Just a note: for this story at least, the author's note will come at the bottom. Enjoy (if possible)
Back at the computer. I should probably be doing crunches or something but, eh, what the hell, it's a snow day. "Ain't that sweet," I cooed through a mouthful of chocolate. "Leggy-poo saves the day again!" I stuck my tongue out at the screen and closed the window. Frodo's eyes stared back at me from the desktop. "Eesh, ye scary angsty little midget, can't you bother someone else?" He made no reply, unblinking. "Crazy kid." I stretched my arms out, nearly upsetting a lampshade. Good. Mary-Sue voice didn't reprimand me.
Suddenly, I got that feeling. You know, where it feels like someone's watching you? I keep getting it in the new house, and it's really starting to freak me out. Not moving my eyes from the screen, I carefully held my hair in one hand so it wouldn't scare me again. Then slowly, I turned around. Nothing. Turned around the other way. Still nothing. Figures. I turned back to the screen, my fingers hovering over the keyboard for just a second.
Frodo winked.
"Shit!" I screamed. "You... you... AHH!" He'd done it again. I pulled my knees to my chest and put my face on them. Not good, not good, not good. Winking hobbit wallpaper? Definitely not good. I whimpered a little, but it was drowned out by a gust of wind. Shrieking again, I looked to the now-open window. Pure white flakes swirled through and settled in a neat pile on the foot of my bed. The window shut itself again. Trembling, teeth chattering, I put my feet back on the floor and straightened up, grasping the back of the desk chair with shaking fingers.
The snow pile was moving again. Swirling up into a cylinder, then gradually taking shape. "What the fork did they put in those chocolate chips?" I wondered vaguely. The snow- figure- man- thing was glowing faintly now, obscuring the face. Thinking of the Three Hunters, I said in the most authoritarian voice I could muster, "Show yourself!"
A deep chuckle filled the room and the light abated. "Shit," I gasped. "Gandalf?" I never should have drunk mom's lemonade. I never should have bought the off-brand chocolate chips. "Oh, but they're so much cheaper," said Gandalf, reading my thoughts. "and they taste just as good, too." In my shock, I hadn't noticed him stride over and take the bag from my fist. He was munching peacefully on a handful.
"Umm... dude?" I said cautiously, glad my powers of speech had returned. "Aren't you, like, supposed to be in, umm, Valinor? Or something?" What I really wanted to say was, aren't you just a character from one of the best fantasy books of all time? But, best not to meddle in the affairs of wizards, for after all, I am crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Heh, I like that quote. Sweet, blessed internet. Ahh! Thoughts wandering! Gandalf talking! –Legolas hot!- screamed the Mary Sue in my mind. "LEGOLAS? What?!"
"Oh, you're a fan, are you?" Gandalf asked mournfully, taking out a clipboard and pen. "No!" I cried frantically. "No! There's a Mary Sue in the back of my head-" "Oh, a Mary Sue, how interesting," Gandalf said blandly, scribbling something on his clipboard. I had a feeling it was something along the lines of Claims to have MS in brain. Probably psychotic. Which I was starting to think myself. "Wait, I'm sorry," I said petulantly. "I misheard you, please, what were you saying?" With a sigh, he tucked the clipboard back into his robes. "I said, we need an ambassador from modern society to travel to Valinor..." Damn chocolate chips. I bet they put LSD in them. "...Legolas is convinced the world is going to fall because all the girls who get transported through try to marry him."
I was speechless for a moment. "Umm, gross." I finally managed. Gandalf just nodded grimly. "And, worse yet, Gimli forged him a katana- don't ask me why- and he keeps trying to commit seppuku." He shook his head sadly. "I should never have let him rent The Last Samurai." I started to shake my head sympathetically, but... wait a minute... "You mean, there's Tom Cruise in Valinor?" I couldn't help but be incredulous. But Gandalf, nonchalant as you please, just nodded. "Oh, yes. Mandos runs an excellent video rental business. Helps pass the time 'til Armageddon. Unfortunately, late fees are paid by eternal damnation." "Ugh, hopefully Elves are timely." He nodded solemnly. "Oh yes, very. Which reminds me-"he pulled up his sleeve revealing a gold wristwatch. Where had I seen that before? Moons.. planets...
