TITLE: I wish I may, I wish I might

AUTHOR NAME: Marlena & Trav

EMAIL: All feedback email may be sent to BloodFlameRoseverizon.net

CATEGORY: Romance

SUB CATEGORY: General

RATING: G - General - approved for all audiences ( save for chapter 9 to some audiences because of content )

PAIRING: Elizabeth Swann & Will Turner

DISTRIBUTION: Ask and you might receive. But why would you want it?
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SUMMARY: Elizabeth Swann is the Governor's daughter. Will ( William ) Turner, is a 'simple' blacksmith. As far as everything was stated, these two were from two different worlds, and were never to come together in any way shape or form. But can classes stand in the way of true love?

DISCLAIMER: I ( actually WE ) don't own anything or anyone. This is based strictly on role-play. It has nothing to do with the real Pirates of the Caribbean®. It would be a 'before look' if anything; based on the content. The characters, setting, etc is from the movie, and this is my way of stating I'm NOT claiming ownership. So don't screw me, err sue me, okay? The portrayal of Elizabeth Swann is credited to Marlena, while on the flipside, Will Turner is credited to Trav. Comments are always welcome.

This is just a quick thank you for all of you who have followed our little story, and commented to make it better. We appreciate everything you've all done to help us make this story completely own. Hopefully, it didn't disappoint at all. We love y'all, and thanks. -Marlena & Trav
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Chapter Twelve: I love you, this much.

Elizabeth sat, idly, on the a rock behind the Swann Mansion. She had been thinking a lot now days, about where her life was going. The direction the spiral turned for her, and her future. Frankly, the only way she saw it, was going down. Her father, was so sure she'd marry Captain, soon to be Commodore Norrington. That was the LAST thing she wanted. Especially now. She rested her head on her knees, as she looked out over the crystalline ocean below, sometimes she just wanted to jump, to see how fast she'd fall, how hard the water hit when it slapped your tender skin from such a fall, she sighed. She was dressed in her Sunday best on a Tuesday, a long, crushed red velvet corset dress, with velvet shoes, her hair curled and down. She looked like a doll, if anything. The softest, most delicate porcelain, that would break under the slightest pressure. She felt like she was breaking, and there was nobody there to pick up the pieces. Not her father, not Jaquiline, not...not even Will. She could have felt herself break into tears at the very moment he crossed her mind, but she merely clutched her knees closer to her body, her face now pointed downward, no longer looking at the world around her. "Why must this be so hard?" Elizabeth wept into her dress, trying desperately to pull herself together. It had been hard for her, to think of anything positive the past few days. It all started with Norrington betraying her trust and innocence she still had left. Well, that was out the window, really. The entire town, must have thought she was some unrighteous jezebel, betraying the good, well looked upon name of Swann. She didn't even trust herself really, as she slowly stood up, her eyes traced with a lining of silver tears, that hadn't quite yet found their desire to fall. She crossed her arms against her chest, as she slowly started toward the manor, brushing away the remaining tears. She wasn't going to give them their chance to fall...not now. Not today. She was hanging all of her hopes of sanity on dreams and technicalities... as she walked back into the house. But as she did, she was almost slapped in the face. More so with shock than anything, as she saw Will. She detoured, attempting to not be seen, to the back stairwell, that lead downstairs to Jaquiline's recreational room. She knew her handmaid was out, so there was no need to worry of being caught. Not as if she would be scolded for such. She leaned against the door, her eyes closing. Tears were starting to form again, as she slid down the door, to sitting on the floor, her knees back up against her chest like a small child, suffering hurt for the first time.

Will fought to suppress the grin which tugged at the corners on his mouth, refusing to be robbed of it's first chance to show itself in weeks. His eyes weren't helping matters at all on their own part, as they glossed over with happiness, blurring his sight. It had been so long since he'd felt this way, like he could breathe again after a weight had been lifted off of him. He felt a bit like a boy again, having received a ball of cookie dough from the cook when he'd begun his search for Elizabeth. Yet the cook's advice must have been old, for as he stepped out onto the back terrace, it became obvious that Elizabeth was no longer out side. He stepped to the edge for a moment, hands gripping the rail as though to keep the salty breeze from blowing him down. He inhaled deeply. He'd always done this as a child, loving the cool wind which sometimes felt like it was trying to tug you out to sea. But the breeze made him wish he knew more from before he'd been found afloat by his dear Elizabeth. He shook his head slightly, knocking his thoughts from the sea, he needed to find Elizabeth. Maybe it was his imagination, but as he turned back to the house, the wind seemed to gust harder, as if the sea were angry that he defied its alluring calls. He latched the back door firmly against the wind, being in this house again really was bringing out his imagination. He weaved back through the kitchen, into the parlor and dining room Elizabeth simply wasn't to be found. As he entered back into the foyer, he gazed longingly at the staircase which hugged itself to the wall. There was still one place she could be, the one place he couldn't go. Maybe he'd missed a spot on this floor, it was worth looking again. But again through the kitchen, the dining room, the library, Elizabeth wasn't eating or reading.. she just wasn't there. He slumped against the hall wall, knocking the back of his head against it in frustration. "Elizabeth.." he whispered softly to himself. "can you not hide somewhere I might find you? You must know that I've found you a hope.."

