The sun had set an hour ago and a luscious moonlight was already gracing the surface of the calm sea with a romantic silverness.
Logan and Jubilee were returning from the gay bar, staggering in their drunken stupor. Actually, his drunken stupor, since Jubilee only compromised with that lame apple juice. But Logan had gone unusually drunk without really drinking that much.
"I think that the guys at the gay bar have had all the drinks spiked in order to get laid more easily.» she had resulted about Wolverine's condition.
The poor thing now had to support Logan on his feet and walk him back to his cabin, and Logan was a really heavy guy without even counting the extra weight of an adamantium skeleton. Jubilation Lee promised to herself never to play Bingo again as she already felt shrunken by 2 inches by the overwhelming weight she had o support.
"And to think that I was supposed to baby-sit Bobby... not a fully-drunk adamantium fatass Wolverine..."
Then she stopped dead on her tracks at what she saw then, and she almost lost Logan off her arms too.
Bobby and an unknown woman were kissing passionately while leaning against the steel gratings of the upper deck, right beside the moonlighted sea and under a fully starred sky. Jubes felt obliged to go all "Awwww", when she remembered what hers and Logan's mission was about. Then she freaked out at the horrid sight, which could guarantee her agonising death in the hands of a furious Phoenix once the cruise was over.
"Logan...look!" She said at the feral drunkard, as she pointed the star-crossed lovers at him.
"Ow, I see the kid has finally found himself a one-night stan, and all by himself too, well, I'm impressed. Good for him!" he said, barely regaining consciousness for a while.
Jubilee thought that he was being conveniently articulate for a drunk man at the time, and she considered if he was playing drunk to make her carry him home and this was punish her for getting into trouble, but she instead pointed him her horrific realisation;
"No, Wolvie...You don't get it...Don't you see?" her voice was going more pitch by each minute, but she was still whispering so that Bobster and that little bitch wouldn't gear her."...This is NOT a one-night stand...look at the moon...the stars...the whole setting...this...this-this is a DISASTER!!!"
"You're going hysterical, Jubes..." a blurry-eyed Logan whispered, right before slumping on something and slipping out of her grasp. He fell on the floor and conveniently passed out, since he somehow had hit his head on a bench behind them.
At the same time, an oblivious, lost-in-The-Land-Of-Cupids-And-Candy-Hearts Bobby kissed his love goodnight and watched her as she disappeared behind a door leading to the passengers' cabins indoors.
Jubilee bolted herself at Iceman and shoved him bossily on the grating bars, giving him a straight order.
"Go after her NOW, follow her into her room and have kinky sex with her, TONIGHT!" she imitated her best Cyclops tone.
"No, Jubes, what are you talking about?" an astounded Bobby responded with surprise over her sudden appearance, reaction, and nature of her order. "Evita's not some cheap fuck!" Then looking to the direction from where Evita left, he drifted back into his lovestruck daydreaming: "She's the woman I had spent my life looking for, the mate I was born to marry someday, the-"
"NO! You are NOT serious about this!" poor Jubilee was in clear denial.
"Did you know she was a nurse before quitting because her mutation manifested?" Robert L. Drake was lost for good. Evita's Bitch was born in his place.
"NO!" Too bad Logan wasn't awake to point out to Jubes that she was going hysterical again.
"I know, cause I haven't told you until now. And do you know how much she adores animals...?"
"NOOO!" Jubilee's voice had now reached the pitchness of a Gremlin's voice.
"Jubes, have you been drinking? I could swear I can smell alcohol in your breath..."
Could Logan's dog-breath possibly reach so far? Must be his newest mutant ability.
That way Jubilee was reminded of Logan's place in the whole story. By the morning he would come to his senses and would kick Popsicle's ass until he renounced all women from his life. So she just bid Bobby goodnight and took Wolvie to his cabin, waiting for the next morning with a devilish gleam in her eyes. That was until she drifted to sleep as well, at least.
Her Wolvie would arrive the next morning like a dragon in shining armour and split up the Good Knight from the vicious Damsel in Distress.
Logan woke up in agony from the nightmare that tormented him, his claws instantly extracting themselves from the knuckle area. He had that hideous dream again. In it, Osama Bin Laden was dressed in a mermaid costume, full with shells as a bra and all that, and he was blowing kisses to him while sitting on the top of an iceberg.
Logan felt a presence in the room and instantly went for the stab, but the reminder of how much of a cliche that action would be prevented him from stabbing poor, sleeping Jubilee in the gut.
The girl had apparently slept over the covers next to him last night.
He would wake her up to find out what exactly happened, but not before getting up, visiting the bathroom, freshing himself up and putting some hair gel on his big hairy "ears" to keep them in their usual shape and pointy as ever. He then proceeded to put on some aftershave (though he didn't shave) as cologne, one of a rather earthly odour... The specific aftershave was his "special little secret", his way of looking and smelling like an animalistic babe-magnet without actually having to be as icky as a feral guy like him should be.
