Summary: This Buffyverse is about fifty years or less into the future compared to the norm. Xander is a miner on Mars during the Red Faction rebellion.

Crossover: Red Faction (the PC game), Hellsing (the anime series, also the manga)

Feedback, it makes me write faster. (You know you want to do the feedback thing.)

Pre-Fic Comments:

Okay, I make no promises as to update speed. For some reason, I find it hard to write when my folks is around.

As I've stated in earlier posts for this story, all weapon stuff is based on TV, computer games, and manga. The only experience I have in RL with guns is slug guns.

I'm pretty sure that projectiles for crossbows are called 'bolts'.

* * *

"Xander, you gots some splaining to do," Buffy ordered.

"Who, me?," Xander asked. "Naaah."

The Slayer pointed her stake in the direction of the red coated vampire. "Why is this vampire calling you 'Master'? And is he all soul having, like Angel?"

"There's this real funny story behind this," Xander hedged. "There were these really nasty mercenaries -- ran by this Colonel Masako -- who tried to gas me and--"

"I don't care about the gas," Buffy interrupted. "I want to know why this vampire isn't dusted."

"Fine. The reason I'm not buried six feet under on the Red Planet is because he saved me," Xander snapped, exasperated. "I owe him."

"M-Might I enquire as to why you are w-walking around in direct sunlight?," Giles asked. "Also, why did my bolt not affect you?"

Alucard tossed the bloodstained projectile to the Watcher. He had no intention of telling a Watcher anything. "That's a secret."

"I really must know," Giles commanded, growing more sure of himself. "I thought we had sent the Gem of Amara to Angel."

"Deadboy?," Xander asked. "Yeah, we met him. He didn't seem too keen on some piece of jewellery, I dunno. Man, you should've seen him when he met Alucard. The room didn't smell too sweet after that."

And Xander was gonna stop talking about it right after the Devil moved to Australia for the beer.

"Er, what?," Buffy asked, feeling as if she was losing control of the conversation. She turned to Alucard. "Okay, if you're so powerful, you can help us against this cult, like Spike, or the other vamps'll start calling you 'Dusty'."

Alucard yawned in her face, long canine teeth prominent. The Slayer saw red and attacked.

Eos pulled out her shotgun, then was stopped by Xander.

"Why'd you stop me?"

"We want to stop her, not kill her."

Alucard wasn't really having a lot of problems dealing with Buffy. For every attempted punch, he blocked or dodged her. For every kick, he swept her other leg from under her. Eventually, he got tired of the game and punched her lightly in the chest, winding her.

"Master, this Slayer is only good for killing Aurelius vampires," Alucard complained.

Xander paused to think while Giles berated him and Alucard. Ignoring the British man, he said, "Okay. Seras should be arriving soon. Who wants to go wait for her?"

Eos raised a hand from where she was paging through a demonic bestiary.

Alucard inclined his head, still grinning.

Giles gave up on trying to control the ancient, blood red coated vampire.

"Sorry, Giles, but we have to go get someone," Xander said. "See you at dusk?"

"Alright," Giles said, admitting defeat. "But if your tame vampire kills someone, you /will/ have to deal with me."

A bit of Ripper shone through that last statement.

"Sure thing," Xander waved off. The shop bell rang as the three left. The sound of a car starting, then driving off made itself known audibly.

"I'm not sure I like this new Xander," Buffy complained.

"He does seem rather self-assertive," Giles agreed. "At this stage, I doubt we can do anything about it."

* * *

"What do you mean, I can't have them?"

"Look, buddy, rules 'r rules. I can't let big packages like these two beauties go until my supervisor signs them off."

Xander sighed, rubbing away the beginnings of a headache. "When does your supervisor start his shift?"

"Three hours."

"I don't have time for this," the ex-miner grizzled. "Alucard, come do that hypno-eye thingy."

The vampire sauntered over to the office, pulling off his yellow tinted shades. He established eye contact with the office worker, then slowly spoke. "There. Is. No. Problem."

A stupid grin sprouted on the man's face, as he repeated the phrase. Luckily, he was still lucid enough to sign the release forms for the two large packages. "There... is... no... problem... there... is... no... problem... there..."

"I think you broke him," Eos observed.

"My heart bleeds," Xander continued complaining. "He should do his job and let people take their mail. He'll be fine in an hour or two. Alucard, I'll take one end, you take the other."

A low rumble made itself known as a trolley appeared with two packages on it, stacked one on top of the other. Alucard winced at the somewhat uncouth treatment. The packages were both plywood boxes, more than two meters long and half a meter deep and high.

Xander whistled as he grabbed one end of the long, plywood encased item. Alucard took the other end, and they carefully walked (or shuffled, in Xander's case) over to the Ford Escort they'd... acquired... in LA. He put his end on top of the car, letting Alucard push it the rest of the way onto the vehicle.

They repeated the process with a second long box, then tied them on with a lot of rope. Xander and Alucard did /not/ want them shifting about or, God forbid, falling off.

Eos clambered into the backseat of the car, while the two men got into the front. The woman pushed a bag of dirty clothes to one side, as it threatened to fall over onto her.

"Guys, we're going clothes shopping tonight," she announced. "That is to say, Seras and I are shopping and /you/ two are doing laundry duty."

"Awwww, Eos, if you're going shopping for new clothes, we won't need the old clothes so I won't need to wash them," Xander joked. "Problem solved."

"You're washing them, Xander."

"Darn. It's a shame that that excuse didn't wash."

"A rather lukewarm attempt, yes," Alucard slyly commented.

"Very punny," Eos groaned.

* * *

Post-fic Comments:

The Ford Escort comes from me trying to think of a bottom rung car that isn't a Lada.

Seriously, I've seen so many crappy Escorts that I've started to think of Ford as the new Lada. You want a $10 car, you get an Escort. The GT40 has, however, reestablished my faith in Ford. (Holdens suck.)