Disclaimer: TC Williams High School and its environs belong to the city of Alexandria, VA. The original Titans, Ronnie's date Alison, and Ellie (the girl in the hallway) belong to themselves, the fictitious characters from the film Remember the Titans to Disney, the Incredible Hulk to Marvel Comics, and the Twilight Zone to Rod Serling. The nickname "Scarface" is taken from the famous American gangster, Al Capone. Band-Aid is a registered trademark of Johnson & Johnson.
The "Kamala" quote in Ronnie's yearbook message and the names of his goldfish come from Siddartha by Hermann Hesse. The lyrics to the song "Fool In Love" belong to Ike & Tina Turner, and the title of this chapter to Santana. I only own Tamsin, her parents, and their house. OK, fine, I own Michael, too, but I take no responsibility for him being a jerk.
Author's Notes: At last, another update! I'm sorry I'm taking so long, everyone, but the past few months have been toxically busy. I also lost quite a few of my fanfics in a computer glitch (fortunately, this one survived) and have been working on reconstructing my lost stories in addition to writing this one :( I'm glad everyone's still interested in this story, though. Many thanks to everyone who left reviews — jen, curlysara26, Bec/AnGeLKiSsEs2, beautyqueen321, Heidi, Mialana, Cassie, Ella, and all the repeat reviewers — and heck, thanks, too, to the people who keep reading even without reviewing ^_^
Thanks also to the brilliant ladies of the SQ Workshop 2 and to Livia Liana for their valuable input to this chapter.
Chapter Nineteen — No One to Depend On
This isn't happening.
For a while Tamsin was tempted to believe that this was all a bad dream…that she was watching the entire thing on TV…that this was happening to someone else.
But this wasn't TV. It was happening, and it was happening to her. Michael groping clumsily for the waistband of her panties was very real. He was taking liberties with her body.
Her body.
No!
She took a deep breath as a cleansing rage began to run through her veins, burning away the panic and confusion that had clouded her mind.
And she screamed.
"I SAID NO! GET OFF ME!"
Tamsin began to fight back in earnest. She rocked and wriggled, trying to throw him off of her; one hand holding her clothing in place, the other scrabbling around on the floor for something — anything — she could use to defend herself.
Her free hand closed over something hard and curved and she brought it up swiftly, catching Michael in the side of the head.
"Ow! Shit!" He swore and rolled off her, one hand pressed to the right side of his face. The blow had opened up a small cut on his cheekbone.
Tamsin scrambled off the couch, tottering on her high-heeled sandals, the umbrella she had picked up now held out before her like a sword. "I said no, you asshole!"
"Goddammit, you busted me open!" Michael complained, adjusting his eyeglasses and scowling at the thin smears of blood on his fingers.
"Good!" She hurriedly snatched up her purse and coat and backed toward the door. "And I'll kill you if you ever come near me again!"
He made no move to run after her but she rushed out of the apartment anyway, slamming the door behind her. Tamsin then rushed down the stairs as quickly as she could while hustling into her coat, almost tripping a few times.
Thank goodness she had enough for bus fare. Her mother had told her to start carrying the extra when she had started going out with Ronnie, but she hadn't needed it until now.
Tamsin, I can't just leave you standing in the street all by yourself.
I'll be fine.
But you don't have an umbrella.
Her hand tightened around the handle of the umbrella still clutched in her hand. "I do now."
* * *
It wasn't until after Tamsin had gotten safely home, run a bath and scrubbed herself clean of Michael's filth that the adrenaline wore off and reaction set in.
A welter of anger, relief, disappointment and shame welled up inside her and she choked out a sob. Her face crumpled as tears slid down her cheeks, mingling with the droplets of water that were already there.
How could she have been so wrong? Michael had seemed perfect in the beginning: he was intelligent, a writer and a free spirit. She had bent over backwards to please him. And all she got in return was the painful revelation that, for all his artistic sensibilities, he was still the worst kind of pig at heart.
He didn't even clean his living room in preparation for the occasion.
At least nothing had happened, Tamsin consoled herself when her crying had stopped. She took cold comfort in the fact that she had retained enough of herself to not give him everything, and she had fought back when he had tried to take it.
