Acknowledgements and Disclaimers: GundamWing and related characters belong to Bandi Sunrise and probably many other people who are not me. I'm just sneaking onto their playground with a jump rope. Soundtrack: "Lion's Share" and "Ghosts" by Dan Fogleberg. Another haraamis-artwork-inspired story, and thanks to the best beta in the world, Ruth.
The glass of the observation window was cool and smooth beneath my fingers. I watched as the surface misted around my skin, my body heat condensing the moisture in the air. It was late, or technically, early. I'd awakened from a dream I couldn't remember, sadness lingering in the air like the notes of a dying melody.
I was back inside that still, unemotional place in my mind I had lived in for so long. It was an automatic tactical maneuver, instinct from the first time Sandrock and I had gone into battle. When I was young, the detachment was survival, now it was strategy. We had left three people dead in our escape from the prison transport. Even a liability can become an asset in the right situation.
The stars shone steadily in the vastness of space. My father always said the stars were a beacon of hope, a light shining in the darkness. I'd always thought they looked lonely. There was no forgiving atmosphere in space to make them twinkle. They may have been jewels to wish upon for the planet-born, but they still stood alone, a symbol much like our Gundams. We shone like a sun and if you looked just right we might form a constellation, but ultimately we stood alone.
A sliver of light from the hall shone briefly against the window as the door opened and closed. I tensed in automatic response before the familiar presence of Wufei registered. Though I hadn't woken him when I left, somehow he had known and had come looking for me. Noiselessly, Wufei moved to stand behind me, sharing the panorama of space. It was satisfying to know he respected the silence. I could faintly see our destination, the resource satellite that was the temporary home to the Gundams.
The word "home" reverberated against the envelope of my carefully constructed detachment. Home meant love, comfort, belonging, somewhere safe you were treasured. Had I ever had a home?
Nothing, not even the safe things, last forever. I could feel emotions breaching the stillness I had built, cascading through my senses. Memories of soft carpet under my feet as I walked down a hall in our mansion; the thick tang of metal and leather in Sandrock's cockpit; heat burning my skin from the fiery explosion of self-destruction; cool water sliding down my throat in the middle of the night; my father's last words trembling with determination in the air. The stars blurred in my vision through gathering tears.
A potential metaphor hung in the air, but I let it go unresolved. More than sadness, more than anger or despair I felt...tired. Lost. Berift.
Suddenly the warmth of Wufei's body was against my back, his arms slid around me. A brief flare of anger ran through me and I stiffened. I didn't need to be protected and I hated to be sheltered. I was not some fragile thing to be broken by memories or pain.
"Go away."
"Why?" His voice was calm, curious.
"I don't need you."
"I know." I could hear the smile in his voice. "But you do need to rest."
I amused him? I should have been angry, but for some inexplicable reason, it made me relax. He had reacted in the most perfect way possible; he wasn't pitying me or trying to protect me. In a moment, I understood. What I had seen as condescension was meant as support. An offering of refuge between equals.
Technically, I was still right. I didn't need him. But if we have only the things we need, would our survival have any meaning? I turned my head just slightly until the skin of my cheek met his bare shoulder. In that moment, I was home.