Before the Vision

Chapter 12: Self-Image

So here I stand… a hero, a friend, a changed er… hedgehog. Who knew this kind of fame would bring so much attention upon my family. Maria's friends from the other day are always stopping by to see me. I've been interviewed quite a few times by local news reporters for both big and small newsletters. I'm literally the talk of the town! And I love it! I was given a merit award for showcasing quick and decisive heroics even though I just lifted a car off of a person. Everyone seems to want to know about my origins… my past… but I could never bring myself about to even think about it. The professor and Maria try their hardest to keep the people from asking me such personal questions, and most of them understand and move on. I guess that's how small town life works. If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.

Even though it's only been two weeks since we've been here, Maria's friends were kind enough to let me into their little clique. The guys often challenge me to a few video games at the arcade and other sports, while the girls just talk about how cute I am. Heh… they sort of make me blush and feel a little embarrassed when they brag about me. Maria seems to enjoy being around others her age as well. She and her friend, Carol, had caught up with each other since Maria's last visit a few years ago. I don't see why we shouldn't live here… great friends, nice people… going back to the institute would be unreasonable!

As far as my powers are concerned… they've been going quite crazy every now and then. I find myself being burned rather quickly by the sun's rays, even when there's a strong breeze blowing constantly. So I don't go out everyday but some of Maria's friends come to the house to see me out of the goodness of their hearts. I've had a few discussions with the professor about my powers. He says that they're possibly unstable because my body is trying to adjust to having them which might explain why they've been going on and off lately. We also have other deep discussions about the universe expansion and other intellectual topics. Maria just sits by idly reading a small romance novel while she listens to our discussions.

Well that's what's been going on with me for the last few days. Right now I'm just helping Maria and Gerald out with a few chores around the house. Today's been pretty slow. Perhaps it's because of the rain outside I guess, but other than that the atmosphere is just quiet… a little too quiet for me. I'm starting to miss the hustle and bustle of Maria's friends. The jokes they would make, the games they would play with me and their somewhat meaningless conversations that didn't mean much to me but they were very passionate about them. Slowly I'm beginning to understand the mindset of teenagers. They seem to be concerned with what's happening now rather than in the future like most adults think. The human growth cycle is very intriguing.

"Shadow, could you water that plant over there?"

"Sure thing Maria."

Hmm… these plants smell beautiful. How does Maria take such good care of them when she's only here for a few months? Their leaves are a healthy shade of green and very smooth… their stems are firm and don't sway easily… just absolutely amazing! I doubt these plants need any watering but who am I to question Maria's skills?

…

There! All the plants on this side are done. Maybe I'll go and see if the professor needs any help.

"I'm going to help the professor Maria."

"Ok Shadow."

…Heh. Maria really is a sweet girl. *sigh* I really wish I could go outside and see the others. But as long as it's raining there isn't much to do around the house.

…Hmm. I've never noticed some of these pictures here in the hallway. …They sort of look like the professor…as a child. Wow, his family was quite huge years ago. I'm guessing most of his siblings are dead by now since he speaks very little of them. …I wonder what it would be like to have siblings like me. At least I wouldn't feel left out…

…

But then again it wouldn't make a difference. I'd still feel like an outcast even with others like me. They would probably feel the same way if they had powers like mine…maybe.

"Professor?"

"Yes Shadow? I'm in the basement!"

Please have something constructive for me to do.

"Is there anyway I can help you?"

"Well… you could start off by packing up a few of those antique items in the corner. I'm thinking about selling them in town since they're not particularly cherished family items.

Packing boxes…it's not much but it'll do for now. From the looks of things around here I'd say that the professor and Maria haven't been down here for years… or at all. Well the room is pretty small… and I doubt that there's running water here with all of these stone walls. But what is it used for?

"Professor, what is this room used for?"

"Well it's used to store wine as you can see right over there. Of course that was when I was a child living here. My family sold wine in this town, not as a legitimate business but just as a second income since the job my father had paid very little."

"Was it because of the size of your family?"

"Oh! So you've seen the pictures upstairs? Well yes I was born into quite a large family. We didn't make the wine ourselves, some relatives who lived far away did. But they were gracious enough to give us a few of their wine stocks for us to sell."

An extended family… interesting.

