Disclaimer: TC Williams High School and its environs belong to the city of Alexandria, VA. The original Titans, Col. and Mrs. Bass, and Alison Baines belong to themselves (although I made up Alison's last name), while the fictitious characters from the film Remember the Titans belong to Disney. Sloan-Kettering Hospital belongs to…well, it seems to belong to itself, too.

The title of this chapter belongs to the Doors, The Prophet to Kahlil Gibran and Antony and Cleopatra to William Shakespeare. Jon's "born out of a bottle" remark came from John Lennon, while Michael's "fate surmounted by scorn" quote is from Albert Camus' The Myth of Sisyphus. I only own Tamsin, her parents (gasp!), Michael Cardinal, Ma Rose, Ronnie's fish and assorted TC Williams students.

Technical Notes: I tried to do a bit of research on chemotherapy and it seemed to already have been around during the early 1970s. So I am, to my knowledge, not being anachronistic.

Author's Notes: First of all I'd like to thank everyone who's waited patiently for me to update. Your continued support means a lot to me :D and I have really enjoyed getting to know some of you a lot better. Thank you to Divarane, rebecca and all the repeat reviewers for the lovely, lovely feedback. (Lady Weasley1, Tamsin says good luck with the pageant!)

And last but definitely not least, very special thanks to Emma Dalrymple of the Sugar Quill for her invaluable help and support *hugs* :D Enjoy this chapter, everyone! ~Ara

Chapter Seventeen — You're Lost, Little Girl

Tamsin stared at him, stunned. "What?"

Uncle Jon's face turned from red to pasty white in a matter of seconds as he realized what he had just said. He raised a hand weakly, and then dropped it back to his side. "Your mother…she wanted a baby so badly," he told her, his voice much softer now.

And finally, after almost twenty years, the story came out: how Diana Lee had spent her early years in New York going from man to man, all of whom either turned out to be gay or refused to commit to anything serious. After her last relationship ended in disaster, she had plunged into a deep depression and developed a yearning for a child. A child, Diana had reasoned, would be bound to her in the most fundamental and permanent of ways. A child would never lie to her. A child would be for keeps. And Jonathan Graham, her sympathetic neighbor and best friend, had agreed to have the baby with her and sworn to keep her secret forever.

"So my father…isn't dead?" Tamsin whispered.

He smiled wanly. "No, sweetie. He's very much alive."

His eyeglasses glinted in the dimming light. No wonder the registrar had seen a resemblance, she thought woodenly. Everyone said that she looked just like her mother, except that her eyes were slightly rounder, less almond-shaped. Diana had always told her that it was a result of the mixture of her Chinese and white genes, but now she saw that she and her…father…had the exact same eyes.

Oh, God, Uncle Jon is my father.

"I know you're not very happy with me right now, Tamsin," he said gently, "but let me assure you that you weren't born out of a bottle on a Saturday night. Diana and I thought things over very carefully. We both wanted you very much, but first we made sure that we could support a child financially and emotionally. And I don't think we've failed you in that."

"So what was this whole stay in Alexandria supposed to be?" Tamsin wanted to know. Since this was the time for earthshaking revelations, she decided to take advantage of the situation and get some of her questions answered. "Some kind of extremely belated father-daughter bonding?"

Fortunately — or unfortunately, she couldn't decide later on — her father decided to cooperate. "No, sweetie," he replied, sounding weary. "I had really intended to spend a year here to work on my book. Your mother later asked me take you with me because…"

"Because…?" she prompted after he had opened and closed his mouth a few times without saying anything. His voice seemed to have failed him.

"She didn't want you to see her sick," he finally said.

"Sick?" she demanded, her insides drawing up into a tight knot. "What do you mean, sick?"

Her father met her eyes with some effort. "She…your mother has cancer, Tamsin," he told her gently. "It's in her lungs."

The knot inside her twisted painfully. "No!"

But as she tried to deny it, she also recalled dozens of odd things that she had noted in passing and now made sense. Her mother's quiet spells before the sudden announcement that Tamsin, too, would be moving to Alexandria…the coughing and fatigue that she had heard over the phone…the highly secretive calls that were never for her…her mother's refusals to allow Tamsin to come home, not even for the holidays.

