It's been awhile
by MB4
Hey, wats up? I was listening to one of Staind's cd's and I got the inspiration for this fic. hiccups So, it took me a while but I finally got around to sitting down and typing it up.. It's a little ooc and a bit messy at the end.. hiccups again
I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to make it a lemon. Maybe I will.. that is if you're naughty little yaoi-demons.. X) Then again.. I haven't even decided whether or not it's going to be a happy ending... I'm writing it as I go along.. Bear with me.. (Sorry!) hiccups
Btw, if you have this song, play it while your reading the fic, set it on repeat if you have to.
XD It's a real mood setter.
...If you know what I mean.. X) hiccups
Dammit! holds breath for a while..
turns blue
passes out
XX hiccups
/lyrics/
/And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high/
"Dammit Heero!" Duo swore as he wrapped another bandage across his ex-lover's torso. "Do you have to hit the 'self-destruct' button EVERY time?!" Heero had decided to keep quiet for that moment. He stared at the pillow seated next to him, not raising his eyes to meet Duo's. Which was a smart move on his part, because Duo was about ready to kill him for trying to get himself killed. Even though he was fretting over Heero and scolding him, Heero knew he hadn't forgotten their conversation from the last time they had seen each other.
/And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you/
Heero sat at the end of the bed in his usual black spandex. His green tanktop was tossed over his computer chair. Duo knelt in front of his on the carpet, now bandaging Heero's forearm. His braid was half unraveled and his amethyst eyes were clouded with something Heero hoped wasn't going to be there for much longer. Duo was as beautiful as ever..
/And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again/
But Heero wasn't supposed to be thinking about how Duo looked. He was just supposed to get his wounds taken care of and get mission reports to J. Duo didn't need to be part of any of that.
"Duo," He said softly. "You don't have to do this..I'm perfectly capable-" Duo held his hand up to shut Heero up and shook his head
slightly, telling him that he better be quiet.
/And it's been awhile
Since I could call you/
Heero had been away on missions for the past month and a half. He had been trying to avoid seeing Duo, but he had been cornered be two Leo's and had self-destructed to keep from being captured. Like always, he survived, and he had no where to go. He had tried to think of where the nearest safe-house was and the only one he could think of was the one Duo was staying in.
/And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem/
Heero felt a little guilty for showing up at the door all bloody and such, but there wasn't much else for him to do.
Duo, of course, was NOT happy at opening the door to find him standing there in that state. But he didn't say a word and motioned for him to come in. After Duo got him into the bedroom, he ordered Heero to take his shirt off. Heero had almost protested but, seeing the flames rising in Duo's ametyhst eyes, he decided not to. His wounds weren't nearly as bad as they looked. It had taken him a while to get to the safehouse and that gave the gash across his chest a nice while to soak the front of his tanktop with blood.
/The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means/
Once Duo was done dressing the cuts and scrapes, he sighed and and crossed his arms on op of Heero's knees. Resting his forehead against his arms, he was silent for a few moments. Heero, being the 'not-exactly-comforting-type' of guy, wasn't sure what to do.
The last time they had seen each other, Heero had told Duo that their relationship was putting too much tension on him and not letting him focus enough on the missions and the war. He had left and he knew from speaking to Trowa that Duo hadn't taken it well. He also knew he was in for a severe scolding from Quatre. He hadn't planned on going to Duo, but he couldn't think of any others near to where he had been fighting.
/And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted/
Duo let out a soft, shaky breath and turned his head to look to the window on the far wall. Heero had told tell himself that he didn't need Duo and that he didn't miss him. But now...there was no denying it. Not only had he missed Duo, he had wanted him. He had needed him and he still felt the need for him.
"Duo.."
/And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well/
At first the braided beauty didn't move. But then he slowly lifted his head up to look at him. Steady colbat eyes met aching violet ones. Something seemed to strike Heero deep in his chest. At first he thought it was from his wound but he realized it was from Duo. He could feel Duo's pain and it hurt. It hurt so much that shock filled his eyes and Duo's lips parted slightly in worry, thinking something was wrong. And it was. Shock was soon replaced by need. Quickly following need was a tingling sensation throughout Heero's body as desire flared up at seeing those pink lips part ever so slightly.
