's something about the smell of a misty May day. The humidity makes you hot and the breeze cools you off. It hadn't rained, but it was going to.

THREE WEEKS AGO

Danny stood in the green grass of the Colombia University campus. It was amazing to see. It was the perfect May day in New York. The perfect heat, and not so much heat, with the perfect cool breeze. Danny walked in his best brown suit and tie. The ceremony was over and people were milling around, most were inside, as the luncheon had now became a party. Danny didn't feel much like socializing.

It started all of sudden. Somewhere between the small talk, the conversations between colleagues and appetizers Danny felt alone. It was amazing how one could feel so alone in such a large group of people. Still outside, as the luncheon went on inside, Danny felt even more alone.

Danny walked around with his hands in his pockets wondering if he should take off his shoes and feel the cool grass under his feet. He remembered doing that once with CJ on the campaign and how wonderful it was. Maybe he'd just go back to the hotel - he never liked the whole shmoosing thing anyway.

Danny felt his cell phone vibrate having forgotten to turn it back on.

"Yeah." Danny answered it as he kept walking.

"Well, well. Double winner. My lord." CJ's witty voice was one he knew right away.

"CJ?"

"Why yes, it is."

"You called me?"

"Congratulations, Danny."

"Thanks."

"Did I miss anything good?"

"Good? I got an award."

"Other than that, I mean."

"No, same old same old."

"Ahh."

"Thank you for….you called?…well. It..well it means a lot."

"You're welcome. I…well I knew it would."

"Thank you."

"I don't know why you chose the brown suit?"

"Well, I'm told it looks good with my-wait? Wait." Danny stopped walking. "How do you know I'm wearing my brown suit?" He looked around.

"Keep walking, Danny." Her voice was calm and true. Danny kept walking. "Down the hill." Danny walked down the hill of steps to a lower area. "Keep going."

"I'm in front of one of the buildings, CJ?"

"Keep walking."

"Okay?"

Danny walked from the light of day into the dark school building lobby. His feet echoed on the floor as his eyes adjusted to the light. And when they focused, he saw her. CJ standing in front of him after a year of being away from her, she was there.

"CJ?" He said breathless as he flipped his phone closed. CJ did the same with her phone.

"Hi, Danny." She smiled.

"What are you doing here?" He was agog to see her.

"If anyone asks, I'm visiting my uncle. She smiled. "You look great."

"Thanks."

"No, I mean I watched the ceremony from the gates and it was hard to tell, but you lost some weight, you look good."

"Thanks. You look amazing. But you always do."

"Good. I'm glad I'm doing something right?" She joked.

"You do everything right." He smirked.

"If only flattery went a long way with me, bucko." She flirted back.

"It's so great to see you smile." He asided. CJ grinned and laughed.

"You're so bad, Danny. You can never stop flirting."

"I know." He paused. "Should I stop?"

"No." She grinned, rolling her body side to side.

Danny walked closer. CJ grinned at his presence. "You really do look good." She flipped up his tie and let it fall through her fingers.

"You need to smile more?" CJ's smile lowered as she felt Danny get to her core. Last time she denied it, and maybe it was her state of mind after the year she had been through, or his presence penetrating her. This was why she knew she shouldn't have come. But ever since her conversation with Donna, thoughts she thought she had buried were slowly coming to the surface of her mind.

"How do you know I don't smile? I think you have a fixation on this."

"I see it on TV. Does he make you smile?"

"Danny…"

"I just want you to be happy." He lowered his head and looked to the side for a moment.

"When I'm with him, yes." CJ was telling the truth, yet still lying through her teeth. She felt she had to protect them both.

"But when you're not…..?"

"The job weighs me down. It's hard." CJ's voice was clear. There was something about Danny that just made her confess everything, well almost everything.

"It's always gonna be hard, CJ."

"I know. And it's been hard in the past, but I just… It's all this bad stuff, horrible negative, terrible things and we can't stop them anymore —they won't end. We used to try and do good things and maybe we didn't always win, but we tried. Now we can't even get the chance to try. I hate that, Danny. I hate that so much. You were right, Danny. I'm not….. having fun."