He then tucked himself under the covers again, in order to pretend that he always looked (and smelt) fresh like that every time he awakened. Finally, he poked Jubilee and pretended to sleepily rub his eyes as he asked her:
"What are ya doin' here, kid? Got yourself locked out of your room or somethin'?"
"Uh? Mo-Mommy? The bad fish is going after me...I don't wanna go to work...not even if you force me, just let me sleep here in peace, k? I'm calling sick as soon as I wake up when I feel like it...HEY!!! My Mommy ain't so hairy...!" She rubbed her eyes in respect, washing the blurriness away "...Wolvie?"
"Being having nightmares, kid?" Logan asked in amusement.
"Yeah...it...it...was horrible! My mom wanted to force me to go to my job, but I didn't like it cause I was an orca instructor, and it wasn't really my mommy, but an Arabian looking guy in a mermaid costume and he was sitting on a piece of ice, and-"
"Oh no, stop that already! I wanna hear no more!" Logan interrupted a startled Jubilee from her rumbling, wincing at the idea of the whole concept. "What were you doing in my room in the first place?"
"You got drunk like a dizzy deer last night, so I brought you here and fell asleep right after-but that's NOT the important part, cause you won't believe what I saw last night while walking you back here..."
"Let me guess... DID YOU SEE NICOLE KIDMAN?!?!" he said in one over-enthusiastic mouthful.
"...Noooope." she responded, giving him an odd look. «Why should I?"
"Poop. Nothing. Just can't give up my hopes..." he sure was into redheads. Earlier experiences had proven it.
"Back to our topic. You still wanna guess what I saw last night?"
"...WAS IT GILLIAN ANDERSON? DID YOU SEE GILLIAN ANDERSON UP CLOSE?" he yelled in a huge expecting grin, grabbing Jubilee by the shoulders and shaking her violently. Yes, he was a slut for redheads.
"Hey, let go!" she shouted in despair and as he released her, she added: "No. I saw Roseanne Barre in lingerie."
"Ewwwwwww!!!"
"Just kidding! I saw no celeb last night. It was something bad, actually. I saw Bobby with a WOMAN! Can you believe it?"
Logan just stood stupefied.
"Is that all? You know kid, no matter how much everyone insists so, Drake isn't really gay...so seeing him with a lady is perfectly natural and should be no surprise to you..."
He suddenly stopped babbling, as he gasped and his eye bulbs almost poked out from their sockets in realisation...and terror.
"OH HELL! NO!" He had finally understood what Jubilee had wanted to point out to him from the very beginning of this conversation.
"Hell yeah. That bitch is the bride from Hell, after all." Jubilee had to add sarcastically.
"Is it...serious? You know, is he in love with her?"
"The Hell he is. You have to see the woman to actually understand. He thinks she's the love of his life...no one-night stands and such shit. They're acting like Romeo and Fucking Juliet. And from the looks of it, she's the worst kind of woman to ever bump into!"
"What's so wrong with that woman? Maybe it's just a little harmless crush...he might be over her in a flash."
"No, he won't. I told you have to look at her to believe it. Ice Cube told me that she had been a nurse. Like-"
"Like Annie? Shit!"
"That's the least of our troubles. The lady's got green hair, can you believe it? A full cruise boat of colourful mutants, and he had to pick the git with the GREEN HAIR!"
"...Uh-Oh..." the world famous expression had taken a whole new meaning with Logan's accompanying semi-growl.
"Exactly. Green hair like the ones that bitch Polaris has." she said in ever-growing panic. "And the worst of all...she's wearing skull earrings and huge pants!"
"Uh?" now Wolverine had lost her.
"Oh. I guess you don't know anything about the infamous Opal Tanaka. You really never heard of her?"
"Nah. Who's the gal?"
"Bobby's ex. The worst of all. Worse than Annie and Lorna combined. Worse than Storm when locked up in a chest."
"Oh..."
"Worse than the Blob in an unguarded kitchen."
"Shit. I see..."
"Worse than Colin Farrell when he hasn't got laid for a week."
"I SAID I SEE! I GET YOUR FRIGGIN' POINT! CAN YOU CUT THOSE EXAMPLES OUT PLEASE AND GET ON WITH THE STORY?!?"
"Uh...Okay..." Jubilee fought back the hurt from the unexpected yelling, since she knew that Logan was right. The situation was bad enough without her painful examples. "...So, she's really bad! And that Evita chick is those three ex-girlfriends combined and maybe even worse! We can't afford Bobby-boy weeping over another chick, much more SUCH a chick! You have to stop them!"
"You don't expect me to beat the boy out of his affection for the lady? That would only ensure him being hurt and would probably make him angstier than before, not to mention the grudge he would hold against me...the prank war he would unleash on me would last for years!"
"Awww Wolvie, that's so compassionate of you..."Jubilee said cooingly, probably in sarcasm. "...but yeah, that's what I expected you to do."