/And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do/
He could remember the way those lips felt against his. He knew that if he kissed Duo, it would be like it had been the first time. It always was. Such delicious kisses. Heero could feel the softness of Duo's lips, even in the slight memory. It brought something to life within him. Like a spark.
As soon as it sparked, Heero longed for the feel of those lips against his own and he leaned forward, not wanting the feeling to be a memory any longer. Duo's eyes widened slightly as Heero leaned closer to him, fingers underneath his chin, tilting his face upwards. Then Heero closed the distance between then and their lips met.
/And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you/
It was just as Heero recalled, yet in a hundred ways more fulfilling than any memory could be. It was like a spark of warmth and lust that spread through him. Duo's lips seemed to be softer than silk and so warm. Heero tilted his head a bit for his tongue to gently push through those silk-like lips and into the warm fortress of Duo's mouth. He always tasted like something Heero had never had before, each kiss seeming better than the last. Always so warm, wet and sweet. Almost like melted chocolate. Like a kind of melty love.
/And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem/
But Duo darted away from Heero as if he had been burned. He stood against the wall in front of Heero, just out of reach, shakily breathing. Hurt and what looked like anger flickered in those violet depths. His lips were a reddish hue from their recent kiss and his pale cheeks were flushed.
"Duo?" Heero murmured softly. He didn't want Duo to look like that. He looked so hurt. Unshed tears brimmed his beautiful eyes, hurting Heero with their sorrowful look. He moved to stand, but what looked like fear flashed across Duo's face and his lips parted again.
"Don't." He breathed. His voice was painfully soft. His arms folded across his chest, as if trying to keep himself contained.
/The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again/
"I.." Heero started, but he stopped as anger crossed Duo's heart-shaped face.
"Did you really think.." Duo said as he sunk to the floor slowly, using the wall for support. "That you could just leave me.." He gripped his arms tighter, his eyes sinking to the floor in front of him. "And then come back.." He stopped for a moment, his eyes falling shut. "Expecting me to welcome you with open arms?" Pain laced through his words.
"Duo.." Heero repeated his name. He wanted all the pain to go away. He wanted to make it go away.
/Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away/
"Well I can't, Heero.." Duo whispered sadly, his eyes opening to meet Heero's. "I can't do it just to have you leave me again.." He lowered his head, not willing to look at Heero anymore. "It's just too much to take.." Heero slid off the bed and moved to crouch in front of Duo who was still against the wall. Duo made no sound at Heero's movement.
/Just one more peaceful day/
Heero saw those wonderous eyes flutter shut. He almost couldn't bear the pain that stabbed at his heart as a tear slid down Duo's cheek. He couldn't take it. He didn't care if he wasn't one to comfort. He needed to keep Duo from crying. It hurt him to see Duo like this. He never wanted Duo to cry. Especially over him. That was what hurt him the most. He was the reason for Duo's tears. That thought seemed to tear at him, wanting to pull him apart. His heart reached out to Duo. He couldn't let him be in so much pain.
/And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight/
Heero reached out and pulled Duo to him. Not for a kiss, just for love. Just to hold him. Duo didn't protest. He cried against Heero's neck as Heero held him close, not ever wanting to let go. Duo's arms were crossed at Heero's back, gripping his shoulders, his body in Heero's lap. Heero's hand was tangled in Duo's hair and the other at the small of Duo's back. They stayed there, holding each other for a long while until Duo's crying had subsided.
"I'm sorry."
/And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry/
Duo turned his head to look up at Heero, tears that were drying on his cheeks not marring his delicate features. His eyes still had a sad note but not nearly as painful as it had been.
"I'm sorry." Heero repeated, meaning it more than anything else. He clutched Duo to him. "I have never regretted anything as much as I regret ever leaving you." Something flickered Duo's eyes and Heero continued. "I love you.." He confessed softly. Duo's eyes widened again and his lips parted in shock.
"What?" Duo breathed out, his voice failing him. Heero shifted and cupped Duo's face with both hands. Pressing his lips to those velvet-like ones for a gentle kiss, he said it once more.
/And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face/
"I love you."
"Why?" Duo asked, as if he couldn't have truly heard it. Heero almost chuckled at the questioning look in Duo's eyes.