"Oh, God," Tamsin whimpered. Her father held out a hand to her but she recoiled from him, still reeling from the figurative one-two punch he had just thrown her.

He flinched slightly at the rejection, but his voice remained gentle. "She's OK, sweetie," he said in the same voice he had once used to soothe her when she was sad or hurt. "They discovered it early and Diana's been undergoing this new experimental treatment at Sloan-Kettering that seems to be working."

She managed to be relieved for a moment before again becoming indignant at how much they had kept from her and how long she had gone without knowing anything. "I can't believe you never told me any of this!" she exclaimed. "I can't believe she never told me! I'm her…I'm your daughter and you lied to me!"

"I never lied to you, Tamsin." He sounded infuriatingly calm given the present situation. "I just didn't tell you everything."

"Well, what about Mom? She said she—"

"Diana had her reasons."

"That's bullshit! First she wanted a child because it would never leave her or lie to her, and then she sent me away and kept me in the dark…" Tamsin sputtered. "That kind of thing is a two-way street, you know! You guys should have been up front with me, too!"

"We couldn't."

"Why not? I'm old enough to handle that kind of news!"

"It doesn't sound like it," her father retorted.

"I wouldn't have sounded like this if you had sat me down and talked things over with me properly! You could have told me early on that you were my dad, and when Mom found out about the cancer, she could have told me about it—"

"And if you had known about it then, what would you have done? Stayed behind in New York and worried about your mother—"

"I would have stayed, all right; and I would have helped take care of her!"

"She's getting the best care available already," he assured her. "And besides, that's not the kind of life we want for you. You're young; you deserve to have fun and not worry about anything other than your schoolwork. Your mother's illness isn't the kind of thing we want you to be dealing with at this point in your life."

"But I could have helped—"

Her father shook his head sadly. "No, sweetie. Neither of us could have helped."

* * *

No, we probably couldn't have.

Tamsin lay sprawled on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. The inner maelstrom of horror, worry, disbelief and anger had subsided, leaving her feeling exhausted and empty.

She had lunged for the telephone, she remembered. She had tried to call her mother, intending to demand an explanation, but was unable to get through. The operator told her that no one was picking up on the other end of the line.

Oh, God, Mom, where are you? Tamsin picked up a teddy bear she had brought with her from New York and hugged it tight. Are you all right?

Although she was glad she now knew what her mother — her parents — had been keeping from her, she had to admit that she had felt infinitely better a couple of hours ago, when all she had to worry about was Michael.

Now that she was calmer, she could sort of understand why she hadn't been told about her mother's cancer. She still thought her parents had stupidly fooled themselves into thinking they were being noble and self-sacrificing, but a little voice inside her whispered that perhaps her mother thought that, by keeping her illness a secret, she was saving Tamsin from all the worry and sadness. Maybe that was how Tamsin had helped her mother fight her cancer — by helping Diana feel that she was still strong enough to protect her daughter.

Presently, there was a light tap on the door. "Tam?" her father called from outside. "Dinner's ready."

"I don't want any," she called back, rolling over onto her side and tucking the teddy bear under her chin. Her father had won it for her on a trip to Coney Island the summer she turned five.

Her father.

Tamsin hugged the bear, remembering the many times she had held it at night and wished for a father to replace the one her mother said had died. She used to hug it and lull herself to sleep imagining what life would be like, having a tie-wearing, office-going, pipe-smoking father like her classmates did. She probably wished for one every night for years, until she realized that being fatherless wasn't so bad because she had the man she once called "Uncle Jon" in her life.

Now it turned out that Uncle Jon had been her real father all along. It felt so right, Tamsin thought, like a puzzle piece clicking into place. But something remained horribly wrong because of the way she had found it out, and all the other things she now knew about her mother and why she had been sent to Alexandria.

You asked to know all that. Be careful what you wish for…

* * *

"Sunshine! Hey, Sunshine!"

