Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews. I'd like to particularly thank Brookestar, your review this morning made me post the next part of this. I wouldn't have thought of it otherwise, thank you for reminding me. And I really hope this part doesn't let you down! Give AngstyAbby a chance with her non-Carter baby...Just out of interest, are the lengths of parts okay? I personally prefer much longer chapters, but I know some people would rather shorter parts. So, is this about right, or would longer or shorter be better? Because I wrote this fic as one whole thing, not in chapters, so I can basically mess about with the lengths of chapters all I want! Anyway, I'll let you get on with the fic now, I hate to write long rambling author's notes so I apologise for doing it now. As always, I would love to know what you think. Jo xx

*

"So, you're going home and resting, yes?" Susan asked as she walked Abby to the El.

"Yes..." She rolled her eyes.

"No, don't roll your eyes at me."

"Sorry. What about Kerry? She's going to wonder where I am."

"Don't worry, I'll tell her you had to go home ill." They sat down on a bench on the platform, waiting for a train to arrive. "So, what did Janet say to you?"

"Erm, that everything looks good, but that I should take it easy for a couple of days."

"Did you get a due date? Or a sex?"

"I don't want to know the sex, I think a surprise is kind of nice."

"Aww, that's so sweet and old fashioned of you."

"Don't try to be so funny. It's perfectly normal. You're just too nosy for your own good."

"I guess so, sorry. What about due date?"

"Yeah, I..." Just as she began to speak a train pulled onto the platform. "Sorry Susan, I have to go." She boarded the train as quickly as she could, not really wanting to tell Susan the due date. If Susan knew the due date, she'd know who the father was. And everything was complicated enough already, she didn't need Susan knowing just yet.

She took a seat just inside the train, and let her mind wander in thought as it moved off. She wasn't sure what she should feel about the news she'd received this afternoon. A part of her was glad of who the father was, but another part of her couldn't get her head around how complicated all this was. He was going to want to be a part of his child's life, if he ever found out. But that couldn't happen. Despite her worries about being a single mother, she was now almost certain she could manage it. Surely having two parents who were both interested but weren't together would be worse for a child?

Maybe she should just tell everyone the baby was Kevin's. It would be much simpler if it was his. She'd never have to see him again, he'd never know. Carter wouldn't want an input. He wouldn't want to be there to support her, or be there at the birth. She didn't want him at the birth of her child. No, that wasn't quite right. She would love for him to be there. But she couldn't be with him anymore. And their complicated history would just hurt their child.

On the other hand, maybe she could do with the support. At least her baby would have a father, and wouldn't miss out on that important part of growing up like she had. And if that father had to be anyone, she was glad in a way that it was Carter. As cliquéd as it seemed, whenever she had imagined her children they were Carter's. And now she really was having Carter's child. The timing just sucked.

***

"Okay sir, you've got a dislocated hip joint, we're going to have to put it back into place," Pratt explained to the patient.

"Is that going to hurt?"

"Like hell."

"But when we've finished you'll feel much better," Abby offered, seeing the distressed look on the man's face. "It really has to be done sir. But it will be over in a second, and then you'll be grateful of it."

"Okay, do it." He closed his eyes tightly and gritted his teeth, while Pratt climbed up to get a good angle to pull the leg.

"Abby, I need traction."

"I..." She hesitated, remembering Carter's concern from earlier. "I can't."

"Sure you can, come on!" "Okay," she replied, joining him at the end of the gurney. If Carter found out about this he was seriously going to kill her. Or lock her in a padded room.

"Right, on the count of three. You push down, I pull." Abby nodded her understanding. "Okay, one, two, three..."

"Argh!" the man screamed, kicking out with his other leg and sending Abby flying to the other side of the room.

"Abby?" Pratt turned round and looked at her as she picked herself up off the floor. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go again."

"You don't look fine." He stepped down from the end of the gurney and approached her. "Did you hit your head?"

"No, really, I'm fine," she answered, at the same time wincing.

"Abby stop playing tough. You should get checked out."

"No!" she demanded angrily, rubbing her stomach as she felt another pain. This was all her fault. John had been right, she should take it easy. Stay away from patients who caused any risk to her or the baby. And now she'd thrown it all away, just because she was stubborn. She should have listened to him instead of yelling at him about trying to protect her when she didn't need protecting. Tears began to form in her eyes. They were going to lose their baby and it was all her fault. He would hate her now.

"Abby?" Pratt asked again, noticing her tears. His eyes darted from her face, to the hand that was pressed to her stomach, and back to her face. "Oh Abby, why didn't you say?" She shrugged, and he was scared to see how vulnerable she looked. "Okay, let's get you into an exam room."

"Can you get John please?"

"I'm taking you to an exam room, and then I'll get Carter." He put an arm around her, holding her steady, and walked her to the nearest exam room where he helped her lie down on a gurney. "I'll be right back."

As he walked out, Abby was left alone with her thoughts. She couldn't help blaming herself. After all, it was her fault. If she had listened to him, their baby wouldn't be dying right now. She was a terrible mother. She'd let her child down. It was her responsibility to give her baby everything it needed, and keep it safe, and she'd failed in that most basic respect. Maybe this was for the best. If she couldn't look after her child now, how would she manage when it was born?

"Abby?" She looked up, expecting to find Carter, but Pratt was stood in the doorway with Susan. "Do you know where Carter might be? I couldn't find him." She shook her head, tears continuing to well up in her eyes. Where was he? She needed him right now. "Okay, I'll go and look for him." He looked between Abby and Susan, before turning and exiting, leaving the two women alone.

"Oh Abby!" Susan rushed across the room and pulled her best friend into a hug. "It's going to be okay, you hear me?" Abby shook her head, sobbing into Susan's lab coat.

