*
"I think you've seen him about as much as me in the last two days," Abby laughed as Susan came into her room for another visit.
"And? Auntie Susan has to make sure Danny's behaving for his Mum."
"He's an angel." Abby grinned, looking down at the baby in the crib next to the bed. "Can you do me a favour though? I really want a shower, can you watch him for me?"
"Yeah, sure!" Susan grinned enthusiastically. Abby laughed: she'd known Susan would be pleased with her request. "See, there's a use to me coming."
"I didn't say I didn't like you coming." She got off the bed, and collected some toiletries, and then waited for a nurse who came and led her to the bathroom. She'd protested earlier that she didn't need an escort, but apparently it was 'hospital policy'.
"Looks like it's just you and me then," Susan said to Danny, who was staring up at her. "Ooh, you want a cuddle? Okay, I'm sure Mummy won't mind if we just have a quick one." She lifted him out of the crib, and then sat down on the chair with him cradled in her arms. "Well this is nice, isn't it?" she remarked, giggling to herself. "You are a little angel, you know that Danny? And no matter what Mummy says, you look just like your Daddy. You get that? Don't listen to Mummy, she's silly. She thinks that you two are better off without your Daddy. And that he's better off without you. Silly, huh?" All the while she was making silly baby faces at Danny, who continued to watch her contentedly. "Oh dear, you are going to be a heartbreaker my little man. You're far too gorgeous, just like your Dad. You didn't meet him yet, but he's really good looking. I wouldn't say no to him. Oh, hang on, I already did!" she laughed. "But that was because I knew he loved your Mummy. And he still does. They're both just completely hopeless. Mummy thinks you two are better off without Daddy, and that he's better off without you two. And Daddy's too scared to tell Mummy he still loves her. And do you know what else? Daddy doesn't even know that he's your Daddy! Now that's silly. He would love you so, so much. And you would be spoilt, and have everything you could possibly want. Not that you'd need it, because you have the best Mummy and Daddy in the world..."
"Susan?" She jumped slightly at the sound of the voice coming from the doorway. She looked away from Danny towards it, and saw Carter standing there, looking slightly awkward and very confused. Had he overheard her talking to Danny?
"Err, hi Carter! Come in."
"Where's Abby?"
"She went for a shower. She shouldn't be long, you can wait here for her."
"Oh no, it's okay." His eyes were fixed on Danny, never leaving him for a second. "I shouldn't have come. She won't want to see me. I just...I wanted to give her these." He held up a bunch of flowers.
"Well, if you don't want to stay I'll take them and give them to her."
"No!" he exclaimed, looking away from Danny and back towards Susan. "I mean...can you not tell her I was here? It's...well, it's not worth the hassle. She'll just be mad at me." With that he turned and left, leaving Susan alone with Danny again.
"See what I mean? Silly Mummy and Daddy."
***
"Auntie Susan's come to visit again!" Susan announced as she walked into Abby's hospital room. She waved enthusiastically to Vanessa who was in Abby's arms, before looking curiously around the room. "Where's Daddy?"
"Went to get himself some dinner. Seems the only thing that can tear him away from her is his stomach."
"Ah, he loves her, he doesn't mean it to seem like anything..."
"It's not a bad thing!" Abby laughed. "Means I get a chance to cuddle my daughter other than when she's feeding. He's all over her."
"I guess I won't ask for a cuddle just yet then," Susan laughed, winking at Abby. She took a seat in the chair next to the bed. "I don't suppose Carter will mind me stealing his seat. Well, it's tough anyway!" She reached into her bag, and pulled out a package, which she handed to Abby.
"What's this?"
"Open it and see." Making sure Vanessa was still safely held in her arms, Abby carefully pulled the bright pink wrapping paper off, to reveal a box. She looked at it curiously. "Look inside the box!" Susan enthused. Opening the box, Abby found a little money box. It had pictures of rabbits around the bottom in a border, and 'Vanessa Eve Carter' written around it in gold lettering.
"Oh Susan, that's gorgeous! Thank you so much. Hey, look at this Ness," she said, looking down at her daughter. "You got a money box from Auntie Susan, isn't it gorgeous?"
"Abby, she's asleep."
"Oh you're one to talk!" Abby laughed, passing Susan the money box to put safely on the table in the corner.
"Well it's not my fault she's always asleep when I come. And I have to talk to her sometime. She sleeps far too much."
"She's two days old, they tend to sleep."
"Ah, you're far too practical!" Susan laughed. "I think your Mummy must know everything about babies, Vanessa."
"Ooh look, there you go talking to her when she's asleep. And I don't know everything about babies."
"Well you're pretty damned good at being a Mummy." Abby blushed, and couldn't help the grin spreading across her face.
"Thanks, but I just...I just try my best and do what feels right. I hope I'm good enough for her."
"You are the best. I always knew you'd be a great Mum, but you've taken to it so well. You look so comfortable and happy with her. And you always seem to know what she needs and when she needs it. She loves you so much already, too."
"I hope so." Abby smiled, looking down at her daughter contentedly. "She's going to be such a Daddy's girl though. Which is great, he's amazing with her. But sometimes I worry that she'll be too attached to him, and I won't get a look in. I worry that she won't want to know me. I want my daughter to be able to come to me with any problems she has, you know? That's what Mum's are supposed to do."
