The Possible Fate of Sirius Black
otherwise known as
The Chapter That is Not Really a Chapter
also called
The Terribly Unrealistic Situation Occurring Prior to Gollum's Release
commonly referred to as
The Chapter in which Willow Reveals Her Favorite Slash Pairings
revealing the uses of
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in Middle-Earth
occasionally recognized to be
The Most Random Chapter Ever Written by Willow
AN: I am sorry! I am very, very, very sorry! I've been busy, honestly. And I've had a major writer's block. I, like, know what's supposed to happen in the grand scheme of things, but it's trying to make it interesting that is the problem. So, this chapter is very strange. I'm just trying to get the creative part of my mind working, so please, just go with me here.
breeNbloom: Yeah, that is what I'm thinking too (the free will thing). What do you think of ROTK?
Lady Phoenix Slytherin: Thanks!
Silcawen Uvanimor-dreamingfifi: Thanks!
blue monkey: Thanks for reviewing, you really helped me motivate myself! I know how you feel, I hate reading those horrible stories. It is so depressing to go online and find that only the horribly-written, crappy stories have been updated!
laurelin: Your theory makes sense, I hope you don't mind if I use it (or parts of it). I was thinking something along the same lines, and Elrond is so cool I don't want him to be thought an idiot. Anyway, thanks for reviewing!
Disclaimer: Anything Middle-Earthian belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and anything Harry Potterish belongs to J.K. Rowling. Get it? Good.
Enjoy...
"English talking"
'thinking'
~Galadriel mind-speaking~
*Elvish talking*
It was late and very dark. For Verdi, it was one of those nights when you just can't sleep; you just think and think, going over everything and nothing at the same time. It wasn't a particularly unusual night, just a regular summer, warm with a clear sky, type night. After lying in bed for what seemed like hours, but was probably not more than one hour, Verdi gave up and went outside.
The forest was quiet and peaceful, no one was out and about except those whose job it was to guard the wood. No one stopped her, or even talked to her, and Verdi let herself wander. She walked, humming softly under her breath, amongst the trees, losing all track of time.
Eventually, Verdi decided she had better turn back and so started walking to her talan. Suddenly, she felt an odd tingle and a strong wind blew through the trees; a woman's scream sounded out of nowhere as the air between two trees fluttered and a man collapsed on the ground beneath them.
The girl stood there for a moment, shocked. Then she heard the bird call that was the Galadhrim's alarm and without another thought rushed to the man's side. She was almost there when the first elf arrived, followed closely by three more. They called for her to stop, but she ignored them and knelt next to the man who was lying face down on the forest floor. He didn't move.
*Come here, something's wrong with him!* Verdi called to the elves, who were all pointing their arrows at the stranger. None complied. *I think he is unconscious, you have to help him!*
*He could be a spy!* Orophin said.
*He doesn't look like a spy to me, and he is in no condition to do anything!*
*He may be faking.*
Verdi scowled at the elf, then turned back to the man. By the light the elves cast over the area, she could now see the man more clearly. He had long, straight, black hair and was wearing robes of some sort. She didn't know what to do, should she touch him, turn him over? What if he was injured? And he was really tall, though fairly skinny, she might hurt him if she tried to move him. Carefully, Verdi pushed the man's hair away from his face, to reveal part of a wasted, once-handsome face.
At that moment, Legolas came on the scene and made his way over to Verdi.
*Help me turn him over?* Together, they rolled the man onto his back and Legolas leaned down to check for injuries .
*He is alive but unconscious, though I cannot find any sort of physical injuries. We should take him to the healers, under guard, of course.* The elves glanced among each other, then Orophin went to help Legolas carry the man. As they lifted him up, a stick about a foot long fell out of his robes. Verdi picked it up and followed the elves to the infirmary.
----------
Verdi looked around the infirmary. She had been here a few times before and it hadn't changed much. The beds were still covered with white sheets and white pillows, with small tables next to them. There were curtains that could be drawn around each bed for a little privacy and a nice but strict she-elf ruled over it all.
Verdi was sitting on a stool by the strange man's bed; the elves had brought him here, checked him over (or the healer did), cleaned him up a bit (Verdi didn't watch), posted a guard at the door, left Legolas and Verdi with the man and went back to work. All in less than half an hour. Legolas was currently pacing the length of the room.
*Would you please stop that?* Verdi asked, rubbing her forehead. Legolas stopped and stood next to her.
*Sorry, I'm just a little irritated. Why was it again that I have to stay?*
*You're not the only one. Orophin decided that since we were fool enough to go near an unknown, possibly dangerous human, if he is to blow someone up upon waking, we deserve to be at hand. Haldir is going to be so mad.*
*No kidding, I'm glad I'm not Orophin, when Haldir returns.* Verdi raised an eyebrow, she didn't think the blond elf knew anything about her training under Haldir (or Orophin, right now).