"Yeah."

"…I feel weighed down by it all." CJ lowered her head and Danny pulled the hair away from her face.

"It's only natural, CJ."

"I care too much." She looked at him in the eyes.

"I know." He said softly.

"I need to get over that."

"No, you don't."

"I don't sleep."

"Either do I."

"I mean most often."

"I know."

"The little things bother me." She felt ashamed of that, but Danny knew she shouldn't.

"Yeah, they should. You should be scared when the little things don't."

"You can't sleep?"

"No."

"Huh? Sometimes I think we're both so dissimilar and then..."

'Then…?"

"I miss you."

"Me too. But that means a lot."

"I have to go." CJ was feeling trapped. She had said too much.

"Yeah." CJ tried to pretend she wasn't feeling his loss already.

"We can't tell anyone I was here." CJ walked away for a few steps and then faced Danny.

"I promise." He said sincerely, putting his hands in his pockets.

"You understand." She wanted him to know it wasn't him.

"I understand." He assured her.

There was a moment, as they each didn't know what to do. CJ walked away first.

"CJ?

"Yeah?"

"Tell a joke?"

"What?"

"Go back and crack a joke. Do something crazy. Something off the wall. Just remember you're great at keeping things light. You're the party that brings the life to it"

"Okay." She smiled taking in maybe the most amazing compliment she had ever been given.

"No gift, huh?" Danny joked breaking the tension of the moment. He was always good at that in the pressroom - taking CJ out of a sticky situation she wasn't ready for yet, unless of course it was something he wanted the answer to. This time Danny wasn't looking for answers, but for now, to protect maybe his own heart, he was content on taking her smile and interrupting that for now.

"I sent you flowers?" She defended herself.

"No, Carol sent me flowers.

"How-?"

"-You wouldn't send me flowers."

"I wanted to send you a cactus." She hit the word "cactus," making the word even funnier.

"Oh."

"For only the purpose to be amusing. Funny. I thought it was funny,"

"It's not."

"Why is everyone saying that?"

"Well-"

"It's a small plant. It—I thought it was funny. It's funny."

"I see why you'd think so."

"Hey."

"But, it's not."

"You want a gift."

"You're gift enough." He said breaking the banter and entering the reality of his feelings. She was there, that's all he needed.

"Thank you." She caught his eyes for a moment. "Come here." She called him over with her fingers.

"I'm not falling for that one again."

"Come HERE!" She demanded.

"Okay?" Danny moved closer to CJ and she slid her hands on his shoulders.

"Now, don't think anything of this?'

"I never do." He joked.

CJ leaned in and kissed Danny on the lips, for what was probably supposed to be a short kiss, but once they touched, CJ was a goner, as she felt the cool breeze of his kiss send shivers down her entire body. Somehow she felt her body up against the cold school halls, the shadows hiding them, as the sun beat in from the door. CJ took a breath as they parted and she let Danny rest his head on her shoulder and neck for a moment. She could feel his breath and it made her sad they would have to part soon.

PRESENT- MEMORIAL DAY - MAY 31st - MONDAY

CJ opened her eyes and found herself asleep on her couch. She sat up looking out for a moment unsure how she had found herself on the couch, or sleeping for that moment, as her eyes adjusted to the light. Plus this was more than a dream, it was a genuine flashback. It was something about the last few days that was making her think of Danny more and more. And the last time she saw him, just a few weeks before, and what led her to New York and Danny; again. It was soon time for the morning briefing.

FIVE WEEKS AGO

"So you see the list of Pulitzer winners." Josh ran his hand ran over CJ's doorway.

"Yeah. Danny." CJ couldn't help but smile.

"I wanna be happy for him. But considering what he won for."

"Yeah I know."

"Okay. I'm sending him an email. Should I-"

"Yeah, tell him I say…" CJ stopped.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm sure I'll…."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"CJ, have you been talkin' to Danny lately?" Josh asked as if he knew something.