"Hey! Isn't that Dumbledore's watch?" he looked up from the thing in question, and, clutching it against his chest protectively, humphed. "No, it's mine," he said defensively. He stroked it, gently tracing the delicate curve. "let me guess," I said sarcastically, "your precious?" He hissed slightly, then caught himself and reddened. "Sorry. Anyways, will you do it or not? Make up your mind quickly, or we'll be late" he lowered his voice and added, "And you don't want that. Trust me."
I gulped nervously. "Umm, sorry, but do what?" Gandalf rolled his eyes. "Be the ambassador to Valinor. Please? It'll be only a mild change, and no time will pass in your world. Pretty please?" Oh Gods, the puppy eyes. But... aw, how could I resist those eyes? "Fine," I said briskly. "How do I get there?" He grinned, reminding me of my ten-year-old cousin. "Easy!" he pulled from within his robes a dagger. As he raised it, I realized how most people get to Valinor. "On second thought..." I squeaked, before realizing he wasn't listening. His eyes were barely open, and it appeared he was prodding the air gently with the knife. Barely breathing, I realized what is was. "The.. the subtle knife?" I asked. Very, very slowly, he nodded.
Definitely something funky in those chocolate chips.
Suddenly, he slit an opening. I jumped a little and, recovering myself, peered through. "What the...?" everything was anime. Sticking my hand through, that was anime too. "Wrong world," Gandalf said briskly. He pinched the opening back closed, and I realized his two end fingers were missing. Nothing could surprise me now.
A moment later, he had cut a new window and was at me to got through. "There now," he said. "Here it is, enjoy your stay, I'll be back for you soon!" He tossed me in unceremoniously, and as I tried to stick my head back in, he slammed it closed again, giving me quite the knock on the head. I tumbled backwards, and, adding injury to more injury, hit my head on what must have been a tree. I blacked out completely, and the last thing I remember was a painfully perfect, bright blue sky.
A/N: and the plot thickens! Remember now, I'm trying not to make this a Mary-Sue, but it's a pretty thin line. Any comments, nasty or otherwise, are appreciated. Thank you!
Back at the computer. I should probably be doing crunches or something but, eh, what the hell, it's a snow day. "Ain't that sweet," I cooed through a mouthful of chocolate. "Leggy-poo saves the day again!" I stuck my tongue out at the screen and closed the window. Frodo's eyes stared back at me from the desktop. "Eesh, ye scary angsty little midget, can't you bother someone else?" He made no reply, unblinking. "Crazy kid." I stretched my arms out, nearly upsetting a lampshade. Good. Mary-Sue voice didn't reprimand me.
Suddenly, I got that feeling. You know, where it feels like someone's watching you? I keep getting it in the new house, and it's really starting to freak me out. Not moving my eyes from the screen, I carefully held my hair in one hand so it wouldn't scare me again. Then slowly, I turned around. Nothing. Turned around the other way. Still nothing. Figures. I turned back to the screen, my fingers hovering over the keyboard for just a second.
Frodo winked.
"Shit!" I screamed. "You... you... AHH!" He'd done it again. I pulled my knees to my chest and put my face on them. Not good, not good, not good. Winking hobbit wallpaper? Definitely not good. I whimpered a little, but it was drowned out by a gust of wind. Shrieking again, I looked to the now-open window. Pure white flakes swirled through and settled in a neat pile on the foot of my bed. The window shut itself again. Trembling, teeth chattering, I put my feet back on the floor and straightened up, grasping the back of the desk chair with shaking fingers.
The snow pile was moving again. Swirling up into a cylinder, then gradually taking shape. "What the fork did they put in those chocolate chips?" I wondered vaguely. The snow- figure- man- thing was glowing faintly now, obscuring the face. Thinking of the Three Hunters, I said in the most authoritarian voice I could muster, "Show yourself!"
A deep chuckle filled the room and the light abated. "Shit," I gasped. "Gandalf?" I never should have drunk mom's lemonade. I never should have bought the off-brand chocolate chips. "Oh, but they're so much cheaper," said Gandalf, reading my thoughts. "and they taste just as good, too." In my shock, I hadn't noticed him stride over and take the bag from my fist. He was munching peacefully on a handful.
