"I've been thinking," Abby began, running a finger round the rim of her coffee mug.
"Oh dear, that's dangerous," Susan retorted, and both laughed.
"Seriously though. I was thinking last night about Kevin."
"Kevin?"
"Yeah, you know...the guy from the coffee shop two months ago."
"Oh!" Susan exclaimed, realising who she meant. "That Kevin."
"Right. Anyway...I was wondering, do you think I should call him?"
"Call him? How, you don't have his number. More to the point, why?"
"I don't know...I just thought we ought to talk."
"To talk?" Susan raised an eyebrow. "Is something going on that you want to tell me about? Because you dated Carter for a year, and you refuse to discuss it with me, and yet you slept with Kevin once, and...Oh my goodness Abby, you're not?!"
"Err..." Abby was sure Susan's scream could be heard back at County. "You think it's really bad?"
"Well, I should probably be lecturing you about protection and all that, especially when you only just met the guy, but...I'm gonna be an auntie!"
"Someone help me," Abby mumbled, rolling her eyes.
"You're not in the least bit excited?"
"I don't know," she shrugged. "I guess I just always...whenever I imagined my kids they were Carter's kids."
"You sure it's not his?"
"Yeah, pretty much." Abby ran a hand through her hair, sighing. "I don't really know what to do, to be honest. I barely kept myself going the last few months, you've seen that yourself. And now everything's so much more complicated..."
"I'm here for you, you know that right? We'll work something out, I'll help you. Both of you." Susan couldn't help but grin. "Auntie Susan is going to have maximum input. That is, if you'll have me."
"I don't even know if I want a baby yet, Susan," Abby snapped, annoyed at Susan's chirpiness. Susan was taken aback by her friend's abrupt manner, and was unsure what to say.
"Err...you're thinking about adoption?"
"Goodness Susan, are you really that naïve? There are other options..."
"You'd do that? To your own child?"
"I've done it before." She immediately regretted what she'd said when she saw Susan's reaction. Why had she even mentioned that? She should have known her friend would be disgusted. That she would never want to talk to her again. It would have been better not to mention being pregnant, had an abortion and never told anyone. But she knew how much never having told anyone had hurt her last time. Keeping all the emotions bottled up just made it worse.
"You...you had an abortion? When?"
"When I was with Richard...look, I really don't want to talk about it. I shouldn't have even said anything." She moved to get up, but Susan grabbed her arm and stopped her.
"You know I'm here, right? You don't have to worry about being alone with a baby or anything, I'm your best friend and I'm not going to abandon you. Think about that, yeah?"
***
"Abby?" Carter called as he entered the apartment. "Abby? Are you there?" No response. He wandered through the apartment, looking for her. It was spotless. Everything was tidied away to where it should be, although he wasn't sure what those places were. There wasn't a spot of dust in the whole apartment. Had she hired a maid or something? The taps on the sink were glistening, and he could even see his reflection in the metallic sink. But no sign of Abby.
He grabbed the phone, and dialled her cell number. It rang and rang and rang, but she didn't pick up. He was just panicking, and about the hang up, when she answered.
"Hey John."
"Hey, where are you?"
"I just went to do some shopping, I'll be home soon. Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."
"It's okay, I just wondered where you were. Abby, did you hire a maid?"
"No." She sounded confused, like she didn't understand what he was talking about. "Why?"
"The apartment's spotless. I just wondered how it got like that."
"Oh, I did a bit of tidying."
"You tidied the apartment?" he asked, slightly amused by this. Since when did his wife tidy? She was the sort of person who threw anything that wasn't needed on the floor, and let it build up there until you couldn't walk through the room.
"Yeah. Got a problem with that?" she teased, to which he responded with a laugh. "Okay, I have go, I'm just getting in the car to drive home. See you soon. Love you lots."
"Love you too." He hung up the phone, and glanced around the living room. It certainly looked bigger. Probably partly because the videos were neatly arranged on a video rack in the corner, instead of spilling in a pile on the floor, and there weren't various blankets, plates, CDs and other items adorning the floor. The videos were even arranged in alphabetical order, he noticed. And the CDs too. If this were any other person he would find it pleasant, nice to come home to a clean home. But this was Abby, and it just struck him as plain weird.
Deciding to stop being such a worrier, and just wait for her to get home, he picked up a medical journal that had been neatly stacked on a pile underneath the coffee table, and began to read.
About ten minutes later he heard a key turn in the lock, and saw Abby enter, struggling with an armful of bags. "You need a hand?" he asked, rushing to the door and taking some from her. They deposited the bags on the bed, before returning to the living room. "You've been busy!"
"Yeah. I never realised what 'shop till you drop' really meant until now. I'm about ready to sleep for twenty four hours."
"That's a bit hard, since we both have to work at eight tomorrow morning."
"Ah, that sucks!" she exclaimed, laughing as she sat herself down on the sofa.
"So, what invoked this mad cleaning spree?"
"The apartment was a mess. It wasn't in a fit state to live in."
