Right ok last time I swear! Then you'll have to wait! Though I'm getting through this quick aren't I! Well I suppose that happens when you enjoy what your doing!

Star-of-Chaos - awww I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as I am writing it!! Hehe! OH! And that line about him being Cajun I meant to write Cajun but fingers typed French! Opps! Well I've changed it now! YeY! lol! Oh! And thanks for the idea about Destiny I didn't know who to have playing the dirty man from scene 24!

Disclaimer: Coconuts why cant I find any coconuts?!

~~~***~~~

The Tale of Sir Pyro.

So, each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Pyro rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, accompanied by his favourite minstrels.

"Bravely bold Sir Pyro rode forth from Camelot"

The young blonde minstrel sang whilst dancing around behind Sir Pyro who continued to ride confidently through the forest.

"He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Pyro.

He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,

Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Pyro!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,

Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,

To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away

And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Pyro!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out

And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged

And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off

And his peni--"

"That's-- that's, uh-- that's enough music for now, lads."

Pyro interrupted since he was beginning to become very intimidated and scared at what they sang about.

"Heh. Looks like there's dirty work afoot."

Continuing to ride forward warily Pyro passed Nick and the women from earlier in the muddy field with Scott, not that he'd know that of course.

"Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom." Nick continued to moan.

"Oh, Nick, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud."

The women stated as Pyro rode past them and past a tree that had a huge lance attached to it with 3 Knights hanging from it.

"Halt!"

Sir Pyro looked up suddenly and fearfully as he came face to face with 3 headed giant. The left head had short blonde hair with an orange fringe, the middle head had long blonde hair and the right head was blue and furry with eyes golden.

"Who art thou?" The giant's heads asked.

"He is brave Sir Pyro, brave Sir Pyro, who--"

The minstrel began singing though was quickly interrupted by Pyro.

"Shut up! Um, n-- n-- n-- nobody, really. I'm j-- j-- j-- ju-- just, um-- just passing through."

"What do you want?"

"To fight and--" The minstrel began singing again.

"Shut up! Um, oo, a-- nothing. Nothing, really. I, uh-- j-- j-- just-- just to, um-- just to p-- pass through, good Sir Knight."

"I'm afraid not!" The giant knights heads exclaimed.

"Ah. W-- well, actually I-- I am a Knight of the Round Table."

"You're a Knight of the Round Table?"

"I am."

"In that case, I shall have to kill you." The left head stated. {This is Ray btw}

"Shall I?" The middle head asked Ray confused. {This is Sam btw}

"Oh, I don't think so." The right head answered. {This is Kurt btw}

"Well, what do I think?" Asked Sam.

"I think kill him." Ray stated again.

"Oh, let's be nice to him." Kurt said to both Sam and Ray

"Oh, shut up." Ray shouted irritably

"Perhaps I could--" Pyro tried to get past without them really noticing though in vain.

"And you. Oh, quick! Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off!" Ray shouted at Kurt.

"Oh, cut your own head off!" Kurt answer back irritably.

"Yes, do us all a favour!" Sam joined in with Kurt.

"What?" Asked Ray.

"Yapping on all the time." Kurt moaned.

"You're lucky. You're not next to him."

"What do you mean?" Ray asked confused.

"You snore!" Sam yelled.

"Oh, I don't. Anyway, you've got bad breath."

"Well, it's only because you don't brush my teeth."

"Oh, stop bitching and let's go have tea." Kurt suggested.

"Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits." Ray said as a compromise.

"Yes." Sam answered happy with the idea.

"Oh, not biscuits." Kurt moaned.

"All right. All right, not biscuits, but let's kill him anyway." Ray compromised.

"Right!" They all exclaimed at once and then looked down to find that Sir Pyro was no longer stood in front of them.

"He buggered off." Sam stated surprised.

"So he has. He's scarpered." Kurt said disappointedly.

Pyro rode through the trees away from the 3 headed knight giant very quickly, and his minstrel began singing once again.

"Brave Sir Pyro ran away,"

"No!" Pyro protested.

"Bravely ran away, away."

"I didn't!"

"When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled."

"No!"

"Yes, brave Sir Pyro turned about"

"I didn't!"

"And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet,"

"I never did!"

"He beat a very brave retreat,"

"All lies!"

"Bravest of the brave, Sir Pyro."

"I never!"