She leaned against the back of the bathtub, resting her head on the rim. The still-warm water enveloped her like a hug.
Tamsin's gaze wandered around the small, rather dim bathroom. The dusky pink dress she had worn to the dance lay in one corner, wadded up into a ball. She shuddered as she looked at it. She was never going to wear that dress again. Her mother was welcome to have it for keeps.
Fresh tears threatened at the thought of her mother, but Tamsin managed to keep them back. "Don't fall apart," she muttered to herself. "If Mom can deal with cancer, then you should be able to deal with something like this. Don't fall apart."
A tap on the door made her sit up in the bathtub. "Tam?" her father called through the door. He had apparently just gotten back from the dance. "Is that you?"
"Yes," she called back. Her voice sounded unnaturally high and shaky to her ears.
Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice. "You and Michael left early."
"Yes. I–I was tired."
"Are you OK?"
No, I'm not OK. Tamsin's face crumpled, but she fought to keep her voice even. "I'm fine. I just wanted to…soak a bit."
"Oh, all right. Don't stay in there too long — you know you hate it when you come out all wrinkled."
"I won't."
Don't fall apart.
* * *
"Come on, Sunshine, spill it," Petey wheedled. "What happened after the dance?"
"I already told you," Ronnie replied, intent on executing an oblique single whip. "I dropped Alison off at her house, kissed her good night, and went home. That's it."
"Was it a good kiss?"
He blushed. "Shut up, Petey."
"Come on. On a scale of one to ten…"
"Eleven, all right?" he said loudly. "Twelve point five."
"Whoo-ee—hey!" Petey exclaimed as Tamsin brushed past, jostling him. "Watch it, sweetness!" he called after her, but she walked on without an apology or even a backward glance. He turned back to Ronnie. "D' you think she heard us talking about Alison?"
No, she hadn't. Tamsin hadn't heard a thing. The Monday-morning chatter going on around her was nothing more than a dull, faraway hum as she marched toward the school.
She spied Michael sitting on the front steps, reading. The familiar look of intense concentration on his face made her heart contract painfully. A part of her still thought the expression made him look adorably boyish and mature at the same time.
He stretched his legs out and turned a page as Tamsin walked toward him. Michael was lounging around as if it were just another ordinary Monday, she thought. As if everything was A-OK.
But things weren't OK. The umbrella in her hand and the small cut on his face, which he hadn't bothered hiding with a Band-Aid, were stark reminders of that.
Tamsin squared her shoulders as fresh hurt and anger coursed through her. She and Michael were through, and she was not going to cry about it. She was not going to pine after someone who had treated her the way he had. She was going to neatly sever all ties with him and fight — no, overcome the pain, the way her mother was overcoming cancer.
She stopped right in front of him, purposely blocking his light, and Michael looked up. He met her gaze squarely, gray eyes cool and disinterested behind his glasses, and for a while Tamsin was strongly tempted to hit him a few more times with the umbrella. She settled for thrusting it right in his face, which made him flinch in a most satisfying way, and dropping it into his lap just as he was reaching up to take it.
Ronnie and Petey, who had witnessed the exchange (if it could be called that), watched her immediately turn away and walk into the school building, alone. Michael made no move to follow her.
"What's up with them?" Petey wondered.
* * *
If he were anything like those self-proclaimed psychics back in California, Ronnie would have said that there was a lot of chaos in Tamsin's aura that day. But seeing as how he wasn't, he settled for just saying that she was behaving strangely.
Tamsin had been acting like she was troubled about something for some time now, of course, but today she seemed to have completely shut herself off from everyone. Emma reported that they had barely spoken in homeroom, and whenever Ronnie saw her in the halls during the day, Tamsin was alone.
The weirdest thing was that she seemed to be avoiding Michael as well, and he wasn't falling all over himself to talk to her, either. "Looks like they had some kind of falling-out," Rev observed as the Titans and their girlfriends left the cafeteria that afternoon. Michael, also on his way out, had just walked past them. Tamsin was not with him.
"Looks like Scarface fell out of somewhere," Gerry cracked, making the other boys laugh. They had all seen the angry red cut marring the dark-haired boy's face.
"Or someone hit him," Big Julius remarked. "You think Tamsin did that?"