"Umm... dude?" I said cautiously, glad my powers of speech had returned. "Aren't you, like, supposed to be in, umm, Valinor? Or something?" What I really wanted to say was, aren't you just a character from one of the best fantasy books of all time? But, best not to meddle in the affairs of wizards, for after all, I am crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Heh, I like that quote. Sweet, blessed internet. Ahh! Thoughts wandering! Gandalf talking! –Legolas hot!- screamed the Mary Sue in my mind. "LEGOLAS? What?!"
"Oh, you're a fan, are you?" Gandalf asked mournfully, taking out a clipboard and pen. "No!" I cried frantically. "No! There's a Mary Sue in the back of my head-" "Oh, a Mary Sue, how interesting," Gandalf said blandly, scribbling something on his clipboard. I had a feeling it was something along the lines of Claims to have MS in brain. Probably psychotic. Which I was starting to think myself. "Wait, I'm sorry," I said petulantly. "I misheard you, please, what were you saying?" With a sigh, he tucked the clipboard back into his robes. "I said, we need an ambassador from modern society to travel to Valinor..." Damn chocolate chips. I bet they put LSD in them. "...Legolas is convinced the world is going to fall because all the girls who get transported through try to marry him."
I was speechless for a moment. "Umm, gross." I finally managed. Gandalf just nodded grimly. "And, worse yet, Gimli forged him a katana- don't ask me why- and he keeps trying to commit seppuku." He shook his head sadly. "I should never have let him rent The Last Samurai." I started to shake my head sympathetically, but... wait a minute... "You mean, there's Tom Cruise in Valinor?" I couldn't help but be incredulous. But Gandalf, nonchalant as you please, just nodded. "Oh, yes. Mandos runs an excellent video rental business. Helps pass the time 'til Armageddon. Unfortunately, late fees are paid by eternal damnation." "Ugh, hopefully Elves are timely." He nodded solemnly. "Oh yes, very. Which reminds me-"he pulled up his sleeve revealing a gold wristwatch. Where had I seen that before? Moons.. planets...
"Hey! Isn't that Dumbledore's watch?" he looked up from the thing in question, and, clutching it against his chest protectively, humphed. "No, it's mine," he said defensively. He stroked it, gently tracing the delicate curve. "let me guess," I said sarcastically, "your precious?" He hissed slightly, then caught himself and reddened. "Sorry. Anyways, will you do it or not? Make up your mind quickly, or we'll be late" he lowered his voice and added, "And you don't want that. Trust me."
I gulped nervously. "Umm, sorry, but do what?" Gandalf rolled his eyes. "Be the ambassador to Valinor. Please? It'll be only a mild change, and no time will pass in your world. Pretty please?" Oh Gods, the puppy eyes. But... aw, how could I resist those eyes? "Fine," I said briskly. "How do I get there?" He grinned, reminding me of my ten-year-old cousin. "Easy!" he pulled from within his robes a dagger. As he raised it, I realized how most people get to Valinor. "On second thought..." I squeaked, before realizing he wasn't listening. His eyes were barely open, and it appeared he was prodding the air gently with the knife. Barely breathing, I realized what is was. "The.. the subtle knife?" I asked. Very, very slowly, he nodded.
Definitely something funky in those chocolate chips.
Suddenly, he slit an opening. I jumped a little and, recovering myself, peered through. "What the...?" everything was anime. Sticking my hand through, that was anime too. "Wrong world," Gandalf said briskly. He pinched the opening back closed, and I realized his two end fingers were missing. Nothing could surprise me now.
A moment later, he had cut a new window and was at me to got through. "There now," he said. "Here it is, enjoy your stay, I'll be back for you soon!" He tossed me in unceremoniously, and as I tried to stick my head back in, he slammed it closed again, giving me quite the knock on the head. I tumbled backwards, and, adding injury to more injury, hit my head on what must have been a tree. I blacked out completely, and the last thing I remember was a painfully perfect, bright blue sky.
A/N: and the plot thickens! Remember now, I'm trying not to make this a Mary-Sue, but it's a pretty thin line. Any comments, nasty or otherwise, are appreciated. Thank you!