"I had a somewhat rough childhood being one of the middle children in my family. I had to share many of my things with my siblings but I managed. We did whatever we could to make ends meet."

And I thought I had it rough…

"Grandfather! Could come up here and help me with something?"

"Certainly Maria. Just finish up packing the boxes for me Shadow."

Right. *sigh* I'll just finish packing up. …I never knew so much junk was down here. Dolls, tablecloths, other knickknacks… and a mirror.

…

Hey… I can see… myself. Look at those menacing red eyes. I look like some sort of evil villain in a fairytale. I'm so melancholy too… all black… red steaks on my spines. What kind of hedgehog am I anyways? A demonic one? It's no wonder why the people back at the institute feared me so much. I look like… a monster. An obscured hedgehog monster! Yet somehow Maria and the Gerald see past all of this and still love me for who I am. They truly must have strong hearts…

But what about those teenagers? What about Maria's friends? They seem to like me as well. …But they don't know who I am… they don't know the real Shadow; the one who destroys everything. …It's better if they don't. I won't have the entire world fear me just because of my true form.

My true form… an embarrassment! A shameful presence! A mockery of the professor's intelligence!! That… that monster causes so much pain and agony! He terrorizes everyone and cares very little of the results! It angers me to know that people simply judge the professor just on that beast alone! They don't care about his other accomplishments! They don't even care that he has a dying granddaughter! All they care about is that beast who… who... is me.

Me… it's me they want. They want to kill me. I just know it. Those people… back at the institute… They want to kill me, they're the ones that I am a burden upon… but they're not here. So why should I feel like some sort of burden when I'm miles from that city? I have no reason to feel that way. I'm surrounded by family and people who do like me and care for me, even though the townsfolk still are not sure about what I am exactly. In fact… I'm not even sure about what I am. I know that physically I'm a hedgehog, but what am I really? A supporter, a friend, a beast? Everyone I see seems to have a purpose, even Maria's friends. But I… a simple hedgehog, have no purpose at all. I know my purpose for Maria and Gerald, but to the general public… I feel as if I'm nothing.

The professor is a scientist dedicated to better society and people's view on technology, Maria is an ill girl who is nice to everyone she knows and brightens their day with her personality. I, myself, have yet to find a substantial purpose that would set me apart from others. I just know there has to be a purpose in my existence or else I wouldn't even be here. …Perhaps a self-examination is called for.

Well… I am different. I was created in a lab but mostly to aide Maria in her illness. I have powers… suppressed powers that are very powerful. By now I've gained control over them with success despite the changes I'm going through right now. I have an advance thinking ability so I'm able to catch onto things and learn quicker than the average person. I am also learning more and more about human life and the society I'm living in. It's strange and fickle… but exciting at the same time. The changes I've been going through are improving some of my physical abilities. Strength, hearing, better vision in the dark… I guess those are a few improvements. But what do they add up to? How can I use my talents and abilities for the public and to define what my purpose is for them?

I distinctly remember Gerald saying that 'Everyone born has a purpose. There is no such thing as a useless person.' I'm sure he was including me as well so I must have some sort of purpose for the people… intellect, strength, and compassion. Maybe… I can use my special vision of the world to teach others a new way they can view their lives. I can be a hero to those in trouble and use my powers for the good of the people. Then there's my compassion for the innocent people… perhaps I can encourage them whenever they are depressed and instill them with the confidence I gained over the past few months so they can find their own strength to live on and continue their lives.

Yes! That's it! I finally found my purpose! A teacher, a hero, and an inspiration. I'm not sure what to call it… but if I tried hard enough… then perhaps I could become the greatest hero to the world! A hero that can inspire everyone abroad no matter where I am. It's only fair that I give back to the world what the world gave to me… even though most of it was obtained through emotional pain and suffering. Then I guess I've finally found it. My purpose. I won't do it for recognition… but to feel… useful to others so I don't fall back into my depression periods. I know Maria and Gerald will be proud of me as well. They've watch me grown over these past months and to see me take control of my life and what I do with it… they'll be left speechless. They'll finally know that I am no longer ashamed of who I am and Gerald… he can die in peace knowing that Maria is in good hands.

…As for Maria… she'll love me just as she always did from the very start. As a sister and a friend until her time comes as well.