*I wonder, if he doesn't wake up before I have practice, if I get to miss it.*
*Hm?*
*Never mind.*
----------
Practice was canceled and the two watchers still watched. Verdi had gotten to know Legolas quite well in the past twenty-four hours. He was a nice elf, not as arrogant as some others she could name. ^coughHaldircough^ Apparently, he was a prince, was very good with a bow and arrow, found dwarves and their smoking very irritating, didn't like beef stew and had recently acquired the hobby of knitting. He tried to teach Verdi, it was a lost cause, and was currently making a red and gold scarf.
At some point in the early morning, two nights after he was found, the man began to awake. He spent about an hour mumbling something that sounded a bit like "rain us" in his sleep. This was quite amusing, once Verdi translated for Legolas, and the two watchers pretended to see people fall out of the sky. They were low on sleep and so found not funny things, very funny. It made Verdi wonder, though, if the man was truly from Middle-Earth, as the others believed, but figured the mumblings of a sleeping man did not necessarily define his origin.
As the sun began to shine into the room, however, the man fully awoke. He opened his eyes, then closed them tightly against the sun.
*He's awake! Hello, who are you?* Verdi moved over so she blocked the sun and the healer, Elessante, came beside the bed, tuttering under her breath. The man hesitantly opened his right eye and looked at the she-elf.
"Madam Pomfrey?"
*Who, dear? No, I am Elessante. Now lie still.* She put a hand on his head, checking for a fever.
"What? Where am I? Who are you?" The man opened both eyes, looking around. Verdi's face was white.
*Verdi, is something wrong?* Legolas asked.
*Did..He..he just spoke!*
*Yes, but I didn't understand it. He is obviously still not right in the head.*
"Who are you?" The strange man demanded, looking Legolas up and down before turning to Verdi.
"Oh my God! You speak English! Thank you, thank you," Verdi fell to her knees, as if praying. "I can't believe it, all these years, whoever did this, up there, you have my eternal gratitude." She stood up. "I live!"
Everyone stared at her. Elessante glanced at Legolas, who shrugged. The man looked at Verdi, one eyebrow raised. Verdi glanced up at the ceiling, calmed herself and resorted her thoughts. All this happened in less than a minute.
"Wait a minute, how do you know English? I've been here ages and no one, absolutely nobody speaks English."
"What do you mean? Of course I speak English, I'm a bloody Englishman! You mean these people don't? Where in the blazes am I? France?"
*Um, Verdi, do you know what he is saying?* Legolas interrupted, confusion on his face.
*Yes! Oh lovely yes! He speaks my native tongue! I don't know why, I don't know how, but to finally be able to talk again...I'm in heaven!* She sighed dramatically, *Does this mean I'm going to die soon?*
Legolas was about to say something, but the man beat him to it. "Are you mad?"
"Not that I know of. You?"
"I don't think so. Are they?" The man pointed at the two elves.
"Definitely. Oh, I never introduced you! This is Legolas," she pointed at the elf, "and this is Elessante. I'm Verdi, Verdi Kellor. Nice to meet you." She put out her hand.
He shook her hand, "Sirius Black."
"What! I mean, who? You can't be!" Verdi shrieked.
"Why not?"
"You...you...it must be a coincidence." The two elves were staring at the two humans, not understanding anything and a little worried. Elessante whispered something to Legolas and left the infirmary.
"What's a coincidence?"
"Do...do you know a boy named Harry Potter?"
"Of course, he's my godson."
"Ahhhhh!" Verdi yelled and ran behind Legolas, hiding and mumbling, "no, no, it can't be."
*Verdi, are you okay?* Legolas looked at her, concerned. *Who is this man?*
*He...he...oh my god! He's Sirius Black!*
*Oh, and this is a problem?*
*Yes it is a problem! He is not supposed to exist! He's a fictional character!* Verdi peeked around Legolas, *He doesn't look like I imagined him.*
Legolas looked at the man, Sirius, *He's awfully scraggly. He needs a good bath, some clean clothes, but if he were cleaned up...* He trailed off, blushing faintly.
"What did he say?" Sirius asked.
"Um," Verdi suppressed a smirk. "He said you were dirty." She turned to Legolas, *I didn't know you swung that way.*
"I'm cleaner than I was," Sirius pointed out before Legolas could respond. "Anyway, where am I?"
"You are in Lothlórien."
"Where is that?"
"Um, it's a forest, um, in Middle-Earth." Verdi wasn't sure how to respond. "What happened to you?"
"I...I was at the Department of Mysteries...rescueing Harry from the Death Eaters and that evil cousin of my stunned me. I fell...I fell through the Veil!" Sirius' eyes went wide as he suddenly remembered what had happened. "Oh my God! Remus!" His face twisted in pain.
