Disclaimer:  CRASH AND BURN, HARRY POTTER!  I own Hairy Potter.  I do, and he's really hairy…just kidding! *sigh*  I do not own Harry Potter. 

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Psychiatrist Harry Potty's office

Welcome.

Please sit down.

When I call "Next" you may come in

I shall help you with any problems you have, because I am evil…I mean good, of course.

If you are afraid of knives, do not come in.

This was the sign hanging on Harry's door.

Many people were waiting outside of the office, waiting to be treated.

Harry Potter suddenly showed up. 

"Hello, everyone." He said, and he went inside.  Then he popped his head back out.

"Next!"

A man with wide eyes and an open mouth came in the room.

"Hello, there, Mr…" said Harry.

"Grunt."

"Hello there Mr. Grunt." Said Harry, and he motioned the man to sit down.

"Grunt."

"So what is your problem, Mr. Grunt, why are you here?" asked Harry, taking out a notebook.

"Grunt…gruntgrunt, grunt!  Grunt grunt gruntgruntgruntgrunt GRUNT?" grunted the man.

"Er….could you say that in English, please?  I do not understand Troll."

"Grunt."

"Er…okay….well, I have a solution to your problem, Mr. Grunt." Beamed Harry.

"Grunt?"

"Yes.  You must become more like me!  I have a nice scar on my forehead, I talk English, and I have power."

"Grunt."

"Come here, then, I shall already give you the scar."  The man looked terrified and backed away, so Harry went up to him and gave him a lightening scar, much like his own, on his forehead.

"GRUNT!"

"Yes.  It is all done now, Mr. Grunt.  Now, repeat after me:  I shall follow Harry Potty."

"Grunnt gruntgrunt Grunnnnntt"

"Very good.  Now, when your scar burns, you shall come to the Wal-Mart down the street, okay?"

"Grunt."

"Okidoki, then!" said Harry brightly.  "Goodbye, Mr. Grunt!"

Mr. Grunt nodded and went out of the room.

"Next!"

A lady came in.  She had fear in her eyes and she was looking at the ceiling.

"Hello, there, Ms…"

"Help!"

"Ms. Help.  What can I do for you?" asked Harry politely.

"Help!  The sky is going to fall down on me!  Help!" screamed the lady.

"Really?  I don't think so.  Why would the sky want to fall down on only you?"

"It's going to fall down!  It's going to fall down!" shrieked the lady.

"Nonsense!  I also know the sky is going to fall down, but do you see me screaming?  I'm trying to enjoy the rest of my life as much as possible." Said Harry.

"…You're right!" said the lady admiringly, staring at him.

"Of course, I'm always right.  Now, you should be more like me, then!"

The lady nodded.

"I shall first give you a scar, like mine." Smiled Harry and he went to her with the knife in his hand and cut a lightening bolt in her forehead.

"Oh!  Thank you!  Thank you!" yelled a delighted Ms. Help.

"You're welcome.  Now repeat after me:  I shall follow Harry Potty."

"I shall follow Harry Potty."

"Excellent.  Now, when your scar burns, you shall come to the Wal-Mart down the street."

"Yes!"

"Very good.  Goodbye, Ms. Help!" said Harry brightly.

"Goodbye, Mr. Potty!  Thank you!"

"NEXT!"

Another woman came in, this one was walking normal.

"Hello, Ms.."

"Ms. Rhett."

"Hello, Ms. Rhett.  How can I help you?"

The woman flung herself on the couch and started crying hysterically.

"What is the matter, Ms. Rhett?" asked Harry sympathetically.

"I don't want to live anymore!  I want to die!" she sobbed.

"Why?"

"My life is not worth living!  I hate it!"

"Well, then, why don't you start living my life?" asked Harry.

"Well…er…is that possible?" asked the woman.

"Sure!  Just let me cut a scar in your forehead, and then you will take the oath…"

"Okay!  That will be terrific!" yelled the woman.

So Harry cut a lightening bolt in her forehead and made her say "I will follow Harry Potty".

"Now, don't forget, when the scar burns, come to Wal-Mart down the street!" Harry called after her.

"Okay!" she waved and went out the door.

"NEXT!"

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Thank you for the reviews!

Bob-the-bear:  thanks!  I don't know…it's the evil threesome now…maybe Ron and Hermione will try the suntan lotion…or come for therapy or something…

Tomlover17:  Yeah!  It's so annoying!  I finally got to read the reviews!  Yay!  Thanks!

Princess-perfect:  Thanks!  Ya, I liked that part too!  thanks!

Yrfan:  Hehe…it's ridiculous, next chapter will be his plan working out!  This was Harry's plan!  Thanks!

Longshanks:  Hehehe..yep..lam-o

Swishy Willow Wand:  Hey Turkey!  Haven't heard from you in a while!  Glad you like this story!

Ami-Gryffindor89:  Yep, that's what it's supposed to do…crack you up…I just love writing this story, I have so many things to write!  And they don't have to make sense at all!  MUHAHAHAHAHA!

Bug2buggie:  Hehe…yep, that's what it's supposed to be…I just love writing this story…I crack myself up at night dreaming about what I'm going to write next…no kidding…I'm so weird…

Hp-Marije666:  thanks!