Summary: This Buffyverse is about fifty years or less into the future compared to the norm. Xander is a miner on Mars during the Red Faction rebellion.

Crossover: Red Faction (the PC game), Hellsing (the anime series, also the manga)

Feedback, it makes me write faster. (You know you want to do the feedback thing.)

Pre-Fic Comments:

Finally got my tape deck hooked up to the Kenwood, so here I am listening to Khachaturian again. He was quite a good composer -- I highly recommend checking out his work if you get the chance. After this, I plan to listen to Holst's 'The Planets', followed by some of Borodin's work, perhaps. God bless chromium oxide tapes, and the wonderful companies who recorded to them. Better than CD quality. After that, I'll go through my record collection, and listen to the Enigma Variations, then Handel's 'Wassermusik-suite' and 'Feuerwerksmusik'.

Seriously, folks, classical music is good stuff.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you want some fic-age? I'd better get to it before you lynch me. Some language in this.

"The Enemy has just left Sunnydale. We were unable to apprehend her."

"Acknowledged. Transportation?"

"1969 Camaro. Hellishly quick, insane driver."

"Thank you. We'll take over from here."

Xander yelled as he held onto a handy metal bar. He did /not/ scream.

"EOS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SLOW DOWN!," he yelled.

"Why?," Eos asked over the music, turning it down slightly.

Seras, who was hanging onto Xander as well as anything she could find, shuddered as Eos slung the car around a hairpin bend sideways, gunning the engine as the tyres bit down and it shot off down the road at a merry two hundred kilometers an hour.

"If you kill me, I'll haunt you for the rest of your life!," Seras screamed.

"Police girl, you're a vampire," Asiz laughed. The two in the back seat were not reassured by her mirth. "You can't die. Well, again, anyway."

"Great," Xander heard Seras mutter. "I'll just be in a lot of pain until I get out of the wreckage, then."

"Something's wrong," Eos said abruptly, turning off the stereo.

The sound of the big block engine took dominance in the car as Xander began to worry even more. If Eos was about to say that the brakes didn't work, he'd kill her.

"There," Asiz said, pointing out the windshield. "Nutcase with a rocket launcher."

"Oooh, can I use the little red button?," Eos asked eagerly, shifting to the top gear.

"What's the little red button?," Xander asked in tones of dread.

"Nitrous," Eos replied lovingly.

If Xander didn't know better, he'd swear that this was Eos's twin sister, and not her.

"Hit it," Asiz said right as Xander yelled "No!"

Eos ignored Xander and held the button down. The car, already travelling at Ludicrous Speed, accelerated even more.

"He's fired," Asiz said. "It's coming right for us. Swerve... now!"

"Do you know how fast we're going?," Eos demanded. "I don't do swerve!"

"We're screwed then," Seras said morbidly.

Asiz closed her eyes and held out her hands. "Well, I'll just have to shift the car to somewhere where a rocket isn't heading straight for it. Eos, slow it down as much as you can."

"Why didn't you do that at the start?," Xander asked. "Then we wouldn't be Darwin nominees!"

Blue lightning flashed over the black paint. The car slid across the road slightly as Eos slammed on the brakes desperately. The world flashed red, fading to yellow, fading to green, fading to blue, fading to violet...

The Red Faction Leader, who had been calm under fire and calm drifting the Camaro around corners at high speed let out a loud expletive as the car began to bounce wildly over a grassy field.

"FUCK!," she yelled. "Hang on, kids!"

Xander hung on like grim death onto anything he could get his hands on. He didn't think his ass would be on speaking terms with him for the next decade after this, as the car slowed to a stop. Emphasis on 'slowed to a stop'. The back seat, never particularly comfortable to begin with, was worse when the suspension loudly complained about it's treatment.

Everyone took a deep breath as Eos turned the ignition off.

"I think I speak for everyone when I say that I never want to go through that again," he said, trying to slow his heartbeat somewhat.

"Amen," Eos said. "My poor baby... damn nature!"

Seras looked up, wild eyed. "Your poor baby? My poor nerves!"

Xander slowly turned his head. "Why is it night here? And why is someone coming towards us?"

"Crap," Eos muttered. "Yet another ticket."

"Why am I so not surprised," Xander muttered.

The brunette opened the door, getting out on shaky legs. She looked up... and up... and up, at the huge man approaching. He had a beard that looked like a gorse bush, and had a huge overcoat on.

"'Scuse me," the man said amiably, "but who're you?"

"Eos," the brunette got out. "We kinda had an accident. God, my poor baby..."

"Baby?," the man asked, confused.

Eos walked around to the front bumper of the black Camaro, crouched, and hugged the grille. "Poor thing..."

The man scratched his cheek absently. "Well, you can all come to my cabin if you want, and you can see Dumbledore tomorrow."

"Where are we?," Xander asked, having managed to extricate himself from the back seat somehow.

"Why, yer at Hogwarts," the man beamed. "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and there ain't no finer school anywhere."

"Uh, what country are we in?," Seras asked, crawling out of the car and kissing the grassy ground.

"England," the man continued to smile.

"Oh."

"I'm Eos," Eos said, holding out her hand.

The man took it. Her hand was buried in his while he shook it enthusiastically. "Rubeus, ma'am, Rubeus Hagrid. Call me Hagrid."

"I'm Xander," Xander said, calmed down somewhat. "Xander Harris. This is Seras Victoria, and Asiz is still in the car."

"Well, come on," Hagrid said, shaking his lantern experimentally. "'Cos I think I'm running out of kerosene."

Post-fic Comments:

Don't worry, the car is fine. This may be an unrealistic outcome, but this is my fic. It was painful enough seeing the Charger get trashed at the end of FatF.