*What's wrong? What did he say?*
*He was fighting and was hit by a spell and fell through some veil.* Verdi suddenly pulled out the stick she had picked up, realizing it must be Sirius' wand and give it to the man.
*Spell?*
*He's a wizard.* 'Duh!'
*He can't be, he's too young.*
*Not like Mithrandír, wizard; back, whereever he came from, there are wizards of all ages.*
"What are you talking about? What language are you speaking?* Sirius interrupted.
"Gah! I hate translating. I just told him you're a wizard. He doesn't believe me." At that Sirius grinned, pointed his wand at Legolas and mumbled something. Suddenly, a dark blue light came from the wand and Legolas was suddenly floating upside down.
*Ahhh! What's he doing to me?* Haldir chose that moment to enter the room. He took one look at Legolas, gave a cry of alarm and jumped Sirius. Unfortunately, or fortunately for Sirius, the man had quick reflexes and the elf was suddenly dangling next to the princeling.
"Sirius! Put them down! That's Haldir, my teacher!" Still, Verdi couldn't help herself from grinning. Sirius sighed and, with a wave of his wand, the two elves dropped to the ground. Haldir rushed to Legolas, putting an arm around his waist and helping him up.
*Are you okay?* Haldir ran his other hand over Legolas' hair, as if checking for injuries.
*Yes, yes, I'm fine, love.* Legolas batted at Haldir's hand, which settled on his hip.
*What!* Verdi shrieked (she seemed to be doing a lot of that, lately) *You...you and him!*
*Uh,* Legolas blushed.
*And you didn't tell me! All this time and I didn't know! And I had you pegged for,* she paused. *Well, show's me not to play matchmaker!* She glared at Haldir. *Why didn't you tell me? Years and years, I just figured that no one was good enough for you! No one said anything, anything! You are so going to pay!* Haldir blanched.
"Um, what's wrong?" Sirius broke in to her little tirade.
"Him and him!" She pointed at the two offending elves, "I've known him for ages and never a word! I thought he was just too arrogant, but no, he had his little princeling! Gah, it makes me sick!"
"Oh, um." Sirius looked a little nervous, offended and embarrassed, all at the same time.
"Don't get me wrong, I think it's adorable. You have to admit, they make a cute couple. But someone could've told me! All the times I've sneeked into Haldir's room, I'm lucky I never stumbled in on them in, er, compromising positions. Years and years, never a word!"
*If I may interrupt,* Haldir began.
*No! You've done enough already!*
*Verdi, this isn't the time. I think you better explain about this human, to Haldir. Start from the beginning, I'm still confused myself.*
*But...okay, okay.* She turned to the human, "I'm going to explain to these gits about you, so don't interrupt. I'll answer your questions later, savvy?"
The wizard nodded and got comfortable on his bed. The elves sat and looked at Verdi expectantly.
*So, I'll tell you as much as I know. Back home, there was this lady who wrote stories about this dude named Harry Potter, his godson. I always thought they were just stories, but apparently I was wrong. Anyway, there are these people who are wizards, they go to wizarding school when they are eleven, and learn to do magic. Now, there is this evil, scary guy called Lord Voldemort, and he is trying to take over the world. Not here, back home,* she said, seeing their faces.
*So, the good wizards fought the bad wizards and everything was dark and frightening. Sirius and James Potter, Harry's dad, and Remus Lupin were all good wizards but in a horrible treachery by another friend of theirs, Peter Pettigrew, James and his wife, Lily, were killed by Voldemort. Their son, a baby at the time, miraculously survived and Voldemort was temporarily defeated. Unfortunately, two things went wrong. First, everyone thought Sirius was the traitor, not Peter, and Sirius went to Azkaban, the wizard prison. Second, most of the wizards, including the head wizard dude, thought Voldemort was killed. The wizards were wrong.
*So, years passed, Harry grew up, went to wizard school, and Voldemort began to grow in power. Sirius also escaped from prison. Harry and some other people found out the truth and tried to tell the wizarding population, but no one believed them. Now, apparently, something happened to Harry and the Death Eaters, Voldemort's supporters, attacked him. Sirius went to save him, was struck by a spell from one of the Death Eaters and he fell through some veil and ended up here.
*That's all I really know. But, Sirius is a good guy, so you shouldn't kill him or anything.* Verdi glanced at Sirius. "I suppose you want to go home, huh?"
"Yes! As soon as possible, I have to get back! The Order needs me!" He paused, "Well, atleast Harry does, and Moony too."
*We should probably find a way to send him home, too.* Verdi glanced at the elves and scowled. Haldir had his arm around Legolas again, the the prince was resting his head on Haldir's shoulder. *I can't believe it!* She threw up her hands, exasperated. *Out, both of you! Out, out!*
Needless to say, they left.