"Why would I be talking to Danny?" CJ didn't look up at from her notes.

"Okay." Josh didn't believe her, of course. "Maybe you should—"

"Goodnight, Joshua." She didn't look up.

"I mean yourself…" He paused when he saw CJ's look. "Yeah, night. I'll be in my office." And Josh walked away.

PRESENT

"We're getting creamed out there..." CJ told Toby as they walked down the corridor.

"Yeah."

"CNN is running a piece tonight on the last minute edits to the president's address."

"I take it they're not praising his sensible moderation. "

"I hope it's not unanimous…."

CJ and Toby stopped their walk.

"What do you think?"

"The whole country is waiting for the President to carpet bomb Gaza, I think it's a good sign he hasn't done it yet."

CJ left Toby in the corridor on her way to her office, passing Josh's office in the process. She paused in her steps. CJ took a look into Josh's empty office as she remembered her conversation with him. Her thoughts were to Donna and then to Josh. What he was going through. Well, back to work. No time to be nostalgic. It was taking too much time already. Had to stop. Had to stop bringing up the past. Yet she just couldn't stop. She looked down at her briefing notes and continued her walk from the pressroom back to her office.

FOUR WEEKS AGO

Josh sat at his desk as CJ sat back in her own chair, holding the phone to her ear.

"So what do you think of the new NSA chick?" CJ asked.

"Who Colonel Clink?" Josh answered on his side of the phone only a few feet away in his own office. This was a habit they had developed around the second year.

"Who?"

"Hogan's Heroes!"

"Sorry, I'm not as in to my classic television as you are?" She said with sarcasm.

"She seems okay. Wouldn't want to be locked in a room with her. Oh, wait I was." He did a fake laugh.

"Yeah, well, we all have our crosses to bear…."

"Oh, speaking of our crosses to bear…or Christians of any sort…"

"Well actually Jesus was Jewish.."

"Yeah, I think I got the memo on that one….I got an email from Danny. He's going to New York alone…"

"He is an adult Josh…."

"No for the Pulitzers… his family has… you know… a thing back home…. and he doesn't have anyone and… so he'll be there alone. It didn't seem fair."

"Oh…"

Carol walked in and sat a salad and water in front of CJ. CJ adjusted the phone for a moment and thanked Carol with a mouthed thank you. Carol smiled and walked out.

"You going?"

"To the ceremony. Why? And oh where, oh where will I fit the time in between my facials and botox injections."

"You get botox?" Josh joked.

"Josh…!"

"No, I just thought since two reporters from the corp won, another a nominee…."

"Two reporters in my corp, I don't recall seeing Danny here recently, have you?"

"No, not since May, no..… but what I'm saying…"

"What are you saying, Josh?" She insinuated.

"He was a reporter here for what he won the damn thing for…."

"Do I need to remind you what he won it for-We've had this discussion. What are you getting at Josh?" She prodded him again, but she knew what he was getting at.

"He's alone."

"You're kidding right? This is a joke?"

"Nooo."

"Josh!"

"He's alone."

'You know I'd come over to your office and hit you over the head if I wasn't eating my lunch and… I wasn't so damn lazy… right now… because usually I'm told I have the energy of a jumping bean…a hot one I might add…from Gua-te-mala" She joked, but yet it seemed like a defense as CJ was always trying to look her best in front of everyone, especially the boys. She never liked looking incapable or unintelligent. It just one of her many complexes at the moment.

"I was gonna say…" Josh smirked.

"-So don't be waving that stick at me…

"Whoa…what about a stick….'cause if I was waving a stick at you I think you'd know."

"Josh…!"

"Change the subject?"

"Please, oh please..." She drowned at him as she opened her salad and started picking at it with her fork.

"How's things with you and Ben?"

CJ gave a cross look to the phone and hung up on Josh.

"I think I just got my answer." Josh spoke to the phone and hung it up.