"No it's not. I've let my child down, and I've let my husband down. I'm going to lose my baby."

"We don't know that Abby." She pulled away, watching her friend sympathetically. "You're going to get the best treatment possible. Both of you." She stepped away, trying to move into doctor mode as much as she could in the circumstances. "Have you had any spotting?"

"I don't know," Abby muttered, staring at the floor. She couldn't bear to look at Susan. She was sure her friend must be disgusted at her, that she could do something that put her child in danger.

"You want me to check?" She nodded.

"Well?" Abby asked when Susan didn't tell her what she had found a few moments later. Her voice shook at she spoke, and tears slipped down her cheeks. She didn't need to ask, she knew by her friend's silence what it was.

"There's a little spotting. I'm going to call Coburn down."

***

As Abby flicked through the channels on the TV she couldn't help but smile to herself. It seemed there were babies everywhere on the TV, and they all reminded her of her own child. She imagined herself in a few months time, buying the diapers that she was seeing advertised, and it gave her a contended feeling.

Finding there was nothing interesting to watch she switched the TV off and walked towards the kitchen to find something to eat. On her way the phone sitting on the table by the front door caught her eye. She didn't know why, but she felt a sudden urge to call Carter.

Before she had a chance to change her mind, she grabbed the phone and dialled the number she knew off by heart.

"Hello?" he answered after a few rings. Her breath caught in her throat: what was she doing phoning him? It had been a spur of the moment thing, she didn't even know what she was going to say to him. "Hello, is anyone there?"

"Uh, yeah," she stuttered. There was a silence from the other end of the phone. "Carter?"

"Why are you phoning me Abby?" She'd known this was a bad idea. But what was she supposed to do now? She guessed she could just hang up, but that wouldn't help the situation at all.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"What? You broke up with me, and told me some pretty horrible things about what you'd done, and now two months later you want to talk?" She cursed herself for saying those things. What had she been thinking?

"I'm sorry, John. I was really stupid. I lied, I just wanted to push you away." This was sounding awfully like she was trying to get back together with him. There was another silence from him. "John?"

"It was lies? The abortion, and the cheating, and..."

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"Err...do you want to get coffee or something?"

"No Carter," she objected quickly. "We still shouldn't be together. It's not right, and I know I did the right thing ending it. So don't try to force something that's not there."

"Okay." She could hear the disappointment in his voice. If it wasn't for the fact that she knew what she was doing was better for him than what he thought she would feel guilty. "Why did you ring then?"

"I...I have to tell you something." She took a deep breath. This was it. "I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant?" he echoed, and she could already hear the excitement in his voice. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea. He wanted this kid. He would use it as a reason to stay tied to her. She had to let him be free, so that he had the life he deserved. "Wow, that's great Abby, I..."

"It's not yours, Carter."

***

Abby blinked at the harsh hospital lights as she came around. She tried to focus her eyes, and at the same time work out what she was doing here. She remembered being at work, and having to help Pratt with a dislocated hip. The dislocated hip. It all came flooding back to her. In her mind she relived being thrown across the room onto the floor, a pain searing through her like she hadn't felt before, both emotional and physical. The moment she'd realised that this was it, she was never going to be a mother.

As tears began to fall down her cheeks her hand fell protectively to a stomach, where she knew her child was no longer. She remembered more. Susan checking her, telling her there was a little spotting. Calling Coburn down. She couldn't get the picture of Coburn's concerned face out of her mind. And then she remembered being wheeled out of the ER, past all her concerned colleagues who had known nothing of her short-lived pregnancy before. How could she ever face them again, when they would all know it was her fault her baby had died? She remembered being wheeled into the elevator, and John running in just before the doors closed. He'd been having coffee with Deb, Pratt had only just found him. In her mind she could see so clearly the agonising look on his face, and the tears welling up in his eyes. He knew what was about to happen. He knew everything was over. Then they had arrived in OB, and she'd been taken into a side room. All the concerned, sympathetic faces flashed through her mind. They only made her want to cry anymore.

And that was it. She didn't remember anything else. What had happened? Her baby had died, that was what had happened. But why didn't she remember?

Having managed to focus her eyes whilst thinking, she took a look around the room. It looked like a hospital, and she despised it. It was only here to remind her of what had happened. She was sure if she walked down a corridor she would find a crying baby, reminding her of what she had lost. Looking to her side, she found John sitting in a chair, fast asleep, his hand holding hers tightly. Just the sight of him made her even more upset, and she lifted the free hand that had been on her stomach to wipe at her eyes. With that motion, she felt like she was letting go forever. This was it. And it pained her so much.

"John," she whispered, squeezing his hand. She couldn't do this alone, she needed him. No matter how much it would pain her to see the lost look in his eyes, she needed him here with her. "John?" He stirred slightly at the sound of her voice the second time, and after a moment of mumbling he opened his eyes and looked up at her.

"Abby?" he croaked, his voice showing the signs of a night of crying and interrupted sleep. The edges of his eyes were read and puffy, and he looked totally exhausted. The tears continued to fall from her eyes, the sight of him merely confirming what she had already known. "Oh Abby, don't cry. Everything's going to be okay. We'll be okay."

"No we won't." She shook her head, and he lifted a hand to wipe away the angry and distraught tears that were falling. "I'll always remember this, and how I killed our baby."

"You didn't kill our baby, Abby." He smiled sadly at her, continuing to wipe at the tears. As fast as he could wipe at them, more came pouring down her cheeks. "Come here, I love you so much." He stood up slightly so he was in a position where he could pull her towards him. She sobbed into his shirt, letting out all the pain and anger that she was st of her life that she wouldn't think about this baby and be so grateful for it. She imagined telling her three year old son or daughter all about how lucky they were, and how lucky she was to have them. They would be a happy family after all. John, Abby, and their little muppet.

***