"That never bothered you before." She shrugged. "And what about this mad shopping spree? You've never been much of a shopping person."
"Every woman has to go out with her husband's credit cards once in a while, right?"
"By the looks of all the bags in there you've taken full advantage of the Carter bank account," he teased playfully.
"Ooh, you think you're funny, don't you?"
"Want to show me what you bought?"
"It's kind of embarrassing."
"Oh come on!"
"I don't know...you're going to think I'm mad."
"I already do, you've been cleaning! So come on." She shook her head. "Okay, I'll go look on my own." He left, and quickly made his way to the bedroom before she could catch him.
"John!" he could hear her shouting, so he grabbed the first bag he could find before she could take the shopping away. She entered the room, standing guard protectively over her shopping bags. He waved his one bag in front of her face, teasing. "Really, it's really stupid, don't..." It was too late, he had pulled something out of the bag.
"A pacifier?" he asked, confused. "What do you want one of these for?" He dipped his hand back into the bag, and pulled a set of bottles with pictures of little ducks down the side. "And bottles?"
"And they call you a doctor..." she laughed, waiting for him to catch on.
"You mean...you bought these for us?"
"Yeah..."
"For when?"
"Like seven a half months." She watched a grin slowly spread across his face as he caught on.
"Really?"
"Yup."
"Wow." He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "I mean, oh my goodness this is amazing. You are happy about this, right?"
"Yeah, definitely. Why would I buy bags full of baby stuff when I'm only 6 weeks pregnant if I wasn't happy?"
"We're going to be parents!"
"Kind of scary, huh?"
***
Abby was stood at admit, filling out some charts when the paramedics brought Howie Diondre into the ER, struggling violently. Kerry and Carter quickly joined them, attempting to hold him down, with very little success. Carter looked around for a nurse, finally setting his eyes on Abby. "Abby, we need some haldol." She quickly grabbed the needed drugs, and approached them.
"Don't you dare touch me with that you bitch!" Howie screamed, lashing out at her and punching her in the stomach just as she injected the haldol. Abby stumbled backwards, just managing to catch her fall.
"You okay?" Carter asked, concerned.
"Yes, go treat the patient." She motioned for them to carry on to the trauma room, gritting her teeth against the pain that was rippling through her stomach. As soon as they were both out of site, she pressed a hand against her stomach, in an attempt to ease the pain. Please, not this, she thought. She didn't know if she wanted a baby, but it couldn't just end like this.
She made her way back to the admit desk, and attempted to continue with her charts. If she asked for help everyone would know. They couldn't know, not when she didn't know what she was going to do. And Carter couldn't know. He would think the baby was his, and want to help her. But she didn't want his help. No, that wasn't quite true. She'd always wanted his help, but she couldn't let him help her.
"Abby, are you okay?" She looked up from her chart to see Luka looking at her, concerned.
"Yes, " she snapped, regretting it when he looked slightly hurt. "Sorry Luka, I shouldn't snap at you like that."
"You know what he did was physical abuse, you could have a case for prosecution." She shook her head to indicate no, before closing her eyes tightly in an attempt to ignore the pain. "Are you sure you're okay? You don't look too good."
"Yup, just fine." She grimaced again. Something had to be done, she knew that. She wouldn't have any choice if she didn't tell someone right now. She was sure he would be willing to help her, and keep her secret, but... "Could you just get Susan for me please?" He nodded and began to walk off, as she looked at the board to see what was empty. "Tell her to meet me in exam two."
Once Luka was out of site, she walked over to the exam room, and was relieved to find it was empty as was expected. The pain was beginning to get sharper, and tears stung in her eyes. She didn't want this, what had she done to deserve it? She lifted herself onto a gurney, and pulled her legs to her chest, hugging them tightly. As much as she wanted to be strong, tears began to fall down her cheeks, and they soon became shuddering sobs.
When Susan entered she was still curled up and sobbing. "Abby? What's wrong?" Her friend quickly rushed over to her, putting a supportive arm around her shoulders.
"I was punched in the stomach by a patient," she sobbed, raising a hand to her face in an attempt to wipe away the tears. "Susan, I think I'm going to lose the baby."
"Oh Abby..." She hugged her tighter, tears pricking at her own eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell anyone. Could you check everything, please?"
"Of course, I'll do anything I can." She moved away, preparing herself to examine Abby. "Has there been any spotting?"
"I don't know..."
"How about you get into a gown, yeah?" Abby nodded, taking the gown that Susan was holding out to her. Susan pulled the curtain around as she changed into it.
"Susan?"
"Yes?"
"There's not spotting." Susan took a moment to breathe a sigh of relief, before Abby pulled the curtain open again, and lay back on the gurney.
"That's good. Really good." Abby smiled weakly at her. The lack of spotting was little comfort when she was still in so much pain, and still felt like she was going to lose her baby. "I'm going to do an ultrasound, okay?" Abby nodded as Susan wheeled the machine over to her, and squirted the gel onto her stomach. She moved the sensor around on Abby's stomach, looking for the best view. "There we go..." The soft pounding of a heartbeat came from the speakers on the machine, and Abby gasped. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just...is that my baby's heartbeat?" Susan nodded, and she couldn't help a smile forming. "That's good, yeah? Everything's going to be okay."