Ronnie's vision blurred. He blinked and realized Petey was waving a hand in front of his face. "What?" he asked as the sights and sounds of the TC Williams cafeteria intruded on his consciousness once more.

"Welcome back, man!" Eddie joked. "Where were you? Reliving your date with Darla last Saturday?"

The blond boy beetled his brows at his friend. "There was nothing worth reliving about that date, bro."

"Naw, he wasn't thinkin' about Darla," Big Julius said with a small smile. He nodded toward where Tamsin was walking out of the lunchroom with Michael. Ronnie had been looking in her direction just a while ago. "You're slippin' again, Sunshine."

"I thought you swore you wouldn't even look at her anymore!" Blue scolded playfully.

"What's wrong with looking?" Emma demanded. "Y'all are actin' like Tamsin's got the plague or something!"

"Aw, we were just kiddin' around, sugar," Gerry soothed her.

"And it ain't like we're bad-mouthin' her all over school," Blue added. "We're just tryin' to help Sunshine get over her."

"But I'm already over her," Ronnie said. "I am," he insisted when most of his friends scoffed. "I wasn't thinking about…you know, the breakup…I was thinking that she wasn't looking too good."

"All right, Sunshine!" Petey praised, slapping him on the back. "Keep it up and by the end of the week you'll think she's so ugly you won't like her anymore."

It was Sharon's turn to roll her eyes. "That's not what Sunshine meant, Petey."

"He means Tamsin looks kind of…tired, right?" Cat put in, her voice laced with worry

The black boy shrugged. "Well, if she ain't feelin' well, maybe Mikey can cook her up some vegetarian chicken soup or whatever it is his people eat."

Ronnie shook his head. "She doesn't look sick, man," he said even as he joined in the snickering that greeted Petey's remark. "She looks like…" He gestured ineffectually with his hands, groping for the right words. "She looks like someone turned her world upside down."

"Ooh, and you know what she looks like when her world gets turned upside down, don't you?" Alan teased with a naughty grin.

"That's not what I meant, either." The blond boy turned red amid a volley of catcalls. "Stop it, you guys. I mean Tamsin looks like she's got something real heavy on her mind."

"She's probably askin' herself why she dumped you for ol' Mikey," Ryan quipped.

Liz gave him a shove. "This is serious, Ryan."

"Has she spoken to you lately about anything that's bothering her?" Ronnie asked Emma.

"Well, she was kind of mad about how people seemed to keep looking down on Michael," the blonde girl replied slowly, "but you know Tamsin — she ain't the kind of girl to let other people's opinions trouble her for too long."

"No, she isn't," he agreed. "So it must be something else."

"Have you tried talking to her?" Sharon asked him.

"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago. She said she'd been in a pretty bad mood, but wouldn't say why." Ronnie rubbed the nape of his neck, frowning thoughtfully.

"Well, if she wouldn't tell you then," Blue pointed out, "what makes you think she'll tell you now? Whatever it is that's botherin' her, Sunshine, it ain't your problem no more."

"But we're still friends—" he tried to argue, but the big black boy cut him off.

"I know, bro," he said gently, "but that don't mean you're still entitled to know everything that's goin' on in Tamsin's life."

"Ouch," Rev remarked, flinching.

"Truth hurts," Big Julius said.

"Yeah, it does," Ronnie agreed, giving Blue a small smile to show that he wasn't offended at what the other boy had said.

The big black boy gave him a relieved smile and a playful punch on the arm in return. "Tamsin will be OK, man. For what it's worth, she's got Mikey. He'll deal with it."

Out in the side courtyard, Tamsin was sitting with Michael on their usual bench. She was basically watching him eat, having managed only a couple of bites of her sandwich before wrapping the rest back up. She hadn't had much appetite since the beginning of the weekend.

Tamsin sighed and leaned her head on the dark-haired boy's shoulder, slipping her arms around his waist. "I am so tired."

"Mm." He leaned his cheek on her head briefly before turning his concentration back to his sandwich and Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet, which he read as he ate.

