Title: Sliding Doors.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Absolutely none! You're completely safe! :-D
Summary: Using the basic premise of the film "Sliding Doors" staring Gwyneth Paltrow. What happens if Abby gets on the El, and what happens if she doesn't? First part of a series.
Author's Note: I absolutely love the film sliding doors. If you haven't seen it, I suggest you go and rent it or something! And if you've already seen it, do that anyway because you should watch again. Anyway, it occurred to me while watching it recently that I could use the idea for an ER fic. And thus this was born! I really hope I do Sliding Doors justice. Only problem I came across is how to distinguish between the two different Abby's. In the film, one Helen has long hair, and the other has hers cut short. But I couldn't exactly do that! So I've used normal type for one, and italics for the other. I hope that's easy enough to distinguish. Anyway, I'll leave you to read now, and please let me know what you think!
***
"What's going on Abby?" he demanded angrily.
"There's just…I can't carry on like this."
"Like what? I don't understand why you don't want to be with me anymore."
"I just…I can't. It will all end in tears, and then we'll blame each other."
"Isn't it all ending in tears now?" She bowed her head slightly, attempting to rid the beginnings of tears from her eyes. After a moment she looked back up at him.
"Do you see me crying?"
"No." He shook his head sadly.
"I'm sorry John. I…I had fun." She smiled sadly at him, before turning and walking straight out the door of his apartment. As soon as she was down the stairs, away from him, she stopped her attempts to keep the tears at bay, and let them fall freely down her cheeks. She hated herself for doing this to him. She hated herself for doing it to her. But she knew it would be better in the long run. They'd both be hurt if she didn't end it before they got too serious, before they fell in love. The only problem was, it was serious, and she was already in love with him.
But this was all for the best. However much it hurt her to leave him, she was doing what was best for him, what would make him the happiest. Now he could have a nice, pretty little wife who would give him nice little children with no stupid genes. And they'd live happily ever after. And she wouldn't screw anybody else's life up.
Right now, she had to forget about him, and just focus on work. She had a long shift ahead of her: hopefully that would help to take her mind off of everything that had just happened. Hopefully it would take her mind off the end of the best year of her life. She wiped angrily at the tears in her eyes as she made her way to the El station to catch a train to work.
As she made her way up the stairs to the platform, she could see a train pulling in. She ran up the stairs, pushing her way through the crowd, and just managed to squeeze through the closing doors onto the train.
"Close one there dear," an old lady sitting just by the door remarked.
"Yeah." She gave the woman a watery smile. "My boss would kill me."
***
Abby ran up the stairs to the platform, pushing her way through the crowd. A little girl in front of her dropped her doll in the middle of a step, and leant down to pick it up, blocking Abby's path. "Excuse me!" she exclaimed, trying to squeeze past.
"Sorry," the little girl said, looking up at her. "I just dropped my dolly." She held the doll up to Abby's face, smiling at her. Abby attempted to smile back, before finally being able to make her way past. She ran across the platform, and reached the train door just as it shut.
"Argh!" she screamed, turning around and making her way to the back of the platform where there was an empty space on a bench. This was so typical. The world was against her, just trying its best to make the worst day of her life even worse.
"Attention," a voice came over the tanoy. "There will be extended delays on all trains on this line, due to an accident. Repeat, extended delays on this line, please find alternative transport." Right, this was perfect. Abby sighed angrily, before pulling herself off the bench and making her way back down the stairs. Seeing the massive queue at the taxi rank she decided to walk along the road for a while and see if she could flag one down.
As she walked along the road, she began to get the feeling that she was being followed. Don't look behind, she told herself. Just keep walking and you'll get a taxi in just a moment. Just as she was telling herself not to worry, she felt someone tugging at her purse. She whirled around to face them, holding onto the purse fiercely. "Give me the purse woman," the man demanded, to which she pulled it closer to her. "You fool." He pushed her angrily into the wall behind, hitting her head hard against it. As she slumped down onto the sidewalk he grabbed her purse and ran, leaving her unconscious.
***
"Can we not have a minute's peace in this place?" Abby exclaimed angrily, picking up another chart from the pile.
"Not likely," Susan laughed, coming to stand next to her. "I knew I should have become an air stewardess or something."
"No, seriously. I mean look at this stuff. The things people come in for are ridiculous. Sore throat, bad headache, 'I missed my period', a finger lac which looks like a paper cut. What's wrong with these people?"
