hey all! here's chapter two of this breakfast adventure. I hope you all like it. hit the review button when you're finished, because I suck at judging my own funniness factor, so you hafta let me know how it is!

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Chapter 2: The Distinctly Weird and Bizarre Event

"No, Guy, blueberry pancakes are definitely better than chocolate chip pancakes!" Connie said for about the hundredth time.

"Why are you guys fighting over pancakes?" Kenny asked.

"Because Connie just can't accept that chocolate is better than blueberries!" Guy shouted at Kenny.

"Jeez, Guy, you kiss Connie with that bad breath? May I suggest brushing your teeth when you wake up in the morning?" Kenny said, waving his hand in front of his face to clear the air.

"Oh shut up, you!" said Guy.

"Want a tic tac?" Kenny asks. Fulton has to physically restrain Guy from hitting Kenny.

"Can we take a break, please?" begged Averman.

"Take a break? We've only been walking 15 minutes!" Charlie exclaimed.

"Potch is tired," Averman explains.

"Averman, you're carrying Potch!" Charlie exclaims.

"No, actually, let's sit, Charlie," said Portman.

"You just want to sit so you can kiss Julie more!" Adam said.

"So what's wrong with that?" Julie asked.

"I'm hungry, that's what's wrong!" Luis yelled. "Why did we pick IHOP? It's practically the restaurant farthest away from Charlie's house!"

They passed some benches (convenient, huh?) and so they decided to sit down. Well, actually, Averman, Potch, Portman, and Julie sat, so in fear of losing them, the others sat down as well.

"Banksie, why are you all sweaty and gross? It's a nice day and we're only walking," Goldberg said to Adam.

Adam doesn't really answer. "Butter," he murmured, and Goldberg quickly moves away to sit next to Dwayne instead.

An old man with a cane walked up to the Ducks and sat down next to Fulton. He was wearing and ugly, musty brown suit, big square glasses, and a big brown fedora that matched his ugly brown suit.

"Hello," said the man to the Ducks. He gave them a big smile, and he had no teeth in his mouth. He was also giving off a rather funny smell.

"Ewww," Connie said, and Guy quickly clamped a hand over her mouth.

"How are you kids doing today?" the funny-smelling, toothless man asked.

"Um, we're good," said Goldberg, looking rather scared.

"Where are you children going?" the old, toothless man asked.

"Um…pancakes at I-" Fulton began, but Russ cut him off.

"Pancakes at the Diner downtown," Russ said quickly. Russ had done a good thing. Afterall, he'd grown up in South Central Los Angeles, and knew that when some random scary looking stranger asks where you're going, you don't answer…or you don't answer truthfully. Ya know, do whatever suits the situation. In this case, blatantly lying was the best response.

The man smiled his big ugly toothless smile again. "I love pancakes!" he said, "I think I'll join you."

"Uh…" Russ looked around for help from his friends.

"Why would you want to join us?" Adam asked. "Wait, you does maple syrup make you hot?"

"No, but it tastes good on pancakes," the old man said, giving Adam a very suspicious look.

"Oh," Adam looked disappointed.

"Um, well, we really have to go," said Charlie, pulling up Portman, who was, naturally lip-locked with Julie.

"So quickly? I thought I would come," said the man.

"Well, you can't, because, um, oh…" Charlie stammered. The man got up walked over to Charlie, and pushed him.

"You just don't respect your elders! I'll teach the meaning of respect, you useless, pathetic little boy!" and the man took his cane and started to whack Charlie with it.

"Oww, ouch! Cut it out!"

"PATHETIC, USELESS, UNGREATFUL LITTLE BASTARD!" the old man was yelling. Instead of this alarming the Ducks, they found watching Charlie being beaten with a cane by a toothless, bad-smelling, old man quite funny, and instead of helping him, were all laughing.

"Somebody do something!" yelled Charlie. "Portman, you're the biggest! DO SOMETHING!"

But Portman just stood there, pointing at Charlie and laughing.

"No stop!" yelled Connie finally overcoming her giggles and rushing to Charlie's aid.

"I'll teach you too, little miss snotty face! When I was young, women wore their hair short and respectable, not an ugly, long and braided like yours! You don't want me to come either!? Do you!? You don't respect your elders either! I'll teach you!" and the man tried to hit Connie with the cane, but Connie ducked and the cane walloped Charlie across the side of the face. This made Portman fall over, clutching his side.

"We don't want you to come," Averman said finally, trying to keep a straight face, "because, you're old, toothless, give off a funny smell, and we might have been able to live with that, but the violence with cane puts you over the top! We cannot deal with foul smelling, toothless, violent psychos! No way!"

