DISCLAIMER: Don't own: Secret Window, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Pirates of the Caribbean, From Hell, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Cry-Baby. Also, the two characters Esmeralda and Julie are not Mary-Sue's, they're me and my best friend Julie. She provides the comic relief, savvy?

Chapter 1: The Beginning (of the End)

Mort Rainey was sitting at his desk. He was working on a new story, but he had no title, barely any plot. Just one paragraph that read:

'Four days after George had confirmed to his satisfaction that his wife was cheating on him, he confronted her.

"I have to talk to you, Abby," he said.'

"Oh man," he muttered, "This is just bad writing." as he deleted the paragraph.

"You've got mail! ®" his laptop said. He opened the e-mail and this is what it said:

'Dear Mr. Rainey:

We have decided that you need a sense of adventure. You will be a pirate. Your departure will be in 10 minutes.

Sincerely,

Esmeralda Sparrow and Julie Sands.

"What the hell?" Mort said.

Agent Sands was relaxing on his couch after a hard day. Of course, 'hard' would be a bit of an understatement seeing as how he had icepacks on both his ankles and his left wrist was sprained.

"Damn I hate trainees." he cursed as he started flipping through the channels. After 5 minutes of flipping, the image on the television remained the same. A girl, she looked about 15 or 16, with long brown hair that had beautiful blond streaks in it.

"Hello?" she said, "is this retarded thing even working?"

"Wh-Who are you?" Sands asked the TV.

"Hey! It's working! Holy shit it's working! Oh Julie!" the girl said, saying that last bit to the side of the screen. "I made something that works! Pay up!" and a voice from off side replied "oh shut up!"

"I asked you a question." Sands said.

"Right," the girl said, "I am Esmeralda. Me and my friend Julie decided you are taking too many risks, so we are giving you a break. You are going to live the life of a 1950s teenage boy rebel-ish dude who flips for a girl who is normally not his kind and has a kick-ass singing voice."

"WHAT?!?!?"

"You leave in ten minutes, savvy?"

"but..."

Inspector Fred Abberline was taking a relaxing bath while preparing his favorite drink, green wine mixed with a melted sugarcube lace with Laude...Lauden...Laudanum...oh it's the stuff that's like opium and I can't spell for crap!!! Ahem...

"I want to find that killer." he muttered, "the bastard." And as he was finally starting to get relaxed (and drunk and high all at the same time lol), a white circle appeared right above him, and after hearing two girls whistles, a letter dropped down. Abberline grabbed it before it hit the water and opened it. Here is what it said:

'Dear Inspector Abberline:

Time for a change from your chasing the dragon. You will be a high school athlete from the 1980s. You leave in 10 minutes.

From, Julie'

"What on earth?" he said and a second letter came down

'P.S Put some pants on!' it said (hee hee hee)

Captain Jack Sparrow was sailing on his little boat which had a tiny leak in it looking oh-so-hot as he was sailing along. Then everything froze. Jack looked out toward the horizon, and saw someone riding on a Jet-Ski towards him. As the person got closer, he saw that it was a girl, the same one that had earlier appeared to Agent Sands (yes the Esmeralda chick).

"Captain Jack Sparrow?" She asked.

"Yes. Who are you luv?"

"My name is Esmeralda. Me and my friend Julie decided that you need a little change of pace. You will be a CIA Agent from 2003 about to go on a mission in Mexico. Savvy?"

"Hey! That's my line!"

"Sure ok, you leave in ten minutes." and she disappeared, everything unfroze, and the leak in the boat was gone.

"What the devil is a CIA Agent?" he asked out loud.

It was nighttime on Elm Street. Glenn was sitting in his room, doing his homework while listening to music and watching T.V all at the same time

(A/N: talk about multi-tasking!).

"Man," he sighed, "I wish my life would get a little more interesting, it's so boring!" at that time, his mom walked in.

"Glenn sweetie," his mom said, "Telephone call."

"Who is it?"

"It's a girl named Julie Sands. She says she's in your Algebra II class?"

"Umm...Okay. Hello?" he said picking up the phone in his room.

"Is this Glenn?" Julie asked

"Yes. Um... who exactly are you?"

"My name is Julie, me and my friend Esmeralda overheard you wishing your life was a little more interesting. We will grant your wish. You shall be a successful writer."

"How can that be interesting?" Glenn was puzzled.

"Oh believe me. It will get interesting." Esmeralda said from the other line.

"Yeah," Julie said, "It will get interesting. 'Specially if..."

"Julie shut up! You are so not sane in the membrane." Esmeralda said as Julie hung up her line.