"Wow, you're having a really bad day, huh?"
"That doesn't even begin to describe it."
"Just stupid patients? Or something else?" Susan enquired.
"Ah the usual." She shrugged. "And I split up with Carter."
"You what?!" She could feel Susan's eyes staring at her, waiting for an explanation. "Why?"
"It's complicated." She turned and started away from the desk. "I'd rather not talk about it, I'm going to go and put Mr. Bosworth's IV in."
***
"Abby. Abby." Abby groaned at the sound of Susan's voice, and slowly forced her eyes open. She stared up at the bright light on the ceiling, wondering where she was. "Abby?" She turned her head to the side, where her friend was stood.
"Susan? What's going on…where am I?"
"You're at County. You were found unconscious on the sidewalk. Do you remember?" She groaned, remembering the mugger, and her unwillingness to let him have her purse.
"Yeah, I was mugged. Am I okay?"
"Few cuts and bruises, you'll live." Susan smiled at her. "You're not going to get away from us that easily." As her friend laughed, Abby attempted to return the smile. "I called Carter, he's outside."
"We broke up."
"I know, he told me. But he's worried Abby. He wants to see you. Can I let him in?" Abby closed her eyes, trying to focus her energy on this for one moment. Should she let him in? Surely she'd be causing him more pain by letting him back in for a moment. But she wanted him to be there for her, she needed him. She opened her eyes and nodded at Susan, who smiled before turning and leaving the room.
While she waited for him, she turned her attention back to the ceiling, staring at the bland ceiling tiles. What would you do if you were stuck here on a backboard, having to stare at the ceiling for ages? She thought she would probably go insane, there was absolutely nothing interesting to look at.
"Hey." Her thoughts were interrupted by him entering, and she looked over towards the doorway to see him standing there, looking as if he wasn't sure whether to come in or not.
"Hi," she responded, giving him a weak smile. He took that as his signal that he was allowed in, and approached the bed.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just a few scrapes, nothing that can't be cured." He looked her up and down nervously, checking for anything that obviously differed from her word, before gently picking up and hand and holding it gently in his.
"Abby, I was so worried about you. When they rang me and said you'd been brought in here I thought you were going to die."
"You can't get rid of me that easily," she attempted to joke, but it fell deaf to his ears and he watched her with a pained expression on his face.
"What happened this morning?"
"I was mugged."
"No, I mean at home. Because I don't know what happened. I love you so much, and I thought you loved me too. So why did you want to leave?"
"It wasn't working, and I…" she trailed off as she saw the pained expression on his face. What was she doing to him? "I'm so sorry," she whispered, feeling the tears start. What was with these emotions, she didn't normally let anyone see her cry! "I was so stupid. I ended it so I didn't hurt you. I thought it would be easier to end it before we fell in love, so it wouldn't be hard when everything fell apart. But I guess I did it too late, because we're already in love, aren't we?" He nodded at her, and she could see that tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. She squeezed his hand tighter, and managed to smile at him slightly. "Can you forgive me?"
***
"Hey Abby!" Susan called, running to catch up with her friend as she left the ER. When she reached her she fell into step next to her, continuing with her on her route to the El station. "Do you want to go out and do something tonight?"
"I don't really feel like it, to be honest."
"Ah, come on." Susan linked arms with her, and began to steer her towards the stairs to get the El in the opposite direction. "We'll have fun."
"No Susan." Abby pulled away, returning to her previous route. "I'm not in the mood."
"That's why we're going out, so I can cheer you up."
"No!" She whirled around and stared at her friend angrily. "Can't you just take no for an answer? I want to go home and be on my own. I don't want to be cheered up, and I definitely don't want to go out." Turning back around, she stormed off angrily, leaving Susan standing alone, staring after her.
She didn't stop her determined path until she was safely sat on an El train, headed back towards her apartment. She was mad at herself. What had she done now? Not only had she split up with the only man she'd ever loved, she'd also probably just lost her best friend. Talk about a terrible day. All she wanted to do was kick something. Or hit someone, maybe. Look around for any options she sighed at the stupidity of it. All this was her fault, it wasn't anyone or anything else's fault. What was the point in blaming others and beating them up over it? It was all her fault.
