Well, what was it I said about pride? Yeah, well, I found it's a lot
easier to dismiss the importance of a guy's pride until it's your own that
takes a knock. Live and learn, they say. I've sure learned a lot this
past year, le me tell ya.
I waited a week before sneaking off to the Jacobs' flat again, during the day when Davey and Les would be in school. When I picked up the sack of newly mended blankets, I had to sit through a lot of the mother-hen stuff from Mrs. Jacobs about bein' out in that weather with no coat. I'd yet to come up with the dough to buy a new one. I finally got out of there, after a bowl of the best soup I ever remember eatin', and rushed back to the lodgin' house to drop the blankets off with Kloppy.
After staying a few minutes to warm up, I grabbed my papes from where I'd hidden them under the stairs and headed over to Grand Central. Sellin' had picked up a little with headlines about the winter weather. With the way we was improvin' those headlines, though, you'd think all of Manhattan was gonna be buried in snow 'til June. Hey, we kids gotta eat too.
Skitts was there, along with Jackrabbit and Skip. The two little kids were wearin' coats I'd gotten from Mrs. Jacobs. I wondered how long it would be until Les saw one of 'em and said something. Oh, well.
It took a long time for all of us to sell all our papes. We pooled our money together to get lunch for all of us. We got more food that way. After Skittery had sold his last pape, we all made the long walk back to the distribution center. Most of the others were already there. Mush and Blink made room for me and I went to stand between them. Blink slid over so that he was blocking me from the wind. I shot him a grateful smile then looked around.
Jack was up front as usual, standing with David. As usual. Davey had his arm around Les' shoulders as he and Jack laughed about something or other. For some reason, it made me jealous. Before the strike, it was me Jack laughed with while we waited for our papes. Things had changed, and I didn't like it.
I wasn't sure just why I didn't like it. I mean, I should be happy for Jack. He'd found a place with David and his family. But it was like I could see the writing on the wall. It wouldn't be long before Jack left us. A year, maybe. Two at the most, but I wouldn't put odds on him stayin' two years. He'd had a taste of a better life, and he wouldn't be satisfied until he had what David had.
Of course, here I was wanting what Jack had, which made me no better. It's hard to admit stuff like that to yourself, though, ain't it?
As I was standin' there, stewing about Jack and David and the rest of the Jacobs clan, David broke away from Jack and walked over to me, Blink and Mush. He had somethin' under his arm and he pulled it out when he stopped in front of me. He was all smiles as he handed it to me.
"Here, Race. My mother told me to give you my old coat. She'd been meaning to donate it to charity, but kept forgetting. Guess it's a good thing. She wants you to have it."
Charity, huh? And an old coat of David's, no less. I could feel the scowl creep across my face and it took everything I had to wipe it away and slip the old poker face on. I wanted nothing more than to tell Dave where he could shove that coat. But, how could I? After what I'd told Jack? Nope, I was stuck. I was gonna hafta wear that lousy coat and think of David and his family every stinkin' day until it was warm enough to ditch it.
My arm felt like lead as I reached over and took the coat from Dave. Les came running over, giving me a gap-toothed grin. I wished the ground would open up and swallow me. It didn't.
Slipping the coat on, I managed a tight-lipped smile. I even managed to keep my anger and indignation out of my voice. "Yeah, thanks Davey. Thank your mother for me, huh?"
I was saved by the bell. Literally. When the distribution bell rang, Davey gave me one last infuriating smile and grabbed Les by the collar. "I better get my papes. See you guys around."
Yeah. Sure. The coat fit pretty well. A little big, but not too bad. He'd probably outgrown it last winter. Mush slapped me on the back, all smiles and happy I could now stay fairly warm. Blink, though. The solemn look in his good eye told me he knew what I was thinkin'. Knew what a blow it was to my pride. A newsie don't have much but his pride.
I shrugged at Blink, 'cause we both knew I had no choice. I'd basically told Jack to suck it up then went behind his back to get stuff from Mrs. Jacobs. Besides, I was gonna freeze to death without a coat sooner or later. Yep, I was stuck.
The only good thing about that evening was that I was able to sell out at Central Park with Blink and Mush now that I had a coat. That was pretty much the high point of the night. It was hard to sell our papes, 'cause people didn't want to linger too much in the frigid night air. We'd resorted to Mush hoofing while I played the harmonica, to try to pull in customers. Worked, too, 'til the damn bulls chased us away.