"Because you are the only person on this earth that I have and ever will care for like this."
Heero looked into those amethyst eyes and felt Duo's soft hand on his cheek. Duo pulled Heero to him and their lips met again. It was intense bliss. Complete rapture. Pure ecstasy. There were a thousands words that Heero could no longer think of as he kissed Duo.
/And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste/
Duo broke the kiss to look at him. Duo searched Heero's colbat eyes for anything that would hurt him.
"Really?" He asked quietly. His eyes betrayed him and showed the sadness that was harnessed within their depths. Heero knew that with just one word either he could make that sadness disappear or shatter his fragile heart. He didn't need to chose then. He had chosen long ago when they exchanged their first kiss.
/And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me/
"Yes." He told him. "I really love you." He held Duo closer to him, holding in his warmth.
"I love you too.." Duo whispered, his head resting on Heero's shoulder. Heero felt a warmth within him that felt as if it had been lying dormant in his heart for so long. It was awakened by Duo's words.
He felt as though he was loved. Looking down at Duo, who was cradled against him, Heero breathed in what felt like his first true breath. Now he really was loved.
/I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me/
"I will never leave you." Heero whispered to Duo and felt Duo's arms hold him tighter, not ever wanting to let go. He knew the feeling of never wanting to let go.
"I won't leave you.." Duo swore ever-so softly. He lifted his head up once more to press his lips against Heero's collarbone. "Just promise me something..."
"What?"
/And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high/
"Don't die without me.."
Heero gave in to those tempting lips of Duo's once more then leaned back to meet Duo's pleading eyes.
"I promise."
/And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry/
.......One by one the penguins steal my sanity...
So if it's horrible.. that's because I'm pretty much falling asleep right now...
Plus the fact that I'm now half insane.. glares at the penguins behind her..........
sighs I guess it got a little too mushy at the end..
But oh well.. I started this stupid thing at 9:15 and it's 11:19.. stretches
I'm so tired.. I can't even do my shameless begging for reviews...
oh well.. I'll work on improving my begging skills some other night.. groans then yawns
I'm sooooo going to bed now...curls up in cat-bed
so should I add more??
please review..
-MB
by MB4
Hey, wats up? I was listening to one of Staind's cd's and I got the inspiration for this fic. hiccups So, it took me a while but I finally got around to sitting down and typing it up.. It's a little ooc and a bit messy at the end.. hiccups again
I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to make it a lemon. Maybe I will.. that is if you're naughty little yaoi-demons.. X) Then again.. I haven't even decided whether or not it's going to be a happy ending... I'm writing it as I go along.. Bear with me.. (Sorry!) hiccups
Btw, if you have this song, play it while your reading the fic, set it on repeat if you have to.
XD It's a real mood setter.
...If you know what I mean.. X) hiccups
Dammit! holds breath for a while..
turns blue
passes out
XX hiccups
/lyrics/
/And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high/
"Dammit Heero!" Duo swore as he wrapped another bandage across his ex-lover's torso. "Do you have to hit the 'self-destruct' button EVERY time?!" Heero had decided to keep quiet for that moment. He stared at the pillow seated next to him, not raising his eyes to meet Duo's. Which was a smart move on his part, because Duo was about ready to kill him for trying to get himself killed. Even though he was fretting over Heero and scolding him, Heero knew he hadn't forgotten their conversation from the last time they had seen each other.
/And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you/
Heero sat at the end of the bed in his usual black spandex. His green tanktop was tossed over his computer chair. Duo knelt in front of his on the carpet, now bandaging Heero's forearm. His braid was half unraveled and his amethyst eyes were clouded with something Heero hoped wasn't going to be there for much longer. Duo was as beautiful as ever..
/And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again/
But Heero wasn't supposed to be thinking about how Duo looked. He was just supposed to get his wounds taken care of and get mission reports to J. Duo didn't need to be part of any of that.
"Duo," He said softly. "You don't have to do this..I'm perfectly capable-" Duo held his hand up to shut Heero up and shook his head
slightly, telling him that he better be quiet.
/And it's been awhile
Since I could call you/
Heero had been away on missions for the past month and a half. He had been trying to avoid seeing Duo, but he had been cornered be two Leo's and had self-destructed to keep from being captured. Like always, he survived, and he had no where to go. He had tried to think of where the nearest safe-house was and the only one he could think of was the one Duo was staying in.