The train pulled into her station, and she quickly exited, hoping no one had seen her looking at them as if she wanted to kill them. As she walked back home she passed the convenience store, not even looking towards it as she made her way along the road. When she was just past she stopped and paused. What was stopping her now? Certainly not Carter. And Susan probably didn't care much either now.
Without a moment's more hesitation she turned and made her way back towards the convenience store, and then straight to the back where she knew the alcohol would be kept. She found herself stood in front of a tower of shelving full of bottles of vodka, whisky, rum, gin. Looking them up and down she suddenly felt more relaxed than she had the whole of the rest of the day. The only thing she had to do now was to decide what to have. Her eyes took in the array of bottles, and after a moment's thought she grabbed a bottle of Stolichnaya vodka. No one does it like the Russians, she mused to herself, before laughing slightly.
She turned away from the shelves, and made her way back through the store, picking up random items on the way so as not to look strange just buying a bottle of vodka. She smiled politely at the cashier, putting up with her incessant chattering about nothing in particular. She packed her shopping into a bag and paid without a blink of the eye. And then she casually strode out of the store, clasping the bag that held her release from all of this, at least for tonight. She smiled to herself, and as soon as she was out of sight of the store she picked up her pace, eager to make it back to her apartment as soon as possible.
Once there, she set the bag down on her kitchen table, and looked at it intently, smiling at it as if it were her friend. It was her friend. Her only friend. She began to pull the items she'd bought out of the bag, in an attempt to reach her friend Stolichnaya. A bag of economy carrots. A packet of batteries. Two chicken breasts. A bag of salt and vinegar crisps. A box of Quality Street chocolates. A Star Wars video. And some hair spray stuff. But none of that mattered, she hadn't even realised she'd bought half of it. It was all pushed aside as she pulled the bottle of Stolichnaya out of the bag, and placed it on the table.
"Long time no see, old friend." She reached out a hand, and clasped it around the bottle. All of a sudden she felt a wave of guilt. She'd fought so hard to stay away from this stuff, and now she was turning to it so easily. What had happened to her? She had been so strong, so sure she wouldn't turn back to alcohol. The bottle of vodka stared at her, and she stared back, still keeping her hand firmly clasped around it. But this wasn't just alcohol. This was an old friend. Her only friend. Good old Stolichnaya.
***
"Okay, you're free to go," Susan said, smiling at her friend as she signed the discharge papers. "You are under strict orders to rest for at least the next twenty four hours, understood? And don't you dare play the 'I have to work' card: your wonderful doctor has already sorted the day off for you." She winked, and Abby laughed slightly.
"Thank you Susan." She swung her legs over the side of the bed, and stood down on the floor, stumbling slightly as she caught her balance.
"Woah, careful," she heard, as a pair of strong arms reached around her, holding her up. "You've already got enough bruises for one day." She couldn't help grinning as she felt his arms around her, and heard his voice joking. It was a terrible thought, to think that if things had gone differently this morning she might still be without him now. She didn't know what she would be doing, but it certainly wouldn't be anything pleasant, or good for her.
"And you take care of her, mister," Susan instructed, her attention on Carter now. "The lady's got to be waited on hand and foot."
"It's just a few scrapes, I'll be fine!" Abby protested, leaning back against Carter.
"Okay, I'm taking you back up to CT Miss Lockhart, I think you hit your head harder than you thought," Susan joked. "No woman turns down the chance to be pampered."
"Don't worry Susan, leave it to me. I won't let her lift a finger." He kissed Abby gently on the top of her head, before loosening his arms from around her, leaving just one draped around her back, holding her protectively towards him so that they could walk together. "Come on you, let's get home."
He walked her out of the ER, both leaning contentedly towards each other, and helped her into the jeep when they reached the parking lot. Driving back through the city there was a contended silence in the car, both just happy to be in each other's company.
"John…" Abby said, breaking the silence after a while. "I'm so sorry about this morning. I was so stupid, I'm really…"
"Abby, you don't have to apologise again, it's fine. We're both here now, together, and that's what matters." He reached a hand across and squeezed her hand gently, before returning his to the steering wheel. She nodded contentedly, and then let the silence fall back over the car again.
He eventually pulled into the parking area outside his apartment block, and turned to look at her. "Are you okay?" She nodded, smiling at him. "Good." He stepped out of the car, and went around to the passenger side to help her out.