"Why should we care?" Blue asked, glaring repressively at his friends.
"Because if she did, he must have done something pretty nasty to deserve it," Emma told him with a glare of her own.
"And Tamsin does seem really pissed about something today," Petey chimed in. "Pardon my language," he added when Rev nudged him.
"Notice it's not me talking about Tamsin this time," Ronnie told Blue with a small smile. The big black boy replied with a disgruntled frown.
Fortunately for Blue, the subject was soon changed when the girls excused themselves to go to the bathroom. "What the heck do they do in there that they always have to go together?" Big Julius wondered.
"Complain about their boyfriends?" Alan suggested with a grin.
"Naw, Sharon would never do that."
"I think they make spaghetti in there," Petey remarked.
"That's weird, Petey," Gerry told him.
"Hey, it's possible. The girls' bathroom is like the Twilight Zone."
Ronnie only half-listened to the speculations about the strange things that girls did in their bathroom, as he was still busy puzzling over Tamsin's behavior. Blue was right, it didn't have anything to do with him anymore, but if Michael had anything to do with it…
It hit him like a bucketful of cold water just as they reached Gerry's locker. "Shit!"
"Sunshine!" Rev admonished.
"Aw, leave him alone, Rev," Petey told the other boy. "There ain't no girls around to hear him this time—hey, Sunshine, where ya goin'?"
Ronnie stopped at the sound of his name and realized that he had walked off while Petey had been talking, leaving his friends behind. "I'm gonna break Michael Cardinal's legs."
"Why? What did Mikey do…besides steal away your girl, that is?"
A scowling Gerry slammed his locker door shut. "Use your head, Petey," he said, starting to wheel down the hallway toward Ronnie. "Tamsin's mad, Mikey has a cut on his face…things obviously got physical between those two."
"But it doesn't look like anything happened," Rev pointed out.
"Well, he still tried something," Ronnie declared as Gerry, followed by the other Titans, caught up with him. He pinned Blue with a pointed look. "And don't say she deserved it."
"I wasn't going to," the big black boy told him.
He smiled briefly, glad that his friend wasn't carrying his grudge too far. "Good."
They continued down the hall with Ronnie purposefully leading the way, eyes darting left and right in search of his prey. The corridors were littered with students who were making use of the remaining lunch period to catch up on gossip or make last-minute bathroom and locker stops. Their cheerful chatter and activity contrasted starkly with the anger spreading like lava flow throughout his entire body.
I shouldn't be doing this, Ronnie thought. Whatever had happened between Tamsin and Michael had nothing to do with him. But she was his friend and Michael had hurt her. Michael had to pay.
The Titans found him in the corridor leading to the library.
A pretty girl with reddish-blond hair whom Ronnie recognized dimly from his Social Studies class looked up from rummaging around in her purse to smile at them as they passed. "Hi, guys!" she greeted them brightly.
"Hi, Ellie," Ronnie replied.
The next thing he knew, Ellie was screaming. He had stepped around her to haul Michael up and shove him into a nearby bank of lockers.
The crash was tremendously satisfying. "What did you do to Tamsin, you little prick?" he growled, his fists still bunched in the other boy's shirt.
"Nothing she didn't want," Michael retorted.
"But you didn't stop when she didn't want it anymore, did you? Did you?" Ronnie demanded, giving him a shake.
"Get your hands off me, asshole!"
"Did you stop when she asked you to?"
An ugly smile crept across the other boy's face. "Did you ever stop when she asked you to?"
Ronnie scowled. He was very sorely tempted to erase that smirk with his fist, but one never hit a guy wearing glasses.
Not in the face, anyway.
"Oof!"
The Titans cheered when their quarterback buried a punch in Michael's stomach and swung the smaller boy around, shoving him into the bank of lockers across the hall.
Michael landed on his feet, fists at the ready, and the two boys circled each other warily. "Sock it to him, Sunshine!" Gerry cried.
"Kick his ass!" Alan chimed in.
"No!" a female voice rang out before he and Michael could lunge at each other. Tamsin pushed her way through the crowd that had gathered. "Stop that right now!"
Ronnie glanced at his opponent, making sure that he wasn't preparing to launch any cheap shots, before turning to her and replying. "But he insulted you!"
