Letters 8

Red,

I'm not mad but I don't think you're right. I have been in love with Drusilla from the first moment I saw her in that alley and I can't have just fallen out of love with her that quickly, when I love its forever Red. I know that. It's just a rough patch I'm sure. She's finally broken and follows me everywhere, it's just like it should have been in the beginning. Me and Dru taking on the world.

Its right how it should be. We went to this demon bar in the centre of the city and left it like a desolation, it was so much fun, we tore them apart with our bare hands and watched as their insides spilled in a glorious array of gore and then we bathed in the blood of those we killed, it was a right riot.

Then we came back to the lair and screwed like rabbits, my girl can't get enough of me right now. It's the way it should have been all those years ago…

Willow put the letter down feeling sick, she couldn't read the rest again it was full of all the things he had done with Drusilla. The murder and mayhem they instigated before going home to have sex.

She would have been happy for him if it weren't so obvious that he was trying too hard. She could tell by the fact that every paragraph ended with "This is the way it should have been". It was telling for Spike's letter that he was trying to be what Drusilla needed and scaring off Willow at the same time. Maybe he felt that Willow had gotten too close and it was time that he regained his big bad persona. Whatever it was, it made Willow feel so alone for the first time since that night she had sat on her porch and told Spike to let her know how things went for him.

She swallowed as she looked back down the letter. She couldn't write back to this person, she didn't know them. She lay down on her bed and cried softly into the pillow.

Buffy noticed that her friend had been quiet these past few weeks, almost since her birthday and that was over two months ago and she wondered how to get the girl to confess to whatever it was that had her upset. They were out walking having finished patrol and she was walking Willow home when she decided to brace the topic. She bit her lip as Willow stared at her feet.

"Come on Willow, what's wrong just recently you are so sad its killing me. I'm the mopey one in this friendship, not you."

Willow smiled softly at Buffy's attempt to cheer her up but the truth wasn't something that she could share with her friend. The fact that she was sad because Spike was out killing and shagging Drusilla wouldn't go down well with Buffy at all. First of all she'd want to know how Willow knew that and that would lead to all sorts of awkward questions.

"I'm fine Buffy." she lied "I think it's just the end of all things high school ya know." She smiled shyly and Buffy nodded.

"I know it seems like yesterday when we were sitting in the courtyard just hanging out with Jesse and now it's almost time for the Prom and all."

"Is Angel taking you?"

Buffy shrugged "I don't know Will, things have been tense since the whole Faith situation; I mean I don't know how he feels about me and her. He kissed her and I know I told him too but it still hurts that he could go back to that you know?" Buffy sighed "Sometimes I wish I knew what he was thinking but I guess then maybe I don't want to know. You know?"

Willow nodded her throat tight, she did know what that was like; only for her it had seemingly come true. Spike had been sweet and kind and she had been so scared that Drusilla would turn him back into scary Spike and it seemed like she had and now Willow had lost her best friend and it was all too much. She swallowed again, fighting tears.

"Yeah I know."

Buffy had been successfully sidetracked and they finished the walk in silence.

Willow pushed open the door and waved goodnight to her friend.

Her house was dark and empty, her parents probably wouldn't be back until after she graduated and that thought hurt Willow, she knew she had always taken second place in her parent's lives but it still hurt.

She was about to go to bed when she heard the phone ring.

"Hello Rosenberg residence?"

"Red?"

Willow froze "Spike?"

"Yeah it's me." He sounded subdued and apprehensive.

"A-are you okay?" she was too surprised to ask how he got her number or what he was doing calling her.

"You didn't write back." He accused

"I didn't know what to say." She confessed "You sounded too different."

"What? No longer such a sap?" he almost snarled "A pansy push over?" he barked out derisory laughter "Sorry to disappoint Red but I am a demon and I do revel in death and power."

"I know." Her quiet declaration shut him up

"What?"

"I know what you are Spike and that letter; that was the you that Dru wanted. Not the real you. I don't know him and I don't want to." her voice shook, "You were trying to prove that you were the big bad demon, a killer without feelings and compunctions and congratulations you nearly succeeded. But like you said Spike, I'm a white hat. A good guy and I do have feelings and they were hurt."