"Well, the heart rate's a little high, but it sounds good. But you were an OB nurse Abby, you know as well as I do that nothing's certain. Let's take a look on the screen, okay?" They both turned their attention to the screen, when Susan had a view of the baby. "Baby doesn't look too distressed. Look, there's its head!" Susan pointed to the screen, and they both smiled.
"So I'm not going to miscarry? What's the pain then? It really hurts Susan."
"I don't know. I'm no expert on this area, so I'm going to call Janet Coburn down okay?"
"No, Susan, please...I don't want anyone else in the hospital knowing yet. It will make things so complicated."
"Abby, let me put it this way. It doesn't look to me like you're miscarrying at the moment, but we don't know what damage that punch did. Any minute something else could happen, and you could lose your baby. Please, just see Dr. Coburn. You'll both be much safer." Abby nodded reluctantly. "Thanks. Okay baby, say bye to Mummy!" Susan lifted the sensor from Abby's stomach, and wiped the gel off. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked, noticing tears in Abby's eyes.
"Yeah, it's just...it's so amazing. I can't believe I thought I might not want my baby."
***
"Abby, can you help us over here!" Kerry called from where she and Carter were struggling with a violent patient. "We need some haldol."
"Sure."
"No!" She was stopped by Carter shouting as she turned to fetch the haldol. "Get Chuny to do it."
"What?" Chuny asked, looking up from a chart.
"We need haldol." She rushed off, and returned moments later, injecting the patient. Abby stared after the trio as they pushed the patient into trauma one. What was that all about?
Half an hour later, Abby caught Carter as he was making his way to the bathroom. "Hey, John!"
"Hey!" He smiled at her, but she didn't return the smile. Taking his arm, she steered him into an empty exam room. "What are we doing in here?"
"What was that about?"
"What was what about?"
"Earlier. With the haldol."
"Oh, that. I thought it would be safer if you kept away. You know, for you and the baby..."
"I know what your reasons are, but you're being stupid!"
"Abby, if you'd been hit you could have miscarried or..."
"I know John, which one of us worked in OB for years?"
"I'm sorry..."
"I'm pregnant you know, not ill or incapable."
"I know, I'm sorry." He looked at her apologetically. "I just wanted to look after you."
"You can't wrap me up in cotton wool for the next seven months," she yelled. "For goodness sake, we've only known for twenty four hours, and you're already treating me like I'm about to break. Give it a rest John."
"Really Abby, I'm sorry. I only did it because I love you, and I don't want to lose you or our baby."
"I love you too, but you have to just let me do my job. You can't be everywhere at every moment making sure we're both okay."
"Carter, Luka needs you," Susan interrupted them, pushing the door open. They both looked towards her guiltily, wondering how much of their exchange she'd heard.
"I'll see you later," he said, giving Abby a smile as he left the room, leaving her alone with Susan.
"Wow, you two were having a pretty big argument," she observed.
"Oh, it was nothing..."
"Nothing? You were shouting pretty loudly for nothing."
"Really, we just had a little disagreement about something."
"Hmm? About protection or something?" she asked, emphasising the word 'protection'.
"Okay Susan, you heard didn't you?"
"Yes!" she squealed, pulling her friend into a hug. "Congratulations!"
"Thanks."
"You know, he only does it because he loves you. And I think he probably had a good reason to anyway."
"How much of our conversation did you hear?"
"You mean your yelling match? Pretty much all of it. It wasn't hard to overhear."
"Oh my goodness," Abby moaned, pulling herself up to sit on the side of a gurney, where Susan joined her. "I guess everyone knows then?"
"Well..."
"I thought so." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "This is just what I didn't want. It's enough of a pain having Carter wrapping me up in cotton wool, let alone everyone else thinking I'm incapable."
"We don't think you're incapable."
"No, I've seen it. As soon as someone's pregnant, they get shoved on triage duty. Any remotely dangerous patient they get taken off. They're not allowed anywhere near any possibly infectious patients, despite the fact that the definition of this place implies that that's pretty common. Plus people make excuses about you being pregnant for anything that happens. I'm going to be bored out of my mind for the next seven months."
"Abby, if I know you, and I do, you won't let that happen. Don't worry about it. Everything will be fine, you'll see. Me and Carter will make sure of that."
"Oh, John...I kind of upset him, didn't I?"
"He'll get over it. He loves you. And he knows you're just feeling emotional at the moment."
"Look, there you go, you're already blaming the argument on my hormones."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. I should go and apologise to John. I didn't mean to get so annoyed at him. Where did he go to find Luka?"
"I have no idea actually."
"But you told him..."
"Yeah, I just wanted to save you two from the argument going any further. Plus I couldn't stand the suspense any longer, I had to quiz you on this!"
***