"I don't care," she told him, even as an embarrassed flush stole over her cheeks. Tamsin glared at Michael, who didn't have the decency to look repentant in her presence. "And neither should you. His lies aren't worth listening to."
"So nothing happened between the two of you?"
Tamsin's blush deepened at the titters from their audience. Nevertheless, she drew herself up and looked him square in the eye. "Although this is absolutely none of anyone's business, least of all yours," she told him crisply, "no, nothing happened between us."
"Thank you for that bit of information," a familiar authoritative voice said, and the crowd parted to let Coach Boone enter the scene. "Just what is going on here?" he demanded.
"Nothing," Michael replied, even as he rubbed the small of his back.
"Nothin', huh? That was what that crowd was watchin' — nothin'?" The older man arched an eyebrow at the students who were quickly starting to make themselves scarce. Soon, only Tamsin and the Titans remained with Boone and the combatants.
"Well, nothing's happening right now," the dark-haired boy pointed out. "I didn't say nothing happened a while ago, before you showed up."
Ronnie exchanged glances with his teammates and bit his tongue to keep from snickering. None of the Titans would ever dream of talking back to Boone the way Michael was right now, and they were frankly looking forward to the dressing-down he was going to get.
They were not disappointed.
The coach's face tightened. He rubbed his forehead with his hand and then showed his palm to Michael. "Boy, what does this look like — stupid rubbin' off of me?" he said. "We both know what I meant. Now did anything happen here just now, a while ago or even a year ago, involving yourself, Ronnie Bass over here and anyone else who has yet to be identified?"
Michael thrust his chin out stubbornly. "No, sir."
"Nothin' really happened, huh? So you really come to school lookin' like you got dragged through a bush backwards?"
"Yeah, he always looks like that, Coach," Petey laughed.
His friends shushed him but Boone paid the black boy no mind, keeping his attention on Michael. "Get out of here, boy," he ordered, "and tidy yourself up — you're a disgrace." He then spun around to face Ronnie as Michael wordlessly left the hall. "You got anythin' to say for yourself, Sunshine?"
"He insulted Tamsin, Coach," the blond boy replied.
The older man looked to Tamsin for confirmation, but she folded her arms and said nothing. Instead, the other Titans were the ones who backed Ronnie up. "He did, Coach," said Gerry, and Rev nodded in support. "We were right here the whole time and we heard everything."
"And he was lyin' about Tamsin, too," Blue (yes, Blue!) piped up. "You heard her say that they didn't, uh…" He broke off, embarrassed. "Well, you know what she said."
Boone glanced at Tamsin again, but still addressed the boys. "Well, she looks like she's perfectly capable of takin' care of herself," he remarked. "Especially against a kid like that. Didn't you stop to consider that he was only about half your size, Sunshine?"
"I did, sir," Ronnie said. "That was why I didn't hit him in the face."
The coach's mouth quirked in a brief smile. "Nevertheless, it ain't right pickin' on someone smaller than you. Keep that in mind the next time you want to play the knight in shinin' armor."
A warm flush spread over his face at the teasing hoots from his friends. "Yes, sir."
"You're lucky football season's over, Sunshine, or I would have had to bench you."
"Yes, sir," Ronnie said again. Boone gave him and the other Titans a brief nod before walking off. When the coach was gone, Ronnie looked around for Tamsin, hoping to speak to her, but found that she was already halfway down the hall, running away from him.
* * *
News about the fracas at lunch spread quickly through the school, and all afternoon Ronnie was the object of many stares and whispered conversations. By the time last period rolled around, he was thoroughly sick of it. "Everyone's acting like I'm going to turn into the Incredible Hulk at any second," he muttered to his friends on their way to English.
"I can't believe people are still talkin' about it," Petey chuckled. "I thought the whole school was there, watchin' Sunshine break his foot off on Mikey's scrawny behind."
"Well, obviously only almost the whole school was there," Gerry replied as he wheeled into Mr. Graham's classroom.
"Ha-ha, very funny," Ronnie said sarcastically.
His voice seemed unnaturally loud in the silence that greeted the Titans' entrance. He felt himself start to turn red when he realized that everyone was looking at them.