"I wasn't able to write all weekend," she added, hoping that would catch his attention and lead to a conversation about what was bothering her, during which she would be able to share her thoughts and feelings with someone who really cared for her.

It didn't. Instead of asking her what was wrong, he just made a sympathetic noise and stroked her hair a few times.

She leaned a bit more heavily against him and hugged him a little tighter. "I think I'm coming down with something," Tamsin ventured then.

Michael stopped reading long enough to feel her forehead. "You're not warm," he said absently, going back to his book.

The cigarette he had bummed that day was still tucked in his shirt pocket, but already his clothes smelled of smoke. The scent caused Tamsin to remember her mother and her eyes began to smart. "Well, I still feel rotten," she told him, trying futilely to choke back the catch in her voice.

"Aw, Tamsin." Finally, he put an arm around her and she snuggled into his embrace gratefully. "Are you having a bad day?"

"No, it's more than that. I—"

"It's never more than that. Things just aren't going your way right now, that's all." He turned his head to kiss her temple. "But they will. Just give it time and everything will work itself out."

But how much time does my mom have? Tamsin wanted to ask, but instead she sighed deeply and said nothing.

"Everything will be all right, Tamsin." Michael reached up and stroked her hair again. "You just have to tough it out and show all those problems that you're stronger than they are. There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn, remember?" He shook her slightly. "Tell you what, we'll go out for coffee after school today, OK? Coffee—"

"Tea," Tamsin interjected. She had never liked coffee.

He chuckled. "OK, tea, an hour in the bookstore, and a walk in the park or something. Sounds good?"

She found herself smiling. "Sounds very good," she agreed, straightening up to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Michael."

"Are you going to eat the rest of your sandwich?"

* * *

The screen door squeaked. "Is that you, Ronnie?" his mother called from the living room.

"Yeah, Mom," he called back as he wiped his feet on the doormat.

"How was the play?" Col. Bass's voice asked.

"Great, Dad," Ronnie replied. He had just gotten back from watching the Drama Club's latest play, Antony and Cleopatra. "Cat's a shoo-in for the Achievements in Drama Award at graduation."

"That's nice," Mrs. Bass said. "Do you want anything to eat?"

"No, thanks; my friends and I went to Ma Rose's after the play and grabbed dinner there."

"Sounds like you had a good time," his father remarked.

"Yeah, I did."

Ronnie hung up his jacket in the hall closet, wished his parents good night, and trudged upstairs.

He had enjoyed the play, he thought as he let himself into his bedroom, and Alison Baines had been as great a date as she was an English partner. He'd really enjoyed her company.

The after-party at Ma Rose's had been a lot of fun, too. Besides the food and music, the mix of people there had been really good, too. The Titans had enjoyed razzing Rev about the goofy proud-boyfriend smile on his face and Cat's Drama Club friends, who apparently loved to entertain even offstage, had them all in stitches with impressions of the teachers and reenactments of hilarious backstage moments. Even Ma Rose joined in the fun and showed them all how a proper jitterbug was done.

Siddartha and Kamala, the goldfish Tamsin had given him last Christmas, swam in crazy circles inside their bowl when they saw Ronnie. He had forgotten to feed them before leaving that night.

As he dropped a pinch of fish food into the water, Ronnie's thoughts turned to Tamsin.

I thought you swore you wouldn't even look at her anymore!

He snorted and shook off Blue's admonition. None of his friends knew how to read minds, so he could afford to slip once in a while. Besides, even if someone did catch him thinking about her, it was his head. He could do what he wanted with it.

Tamsin had been at the play, too, Ronnie recalled as he flopped onto his bed. He saw her enter the theater with Michael, and later again at the after-party. She had nodded vaguely to him and the Titans, but didn't stop by their booth to say hello.

She hadn't socialized much at all, sticking to Michael and a group of Drama Club kids, and left the party early. Ronnie supposed that, unlike him, Michael didn't have a car, so the younger boy accompanied Tamsin home on the bus before it got too late.

However, that didn't explain why she had appeared quiet and withdrawn at the party.