/And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem/
Heero felt a little guilty for showing up at the door all bloody and such, but there wasn't much else for him to do.
Duo, of course, was NOT happy at opening the door to find him standing there in that state. But he didn't say a word and motioned for him to come in. After Duo got him into the bedroom, he ordered Heero to take his shirt off. Heero had almost protested but, seeing the flames rising in Duo's ametyhst eyes, he decided not to. His wounds weren't nearly as bad as they looked. It had taken him a while to get to the safehouse and that gave the gash across his chest a nice while to soak the front of his tanktop with blood.
/The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means/
Once Duo was done dressing the cuts and scrapes, he sighed and and crossed his arms on op of Heero's knees. Resting his forehead against his arms, he was silent for a few moments. Heero, being the 'not-exactly-comforting-type' of guy, wasn't sure what to do.
The last time they had seen each other, Heero had told Duo that their relationship was putting too much tension on him and not letting him focus enough on the missions and the war. He had left and he knew from speaking to Trowa that Duo hadn't taken it well. He also knew he was in for a severe scolding from Quatre. He hadn't planned on going to Duo, but he couldn't think of any others near to where he had been fighting.
/And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted/
Duo let out a soft, shaky breath and turned his head to look to the window on the far wall. Heero had told tell himself that he didn't need Duo and that he didn't miss him. But now...there was no denying it. Not only had he missed Duo, he had wanted him. He had needed him and he still felt the need for him.
"Duo.."
/And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well/
At first the braided beauty didn't move. But then he slowly lifted his head up to look at him. Steady colbat eyes met aching violet ones. Something seemed to strike Heero deep in his chest. At first he thought it was from his wound but he realized it was from Duo. He could feel Duo's pain and it hurt. It hurt so much that shock filled his eyes and Duo's lips parted slightly in worry, thinking something was wrong. And it was. Shock was soon replaced by need. Quickly following need was a tingling sensation throughout Heero's body as desire flared up at seeing those pink lips part ever so slightly.
/And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do/
He could remember the way those lips felt against his. He knew that if he kissed Duo, it would be like it had been the first time. It always was. Such delicious kisses. Heero could feel the softness of Duo's lips, even in the slight memory. It brought something to life within him. Like a spark.
As soon as it sparked, Heero longed for the feel of those lips against his own and he leaned forward, not wanting the feeling to be a memory any longer. Duo's eyes widened slightly as Heero leaned closer to him, fingers underneath his chin, tilting his face upwards. Then Heero closed the distance between then and their lips met.
/And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you/
It was just as Heero recalled, yet in a hundred ways more fulfilling than any memory could be. It was like a spark of warmth and lust that spread through him. Duo's lips seemed to be softer than silk and so warm. Heero tilted his head a bit for his tongue to gently push through those silk-like lips and into the warm fortress of Duo's mouth. He always tasted like something Heero had never had before, each kiss seeming better than the last. Always so warm, wet and sweet. Almost like melted chocolate. Like a kind of melty love.
/And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem/
But Duo darted away from Heero as if he had been burned. He stood against the wall in front of Heero, just out of reach, shakily breathing. Hurt and what looked like anger flickered in those violet depths. His lips were a reddish hue from their recent kiss and his pale cheeks were flushed.
"Duo?" Heero murmured softly. He didn't want Duo to look like that. He looked so hurt. Unshed tears brimmed his beautiful eyes, hurting Heero with their sorrowful look. He moved to stand, but what looked like fear flashed across Duo's face and his lips parted again.
"Don't." He breathed. His voice was painfully soft. His arms folded across his chest, as if trying to keep himself contained.
/The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again/
"I.." Heero started, but he stopped as anger crossed Duo's heart-shaped face.
"Did you really think.." Duo said as he sunk to the floor slowly, using the wall for support. "That you could just leave me.." He gripped his arms tighter, his eyes sinking to the floor in front of him. "And then come back.." He stopped for a moment, his eyes falling shut. "Expecting me to welcome you with open arms?" Pain laced through his words.
"Duo.." Heero repeated his name. He wanted all the pain to go away. He wanted to make it go away.
/Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away/
"Well I can't, Heero.." Duo whispered sadly, his eyes opening to meet Heero's. "I can't do it just to have you leave me again.." He lowered his head, not willing to look at Heero anymore. "It's just too much to take.." Heero slid off the bed and moved to crouch in front of Duo who was still against the wall. Duo made no sound at Heero's movement.
/Just one more peaceful day/
Heero saw those wonderous eyes flutter shut. He almost couldn't bear the pain that stabbed at his heart as a tear slid down Duo's cheek. He couldn't take it. He didn't care if he wasn't one to comfort. He needed to keep Duo from crying. It hurt him to see Duo like this. He never wanted Duo to cry. Especially over him. That was what hurt him the most. He was the reason for Duo's tears. That thought seemed to tear at him, wanting to pull him apart. His heart reached out to Duo. He couldn't let him be in so much pain.
/And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight/
Heero reached out and pulled Duo to him. Not for a kiss, just for love. Just to hold him. Duo didn't protest. He cried against Heero's neck as Heero held him close, not ever wanting to let go. Duo's arms were crossed at Heero's back, gripping his shoulders, his body in Heero's lap. Heero's hand was tangled in Duo's hair and the other at the small of Duo's back. They stayed there, holding each other for a long while until Duo's crying had subsided.
"I'm sorry."
/And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry/
Duo turned his head to look up at Heero, tears that were drying on his cheeks not marring his delicate features. His eyes still had a sad note but not nearly as painful as it had been.
"I'm sorry." Heero repeated, meaning it more than anything else. He clutched Duo to him. "I have never regretted anything as much as I regret ever leaving you." Something flickered Duo's eyes and Heero continued. "I love you.." He confessed softly. Duo's eyes widened again and his lips parted in shock.
"What?" Duo breathed out, his voice failing him. Heero shifted and cupped Duo's face with both hands. Pressing his lips to those velvet-like ones for a gentle kiss, he said it once more.
/And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face/
"I love you."
"Why?" Duo asked, as if he couldn't have truly heard it. Heero almost chuckled at the questioning look in Duo's eyes.
"Because you are the only person on this earth that I have and ever will care for like this."
Heero looked into those amethyst eyes and felt Duo's soft hand on his cheek. Duo pulled Heero to him and their lips met again. It was intense bliss. Complete rapture. Pure ecstasy. There were a thousands words that Heero could no longer think of as he kissed Duo.
/And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste/
Duo broke the kiss to look at him. Duo searched Heero's colbat eyes for anything that would hurt him.
"Really?" He asked quietly. His eyes betrayed him and showed the sadness that was harnessed within their depths. Heero knew that with just one word either he could make that sadness disappear or shatter his fragile heart. He didn't need to chose then. He had chosen long ago when they exchanged their first kiss.
/And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me/
"Yes." He told him. "I really love you." He held Duo closer to him, holding in his warmth.
"I love you too.." Duo whispered, his head resting on Heero's shoulder. Heero felt a warmth within him that felt as if it had been lying dormant in his heart for so long. It was awakened by Duo's words.
He felt as though he was loved. Looking down at Duo, who was cradled against him, Heero breathed in what felt like his first true breath. Now he really was loved.
/I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me/
"I will never leave you." Heero whispered to Duo and felt Duo's arms hold him tighter, not ever wanting to let go. He knew the feeling of never wanting to let go.
"I won't leave you.." Duo swore ever-so softly. He lifted his head up once more to press his lips against Heero's collarbone. "Just promise me something..."
"What?"
/And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high/
"Don't die without me.."
Heero gave in to those tempting lips of Duo's once more then leaned back to meet Duo's pleading eyes.
"I promise."
/And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry/
.......One by one the penguins steal my sanity...
So if it's horrible.. that's because I'm pretty much falling asleep right now...
Plus the fact that I'm now half insane.. glares at the penguins behind her..........
sighs I guess it got a little too mushy at the end..
But oh well.. I started this stupid thing at 9:15 and it's 11:19.. stretches
I'm so tired.. I can't even do my shameless begging for reviews...
oh well.. I'll work on improving my begging skills some other night.. groans then yawns
I'm sooooo going to bed now...curls up in cat-bed
so should I add more??
please review..
-MB