"Hello, boys," Mr. Graham greeted them, breaking the excruciating pause. Although he most probably had already heard about the lunchtime incident, his smile and tone of voice indicated that everything was going to be business as usual as far as he was concerned. "Come in and take your seats; we'll be starting class soon."
"Yes, sir." Ronnie resolutely ignored the curious looks and whispering coming from all sides as he followed his friends to the back row. Ray Budds smirked at him as he sat down, but Ronnie ignored him, too.
The whispering died down after the Titans took their seats without incident, only to revive again when Tamsin appeared.
Walking into a room full of gawkers was daunting, but she willed herself to ignore them and hold her head up high. Once she made it to her seat, she opened her English book and pretended to read, silently giving thanks that she was sitting in the front row, where she could at least turn her back on everyone.
Tamsin could not, however, turn her back on her father. The look on his face clearly told her that he had heard about what had happened at lunchtime and she knew that they were going to discuss it that night.
Michael slouched into the classroom just as the last bell was ringing. "Michael, so nice of you to join us," Tamsin's father greeted him. "Sit down so we can start." He watched the dark-haired boy take the front-row seat farthest from Tamsin, and then gave the rest of the class (who had also been watching Michael) a wry look. "All right, everyone, show's over. Take out a sheet of paper, we're having a surprise quiz."
Tamsin made a small face as she did as was instructed amid the inevitable chorus of groans. If her father meant to punish Michael in some way for what happened last Saturday night, she thought, he was going at it the wrong way.
Fortunately, it was an objective quiz and she remembered enough of the assigned reading to answer the questions. Tamsin then spent the rest of the period willing for the class to end so that she could go home. She had just enough left in her to walk through the halls one last time. Just enough to weather one last storm of pitying stares, whispered conversations and snickers behind her back. She did not want anyone to get in the way of her getting out of there and just going home.
But a couple of people did, and they just happened to be the last people she wanted to see.
The first one showed up just as she was about to close her locker door. "Hey… Tamsin."
Her heart seized up at the sound of his voice, but she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing herself to stay calm. Be strong. Don't fall apart. "Michael," she replied, turning to look at him.
He stood there silently for a while, speaking only just as Tamsin was turning back toward her locker. "I just wanted to say that…you know…I'm sorry," he told her.
The last few words had sounded like they were squeezed out of him, as if he weren't used to saying them. A part of her was pathetically glad that he was apologizing to her, but another part couldn't help noticing that he didn't sound like he meant it. "OK," she said after a few moments' pause.
"Does that 'OK' mean you forgive me?"
She turned from him toward her still-open locker. "No, it means that since you've said what you wanted to say, you can go away now."
But Michael would not leave. "You do know what I'm apologizing about, don't you?"
Tamsin scowled. When had he begun to sound so patronizing? "Yes," she snapped. "You don't have to refresh my memory. In fact, I'd prefer it if you didn't."
"Look, I know that what I did that night was really stupid and insensitive—"
"Don't forget sick and dehumanizing."
"And sick and dehumanizing," he repeated dutifully, "but I was hoping that despite that, you could give me another chance."
An incredulous laugh burst out of Tamsin. Michael had almost raped her that night, and he thought a half-assed apology like that was enough to make her want to pick up where they left off? She could almost hear her mother's indignant Arthurian-style howling in her head. The gall of that cur! Off with his head! "No," she told him.
His gray eyes widened. "No?"
"No."
"But—"
"What part of 'no' didn't you understand, Mikey?" another male voice broke in, and the second person Tamsin did not want to see appeared at her side.
Michael looked at her and then at Ronnie, standing together before him, and drew himself up to his full height. The gesture reminded Tamsin of a worm making its last stand against a particularly ravenous rooster. "Don't worry," the dark-haired boy replied, "I understand completely."
"Then get out of here."
Tamsin closed her eyes, again trying to pull herself together. When she opened them again, Michael had slunk away, but Ronnie was still there. "Hi, Ronnie," she said, finally closing her locker door.
"Hi," he replied, and held up her yearbook. "I've come to give this back to you."
"Thanks." She moved to take it, but instead he took the books she was already carrying and added them to the yearbook he still held.