The man, wildly raged, went to swing his cane at Averman, but Averman held up Potch to absorb the blow, and abruptly the old man stopped mid-swing. He took one look at the kangaroo, and a terrified look came into his eyes. He then took his cane and ran away screaming.

"Good boy, Potch!" said Averman, patting the stuffed kangaroo on the top of the head.

The Ducks stood in silence for a moment. Then Julie said, "Well, that was…weird."

"Very weird," Guy agreed.

"The weirdest," said Portman.

"I'd say it was more bizarre, myself," Goldberg said.

"I still think weird suits it," said Julie.

"Nah, I'm with Goldberg. This was definitely bizarre," Fulton said.

"Are you sure? Cause weird-" Russ started.

"Could we stop it, please? Weird, bizarre, it's the same damn thing! I was hit over and over with a cane, and all you did was laugh at me!" Charlie yelled.

"It was funny," said Luis.

"Hilarious," said Portman.

"Yeah, yeah, hilarious Portman. Thanks for all your support. I was being beaten to death, and you just stood and laughed. Thanks."

"Hey! Don't belittle me! I did more than laugh! I pointed too!"

"Oh that makes it so much better. Thanks, Portman," Charlie said sarcastically.

"Any time, Charlie, any time."

"Well, now, that this uh…distinctly weird and bizarre event is over…let's get breakfast, shall we?" said Kenny, still looking after the old man, who was still running away, screaming, and getting smaller and smaller.

"I'm feeling very turned on," said Adam, as they continued on their way.

"Fantastic," said Guy distractedly.

"I'd love to roll around in all that maple syrup and butter and listen to that frying pan crackle," Adam said, hugging himself.

"Why am I walking next to you?" asked a horrified looking Guy, dropping back to walk beside Luis.

"Say thank you to Potch, Charlie," Averman said to Charlie.

"Why?"

"Potch scared off the crazy, bad-smelling, toothless old man."

"Yeah, but not before I was beaten with a cane," said Charlie, rubbing the side of his head where a bruise was coming up.

"Say thank you to Potch, Charlie," Averman said, a little more commanding like this time.

"No," said Charlie, a little more annoyed this time.

"Say it."

"No."

"Say it."

"No."

"SAY IT!" Averman yelled at Charlie so loudly that everyone stopped to look at them and Charlie fell down.

"Ok! Ok! I'll say it! Just please don't hurt me!" Charlie whimpered from his position on the ground.

Averman held out Potch for Charlie to thank.

"Thank you, thank you Potch!" Charlie said, enthusiastically patting his head.

"That's better," said Averman. "Now how about you give him a big kiss?"

"Don't push it."

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story note: I based that Kenny line about the weird and bizarre event being over on something I read yesterday. I can't tell you where I read it or who wrote it, because I'm not sure and I can't find it. anyway, I hope you liked the chapter, hit the review button and let me know how it was.
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percussion: glad you like it. I will show you Adam's exotic butter dance sometime in this story. at least, the best I can with words and no pictures.

WeBuiltThisCityOnRockAndRoll: I never eat breakfast either, and even when it's pancakes I can't finish. I get up too early for school, and if I eat too much I hurl. I've seen a bunch of the Freddie Kruger and Jason movies too! Freddie vs. Jason I haven't been to see yet, but I'm getting the distinct feeling the Hollywood writers are running out of ideas for Freddie and Jason. Pretty soon it'll be the same for Halloween. I can see it now. Halloween CCXIXIMCIXM: Michael Marries Freddie! And Jason's Jealous! And Let's See Who Gets Ripped Apart In This Gay Slasher/Horror Film!

Cimmy: Potch can be your new hero. But I thought it was Anthony? *wink* Talk to you later!

Jennifer: glad you like it, I hope this chapter meets your expectations.

Cake-Eater/Quimby: Ya know, I didn't think it was possible that someone could come up with an exotic butter dance, but apparently it is. Improbable, but not impossible. Averman's a cool dude.

plainjane: it might be better than AMND. I will do my best. And the butter dance…it's going to be so hard to write that in words. I see it in my head, but it's so hard to write. It might turn out scarier in words than it does in my head. In my head it's funny and weird and disturbing, but not solely disturbing.

DuckHockey00214496: I'm glad you like it, and I'll try to put in more Connie and Guy, I promise.

Emma: glad you like it. I hope this chapter is just as good.

KShyne99: I'm glad you like this, really I am. And I'm glad you liked AMND. I'm flattered you like my writing, really. So thank you.

Iluvguygermaine00: Adam's exotic butter dance and being turned on by pancakes had you crying huh? that's a compliment to me, so thank you. I just hope when the time comes it doesn't make you cry from horror instead of humor!

Piyo: I'm glad you like both stories. I don't know if I'll do a lunch adventure. I might. I hafta see how this goes first. Let me know!