Before the Vision

Chapter 6: My Unforgivable Sin

*sigh* Here I am again. Inside this stupid capsule. At least there's no water in here and I don't have to wear that stupid air mask. Why do I even bother living? I just keep screwing up every time things get good. They may keep me in here permanently from now on. I just hope I didn't put anyone out with the damage I did underground. And then…Maria. Why? Why did I have to do that to her?! I'm only making her life more difficult so I deserve to die!! …I can just hear them… the voices of the people. All of them yelling at me "Shadow must die!!" I'm sure it's what they all want by now. Yet I had to do it on the most sacred day of all… Christmas. I should've just stayed in and played some games with Maria and the professor.

Oh I'm so sorry Maria. Please forgive me! I didn't want to kill you, honestly! I just… couldn't control myself. Now I'm back in this small world of my own… with just my thoughts and guilt to keep me company. …Dammit!

I was going to give you a present Maria… but then… it happened. I'm not sure if it's still in one piece but if it is then please take it. It's the only way I can make it up to you. Oh… here come those scientists… here we go with more annoying tests.

…

What?! …Put me to sleep?! What are they talking about? Wait… I've read about that. They're going to kill me. No! I want to live!! …That's right look over here! I want to live! Turn on those speakers so I can speak for myself.

"What do you want you monster?"

"I'm no monster! I couldn't help it!

"Enough of that! That's what you said last time. You said you would control it but what happened?! What happened?!"

…Damn…

"That's what I thought hedgehog. You're better off dead and gone rather than alive and threatening us. We're lucky you didn't destroy everything underground."

…Someone please get me out of here. Get me away from here! Anywhere! I just want to start over and start fresh! I'll never be able to change around here… never. Why was I cursed with such power…?

…

Huh? Professor! Please get me out of here! I want to see my sister! I want to see Maria.

…

"Shadow… how are you?"

"…I'm fine professor. What about Maria?"

"…She's…in the hospital."

"What?! Is she hurt? Did I damage her in anyway?"

"Don't worry. There's no physical pain… it's just the sudden shock she suffered from and… her condition seems to be worsening."

"Condition…? Is she sick?"

"Yes Shadow but it's not your fault. She has had a terminal illness ever since she was a young child and will eventually die if I don't find a cure…"

Maria… will die?

"Professor …what are you going to do?"

"I do not know Shadow… I really can't say at this point. There's no way you'll be leaving that capsule anytime soon so don't get your hopes up too high."

"It's ok… you're better off with Maria. I can take care of myself."

Yeah… Maria does need you more than anyone else professor. Besides I won't be going anywhere soon with everyone out to get me. I don't even understand why I'm here anymore. Maybe I should ask …No why bother.

"Shadow? You seem to have something on your mind. Would you like to talk about it?"

Talk about it? I don't even want to think about it. It just brings me pain to know what I'm capable of and that I can do nothing about it. …But that's not what Maria would tell me. No… she would tell me to never give up. Keep on going and improve yourself because life is too short to let go of.

…

I'll do it. I'll talk. It's what Maria would've wanted.

"Professor… everything that's happened, all of these attacks… they're bothering me… and they hurt. I can't take it anymore!"

…One step at a time…

"I don't know how to control my emotions when they're so strong within me! I want to express the way I feel but it comes out all wrong."

"What happened Christmas morning that angered you?"

"…Some other scientists… I forgot their names but they kept on harassing me about my first attack. I wanted to yell at them but… it came out all wrong. I didn't mean to cause so much damage."

"I understand Shadow… just take your time."

Right… take it slowly. Don't rush through this.

"I wish everyone would treat me fairly but… their reactions are just apart of human nature… and it can't be helped. But it doesn't make up for all the pain and anger I feel inside of me. Nothing ever will! I often begin to wonder why am I even here? What's my purpose? I see no one that needs me… no one except Maria… my sister."

"Sister? Do go on Shadow."

"Professor I want to do something about this. I want to make it all stop. But how?"

Please give me an answer. I know you know what's going on with me professor.

"Shadow I wasn't sure if I should tell you this but it's obvious that now is a good time. Your powers, Shadow, they come from a strand of DNA that was very small at first. But after the two transformations that energized strand of DNA has grown and will continue to grow with each transformation."

"…Then what will happen?"

"Eventually at its peak you will turn back into your first form permanently. The form you turn into when you lose control of your emotions."

…I can't believe it. It's as if it's my destiny to destroy everyone I know… This truly is a curse.

…

Why am I crying? What do I have to cry for when I will cause so much pain and trauma. Perhaps these tears are for Maria. Perhaps these tears are my only present to her… a present of sorrow and sympathy. I honestly love Maria with all of my heart, but who I truly am continues to tear out worlds into two. I don't want to be further away from her, I want to be closer. I want to hold onto Maria until it's her time to die. I won't allow who I am to tear my family apart! I won't let that beast win!

"Professor… I have something to say."

"What is it Shadow?

"It's a promise… to Maria. My present to her. All I ever felt was guilt after the first time I transformed and now I feel even more guilt than ever. But I never was able to give Maria her present on Christmas. Since it was destroyed then this is all that I have left to give."

I hope your heart can hear this Maria… I hope it's open for you to hear it all.

"If I ever changed into that hideous monster again, I will do whatever I can with my powers to prevent myself from becoming that monster… for good."

There I said it. I hope you heard me Maria because your grandfather did. I'm sure he understands now that I do care about you and your life. That I do want to live and see you. You're the only thing that I have in this cold world now Maria. You're the only one who will accept me for who I am besides the professor. I never want to see you cry…ever. And if someone does make you cry… no. No one can make you cry. I've never seen anyone do that to you. You're too strong… and me? I'm too weak. I can't even take little pathetic comments from people who mean nothing in my life. This is why I need you because you give me the courage I need to take control of my life… and make something out of myself. And I… I'll be there by your side to give you the strength to live everyday to the fullest.

…We're a family Maria. You, me, and the professor. We'll always be there for each other.