Summary: This Buffyverse is about fifty years or less into the future compared to the norm. Xander is a miner on Mars during the Red Faction rebellion.

Crossover: Red Faction (the PC game), Hellsing (the anime series, also the manga)

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Xander was beginning to regret taking the huge man's offer up. While the cabin itself was cosy and warm, and this 'Hagrid' had lent them some blankets, he snored like a buzzsaw working it's way through a series of knots.

He gave the large dog snoozing by the fire a dirty look.

"Master," Seras said, tugging his coat sleeve, "can I go explore the rest of this place?"

Xander sighed, getting up. He began scrawling out a note on the table to explain his absence.

"Might as well," he said quietly. "I still feel like I should be starting another workshift right about now. Are Eos and Asiz still in that car?"

The short vampiress nodded.

"Come on," he said, opening the door. The two quietly snuck out, shutting the door behind them.

He wasn't sure he believed what he was seeing in the grey half-light of dawn. Asiz was curled up on the uncomfortable back seat, while Eos... was sitting in the driver's seat, holding onto the steering wheel like most children would hold their pookie.

"Not gonna leave you," he heard the Red Faction leader mutter as he opened the driver side door. "Poor baby... poor shark..."

"Eos," he said quietly. "Eos!"

This failed to awaken her.

"Twinkies are here!," he tried.

Zip. Darn. That worked for him.

"Uh... gas?"

"Fillerup," Eos mumbled, still asleep.

"Seras?," Xander called.

The blonde woman looked thoughtful for a moment, before her red eyes glinted evilly.

"Eos! The pigs are right behind you!," Seras yelled.

This woke her up quite well, as her one of her feet reflexively floored the gas pedal and she jerked straight up in her seat. "SHIT! Uh... hang on... I'm not on the road..."

She suddenly realised where she was. "Hey! You... you... eater of twinkies!"

"That's mwa," Xander bowed. "We're going exploring. Wanna come?"

"I'm up, not going to get back to sleep, so okay," Eos frowned.

"What's all the racket?," a now-familiar voice asked from the back seat.

"Aw, Seras, did you wake up Asiz as well?"

The vampiress managed to blush, which was quite impressive when you considered her normal complexion. "I didn't mean to..."

"'S okay," Asiz said. "Eos, get out so I can get out."

The woman and the goddess got out of the Camaro, looking around them.

"Cool, a castle," Xander said, spotting said edifice. "Do we have any battering rams or huge ladders?"

"We're fresh out," Eos said dryly.

"Aw, nutbunnies. We're gonna have to get in the boring way, then," Xander sighed. "What do we have?"

Eos popped the boot to the car, pulling out a torch and shining it into the compartment.

"We've got... lots of guns, a spare tyre, and a pack of twinkies. And what looks like a set of tools."

"Okay, everyone grab a weapon," Xander decided. "We're gonna go for illegal possession of weapons, see if we can't get the complete set of broken laws."

"Uh... as Lord Hellsing, you can get away with a lot of things," Seras said nervously.

"You take all the fun out of things!"

They had gotten about ten feet into an open door when they came across...

"Wow, a boy in a dress," Xander blinked. "Glad I'm not you, kid."

"What... who are you and why are you here?," the boy asked. He looked to be about twelve, and had shaggy black hair.

"We kinda got lost, Rubeus Hagrid put us up for the night, and we got bored," Eos said crisply.

"Really? Does Professor Dumbledore know about you?," the boy continued, still looking somewhat suspicious.

"Who? Are we at some kinda school?," Xander asked. "I knew we shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque."

This got a grin out of everyone, and lightened the mood considerably.

"You're at Hogwarts," the boy said. "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm Harry; Harry Potter."

With that, the boy looked both expectant and resigned.

"Nice to meet ya," Xander said. "I'm Xander, this is Eos, that's Police Girl, and this is Asiz. Word to the wise -- it isn't a good idea to annoy her."

"Hey!," Seras said indignantly. "I'm Seras! Seras Victoria!"

"Come on," Harry said resignedly. "I'll take you to the Professor, before one of the Slytherins find you."

Xander looked around as they followed him. "Nice paintings... are they supposed to move?"

"They're magic," the boy said simply.

"Right, and the never burning out torches?," Seras asked.

"Magic again," Harry said.

Asiz was having fun watching her companions' reactions. "Such frivolity..."

"They're all mad," Harry said. "I really like most of them, but they are a bit insane."

"It's a shame that Willow never heard of this place," Xander said appreciatively.

"They don't have a Hogwarts where we come from," Asiz said.

"Right, gotcha, no schoolage in Sunny D."

They stopped in front of a large statue of a gargoyle. The boy began reeling off sweet names.

"Mars Bar... Crunchie... Pinkie..."

"What's with the candy?," Eos asked.

"His password is some sort of lolly," Harry explained. "Give me a hand so we'll get in quicker."

"Twinkie."

With that, the gargoyle leapt to one side. No prizes for guessing who said that.

"After you," the boy said, a slightly evil smile on his face as he gestured towards the stairs.