"Now, I suppose I should explain to you, huh? Well, I'm from the States, okay? And many years ago, I was walking home and I got lost in the forest and was found by Haldir. He brought me here and I've been stuck here, because apparently I can't go home. And there is this weird prophecy that I don't really understand, except that some dude has to go destroy some ring. Don't see what's so hard about it, myself, but there you have it. These elves are weird."
"Elves?"
"Yeah, you know, pointy ears, super senses, fast reflexes, totally vain, live forever, the whole lot. It can be a nightmare, let me tell you. Gods, it's so nice to hear English again!"
"Doesn't anyone speak English?"
"Just me, I mean, this is, like, a whole new world, Middle-Earth. Elves, dwarves, humans, foul creatures called orcs who are very stinky. They even have their own evil dude, named Sauron. It's bizarre, but I like it here. I have friends and I can't imagine going back now, you know?"
"I have to go back!"
"Yeah, but you only just got here. You won't miss anyone when you leave, though, why do you want to go back so much? Were you pardoned by Fudge?"
"No," Sirius scowled, "Idiot still doesn't believe Dumbledore. They've been making a mockery out of all of us, all year."
"So what's your hurry? You're safe here."
"I...I have to take care of Harry."
"Dumbledore'll look after him, and McGonagall, and Lupin, and..." She was interrupted.
"Remus, I have to go back to him, my Moony." Verdi raised an eyebrow, then grinned.
"Hah, I knew it! Score one for the Verdi-meister!"
"Knew what?"
"You and Lupin are lovers, ain't you? I told Caroline, but she didn't believe me. Hah-ha!" Verdi did a little victory dance. "Anyway, now that you have improved my day, I have some stuff to take care of." She reached into a hidden pocket and pulled out a book. "Here, this will help you survive in Middle-Earth until we can send you home. I don't know what I would've done without it. The healer will probably be back in shortly, don't curse, hex or jink anyone. And don't leave this room until I get back, okay?"
Sirius nodded and looked at the book. It had the word's Don't Panic in large friendly letters on the cover and was titled The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. As Verdi left, Sirius started reading.
---------
Verdi walked out after lending Sirius one of the two fantasy books she still had from home. She better get it back. Anyway, she was making her way to Haldir's when she met a strange golden-haired elf.
*Hello! Who are you?*
*My name is Glorfindel. You must be Verdi, Elrond was telling me about you?*
*Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? No, don't tell me, I don't want to know. So, you're Glorfindel? Haldir was telling me about you, too.*
*Oh? And what did he say?*
*He said you had purple hair, sharp teeth, a small brain, slow reflexes and an uncanny ability to fall into mud puddles.*
*Why that little...how did he know, the only one there was Leg-oh, I see.*
*Don't tell me you knew, too? How could I not know? I can't believe he didn't tell me?* Verdi growled.
*Know what?*
*Haldir and Legolas! No one told me and I've known him for a long time! Are there any other couples I should know about?*
*I...um...well...*
*Don't tell me, you have a lover too?! Gah!* Verdi thought for a moment, *It's Elrond, isn't it? I can see that, Haldir did say something, but I thought he liked that King dude.*
*Yes, um, Gil-galad? He died, a long time ago. But they were very much in love. Before my time, but, uh, yes, I love Elrond.* Verdi sighed.
*So sweet, why can't I be in love? No, don't answer that, either.* Verdi gave Glorfindel an Unidentifiable Look, and walked away.
----------
Verdi knocked on Haldir's door, yelled *I coming in!* and walked in without waiting for an answer. She found Haldir, Legolas and Gandalf sitting around the table, deep in conversation.
*Ah, Verdi, I hear we have a visitor?*
*Yeah, he's cool. Atleast he doesn't keep secrets.* She glared at the two elves.
*Yes, well, I think I know how to send him back. If he truly has magic blood, it should not be a problem.*
*Right, let's go, before we become attached.*
The four went to the infirmary. They found Sirius sitting on his bed, deeply engrossed in Verdi's book. He was finding himself wishing he had brought a towel, just in case. He was also finding that wizards, who had presumably thought they knew everything about everything around them, were very ignorant. For example, he learned that it was pointless to ask for tea, because it was impossible to make something quite like tea anywhere else but Earth.
"This is fascinating!"
"Yes, well, you'll have to buy your own book when you get home. This is Mithrandír, or Gandalf, whatever. He's a wizard, sorta, too, and he says he can send you home." Verdi grabbed her book and put it in her pocket.
*Right, Verdi, tell him to point his wand at my staff.* Gandalf told Verdi, who told Sirius, who followed the order. Gandalf did his muttering thing and a bright light shot between the two pieces of wood. Sirius disappeared before anyone could say goodbye.
"Well, there goes my sanity," muttered Verdi, and she went to bed.