Jeez, can't they just let us kids earn a living? One cop had given up pretty fast, but the younger guy stuck to us like glue for two blocks. Nearly caught Blink when he slipped on a patch of ice. Me and Mush ran back for him and knocked the cop down. It earned Mush a sore knee from the guy's billy club, and me a whack on the back, but we got Blink free. Now we'd have to find somewhere else to sell for a few weeks.
The three of us walked home, well me and Blink walked...Mush sort of limped, nursing our bruises and inventing new cuss words for the bulls. We'd gone out of our way in our flight from the law, so we ended up passing by Dave's building. I couldn't help but look up to see the light in their window. I wondered what Mrs. Jacobs had cooked for dinner. Then wondered why I cared.
But I did. Care, I mean.
Daydreaming about all the wonderful things Dave and his family probably had for dinner made it hard to swallow the beans me and the rest of the boys had that night. But I ate my beans and chunk of bread, trying to pretend it was soup or chicken or just about anything but beans.
Jack didn't come back for dinner, which meant he was probably over at Sarah's. Sharing that dinner I kept thinking about. It didn't seem fair that he got a home-cooked meal, while the rest of us ate beans. At the same time, I knew it wasn't fair to blame Jack.
Ya know, it's really hard to feel sorry for yourself when you think too damn much.
By the time Jack came back, the rest of us had been in our beds for half an hour or so. I heard the door open and close just as I was nudging Jackrabbit's arm offa my face. Blue Billy was sleeping the other way 'round from us, so his head was at our feet. His bony little foot was pressing into my bladder and I couldn't take it any more.
With a whispered swear, I untangled myself from my two bedmates and headed for the latrine. When I finished with my business and went to the sink to wash my hands, I found Jack at the next sink washing his face. For once, I shouldn't have had my poker face on. Then maybe Jack wouldn't have tried to start a conversation.
Of course, if I knew how to keep my mouth shut things wouldn't have gone so badly.
"Heya, Race."
Avoiding eye contact, I turned on the water. "Heya, Jack."
"Kloppman almost locked me out, can ya believe it?"
That's where I should've kept my mouth shut. "Yeah, Jack, I can."
The splashing in the sink next to me stopped. "What d'ya mean?"
"You're late, Jack. For the third time this week."
"You keepin' track, or what?"
Or what. "I just think you oughta spend a little more time here, is all."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I could hear the challenging tone in Jack's voice that time.
"You're the leader, Jack. Would it be expectin' too much for you to be here at night? While you're off at Davey's eating vegetables, warm bread with butter and...well, whatever Mrs. Jacobs cooks...Kloppy, Blink, Skitts and me are cookin' beans for the other kids. Tomorrow, you'll probably be eatin' hot soup or something over there with Sarah. Ya know what we're eatin'? Boiled potatoes and bread with no butter."
"She's my girl, Race! Of course I'm gonna spend time with her when I can." Jack was winding up, now. "Sounds to me like you're jealous. I can't help it you don't have nobody."
Ouch. That one hurt. Hurt even more because it was so damn true. Well, I could hit sore spots, too. "Yeah, well you're supposed to be the leader, Jack. So, lead! You need to spend more time with the newsies, 'cause it seems to me that we're leadin' ourselves. I bet Spot don't leave his guys to fend for themselves like you do. Pretty soon and we won't even need you."
That was a low blow, even from me. I knew Jack was a little sensitive about his mantle of leader, especially after what happened during the strike. And comparing him to Spot was another jab. I can be a mean bastard when I wanna be.
"Go to hell, Race." Jack looked like he wanted to hit me. I couldn't really blame the guy.
Instead, he shoved me out of his way and stomped off to his bed. I knew by the silence that greeted me as I made my way to my own bed, that our voices had risen loud enough for most of the others to hear what had been said. Oh, well. What's done is done.
I crawled under the woolen blanket and settled down between Jackrabbit and Blue. Lacing my hands behind my head, I stared up at the striped mattress above me. I laid there as loud breathing and snores signaled that the others were once again drifting off to sleep. And thought of a warm room that smelled of spices and held the laughter and love of a family.