~~~

The Tale of Sir Loganad.

Fighting his way through the rain and mud injured Sir Loganad made his way slowly through the trees and towards a castle. The wind was howling and people could be heard screaming along with many other scary noises that can't really be identified. Falling to the ground whilst desperately trying to climb a muddy hill Loganad looked up to a castle that was set on top of the hill to see none other then the Holy Grail floating above it. Seeing this Loganad ran straight toward the castle and began banging on the door.

"Open the door! Open the door! In the name of King Scott, open the door!"

Suddenly the door opened unexpectedly and Loganad fell to the ground inside the castle.

"Hello!"

Looking up Loganad was surprised as a young women dressed all in white stood over him. She looked to be about 18 years old and had auburn hair with two white streaks framing her face, though her hair was mainly covered by the veil which she wore.

"Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax."

"The Castle Anthrax?"

"Yes. Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice and we will attend to your every, every need!"

"You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?"

"The what?"

"The Grail. It is here."

Getting up onto his knees Loganad tried to get up further but didn't move far and watched as the girl called over two more women.

"Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. Midget! Crapper!"

Two young girls ran over to the women obediently.

"Yes, O Rogue?"

"Prepare a bed for our guest."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!…"

Watching them run off in happiness the women began muttering to herself in annoyance.

"Away! Away, varletesses." Walking towards Loganad she helped him to his feet. "The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big."

"Well, look, I-- I, uh--"

"What is your name, handsome knight?"

"'Sir Loganad... the Chaste'."

"Mine is 'Rogue'. Just 'Rogue'. Oh, but come."

Smiling and hanging off Loganad's arm still she began to lead him down the castle corridor towards his bedroom.

"Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail!"

"Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious."

"No, look. I have seen it! It is here in this--" He stopped and pulled his arm from her grip.

"Sir Loganad! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality."

"Well, I-- I, uh--"

Taking his arm again Rogue continued to lead him to his bedroom.

"Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen- and- a- half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here." She lead Loganad to the bed and laid him down. "Oh, but you are wounded!"

"No, no. It's-- it's nothing." Loganad exclaimed trying to stand up, though he was pushed back down to the bed once more by Rogue.

"Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! "No, no, please! Lie down"


After pushing him to the bed once more Rogue clapped her hands and two more young women in white entered quickly.

"Well, what seems to be the trouble?" The first asked nicely.

"They're doctors?!"

"Uh, they... have a basic medical training, yes." Rogue answered embarrassed.

"B-- but--"

"Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. Doctor Kitty! Doctor Amara! Practise your art."

Climbing up onto the bed Amara removed Loganad's shield and sword.

"Try to relax."

"Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?" Loganad asked embarrassed as Kitty and Amara began undoing his belt.

"We must examine you." Kitty said in the calm voice once more. After taking off his belt she begins to lift the cloth part of his uniform.

"There's nothing wrong with that!" Loganad exclaimed pushing the cloth back into place once more.

"Please. We are doctors" Kitty stated with a smile and lifted the skirt once more and touched the wound on the inside of his thigh. At this Loganad jumped up like he ad been burned.

"Look! This cannot be. I am sworn to chastity."

"Back to your bed! At once!" Kitty demanded angrily.

"Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail!" Loganad grabbed his shield and sword from the bed and made his way to towards the door.

"There's no grail here." Kitty stated annoyed.

"I have seen it! I have seen it!" Loganad kept shouting as he ran through the cloth covered door. "I have seen--"

This of course took him straight into the bathing room that was filled with women dressed in white.

"Hello." They all said at once in happiness that there was a man in the room.

"Oh."

"Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello." All the girls continued to repeat whilst backing him up towards the opposite wall. Though Loganad managed to slip past them and down a corridor and he bumps into Rogue who was coming out of a random door at the side.

"Rogue!"