Elizabeth had put her ear to the door, hoping that he had gone. She waited a moment, before kneeling, looking out the keyhole. She didn't see anybody. She felt it was safe to make the mad dash to her room, that she had made on many occasions as of late. Whether to avoid a confrontation with Norrington, Mistress Mary, even her own father. The door creaked open as she pulled it, peeking out from behind it. She started walking, quick paced, up the stairs, and down the hallway toward the kitchen once more, but as she went to turn, she heard her name, whispered... oh no, what are you going to do now? She thought to herself, in a panicked breath, hoping he hadn't heard the door. Or her footsteps. It was highly doubtful she was silent. She leaned against the wall, closing her eyes. She felt like a fugitive in her own household, but it wasn't as if she was hiding from him. Actually, she was trying to...she didn't know if she could face him. Not after everything. He had said, he was going to her father. What if he had? What would be the case? What would have been said? Did he tell of all their meetings, down by the docks...Mistress Mary's...the blacksmith's shop... her heart pounded, it felt like it was going to pound right out of her chest and kill her where she stood. Never, had she experienced such pressure. She slid down the wall, this time, holding her chest with heaving breath. She was not only over thinking, but she knew if she didn't relax, she was going to pay the price...she felt as if she was already. God why are you punishing me of all people? She whispered silently to herself, containing a sob. She knew he was going to find her, but she didn't care...not now. She was in so much pain, why not end it? He could put the final nail in her preverbal coffin...like he clearly had wanted to.

"God, can you not hear me?" He muttered. No one was going to answer him. He could either stand here hopelessly, or leave and try to speak with Elizabeth later. As he stood there, he was almost sure that he had heard a peculiar noise behind him, ignoring it at first. He heard a noise again, he was positive this time. He slipped around the turn of the hallway and narrowly missed tumbling over a woman's crumpled form. All of the sudden, alarms screamed in his head as he looked down at the shuddering, seemingly broken figure. He felt to his knees beside the woman, putting a hand on her back, instinctively rubbing in small circles, trying to sooth the silence sobs which threatened her form. "are you alright?" he asked softly, immediately feeling stupid for having asked. The girl was in a heap on the floor in front of him, of course she wasn't alright. He leaned his head down, trying to get a look at her. Dear god, this was Elizabeth. Had that rat Norrington done something else to her? The hair on the back of his neck stood on end, and his jaw set. "Who hurt you? was it him? I'll kill him.."

Elizabeth shook her head, as she was listening to his questions. "No..." She muttered, "No, he didn't do anything...what more could he do?" She was obviously still shaken from the Norrington charade, that was obvious. She looked at the floor, trying her best to avoid eye contact. The luster in her eyes had since faded since the last time they had came eye to eye, there was barely any color left. Gray, as were the thoughts in her head, clouded. Disoriented. "I'm a disgrace to my family name, I'm a tramp." She said softly, letting her legs extend, to where she looked like nothing more than a rag doll, absolutely tormented, and beautifully broken. "Or, at least that's how I feel..." She corrected her phrase, to feeling more so than proven fact. "Why am I even still here? I deserve to be cast out, don't I?" She asked, this time, she looked up at him. Her eyes were dampered with light lines of silver tears built up, she couldn't bring herself to let them fall. Just looking at him seemed to make her heart feel light, but there was nothing that could be done. After all, there wasn't much left.

It horrified him that she was saying these things, that she had been utterly destroyed by Norrington's behavior. He wanted more than ever to hurt the man, to make him regret hurting Elizabeth, or even looking at her in a sideways manner. "No Elizabeth, you don't, you aren't." If only the world were simple enough that his words could just clear things up and make her believe. But it wasn't enough, he felt like he was useless, helpless. And now, what he'd been eager to tell her, might only serve to discourage her more. Women were unpredictable when they became emotional. But he couldn't just leave her either, not now that he'd finally gotten her back. She had to know that he'd fought for her, even if it was only in his own small way. Maybe her father hadn't believed him about Norrington, but the thoughts had been planted in his head and Will was sure that he was going to look at Norrington with a new found scrutiny from now on, and that was promising on it's own. Norrington was no longer going to walk all over Elizabeth and everyone else, unchecked. He brought his hand down to her cheek, brushing a tear from her eye with his thumb, it was now or never. "That's why I've been looking for you, I've had a talk with your father."