"Go to hell, Race." I was already there.
~~~~~***~~~~~
I waited a week before sneaking off to the Jacobs' flat again, during the day when Davey and Les would be in school. When I picked up the sack of newly mended blankets, I had to sit through a lot of the mother-hen stuff from Mrs. Jacobs about bein' out in that weather with no coat. I'd yet to come up with the dough to buy a new one. I finally got out of there, after a bowl of the best soup I ever remember eatin', and rushed back to the lodgin' house to drop the blankets off with Kloppy.
After staying a few minutes to warm up, I grabbed my papes from where I'd hidden them under the stairs and headed over to Grand Central. Sellin' had picked up a little with headlines about the winter weather. With the way we was improvin' those headlines, though, you'd think all of Manhattan was gonna be buried in snow 'til June. Hey, we kids gotta eat too.
Skitts was there, along with Jackrabbit and Skip. The two little kids were wearin' coats I'd gotten from Mrs. Jacobs. I wondered how long it would be until Les saw one of 'em and said something. Oh, well.
It took a long time for all of us to sell all our papes. We pooled our money together to get lunch for all of us. We got more food that way. After Skittery had sold his last pape, we all made the long walk back to the distribution center. Most of the others were already there. Mush and Blink made room for me and I went to stand between them. Blink slid over so that he was blocking me from the wind. I shot him a grateful smile then looked around.
Jack was up front as usual, standing with David. As usual. Davey had his arm around Les' shoulders as he and Jack laughed about something or other. For some reason, it made me jealous. Before the strike, it was me Jack laughed with while we waited for our papes. Things had changed, and I didn't like it.
I wasn't sure just why I didn't like it. I mean, I should be happy for Jack. He'd found a place with David and his family. But it was like I could see the writing on the wall. It wouldn't be long before Jack left us. A year, maybe. Two at the most, but I wouldn't put odds on him stayin' two years. He'd had a taste of a better life, and he wouldn't be satisfied until he had what David had.
Of course, here I was wanting what Jack had, which made me no better. It's hard to admit stuff like that to yourself, though, ain't it?
As I was standin' there, stewing about Jack and David and the rest of the Jacobs clan, David broke away from Jack and walked over to me, Blink and Mush. He had somethin' under his arm and he pulled it out when he stopped in front of me. He was all smiles as he handed it to me.
"Here, Race. My mother told me to give you my old coat. She'd been meaning to donate it to charity, but kept forgetting. Guess it's a good thing. She wants you to have it."
Charity, huh? And an old coat of David's, no less. I could feel the scowl creep across my face and it took everything I had to wipe it away and slip the old poker face on. I wanted nothing more than to tell Dave where he could shove that coat. But, how could I? After what I'd told Jack? Nope, I was stuck. I was gonna hafta wear that lousy coat and think of David and his family every stinkin' day until it was warm enough to ditch it.
My arm felt like lead as I reached over and took the coat from Dave. Les came running over, giving me a gap-toothed grin. I wished the ground would open up and swallow me. It didn't.
Slipping the coat on, I managed a tight-lipped smile. I even managed to keep my anger and indignation out of my voice. "Yeah, thanks Davey. Thank your mother for me, huh?"
I was saved by the bell. Literally. When the distribution bell rang, Davey gave me one last infuriating smile and grabbed Les by the collar. "I better get my papes. See you guys around."
Yeah. Sure. The coat fit pretty well. A little big, but not too bad. He'd probably outgrown it last winter. Mush slapped me on the back, all smiles and happy I could now stay fairly warm. Blink, though. The solemn look in his good eye told me he knew what I was thinkin'. Knew what a blow it was to my pride. A newsie don't have much but his pride.
I shrugged at Blink, 'cause we both knew I had no choice. I'd basically told Jack to suck it up then went behind his back to get stuff from Mrs. Jacobs. Besides, I was gonna freeze to death without a coat sooner or later. Yep, I was stuck.
The only good thing about that evening was that I was able to sell out at Central Park with Blink and Mush now that I had a coat. That was pretty much the high point of the night. It was hard to sell our papes, 'cause people didn't want to linger too much in the frigid night air. We'd resorted to Mush hoofing while I played the harmonica, to try to pull in customers. Worked, too, 'til the damn bulls chased us away.