"I don't need help you know, I really am fine," she protested, as he took her hand and helped her out.
"I know, but I love you and I want to do something for you. Can you cope with that?" She couldn't help the grin that spread across her face at his words, and she nodded at him just to confirm that it was fine.
"I love you too." He returned the smile, and then began to walk towards the apartment building, his arms wrapped around her once again. "I could get used to this, you know," she mused as they exited the elevator on his floor, and made their way into the apartment.
"Don't expect it too often," he laughed, making sure she was safely sat on the sofa before he let go of her to go into the kitchen to make drinks. "Do you want coffee?"
"Please." He busied himself in the kitchen, making up two mugs of coffee, all the time listening keenly to make sure she was okay. "John?" he heard her call after a while.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah. I was just wondering…what's this video? 'John's 21st'?" He cringed, wondering why that video was lying around the apartment.
"Exactly what it says. My 21st birthday party. What's that doing lying around anyway?"
"It's not. I was just looking at your video shelf." He walked back into the living area with two mugs of coffee, to find her sat on the floor next to the video rack, surrounded by videos.
"What are you up to?" he asked, barely able to contain a laugh.
"I thought we could watch a movie. I was trying to pick, and I came across this." She waved the video in front of his face. "Come on, let's watch."
"My 21st birthday video?"
"Yeah, why not?" She pulled herself up off the floor, and made her way towards the VCR.
"It's really nothing exciting. Not much of a birthday party really, it was more like an excuse for my parents to have a cocktail party." Abby shrugged, and pushed the video in, before returning to sit on the sofa. He joined her, pulling her back against his chest and wrapping his arms around her. "You're meant to be resting, anyway."
"Getting a video isn't strenuous." She hit play on the remote. "Who's that?!"
"That was one of Gamma's friends."
"She must be like 80!"
"More like 90," he laughed. "I told you it was more for my family than for me."
"No, I can see…woah! She's hot! And definitely not 90." He laughed, blushing slightly.
"Yeah, that's Marianna Dalton. She was the mayor's daughter, my parents wanted me to marry her."
"Well, she's not too bad looking. You would have had cute kids."
"Yeah, I think that was about all she would have been good for. Probably the dumbest woman I ever met." They both laughed, and Abby's laughter only increased at the next shot.
"Is that you?! Oh my goodness!" She shrieked with laughter.
"It's not that funny Abby…"
"Oh yes it is!" she continued to laugh at the image of a young Carter waving to whoever was behind the camera. "You look so young and uncomfortable. And cute! I never knew you were such an adorable little kid."
"Abby, I wasn't a kid, I was 21."
"But you look so cute!" she exclaimed, the laughs finally subsiding.
"You know, I should chuck you out now for being rude."
"I'm not being rude. It was a compliment. And you're still cute…just in a different way." He sighed, before laughing himself. "Okay, I've seen all I need to see now," she laughed, pressing the stop button on the remote. She turned slightly in his arms, so that she could look at him. "So, why didn't you marry Marianna Dalton?"
"I told you, she was so dumb it was unbelievable. She was one of those people who give blondes their dumb reputation. And I was at a rebellious stage. I didn't want to do anything my parents would like. Med school, girlfriends, all of that annoyed them."
"Still a rebellious teenager at 21, huh?"
"You could say that," he laughed slightly. "But most of all, I didn't love her. And I couldn't marry someone I didn't love."
"You've got more willpower than me."
"Huh?"
"Richard. I don't think I ever really loved him…it was more an attraction than love. And a fear of being alone, I suppose."
"Are you still afraid of being alone?"
"No." She hesitated. "Well, yes, but in a different way. I'm not afraid of being on my own, I've proved to myself that I can manage. But I'm afraid of being without you. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Me either." He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. "For a while this morning I thought I'd have to find out."
"I was so stupid this morning, John. I know you told me not to apologise, but I am so sorry. You know, I keep wondering what would have happened if things had gone differently today. What if I had managed to catch the El? I wouldn't have been walking along the road, I wouldn't have been mugged, and then I might still be saying that being apart was best for both of us."
"Don't worry about that, it didn't happen. What didn't happen doesn't matter, does it?" She smiled at him, and nodded.
"I know. You're so right. I just can't help picturing myself sat at home right now with a bottle of Stolichnaya or San Jose. I'm so glad that's not me. I love you so much."
"I love you too."
***