She paused trying to gather her thoughts "I really do wish you happiness Spike and if you are happy then great."

"I'm not." He said it so quietly that she almost didn't hear him "I'm not happy pet. Why am I not happy, I have everything I always wanted and I'm sitting here like someone killed my damn dog?"

"Maybe what you want has changed?" she tried

"I missed you." He confessed ignoring her statement "When you didn't write back, I felt bad."

"Me too." She bit her lip and sat on the stairs "but you went away first, Spike."

"I know pet, I know. Where do we go from here?"

Willow shrugged and then realise that he couldn't see her "I don't know Spike, I don't want to lose you but I can't talk to the guy that wrote that last letter, I didn't like him."

"Me either pet. He's a twat."

Willow giggled some of the tension releasing from the conversation "Where are you?"

"In a payphone outside this rancid club in Caracas."

Willow started "Where?"

"Venezuela." she could hear the amusement "Don't they teach you geography anymore in school pet?"

"Nah, just how to raise demons and open the Hellmouth." She teased back "How come you're not in Brazil anymore?"

"Got bored." Was his answer "Are we okay now Willow?"

It was the first time he had ever used her name and it showed her how serious he was.

"Yeah I guess but no more pretending Spike, if we are friends then we do this properly."

"Friends yeah." he had this odd tone to his voice, almost disappointment.

"Give me your address and I'll write you a long letter." She promised

"Okay then pet, hey you'll never guess what I saw…"

Spike,

It was great to talk to you I won't ask how you got my number, I'm not sure I want to know but that you cared enough to call was great and no It doesn't mean you are going soft. No one in their right mind could ever think you were soft.

All is quiet in the land of the sunny right now, I guess that means that something big is a brewing but since we know that the Mayor is going to try this ascension it's not really a big surprise.

Well actually not that quiet.

We had a bit of a hectic few days. You see Buffy fought this demon and he passed some of his demon-ness onto her- no it wasn't horns or a tail. But she could read minds for a while. It got scary, she knew what the teachers were saying and got ace marks in all her tests. Then she pre-empted all the things Giles was saying, which made him do this weird clucking thing with his tongue which he does when he is flustered. (btw is that a British thing?) Then she was reading all our thoughts. She knew about Xander's constant sex thoughts (EW) and also it turns out Wesley (the new Watcher) has some not quite so innocent thoughts about Cordelia! That really pissed Xander off and now he glares more at Wesley than at Angel! She started to read my thoughts but I got out of her range pretty sharpish, I don't want her to know about you. She'll look for any excuse to stake you and I couldn't deal with that.

Finally she tried to read Angel but it turns out that, like reflections, you can't read Vampire's thoughts. But then she could hear everyone's thoughts and the cafeteria lady was trying to poison us all with rat poison in the food (Huh, like that's anything new.) however the thoughts almost drove Buffy crazy and we had to make her drink a potion using parts of the demon that killed her. It was really gross but she's okay now. (Don't be too disappointed.)

Xander asked me what I was wearing for the prom, he's made up with Cordelia after the whole sleeping with Faith thing, Anya wasn't too pleased but he seems happy. Anyway they'll be going together again. It's in a month and I hadn't even thought about it. in fact I'm not even sure I want to go anymore, I'll just end up being little miss wallflower all night. Unless of course Angel doesn't take Buffy, although the chances of that are slim.

I want to ask how things are going for you now. I know you were planning on travelling some more, since South America is losing appeal for you. I wish I could see all the great places you're seeing.

Oh, OH. I knew what I wanted to tell you, the acceptance letters have started coming in from colleges. I got into Oxford- like Oxford England. Can you believe it? They want me!! I called my parents to tell them and the answer machine was very polite but I got in!!! You can't see me now but I'm doing a Xander snoopy dance! I'm still waiting for the others but this was the major one. Just think, I could go to Europe and be a student. Wow, I'm still reeling.

Anyway I have to go. Write back soon.

Willow.