Something was clearly bothering her. Unfortunately, because she had refused to confide in him, Ronnie had no idea what it was. And because they were now barely speaking (even though they had agreed to remain friends), he was unable to help her.

* * *

Where was I going again?

Tamsin looked at her watch, then at her class schedule. She was on her way to study hall.

She looked at the halls around her, trying to get her bearings. Yes, she was on the right floor in the right part of the building.

Whew. She raked a hand through her hair. Get your act together, Tamsin Lee, she commanded herself. The school year is almost over. You can't afford to mess up now. You have to go out with a bang!

Tamsin knew she had to pull herself together. She had spent the past few weeks in a self-absorbed stupor, coming to terms with the truth about her erstwhile Uncle Jon and wrapped up in worry over her mother.

Mother and daughter had yet to speak. Tamsin's father told her that Diana had checked into the hospital for something called chemotherapy and it was probably best if she not take phone calls for a while. Chemotherapy sounded painful, from the way he had explained the principles of the treatment. The thought of her mother being stuck in an impersonal, antiseptic hospital with no one but strangers to take care of her made it sound scary, too.

She hugged her books tighter and felt her eyes smart for the thousandth time that day. Get out of your funk! she berated herself. You shouldn't be moping around like this! It's counterproductive!

Tamsin sighed. But what else can I do when my mother could be dying miles away from the only family she's got? Oh, Mom, please be OK!

Presently, a male voice broke into her thoughts, calling her name. To her surprise, it sounded like Petey Jones. "Hey, Tamsin!"

She paused to blink back the stinging tears and paste a polite smile on her face before turning around. It was indeed Petey. "Hi, Petey."

The tall black boy bounced up to her. "Hey there, baby sugar! How ya doin'?"

"Uh, fine," she replied.

The caution in her voice was not lost on him. "Aw, c'mon, sweetness, I ain't gonna bite ya! Can't two old friends have a normal conversation?"

"We haven't had a 'normal conversation' since…" Since I broke up with Ronnie.

"And whose fault is that? You been so wrapped up in that new boyfriend of yours you ain't had time for your old friends!"  Petey held up a hand and grinned engagingly when she scowled. "Whoa, hey, I'm just messin' with you, all right? That's my job, remember?"

"It's more like your mission in life," Tamsin remarked dryly.

"Now that's the Tamsin I remember," he said with a laugh and a playful punch on the arm. "So, how you been? You goin' to the Senior Banquet?"

She nodded. "How about you?"

"Of course! I ain't got a date yet, though," Petey admitted.

"Why am I not surprised?"

He made a face at her. "Very funny," he said sarcastically. "You goin' with Mikey—I mean, Michael, of course, right?"

"That's right," Tamsin replied, bracing herself for the inevitable put-down.

But there was none. Instead, he grinned and asked, "But you'll save a dance for me, won't you?"

"So long as it's really you I'm saving a dance for."

"Of course it's me! Who did you—" Understanding dawned on his face. "Oh, you thought I was gonna give my dance to Sunshine, didn't you? No way, sweetness!" he laughed. "Sunshine's gonna be busy at the dance — he already got hisself a date. He's going with Alison, that girl he did that English report with."

"Really? That's great. Alison's a very nice girl." Aware that Petey was closely observing her reaction to the news, Tamsin gave him a wide smile. She couldn't help having a sinking feeling in her stomach, but it was a very small one, practically negligible. She really did think that Alison was a nice person and was genuinely glad that Ronnie was taking her to the dance instead of some brainless bit of arm candy.

Thankfully, the black boy decided not to discuss the matter any further. "Hey, have you voted for the Senior Awards yet?"

"No, not yet," she admitted. "I…I've been busy."

"Well, you should. You're up for a couple of 'em."

Her eyebrows rose. "Really?"

"Yup." Petey gave her a conspiratorial grin. "Hey, I'll vote for you if you vote for me," he suggested, then chuckled. "Naw, just kidding. I'm gonna vote for you anyway." He checked his watch. "Oops, gotta go. See you around," he said, patting her shoulder before walking off.

"See you," she called after him.

Tamsin watched him go, wishing he had hugged her. She really needed a hug.