PRESENT

"How is she?" CJ stood above her desk with concern in her voice and fear in her gut. She smiled with distress and love as she sat down in her desk chair listening to Josh speak of Donna's well being. "Can I talk to her?" CJ asked sweetly. "…But she really is alright?" She asked again to be sure. CJ heard Josh's joking, but looked toward the television as she turned to business at hand. "Have you seen the news?" CJ barely heard Josh's answer. "Do think we need to…." CJ's face read of confusion. "Invasion? … Josh?" CJ asked as she only received silence. " Josh?" She asked again. "Hello?"

FOUR WEEKS AGO

CJ's cell phone rang and she picked it up.

"Hello?" CJ spoke into the phone, but there was silence. "Hello?" Again there was silence. CJ looked down at the number she never put in her address book because that meant he got in again, that maybe he never left and she so wanted to shake him free, at least that's what she told herself. But if this were true a certain fish would have no place on her desk. It was Danny.

PRESENT

"So that's it?" CJ asked Toby as she tapped her cell phone with her fingernails and took a gaze at Gail for a moment.

"Yeah." Toby stood up and caught CJ's eyes on the fish, which caused CJ to focus back on her notes.

"I'll…." She flipped through some notes. "Ahh…brief this at two…"

"Yeah."

"Great." CJ made a note. "Sounds good?" she seemed distracted.

Toby looked at her in the doorway and looked around for a moment.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just a little… flustered?" CJ wasn't sure she got the right word for the situation, yet it fit. It still seemed wrong.

"Yeah." He paused and looked at his feet for a moment. Part of Toby felt guilty for how happy he felt for Andy's safe return. Her safe return, that which was only due to those who weren't so lucky. "You read Danny's memoriam to Fitz?"

"Yeah." She flipped through a few pages, still not looking at Toby as she spoke. "I think it was the first time something Danny wrote wasn't on the front page."

"It was good."

"Everything Danny writes is good." She threw it off as if she felt mad on how good he was; if he wasn't so good, so smart, so funny, perhaps….

"I'm just saying, it was a nice goodbye."

"Yes, it was." CJ took Toby's eyes with all sincerity. She'd miss the man also. "Don't feel guilty, Toby."

"Yet I do." He bobbed on his feet looking up for a moment.

"Don't,"

"I can't, it's in my…nature.' He laughed.

"You feel guilty, Josh feels guilty, the President feels guilty. You feel guilty 'cause it wasn't Andy…I feel guilty…" she threw the last of her thought off. "We shouldn't feel guilty. We can't change the past. Don't feel guilty." CJ seemed to be talking to herself as she spoke. CJ of all people was never good at not feeling guilty for her actions.

"Why do you feel guilty?"

"Nothing..." She went back to her work.

"CJ?"

"I wasn't so nice to Donna… we had a thing… I mean…" She looked off. "We… made up before she left—I think? But…." CJ stood up and lowered the volume on her television. She didn't need to, she just needed something to do.

"But what?"

"She touched a nerve in me and instead of lashing out at myself… I… I guess I lashed out at her."

"I'm sure she knows."

"Yeah." CJ didn't feel so convinced.

"Well, I have to go teach the President how to throw a curve ball." He wavered between leaving and staying, waiting for a sign from CJ.

"How appropriate." CJ smirked.

"Yeah." Toby gave a small laugh, which sounded more like a breath.

"Good luck with that." She said sarcastically.

CJ walked back over to her desk as Toby left her side. CJ sat down with a gust of air and took a heavy breath as she looked over all of her memos and notes in front of her and thought of her task at hand. CJ moved her chair closer and looked to her left, sliding a few papers aside to reveal the obituary section of the paper and the Admiral's picture starring back at her next to Danny's byline. After she felt she stared at Danny's name for too long, she slid the papers back over the article and after a moment of reflection returned to her work. After a moment CJ looked up in a stress filled frustration.

"Carol!"

FOUR WEEKS AGO

"Yeah." Carol walked into the office.

"I don't see the information on the thing on Friday."

"The lockdown?"

"Yeah, that… whatever that was…"

"What?"

"Nothing. I thought they finally sent down the statement?"

"They did, but it had to be cleared?"