"Sorry about that." Esmeralda said. "You leave in ten minutes. Savvy?"

"Wait," Glenn said, "Are you dating anyone?"

dial tone

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker was sitting in his jail cell being depressed, happy, and pissed off all at the same (A/N: which is actually possible thank you very much!)

"My list of things to do once I get out of this stinkin' tank: one; get vengeance on that Baldwin a-hole. Two, make Allison mine; and three get a haircut, nah screw that." then a guard came in.

"You have a visitor."

"Is it Allison?"

"Come see for yourself, scum." as the guard yanked Cry-Baby out of the cell. plunk he threw Cry-Baby into the chair. Sitting across from him was the same Esmeralda girl that appeared to Sands and Sparrow.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Well, my alibi is that I'm a distant cousin of your aunt's nephew, twice removed. But I said that cuz that's the only way the guard would let me see ya.

"Why would you want to see me?"

"Me and my friend Julie have decided that you need a break from jail."

"You're getting me out of here?"

"Yes... and no. You see, we are temporarily turning you into an Inspector who has physic visions in 1888. Savvy?"

"Ok... I guess."

"You leave in 10 minutes."

Esmeralda walked back into the apartment she shared with her best friend Julie. When she went in, she saw that the half of the apartment that was for her posters had been re-plastered with posters of: Miami Heat, Miami Hurricanes, Miami Dolphins, Florida Marlins, Florida Panthers, and FAU Owls.

"She replaced my posters...again. JULIE!!!!!" she screeched.

"Yeah!" Julie stepped into the room.

"Is everything set up?"

"Yup, we just need to decide which one of us helps the people in which movies." Julie said.

"Ok," Esmeralda began, "I claim Once Upon a Time in Mexico, From Hell, and Pirates of the Caribbean!"

"Dammit! I wanted Pirates of the Caribbean." Julie screeched

"Why? Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom?" (A/N: both!) Esmeralda continued. "You get Cry-Baby, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Secret Window."

"How come you got first dibs?"

"In case you forgot, it was my idea! Besides, you got to name the device, and get to give the order."

"Oh," Julie remarked, as if a light bulb had suddenly gone off in her head. "Okay............Activate the DeMarco 16! Operation Firebert shall begin!"

"I still think 'Firebert' is a bad operation name." Esmeralda muttered.

"I won't take questioning or second-guessing missy! Do it now!"

"Ok, ok! Don't flip out!" and Esmeralda pushed the big blue button.

There was a dead silence.

"Did it work?" Julie asked, "How do we tell?"

"We stay, and watch them." (A/N: that quote is from "From Hell.")

And at the same time, brilliant flashes of light filled all the characters' rooms. When it died down, they saw that they were in a white room. On one side stood Sparrow, Rainey, and Cry-Baby, and on the other side stood Glenn, Abberline, and Sands. Footsteps could be heard down the hallway. In walked Esmeralda and Julie. Two seconds later, Julie promptly tripped.

"Smart." Esmeralda said sarcastically.

"Shut up."

"Ok, so what the hell are we all doing here?" Sands demanded.

"Well," Julie said as she got up, "If you even bothered to read your letter, or listen to Esmeralda, you would know what the hell you are doing here. Any questions?"

"Is Esmeralda your real name?" Glenn asked.

"No it's my middle name."

"Well then what's your first name?"

"Allana," she said, "But I prefer Esmeralda. So you all will leave in about two minutes. Savvy?"

"Stop saying my bloody line!" Sparrow yelled.

"Temper, temper." Julie said. "We are going to be helping you out so you better be respectful. If you look at your new watches, you will see two buttons, a red one, and a blue or green one. If it is green, then if you press it, I will come and help you out." Glenn, Abberline, and Sands all had green buttons.

"And if it is blue," Esmeralda said, "Then I will come help you if you press it. Savvy?" Sparrow, Rainey, and Cry-Baby all had blue buttons.

"And now it is time for you all to go bye-bye!" Julie said. And the six characters disappeared and Julie then started to prance around like a moron.

"Let the fun begin." Esmeralda said.

"Ha ha ha ha!" Julie laughed in an evil way, "Ha ha coughcough" she started choking. Esmeralda sighed and walked out.

and so it begins

A/N: Well, that's the beginning, hope you all enjoy, I already have the next 2 chapters written, but I need reviews before I post them.

And, the DeMarco 16, is a reference to the Johnny Depp movie

"Don Juan de Marco" it's really a funny movie.

Also, If anyone can get me the lyrics to the songs in Cry-Baby that would really help.