Her body tensed up, that's what she had been dreading to hear. He had talked to her father. "No...you...you talked to him?" Elizabeth looked scared, she had almost forgotten what he had said about how she wasn't all of those things she thought she was. "No....how could you? Why? What happened? You're still alive?" She was talking quicker than she ever had, she was panicking. She couldn't even imagine to think what was said between them. What if her father was saving the scolding for her? Did Will tell him everything? The romance, the secrets, the love they were obviously sharing? Had shared, rather. "I can't believe you...." She wasn't angry, as much as she was scared. She looked away from him, her arms clutching her knees against her chest, as she closed her eyes. She was in for it unless her father changed his mind about the classes? That wouldn't ever happen. He had to accept the lines between them, he had to enforce it, it was his job. "Why are you looking for me? To tell us we can never see each other again? Ever? Because my father wouldn't allow it if he knew everything that was said, or that happened...clearly..." She sighed softly, resting her head in her knees. She was obviously losing it. Or just jumping the gun.

The way Elizabeth flustered, you'd think that he'd ousted some secret love affair, and not a frowned upon friendship when he had spoken to her father. Surely she didn't think he'd read more into what had happened and tell her father as much.. unless maybe that was what she saw, what she had wanted from it. But he pushed his boyish hope back down behind rational thoughts. He owed her this explanation, and wishes and hopes had no business cluttering it up, not right now. "Last time we spoke, I was ready to be done with it. I was going to tell him, accept being sent away, or.. whatever fate he might have for me. I didn't think I could bear this existence anymore, not without the person I have lo---leaned, so heavily upon for so long." He swallowed hard, trying to pace himself. He'd almost said he loved her. That would never do. "But after we spoke, I knew more than ever that he needed to hear a truth. Maybe I didn't tell him everything, but I told him what he needed to know, that we were friends. And that anyone who thought our behavior had gone beyond innocence was mistaken." He wasn't sure if he should continue with what he'd told her father, but if anyone deserved to know the whole truth, it was Elizabeth. "I told him of the looks that the men at the fort give you when his back is turned... and that they discuss dishonorable things.. and that the captain sometimes took part." Will slumped back against the wall. She would either love him or hate him for this. "I do not think so much of myself to think that he will take my word for these things, he told me as much. But I think he will think twice about their whispering.." He sighed deeply, all that weight that had been lifted hung on him again. It hurt to not know what she was thinking of what he'd said.. what she was thinking about him. "I couldn't very well declare the Captain a lecher, I did more than I should have already…"

"At the fort, they look at me like a tramp, like a whore...just like the Captain had put into their head by waving around the torn ribbon of my dress he has...he uses it as a trophy...of sort..." She looked toward him, tears dried from her eyes as he spoke. She didn't believe he had such a gaul, as to tell all of this to her father. "I can't really blame the gentlemen at the fort for what their captain had told them. The fact he's a mislead fool doesn't really make the rest of them. They only know what they've heard." She was obviously, really serene about the matter, which was awfully strange. "And what were you about to say? Lo, and Leaned sound nothing alike..." Even in all of the upsetting nature as of late, she was able to catch something so small, the least little mishap in his words. She was there, paying attention to him. Her legs outstretched again, this time, with her scooting closer to where Will now was against the wall. She looked at him, confused. "I wish you would be completely honest with me....I mean, we have been through much together since we were young..." She grabbed his hand, slowly pulling herself to a standing position. She now looked up at him, maybe he was the last hope she had. Her last saving grace to sanity...and to the self-respect she lost. She cared so much for him, and couldn't help it, she knew it was against everything that the civilization of Port Royal would allow. Under her father's law, she still wished to break...just for him. "I'm sorry...for whatever I've gotten you into..." She said softly, her hand still holding his hand tightly. "I've, well, I've missed our talks... I've missed our time. It was the only time I ever felt happy Will... and without it, what do I really have left? I have nothing...you're what I have..." She looked down, she felt like she was speaking to a silent choir of judging cherubs. "I just miss you...having you around...everything." because I love you....she thought to herself.

