Summary: This Buffyverse is about fifty years or less into the future compared to the norm. Xander is a miner on Mars during the Red Faction rebellion.

Crossover: Red Faction (the PC game), Hellsing (the anime series, also the manga)

Feedback, it makes me write faster. (You know you want to do the feedback thing.)

Pre-Fic Comments:

There is BAAAAD language in this. Little kids and those who don't wanna know about strong language, be advised.

I'm probably biased, but I think this is quite possibly one of the best chapters in this story so far. Thoughts, people?

Been listening to some really good bands recently, but I'm not going to tell you who they are as I'm sure you won't want to know. Okay, I'll relent. 'Sunny Afternoon', by The Kinks. In some ways, it really fits Giles, if you listen to the lyrics. Thoughts? Trevelyan? Hehe, it'd be funny to play 'Dedicated Follower Of Fashion' at Spike and watch him go ballistic when he figures it out :)

* * *

Buffy, who had been chewing some bubblegum, stood there with her mouth hanging open.

"Transform? Oh my God, you mean that Xander's going to turn into a snake?," Seras asked. While she had no real concern about him beyond duty, Xander was her Master's Master.

"Er, so it would seem," Giles said evasively.

"This is so bad!," Willow complained. "What if Xander is stuck like this? He'll lose his arms and his legs and his hair will fallout and he won't be Xander-shaped! Giles, we have to find those cultists and make them reverse it!"

If Eos or Alucard were around, they probably would have said 'Breathe, girl!' at this stage and, in Alucard's case, gotten hit for it.

"It issn't a bunch of rosess for me, either," Xander grumped. "My God, my essesss!"

"Xander, please stay still for a moment," Giles commanded.

The British researcher pulled out a clean sheet of paper, quickly sketching a vaguely snake-like creature on it and writing down estimates of Xander's length. So far, the former human was three meters and growing, thinning visibly.

"Is it me, or is he changing faster?," Seras asked nervously. Already, the blindfold was starting to loosen around Xander's shifting skull. His arms were about a quarter of a meter long now, and shortening rapidly. His legs had fused together.

"ARGH! ARGH! ARGH! GODDAMN F#CKING HELL! DEAR GOD KILL ME NOW!"

Willow's mouth was now wide open, and she was the one who was speechless.

"Xander Harris!," Buffy exclaimed. While no stranger to swearing, it came as a shock when her safe male friend used strong language.

Giles took his glasses off and started cleaning. "Ah, girls, while the language may be inappropriate, he has spent a year with miners. And he is undergoing excruciating pain while the bone surrounding his brain shifts and flexes."

Seras was crouched by the Red Faction member, running a finger along the scales. They now covered all of him. His jeans, underwear, socks and shoes had been pushed off and ripped as his legs had fused together, but his privates had been sucked inside his body.

"Xander, can you still hear me?," Willow implored. "Xander?"

He shook his head muzzily. Exhausting. A patch of white scales appeared on the top of his head, strongly contrasting with the shiny black. The White Knight fell into merciful unconsciousness as the transformation continued relentlessly.

Buffy and Willow looked at Giles expectantly. Seras shook Alucard's shoulder, trying to get him to wake up.

"Well," Giles said, drawing Seras' attention as well, "sometimes, there is only one word for it."

"/Bugger/," the Englishman said with feeling.

* * *

"Where is the missing bone?!"

"Brother Sal has tracked it down to the Slayer, and the Watcher."

"We must retrieve it, unharmed!"

"We're doing our best, Father, but at the slightest hint, given the Council's tendencies, they'll smash it..."

"Send in one of the holy messengers."

* * *

Seven hours later, Xander had still not awoken. Giles had strong doubts as to whether any questions would supply an understandable response. So little was known about basilisks...

The ex-miner was now completely transformed. Now five meters long, the form that the bone had forced on him was surprisingly slim, resembling a large python more than a thick-bodied anaconda.

Giles sighed. Xander's coils were spread all over the floor in a way that made him wince just looking at them. He was sure that there was no problem; it was mainly his own experience with sleeping in bad positions that pricked at his conscience.

"Come, Buffy, let's make him more... comfortable. Ah, Seras, please re-tye the bandanna over his eyes, first?"

"Why does she get to do that?," Buffy asked belligerently as the vampiress tightened the square of cloth. "I'm the Slayer, not her!"

Giles took off his glasses, forgoing cleaning them in favour of pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt at staving off an impending headache. Willow, good girl that she was, answered for him.

"If she sees his eyes, then she'll only be paralysed, because, well, vampire! But you're still human, and we don't want you to die in an accident," the Wiccan redhead said.

The emotion of the situation finally caught up with Willow. She'd worried a long time over her best friend, only survivor from her primary school cadre of friends. She'd been so overjoyed when he'd come back to them all safe and sound, but now... now his life was screwed up! As she began to sob, Seras put a cold arm around her, comforting her. Willow had never thought before today that she'd accept something like that from one of the undead, but she sat there with the vampiress.

Under Giles' direction, Buffy carefully coiled up Xander's body, being careful not to bend the coils too far. She hoped that she didn't break anything -- even though he was stuck in a monster's body, he was still Xander, the boy who had stood beside her and defended her in his way all through high school, even though he hadn't had any superpowers himself. She owed him that much -- she'd been so happy when he'd left Sunnydale to work as a miner for Ultor, thought he'd be safe away from La Boca Del Inferno.

Buffy repressed the strange twist of emotions, shoving to the back of her mind where all things of that nature were kept. She was the Slayer. She couldn't afford to appear weak. Not to her friends, not to the public and especially not to the vampires, demons and ghouls.

Giles cleared his throat. "Well. I'll, ah, just put the kettle on."

As the Englishman disappeared to the bookshop's back room, Buffy sat down on the side of Willow opposite to the vampiress. The Slayer decided to ignore the undead in favour of helping her best female friend for the time being.

* * *

Post-fic Comments:

The "Bugger" is a reference to a series of ads for utes here in New Zealand. The complaints authority got a lot of complaints about people saying 'bugger' on TV, even on ads after 11pm.