"You're welcome," he told her. Ronnie leaned on her locker, making himself comfortable. He was clearly planning to stick around for a while. "So…how are you?"
"Just fine."
"No one gave you any trouble this afternoon?" He frowned slightly and cocked his head in the direction where Michael had gone. "Besides him, I mean?"
"No," she replied, folding her arms and looking down at them. "And speaking of this afternoon," she added, "you didn't have to do what you did."
"It was nothing," he told her with a modest half-smile.
Tamsin's cheeks flamed. He was actually proud of what he'd done? "No. I meant it. You didn't have to do what you did. You shouldn't have done what you did."
Ronnie blushed as well, and his smile faded. "I was only trying to help."
"I know that, but you didn't have to. I dealt with him myself that night. Now everyone knows about last Saturday." Now everyone knows I was wrong about Michael. "You could have asked me first."
By now, he was frowning. She was right, Ronnie averred, he should have asked her first; but given the way she had been shutting everyone out lately… "Would you have told me about it?"
Tamsin opened her mouth to reply that of she would have, but then shut it. Of course she wouldn't have. She wouldn't have told anyone, especially not him. "Will you just leave me alone?" she finally asked.
"I can't do that."
"Why not?" Everyone else has.
His blush deepened. He couldn't out and out tell her why. Besides, she should already know. "I think you need someone to talk to."
Tears threatened again for the nth time that day and she was sorely tempted to lean against him and have a good cry, but she managed to keep a tenuous grip on herself. "It can't be you."
Something inside Ronnie died and he scowled. "Fine," he said, pushing himself up off her locker and tipping her books back into her arms. "Good luck finding someone else who cares."
Tamsin hugged her books to herself, feeling strangely bereft as she watched him stalk away.
After Ronnie had gone, she chanced a peek at the message he had written in her yearbook. Her mouth curved in a bitter, ironic smile as she read his words.
Dear Tamsin,
Thank you for making this a very memorable year. You are, without a doubt, the coolest girl in class. I'm not just saying that — you're smart and independent and you're sure to go far. I'm very proud to call you my friend.
Best of luck with all that lies ahead. I hope you will always remember the good times you had here in Alexandria. Remember also that I am always here for you.
"You are like me; you are different from other people. You are Kamala and no one else…"
Take care of yourself and keep in touch.
Love, Ronnie
* * *
As if the conversation with Ronnie after school wasn't bad enough, Tamsin still had to face her father. What he would say to her? Probably "I told you so," she thought dryly. Maybe he would ground her, too. That actually didn't sound so bad.
She of course would have preferred that they not discuss the matter of Michael at all, but these days she seldom got what she wished for.
"So…today was kind of rough, wasn't it?" her father began over dinner that evening.
She shrugged and shoved a spoonful of parsley rice into her mouth, chewing and swallowing without tasting a thing. Mealtimes had not been fun at the Graham household for a long time. "Mondays are always rough."
He sighed. "You know what I mean, Tam," he said, abandoning the nonchalant pose.
Yes, she knew what he meant. "Well, I got through today just fine, the way I got through last Saturday just fine."
"Did you really get through Saturday 'just fine'?"
Tamsin blushed and avoided her father's gaze. She had grown up confiding in this man, but there were certain things you couldn't discuss with someone else, especially a parent, without feeling awkward. "Yes," she said finally. "Nothing happened."
"That doesn't mean you didn't get hurt."
"I'm fine," she insisted. "I hit him. We're through. I just want to get on with my life."
"Tamsin, I'm not happy that such a thing happened—that is, almost happened to you," he told her gently.
At least he isn't gloating, she thought.
"Deny it if you will, but you are my daughter," her father went on, "and even if you weren't, I promised your mother I'd take care of you. If I wasn't Michael's teacher, I would have gone after him with a horsewhip."
"Don't bother, someone already did."
"Ah, yes." He smiled. "Sunshine."
She hid her face in her glass as she took a sip of orange juice. "It's not funny."
"I'm not laughing."
"He shouldn't have done what he did, especially not in front of all those people."
"His actions were a bit impulsive," her father admitted, "but at the same time I thought they were very chivalrous."