"It wasn't cleared when they sent it down!"

"I got it and then they took it back?"

"Yeah, okay… when they get back I want to speak with Butterfield."

"Yeah." Carol started to leave. "Oh, and you need to finish the seating for the New York trip."

"Yeah, bring it in, I'll do it now." CJ took a bite of her salad.

"Hey, Carol." CJ heard Josh's voice and she perked her head up.

"You hung up on me." Josh said as he entered her office.

"I'm sorry, did I do that?" She said with her smiling brand of sarcasm.

"CJ…." He laughed.

"Sure, sure, I wish he wasn't alone" She leaned down and whispered. " I wish I wasn't alone…" She threw off the last sentence, but it was the most meaningful of what she said as she looked back at her work in front of her.

"You're not alone, CJ?" Josh asked.

"Huh?" She looked up from her work.

"Aren't you still dating Ben?" Josh insinuated.

"Yeah…"

"I guess not for long." Josh put his hands in his pockets.

"I don't know…"

"Really…."

CJ gave him eyes and a head bob like Josh should close the door behind him, and he did. CJ walked in front of her desk and sat on the edge of it.

"You ever feel like your just trying to substitute one thing for another?"

"Like lima beans for meatloaf."

"What?"

'I remember once my mother was talkin' about becoming a vegan…. or vegetarian..or I don't know…whatever-anyway she said instead of eating meat they were telling her she could substitute protein by eating combinations of certain kinds of beans…lima beans for meat loaf-that's what I called it…Never made sense to me."

"Okay? Yeah….I just…you know what, never mind…you're not the person I should be talking to this about…." CJ felt her situation was becoming a little to close to home for Josh. Just like Donna was the wrong person to talk about this with, so was Josh. In fact she didn't think there was anyone in the White House she cold talk to about this.

"No… no. I want to help. I do."

"No, I'll just figure it out by myself." She tried to sound positive in order to push Josh off the subject.

"CJ, I want you to be happy, but if this guy isn't right for you…."

'We were together for seven years, I've known him for over fifteen years, everyone always said we looked great together…" She trailed off.

"Yeah, back when Paula Abdul had her old nose, and I wore acid washed jeans, CJ…!"

"I was so in love with him back then…" she seemed to mutter to herself.

"Yeah, and you're not that girl anymore, CJ? You're not even the same woman you were five years ago." Josh smiled at how much his friend had grown.

CJ looked at Josh as if he hit her in the head with a frying pan.

"No, I guess I'm not." She said softly. "But…"

"But, what CJ?"

"You know… thanks… I'm good. I just need to sort out a few things on my own, okay."

"Yeah, sure." Josh made his way toward the door. "I'm here if you need me." He motioned with his thumb toward his office.

PRESENT

CJ brought her attention back to her work. She had to focus on her work. Important things were going on, important things were happening, and she couldn't focus. What was wrong with her? Donna was fine, not great, but she was alive, which was more than could be said of the not so lucky. She tried not to look at Danny's article lying underneath her work, which just so happened to be the information for Admiral Fitzwallace's funeral on Wednesday. It was all so formal, all so set, all so polished for the end of a great life and a great man. Still, her thoughts were of Danny, why Danny, she thought? In times like these, thoughts of loved ones permeate one's mind. Yet she didn't think of Ben, she thought of Danny. She thought of Josh and Donna, but somehow Danny always entered the equation. Somehow her subconscious was making a parallel her conscious mind didn't understand yet.

"I'll be right back!" Carol yelled as she exited her outer office.

"What?" CJ looked up hearing Carol, but really not.

THE DAY OF THE PULITZERS

"Carol, I'll be right back." CJ walked out of her office with a coat and a bag as if she was leaving for the day, passing Carol as she held the phone. She was determined, and in a bit of another world.

"Okay…?"

"No, I won't." CJ walked back into her office.

"Be right back?"

"Yeah?" CJ stopped at the door to her office.

"You don't look so sure?"

"I'm not." She turned around and looked toward the exit.

"Okay?"

"No, no. I'm not." She looked back toward her office.