He cursed himself as she questioned his having misspoken. He should never have even thought those things, but he'd had such a long day and he was so worn, he'd allowed the thought to get horribly close to the surface. He didn't know what he could do but look at her, shrugging to himself. He didn't really know what he meant be anything any more, how could he be expected to explain his feelings to her. Though he felt as though all the energy had been pulled from him, he somehow managed to rise to his feet when Elizabeth rose. "I am being honest Elizabeth. I told him that we were good friends. and that we had never done anything to betray that... I'm going to see tomorrow Elizabeth…he gave me his blessing to be your friend." But lord, he wanted the Governor's blessing to be so much more than friends with Elizabeth. Here, now, with her making such heartfelt confessions that he needed him, he knew how strongly he'd been lying to himself when he'd decided that friendship with Elizabeth was enough. Words could never fill your heart after you had looked into someone's eyes and seen the faces of your children. He knew with every fiber of his being that he loved this woman, he'd loved her since he had first opened his eyes aboard her ship when they were children. She had taken care of him.. but now he wanted to be the one to take care of her. "He lets us be because I do not pretend that we can be anything more than we are Elizabeth.." he closed his eyes to block out the sight of her disappointment in him. When it came down to it, he wasn't brave, he wasn't some great defender of her, he wasn't ready to die for her honor as he'd thought he was. he spoke again, in a very soft voice, the words simply slipped out in a betraying sigh. "But I did not tell him the whole truth."

Pre-pretend to be.... she frowned with his words. He thought it was all just pretend? He thought that the feelings she had for him, still had...were pretend? She slowly stepped away from him. "For what it's worth, you thought it was all for nothing? Nothing more could come about from this than petty promises and fakery?" She looked absolutely livid, and torn. "I can't believe you...." the tone of her voice was cracking, she sounded like she was going to cry. "I would have left Port Royal for you Will...I never wanted it to be just pretend...it was something, we HAD something...whatever it may be. Whatever it is now, is obviously just a game, pretend...as you say..." She was saying the word pretend, like it was foul. Because to Elizabeth, it was. It was the foulest of words ever to cross her lips. "What do you want to hear from me, Will? Mourning? Crying? Whining about how much I care? How much I've loved you since the moment we found you? Since all the moments that have passed in our growing up together?!" She was an explosion of emotions, her heart, pouring out with every breath she had in her. Her chest was heaving again, she looked like she was on the verge of breaking into tears, she had just spilled years of secrets in one simple sentence. "Is that what you wanted to hear, Will? Does THAT sound pretend to you, WILL?!" She was now screaming, it wasn't intentional, but it was happening.

Dear lord god, this wasn't happening. He stepped back until he was against the wall again, Elizabeth's every word shaking him to the core as if he'd been physically hit. This wasn't happening to him, this couldn't be happening to him. This was all a dream, a horrible hellish nightmare of a dream. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He barely registered his own movement as he slid to the ground, hugging his knees to his chest. His shaking hands griped the fabric of his breeches with white knuckles and he buried his face against his knees, determined to somehow hide this breakdown from Elizabeth. And as much as he wished it away, this was real, he felt as though the walls had closed around him, trapping him inside a tiny box. But if that were so, Elizabeth wouldn't be here, looking at him like he knew she was. His mind just keep screaming at him that this wasn't supposed to happen this way. Elizabeth wasn't supposed to declare her love to her in enraged screams of how much she hated him. He'd told her what he thought she wanted to here and it had been horribly wrong. His heart, the feelings he'd hidden so deeply had been right. God, what was he doing. She'd yelled at him and he'd panicked.. he was a shaking mass of spineless blacksmith. She'd raised her voice and he'd turned into a crying little child. How could he explain to her that he fulfilled his dreams, just as she destroyed them? How could be say that he felt all these things that he wasn't allowed to feel? He felt as though he'd been robbed of the ability to talk. He wiped his eyes as he pulled himself up against the wall, still shaking. He was a man, not a five year old, he would NOT weep like a woman. But he couldn't look at her. "I'm sorry. so sorry for wasting your time." he studied the carpet as he began unsure steps down the hallway. he was suffocating inside the house. He hugged his arms around his chest, hoping that maybe she'd just let him leave. Let him go deal with the fact that he'd broken down like a whimpering baby. but he just kept on mumbling apologies. "so sorry for wasting your love."