Tamsin rolled her eyes. "The days of dueling to avenge a lady's honor are long past, Dad."
The look of surprised pleasure that crossed her father's face made her blush. That had slipped out rather unexpectedly. "Well, despite the fact that he is…rather unconventional compared to most other boys here in Alexandria," he told her, still smiling, "I think Sunshine still has those old-fashioned values at heart."
She lowered her gaze and drew restless circles with her spoon in the rice on her plate. There was still quite a bit of it left. "I'm sure he'll be happy to know that once you tell him."
"Haven't you talked to him? I thought I saw you in the halls together after class."
Did he see me talking to Michael, too? "I wasn't telling him he was chivalrous."
"What did you tell him?"
"That he should have minded his own business."
Her father arched an eyebrow. "Apparently, he thinks you are still his business."
Tamsin stared more fixedly at her plate. She wanted to talk about Ronnie even less than she wanted to talk about Michael. The discussion on Michael was cut-and-dried: he was a jerk and they were through, period. On the other hand, talking about Ronnie would involve issues like their friendship (or, judging from the conversation that afternoon, the lack thereof), why he seemed so worried about her and the things bothering her that made him worry about her…things which she did not want to think about.
She was also certain that her father was going to compare Michael to Ronnie and ultimately conclude that the latter had been better for her and that she was stupid to have let him go. The "I told you so" was coming, and Tamsin didn't want to have to deal with that right now, either.
"Excuse me," she said, abandoning her half-eaten dinner and rising. "I'm not hungry anymore."
* * *
Oh, there's something on my mind
Won't somebody please
Please tell me what's wrong—
The song ended abruptly when Ronnie reached over and turned off his radio. The music was unusually distracting that evening, and he was already preoccupied enough as it was.
He stared at Siddartha and Kamala, swimming in their fishbowl. Ordinarily, the sight would have relaxed him, but tonight it made him scowl. The goldfish reminded him of Tamsin, and he had been trying to get her out of his head so he could get some schoolwork done. With the semester ending, last-minute assignments were piling up, and after all those were done, you had the final exams.
Deciding that music was the lesser evil, Ronnie turned the radio back on.
You're just a fool, you know you're in love
You've got to face it to live in this world…
But memories of his last conversation with Tamsin persisted. She had not been grateful that he had knocked ol' Mikey around a bit because of what the dark-haired boy had done to her. In fact, she had practically told Ronnie to stay out of her life. "I thought we were friends," he muttered, turning a page in his math book with an angry swish.
Why didn't she confide in him? It was painfully clear that something big, much bigger than Mikey's turning out to be a jerk, was on her mind; and it was also obvious that she wasn't talking to anyone, not even to Mr. Graham.
Ronnie frowned and shook his head to clear it. Why did he care? He should be thankful he didn't have her problems to worry about on top of all the schoolwork he had to do. He should leave Tamsin alone, which was what she so obviously wanted, instead of dogging her and feeling bad whenever she rejected him. He should just stop thinking about her, because he was as sick of thinking about her as Blue was of hearing him think about her.
But that's what you did when you really cared about someone.
And, whether anyone liked it or not, he really did care about Tamsin. "And not just as a friend," Ronnie muttered rebelliously. "I love her, dammit."
The admission made him feel a bit better. A part of him couldn't help but feel that it was pathetic, the way he remained stuck on a girl he'd known for barely a year, but the rest of him knew that he felt this way because she was special.
You take the good along with the bad
Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're sad…
Unlike all the other girls in town, Tamsin hadn't liked him just because he played football. In fact, she hadn't known a thing about the game until she moved to Alexandria, but she had tried to learn because of him. Ronnie liked to think that he had encouraged her to learn and experience new things, while she encouraged him to be more than just the cookie-cutter quarterback everyone else thought he was. Give and take, the way a relationship is supposed to be, and it had ended too soon.
Presently, there was a gentle knock on the door. "Ronnie?" his mother called from out in the hall. "Are you done studying yet? Dinner's ready."
He felt like he hadn't done any studying at all, but Ronnie needed a break. "Coming, Mom."
You know you love him, but you can't understand
Why he treat ya like he do when he's such a good man…
Once the finals were over, he and Tamsin were going to sit down and have a very serious talk.