"Okay?"

"I am a woman who has a job…" She looked at Carol.

"Yes."

"I can't just run off to New York….just 'cause I…."

"CJ?"

"Yes…"

"You didn't finish your sentence there?" Carol looked at her almost worried for her health.

"Yeah…." CJ looked off in thought.

"See, you did it again there."

"I can't go." She said to convince herself.

"Okay?"

"No, I will…"

"Okay?"

"No, I'm not…" She shook her head. "No, yes I am." CJ walked out of her office and into the bullpen looking very determined as Carol followed close behind. "No, no, no." CJ walked back into Carol's office muttering to herself. "No, no. I am not that kind of woman. Shake it off, shake it off." She shook her hands and took a breath, but still stood in the center of Carol's office. "Okay, I'm going…I am... I should…" she took a step. "No, no. What am I doing? They don't need me in New York. I don't have to go."

"CJ?" CJ didn't answer. "CJ!"

"Yes…" CJ looked up at Carol.

"He's alone."

CJ stopped and looked at Carol.

PRESENT

"CJ?" CJ didn't answer. "CJ?"

"What yeah?" CJ looked up.

"Thought I lost ya there for a minute." Toby joked.

"No, still here, what's up?" She shook her head as if tossing her hair and took a breath. CJ noticed Toby's eyes hit her television. "What?" CJ took her gaze toward the television and her focus softened as they looked at the television. CJ rose to attention in mind and body. Toby reached for the phone.

COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY - THREE WEEKS AGO

They broke from their kiss, knowing it was a break for good.

"I have to go." She said sweetly and softly. Her voice was full of emotion.

Danny took a step back, "Yeah." Danny's eyes grew wet and he looked away.

CJ walked away with a lowered head.

"CJ?" Danny yelled back at her.

"Yeah."

"If I'm not back in awhile…."

"When are you coming back?"

"Soon."

"I see."

"I have this book tour most of the summer and…"

"September."

"Yeah? Right now I plan on it."

"Best laid plans."

"Yes, but if I don't."

"Yeah."

"I'm always thinkin' about you."

CJ smiled.

"I know."

"And I will be back."

"I have the book to prove it." She smiled. "Good-bye, Danny."

"Goodbye, CJ." Danny said sweetly and CJ gave a goodbye with her eyes before walking away.

"CJ!" She turned her head. "Smile."

"I promise."

CJ walked out the door and into the bright light, almost fading away into the bright whiteout compared to the dark dimness of the lobby.

"And our last announcement. Oh yes… Our own Danny Concannon has won, yet another Pulitzer. I guess he needed bookends." CJ spoke behind the podium. " The reporters laughed.

Yes, Katie." CJ pointed at her.

"CJ, even after….well… what his article was about—you're still congratulating him-?" Katie asked.

"Yes, we're not so pleased as to what the article was about-but we are still very pleased for his achievement." She spoke in Press Secretary mode. "The President and all of us send him out warmest congratulations." She paused and looked up from her papers. "And we wish him a fast and safe return." She took a breath. "I'll start the questioning-?

"CJ! CJ! CJ! CJ!" rang through the room.

Danny held onto to the carry-on, which held his laptop, looking up at the television in the terminal and then up at his gate number.

It was time to board the plane. He thanked the man behind the counter for changing the channel for him and began walking down the hallway to his new destination, only thinking of her. If only he knew this time she was indeed thinking of him.

Song: She Will Have Her Way (Neil Finn)

I might be old but I'm someone new she said
I'm so sore that I could cry always
in the night lay your tired arms
she will have her way
somehow I will still believe her
it's the life I've been frightened of she said
deathly silence and especially the dark
feels like I am heavy and my spirit has died
she will have her way
somehow I will still believe her
she will have her way
one day I will come back
still no end in sight
though I travel far and wide
a dying man is doing time
thinker, soldier terrified
and she will have her way
somehow I will still believe her
she will have her way
one day I will come back

The television was turned from CJ to static and then went to black

END OF SEASON FIVE