(A/N: I can't believe it!!!! My best friend and I met the one, the only, MEG CABOT!!! It was unreal. I am just so happy so I decided since I will be away until Sunday evening, I will post a chapter instead of homework. I just have to say that Meg is an awesome person. She is so down to earth and just a great personality. I was so nervous, but she was super nice. She signed my PD 5 book and answered the eggplant question (bytheby, it was based on true story) anyway on with the chapter....)

Disclaimer: Don't own Mediator series, i just read them.

*thank you 2:( Reviewers Rock!!!)

Foolish Fish : Thank you

Clavel : There is more to come, just wait and see...

Arda Silverlace : Suze get into a lot of tricky situations. I don't know why, but I would too if it involved Paul. (ok bad me) but what about Jesse...

allhailstitch : (thankx 4 login' in)

Alda Rethe : yes suze is in deep, but there is a way out...

NiceHayley : thanks 4 the comments, (I secretly like Paul and would give in too, but shhh its a secret)

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Chapter 3: "Shattered"

I tried to push away, but the pain consumed me and I could not move. He held me so tight.

"Susannah. What happened? You just fell limp in my arms. I thought that you...that you..." "died" I finished his sentence, because technically I did. Tears began to flow from his eyes. All I do is cause him pain. He doesn't deserve this. "Jesse." was all I could say before he cut me off.

"No, Querida. There is something I must say before something else happens to you. I thought I lost you and I would never get to tell you how I feel. The priest has advised me otherwise, but I don't care. I cannot give you up. I will not give you up, because Susannah, I love you and I always will." Why was he making this harder than it already is. Those words hurt more than what Paul had said, because I knew it was a lie. He couldn't love me after what I had done or what I was about to do. I hope at least one day he will be able to forgive me and forget. He searched for an answer in my eyes, but I looked away. I used all my strength to stand up. I had to lie to save him from any more pain I would cause.

"Jesse, you can't love me. I'm alive. I need someone who I can introduce to my family and I can actually date. I need someone like..." I knew it would hurt but I had to say it, "...someone like Paul. Jesse I am sorry." The pain was visible and hurt me just as much, if not more, as Jesse. I was giving up my one true love. It looked as if I stabbed him right in the heart. He had just confessed his love to me and I acted like it was nothing. He turned away and glared out the window.

"You are not to blame, because what you say is true. I was lost in the moment, forgive me. Good bye Susannah." His tone was lifeless and still. He dematerialized and left me. I collapsed on the floor. The tears were endless and there was no one there to wipe them away. I was left shattered and broken. The only thing keeping breath in my body was the fact that soon, he wouldn't even remember my name.

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(A/N: What is she talking about? Why is she doing this? Jesse just said the long awaited "L" word and she totally pushed him away. Oh but soon you will find out why. This was kind of sad. I promise there will me happy times again! I know this was short but there is more to come soon! I will be leaving and didn't have enough time to finish chp.4 but I promise I will post more Sunday night, like two chapters or something. Please Review!!)