Jeez, can't they just let us kids earn a living? One cop had given up pretty fast, but the younger guy stuck to us like glue for two blocks. Nearly caught Blink when he slipped on a patch of ice. Me and Mush ran back for him and knocked the cop down. It earned Mush a sore knee from the guy's billy club, and me a whack on the back, but we got Blink free. Now we'd have to find somewhere else to sell for a few weeks.
The three of us walked home, well me and Blink walked...Mush sort of limped, nursing our bruises and inventing new cuss words for the bulls. We'd gone out of our way in our flight from the law, so we ended up passing by Dave's building. I couldn't help but look up to see the light in their window. I wondered what Mrs. Jacobs had cooked for dinner. Then wondered why I cared.
But I did. Care, I mean.
Daydreaming about all the wonderful things Dave and his family probably had for dinner made it hard to swallow the beans me and the rest of the boys had that night. But I ate my beans and chunk of bread, trying to pretend it was soup or chicken or just about anything but beans.
Jack didn't come back for dinner, which meant he was probably over at Sarah's. Sharing that dinner I kept thinking about. It didn't seem fair that he got a home-cooked meal, while the rest of us ate beans. At the same time, I knew it wasn't fair to blame Jack.
Ya know, it's really hard to feel sorry for yourself when you think too damn much.
By the time Jack came back, the rest of us had been in our beds for half an hour or so. I heard the door open and close just as I was nudging Jackrabbit's arm offa my face. Blue Billy was sleeping the other way 'round from us, so his head was at our feet. His bony little foot was pressing into my bladder and I couldn't take it any more.
With a whispered swear, I untangled myself from my two bedmates and headed for the latrine. When I finished with my business and went to the sink to wash my hands, I found Jack at the next sink washing his face. For once, I shouldn't have had my poker face on. Then maybe Jack wouldn't have tried to start a conversation.
Of course, if I knew how to keep my mouth shut things wouldn't have gone so badly.
"Heya, Race."
Avoiding eye contact, I turned on the water. "Heya, Jack."
"Kloppman almost locked me out, can ya believe it?"
That's where I should've kept my mouth shut. "Yeah, Jack, I can."
The splashing in the sink next to me stopped. "What d'ya mean?"
"You're late, Jack. For the third time this week."
"You keepin' track, or what?"
Or what. "I just think you oughta spend a little more time here, is all."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I could hear the challenging tone in Jack's voice that time.
"You're the leader, Jack. Would it be expectin' too much for you to be here at night? While you're off at Davey's eating vegetables, warm bread with butter and...well, whatever Mrs. Jacobs cooks...Kloppy, Blink, Skitts and me are cookin' beans for the other kids. Tomorrow, you'll probably be eatin' hot soup or something over there with Sarah. Ya know what we're eatin'? Boiled potatoes and bread with no butter."
"She's my girl, Race! Of course I'm gonna spend time with her when I can." Jack was winding up, now. "Sounds to me like you're jealous. I can't help it you don't have nobody."
Ouch. That one hurt. Hurt even more because it was so damn true. Well, I could hit sore spots, too. "Yeah, well you're supposed to be the leader, Jack. So, lead! You need to spend more time with the newsies, 'cause it seems to me that we're leadin' ourselves. I bet Spot don't leave his guys to fend for themselves like you do. Pretty soon and we won't even need you."
That was a low blow, even from me. I knew Jack was a little sensitive about his mantle of leader, especially after what happened during the strike. And comparing him to Spot was another jab. I can be a mean bastard when I wanna be.
"Go to hell, Race." Jack looked like he wanted to hit me. I couldn't really blame the guy.
Instead, he shoved me out of his way and stomped off to his bed. I knew by the silence that greeted me as I made my way to my own bed, that our voices had risen loud enough for most of the others to hear what had been said. Oh, well. What's done is done.
I crawled under the woolen blanket and settled down between Jackrabbit and Blue. Lacing my hands behind my head, I stared up at the striped mattress above me. I laid there as loud breathing and snores signaled that the others were once again drifting off to sleep. And thought of a warm room that smelled of spices and held the laughter and love of a family.
"Go to hell, Race." I was already there.
~~~~~***~~~~~