"And she will. Don't worry about Carter. I know he loves her to pieces, but he also loves you, and he knows you love her too. He wouldn't let her not be attached to you," Susan reassured her. "Anyway, I think she's going to be mad on her Mummy!"
***
"You all ready to go, then?" Susan asked as Abby pulled her coat on, and picked up the carrycot with Danny in.
"Yup, I sure am." Susan grabbed her bag, and they headed out the door. "Bye Sarah!" she called to the nurse as they left. Once they were outside the hospital she breathed a big sigh of relief.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I was just beginning to feel a bit enclosed, and like I was never going to get out of there. It's nice enough having people there to help you all the time, but I want to be able to look after him for myself, not have to rely on other people to do it. I need to prove to myself I can be a mother without needing back up down the corridor."
"Fair enough. But you don't need to prove you can be a mother, you're a great one already." Susan unlocked the door of the car, and helped Abby strap Danny's carrycot in. Once they were all sorted out she began the drive back to Abby's apartment. When they arrived, they sat outside in the car for a moment, both staring at the door.
"This is weird," Abby commented. "I'm not sure whether I can go in there. It's like, this is it. This is the start of everything, really. Just me and Danny, in my little apartment, looking after ourselves."
"I'm only a phone call away if you need anything. Come on, let's go in." She opened the car door, and lifted Danny out of the carrycot. "Here, you want to take him?" she asked, handing him to Abby, who held him closely to her as they made their way into the apartment building.
"You like the look of this?" she whispered to Danny as they made their way up the stairs. She felt around in her pocket and eventually found her keys, which she handed over to Susan to open the door with. They stepped inside, and she looked around. Nothing had changed in here. But everything had changed.
"Okay?" Susan asked, and Abby nodded.
"Yeah, I just...what if I'm not good enough?"
"Abby, he's a week old and you've been amazing for that week. You've been his Mum for nine months already. Of course you're good enough."
"Yeah..." She sighed, sitting herself down on the sofa. "It's so stupid. I know I'm being stupid, and I know you think I'm being stupid. But I can't help it. I know that all a baby needs is its mother, and I know the two of us are going to be just fine together. But I can't help thinking I'm going to screw it up sometime, and there will be nothing to fall back on." She had tears in her eyes now. "Everything good that ever happened to me, I managed to screw it up."
"Carter?" Abby nodded.
"And Eric, and med school, and...just everything." She sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "But all those things...they mattered. They mattered so much. But Danny. If I did anything that would hurt him, or screw his life up, I would never ever be able to forgive myself."
"You won't do anything Abby, I promise. And I told you, I'm here if you need me, yeah?" Abby nodded uncertainly. "And you know, if you're worried about doing this alone, I know someone who would be willing to help you out..." Abby opened her mouth to protest, but Susan lifted a hand to silence her. "I know I said it a thousand times. And you probably think I'm a stuck record, but it's true. You feel terrible, and you don't want to see him. I understand that. But can you just consider the fact that he loves you, and he would love Danny just as much as you do?"
"I want to," she admitted, for the first time since the break up. "I want so much just to let him love us both, and to be a family. But I can't do that to him."
"Err, Abby? I have a confession to make." Susan looked down at her hands, fiddling with her nails. "I...a few days ago, when I was looking after Danny while you went to have a shower, Carter came up. I didn't know he was there, and I was talking to Danny about...well, about you and Carter." She bit her lip nervously. "I don't know how long he was standing there before I saw him. But...well, he might have heard. I'm really, really sorry."
***
"Home sweet home," Carter announced cheerily as he opened the door to their apartment. He held the door open for Abby who was holding Vanessa. "Feel good to be back?"
"It'll be nice to sleep in my own bed, and not have nurses checking I'm okay all the time," she replied as he shut the door.
"Yeah, you just have your own personal doctor checking up on you." He placed a kiss on the top of her head, before gently taking Vanessa out of her arms. "So, what do you think of your home?" Abby sat down on the sofa, leaving her husband talking to their daughter.
"I don't think she's quite old enough to talk yet," she laughed.
"Aww, we'll soon have you babbling away, right Nessie?"
"John, don't call her that!"
"What?"
"Nessie."
"Why not?"
"Because it sounds like she's the Loch Ness Monster!"
"I think it's cute."
"I think it's stupid. Please, can we not call her Nessie?"
"Okay, sorry." He put Vanessa down in the bassinet in the corner, and then joined Abby on the sofa. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, it's good to be home. I'm sorry, I shouldn't snap. I just don't want my daughter to get teased."
"Can you really see me allowing that?" he asked, putting an arm around her and pulling her towards him. "If any kid dares to make fun of our daughter there's gonna be trouble."
"You're gonna be one of those annoying, overprotective Dad's, aren't you?" Abby asked, leaning happily into his embrace.
"I don't want to be annoying. I just want to make sure my butterfly has the best there is, and that she knows she's loved."
"I didn't say I had a problem with you being protective," Abby smiled. "It's kind of endearing. But you're not going to start calling her butterfly are you?"
"Maybe...it's kind of cute, don't you think?"
"I don't know. I just think we should stick to calling her Vanessa, or Ness, or Nessa. Not muppet, or butterfly. And definitely not Nessie."
"All kids have pet names though. We have to call her something cute," he protested.
"Yeah, 'sweetie' sounds good to me," Abby joked. "Seriously though...you can call her whatever you want. Just not when she's seventeen and got her boyfriend round for dinner!"
"Seventeen? I don't want to even think about that...she'll be so grown up!"
***