Summary: This Buffyverse is about fifty years or less into the future compared to the norm. Xander is a miner on Mars during the Red Faction rebellion.

Crossover: Red Faction (the PC game), Hellsing (the anime series, also the manga)

Feedback, it makes me write faster. (You know you want to do the feedback thing.)

Pre-Fic Comments:

Just got a bag of Curiously Strong Mints, so I probably have my own breath weapon at the moment (Apocalyptic Essence of Peppermint.) I can't help myself, those things are sooo good...

~This is telepathy.~

* * *

"Thank you, Holy Messenger, for bringing this part of Her back to us."

~You're welcome, although there were... complications.~

"Complications?

~One of them pricked themselves on it.~

"Did something happen?"

~Kinda...~

"Holy Messenger... we need to knoooow..."

~Hekindaturnedintoabasilisk.~

"He kinda turned into a Basilisk?!"

~Yes. Well, I'm done, see you later!~

With that, the messenger made a dash for it.

"We've set up the circles around the mouth. We just have to array Her and do the ceremony."

"Have we got the sacrifice?"

"Yes -- one of the Messengers volunteered."

"Good, good... what about the safety measures? I want demons around about as much as I want a hole through my head."

"Triple checked, then we had a third party check them."

* * *

Xander woke up, shaking his head from side to side. Man... what did they drink last night? He thought he'd sworn off alcohol after that last post-victory hangover.

He saw blackness, and moved to correct that when he went rigid. Arms. Where where they?

"Guys?," he asked out loud. It came out as a hiss.

Okay. Now was the time to start panicking. Maybe not panic, but certainly heavy worryage.

Moving around a bit, he felt that someone had coiled his new body up, with his head resting on top. This snake gig was going to take a bit to get used to. He sincerely hoped he changed back quick enough that he wouldn't /have/ to get used to it.

"Xander?," he heard Buffy's voice ask. Well, at least he wasn't at the mercy of the Slayer.

He hissed a greeting, which the humans and the vampire completely failed to understand.

"We can't understand that," Willow said. "Raise your head once for no, and twice for yes. Do you understand?"

The ex-miner, neo-snake raised his head twice to indicate yes.

"I will forgo the insensitive comments on consequences, and cut to the chase," Giles said. "We need a sample of your poison from your fangs to create the necessary potion to un-petrify your vampire. Is that alright with you?"

Heck yeah! He opened his mouth, feeling his long fangs flick into position. Xander resisted the new instinct to bite whoever it was, as they held a stick against the back of his fangs to stop them folding back or biting them.

"There," Giles said. "Willow, if you would do the honours?"

He heard the sound of a glass rod stirring something in a beaker.

"Well, it's changed colour to green like the book says," Willow's voice said. "Buffy, Little Miss Slayer, you get to administer the cure."

"Why me?"

"Vampires like you. What if Gruesome is mad at us?"

The sounds of liquid draining into something floated across the room.

"She almost dragged me into-- what?"

The sound of the tall, coated vampire getting up.

"Master? Seras, where has Master Hellsing gone?"

"He kinda got turned into that by that bone thing," Seras said quietly.

The old vampire laughed, long and loud. "Oh, Lady Integra would have my fangs out for this! She'd have me flayed undead! The Lord of Hellsing, a monster! Hahahaha!"

Xander didn't really appreciate the levity, and hissed at the vampire who supposedly served him. "Shaddup!"

"I don't see why I should shut up!," the vampire hissed back.

* * *

Post-fic comments:

Short, sorry. Most of my imagination is tied up in Provocation.