"No, I am Rogue's identical twin sister, Dingo"

"Oh, well, excuse me, I--" Loganad tries to push past Dingo to get through the door she just came through but Dingo stops him.

"Where are you going?"

"I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!"

"Oh, no. Oh, no! Bad, bad Rogue!" Dingo exclaimed whilst clasping her hands together.

"Well, what is it?"

"Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Rogue! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem."

"It's not the real Grail?"

"Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Rogue! Oh, she is a naughty person, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her!

"A spanking! A spanking!" All the girls began shouting from behind Loganad.

"You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me."

"And spank me." A random girl exclaimed.

"And me." And another exclaimed.

"And me." And yet another exclaimed.

"Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!" Dingo exclaimed gleefully.

"A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking tonight!" the girls began shouting excitedly.

"And after the spanking, the oral sex."

"The oral sex! The oral sex!" The girls began shouting.

"Well, I could stay a bit longer."

Loganad said through this wasn't sure what to think though he was definatly not complaining.

"Sir Loganad!" That is until the door came crashing open and Lancelot came running in.

"Oh, hello." Loganad looked up in surprise as Lancelot grabbed Loganad by the arm and began pulling him towards the exit.

"Quick!" Lancelot shouted

"What?"

"Quick!"

"Why?"

"You are in great peril!"

"No, he isn't!" Dingo shouted as she and the girls desperately tried to stop Loganad from leaving.

"Silence, foul temptress!" Lancelot shouted whilst taking up his sword though was stopped by Loganad and so began to drag him away once more.

"You know, she's got a point." Loganad pointed out.

"Come on! We will cover your escape!"

"Look, I'm fine!"

"Come on!"

"Sir Loganad!" They all yelled whilst trying to stop Lancelot taking him away.

"No. Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!" Loganad insisted.

"Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!" Dingo shouted desperately.

"Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!" The girls shouted.

"No, Sir Loganad. Come on!"

"No! Really! Honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily."

"Oh, yes. Let him handle us easily." Dingo shouted.

"Yes. Let him handle us easily." The girls joined in shouting with Dingo.

"No. Quick! Quick!"

"Please! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred-and-fifty of them!"

"Yes! Yes, he will beat us easily! We haven't a chance."

"We haven't a chance. He will beat us easily…"

Flinging open the door Lancelot pulled Loganad through with him away from all the women.

"Oh, shit." Exclaimed Dingo in annoyance as they watch Loganad leave.

"We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril." Lancelot exclaimed whilst still dragging Loganad around the outside of the castle.

"I don't think I was."

"Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril."

"Look, let me go back in there and face the peril."

"No, it's too perilous."

"Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can."

"No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!"

"Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?"

"No. It's unhealthy."

"I bet you're gay."

"No, I'm not."

~~~

Sir Launcelot had saved Sir Loganad from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Grail. Meanwhile, King Scott and Sir Forgevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallows' flights away-- four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging--

"Get on with it!"

Oh, anyway. On to scene twenty-four, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Scott discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling-- oooh!

Scott and Forgevere sat in a tiny hut that had cages and hooks hanging from the ceiling with a small fire in the centre which they were sat around with an old dirty women with one eye completely white who was laughing at nothing.

"Heh, hee ha ha hee hee! Hee hee hee ha ha ha…"

"And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the Grail?"

Scott asked the cackling women though she paid no heed and continued to randomly cackle crazily.

"...Ha ha ha ha! Heh, hee ha ha hee! Ha hee ha! Ha ha ha ha…"

"Where does he live?"

"...Heh heh heh heh…"

"Destiny, where does he live?"

"...Hee ha ha ha. He knows of a cave, a cave which no man has entered."

"And the Grail. The Grail is there?"

"There is much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed."


"But the Grail! Where is the Grail?!"

"Seek you the Bridge of Death."

"The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Grail?"

"Heh, hee hee hee hee! Ha ha ha ha ha! Hee ha ha…"

As Destiny continued to cackle crazily she began to fade away in front of Scott and Forgevere's eyes until there was no one left and they were in fact sat in the middle of a dark forest alone, well apart from their servants of course.