Her jaw locked as she looked at him, a small glare coming over her face. Why did he apologize? Why did he keep saying he was sorry?! "Stop it, just stop saying that!" Elizabeth snapped, fighting back the oncoming tears that were ready to spill out like a wave crashing over jagged rocks. "You wasted nothing Will, do you hear me?! Nothing!" Her voice seemed to et softer as she looked at him, more sympathy coming over her face than anything. She felt awful for hurting him like she was... absolutely horrible. "I'm sorry. Will. For...being so heartless, so cold..." She reached out, touching his face lightly. "But I meant it...everything..." And she did, too. She did love him, and finally she came right out and said it. "I really do care for you Will...no matter what anyone says. I do. You make me happy...you complete me." She paused, "As corny as that sounds...I mean." She felt a little shy, but she placed her hand on his face, making him look at her. "You're the one person who hasn't turned out on me Will, and I could never thank you enough for it. Even saying the words thank you, never seem enough..." She was practically whispering now, as she rested her forehead against his. "I'm sorry I yelled at you...I'm sorry I made you cry..."

He still couldn't look her in the eyes. He just couldn't. And now on top of everything, he had her feeling bad for what he'd done. He was just a horrible person wasn't he? She'd said everything he'd ever hoped to hear from her.. and he had her apologizing. He shook his head slightly. "You didn't make me cry..." he said softly, sounding like a pouting child. But the tremors in his hands spoke the truth, and he knew she was more than aware that he had cried. He was just tired.. tired of everyone yelling and arguing with each other, tired of everyone hating each other, tired of trying to hide who he was and what he felt. He knew this was how Elizabeth was feeling too, why else would she admit these feelings. "Someone's bound to heard you.." he muttered softly, "They'll probably be up to see what all the fuss is about." He didn't really care who came, it was just a relief to his brain to make the non committed statements, to have something to say that wouldn't get him yelled at, or make her feel bad. Carefully, slowly testing his limits, he reached his hand out, ghosting his fingertips across the back of her hand. When she didn't pull away, he dared to make the contact again, taking her hand in his. "I need you to understand.." but he couldn't say the words. he couldn't say he loved her after he'd been trained so long that he wasn't allowed to. He did the only thing he could think to do. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers for only a hair of a second before turning his attention back to the floor.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. That was it? A tiny peck? She couldn't deal with such. She forced Will to look at her, and she leaned up, placing a firm, longer kiss on his lips. After a moment, though, she pulled back. "There. That's a kiss...and that satisfies me." She smiled softly, as she held onto his hand. "And nobody would have heard...Jaquiline is out...and nobody comes down here, Will. Don't worry so much." She was trying to be the lighter spirit of the two, especially after her own breakdown. He saw her at her most vulnerable moment, and now, he had helped rebuild her so to speak, or at least that's how it looked. "Just being here, with you, it's made me understand. And I do. I won't push, even though I would rather. I'll do my best to completely understand...it might take time...though, can you understand that?" She asked, as she squeezed his hand lightly, trying her best not to just reach out and hug him. That's all she wanted, really, was to feel his arms around her, warm and tight, making her feel safe. Even like this, she felt unsure, insecure, scared...of what was going to happen. She was so confused, but if it meant she was happy with him, she didn't want to be set straight.

It was good that no one was home. That made him feel slightly better, but it made him feel dirty that he was hiding. It made him feel like he was hiding his feelings for Elizabeth from shame, which wasn't it at all. that's what she needed to understand. He shook his head softly again. "You don't understand." But he wanted so desperately to help her. He wanted to tell her but he didn't have the words. He wanted to show her, but he didn't know how. "Lizzy," he didn't understand why he couldn't just say 'I love you' and get on with it. the feelings were there, he knew that wasn't the problem. he sandwiched the hand that he held between both of his, squeezing gently. "you're the governor's daughter and I'm a parentless blacksmith. I don't want to die. but i think that if i can't love you, than I'm as good as dead." He took a deep breath, his first words of admittance giving him the strength to continue. "And I do, and I have, since the day when a little girl saw me rescued and nursed me to health aboard a navy ship.."

She took a deep breath, exhaling a smile. "Well whether or not we can ever voice it..." She put her hand on his chest. "It's always here, Will." She then put her hand over her heart. "And no matter what...it'll be here too. I do love you Will. Never forget that...you hear me?" She said, it was like a final goodbye, only, not. "That little girl on that navy ship felt the same way, and always has. Probably always will...these people, they can't stop that...no matter if I am the governor's daughter...or you're a blacksmith. One day, we'll show them all...that love can stand the test, and can always conquer. Do you believe in it as much as I do?"

That's right, one day they'd show them that lovers could be together, rejected and penniless, but happy. Somehow, he just didn't see the promise there that Elizabeth did. "I don't think that I can have your kind of faith Elizabeth, I don't know how." It seemed horrible to him, but it was the honest truth. As desperately in love with her as he was, he didn't actually know how to love her. "But I have faith in you... so I have to think that I'll try."

[[We hope you've enjoyed this, as much as we have enjoyed writing it.]]