"You shouldn't. The whole point is to keep him safe from another emotional disaster. Getting the woman to break up with him would only make it worse."
"You got your point there. So we have to make him wanna break up with her. Can we make her fall in his eyes so that he will eventually dump her?" Jubilee, being a teenage girl, had an immense experience in mischievous plotting in breaking couples up, and that experience was now proving useful. She had grown up in a place full of hormone-crazed teens after all.
"That could be possible and appropriate. How can we do that without involving her cheating on Icicle?" Wolverine was always looking into every tiny detail, like only a truly inspired leader would.
"Getting to meet her and knowing her. This way we can use all of our knowledge of her against her and make her look like a total loser in his eyes!"
"You rock kid!" Logan responded eyes gleaming in enthusiasm, as they exchanged a a high-five.
Then they exited the cabin, rubbing their hands mischievously.
A brand new day, full of malevolent plotting, intrigue and couple-breaking was ahead of them, and they intended to make the best of it.
Logan and Jubilee were returning from the gay bar, staggering in their drunken stupor. Actually, his drunken stupor, since Jubilee only compromised with that lame apple juice. But Logan had gone unusually drunk without really drinking that much.
"I think that the guys at the gay bar have had all the drinks spiked in order to get laid more easily.» she had resulted about Wolverine's condition.
The poor thing now had to support Logan on his feet and walk him back to his cabin, and Logan was a really heavy guy without even counting the extra weight of an adamantium skeleton. Jubilation Lee promised to herself never to play Bingo again as she already felt shrunken by 2 inches by the overwhelming weight she had o support.
"And to think that I was supposed to baby-sit Bobby... not a fully-drunk adamantium fatass Wolverine..."
Then she stopped dead on her tracks at what she saw then, and she almost lost Logan off her arms too.
Bobby and an unknown woman were kissing passionately while leaning against the steel gratings of the upper deck, right beside the moonlighted sea and under a fully starred sky. Jubes felt obliged to go all "Awwww", when she remembered what hers and Logan's mission was about. Then she freaked out at the horrid sight, which could guarantee her agonising death in the hands of a furious Phoenix once the cruise was over.
"Logan...look!" She said at the feral drunkard, as she pointed the star-crossed lovers at him.
"Ow, I see the kid has finally found himself a one-night stan, and all by himself too, well, I'm impressed. Good for him!" he said, barely regaining consciousness for a while.
Jubilee thought that he was being conveniently articulate for a drunk man at the time, and she considered if he was playing drunk to make her carry him home and this was punish her for getting into trouble, but she instead pointed him her horrific realisation;
"No, Wolvie...You don't get it...Don't you see?" her voice was going more pitch by each minute, but she was still whispering so that Bobster and that little bitch wouldn't gear her."...This is NOT a one-night stand...look at the moon...the stars...the whole setting...this...this-this is a DISASTER!!!"
"You're going hysterical, Jubes..." a blurry-eyed Logan whispered, right before slumping on something and slipping out of her grasp. He fell on the floor and conveniently passed out, since he somehow had hit his head on a bench behind them.
At the same time, an oblivious, lost-in-The-Land-Of-Cupids-And-Candy-Hearts Bobby kissed his love goodnight and watched her as she disappeared behind a door leading to the passengers' cabins indoors.
Jubilee bolted herself at Iceman and shoved him bossily on the grating bars, giving him a straight order.
"Go after her NOW, follow her into her room and have kinky sex with her, TONIGHT!" she imitated her best Cyclops tone.
"No, Jubes, what are you talking about?" an astounded Bobby responded with surprise over her sudden appearance, reaction, and nature of her order. "Evita's not some cheap fuck!" Then looking to the direction from where Evita left, he drifted back into his lovestruck daydreaming: "She's the woman I had spent my life looking for, the mate I was born to marry someday, the-"
"NO! You are NOT serious about this!" poor Jubilee was in clear denial.
"Did you know she was a nurse before quitting because her mutation manifested?" Robert L. Drake was lost for good. Evita's Bitch was born in his place.
"NO!" Too bad Logan wasn't awake to point out to Jubes that she was going hysterical again.
"I know, cause I haven't told you until now. And do you know how much she adores animals...?"
"NOOO!" Jubilee's voice had now reached the pitchness of a Gremlin's voice.
"Jubes, have you been drinking? I could swear I can smell alcohol in your breath..."
Could Logan's dog-breath possibly reach so far? Must be his newest mutant ability.
That way Jubilee was reminded of Logan's place in the whole story. By the morning he would come to his senses and would kick Popsicle's ass until he renounced all women from his life. So she just bid Bobby goodnight and took Wolvie to his cabin, waiting for the next morning with a devilish gleam in her eyes. That was until she drifted to sleep as well, at least.
Her Wolvie would arrive the next morning like a dragon in shining armour and split up the Good Knight from the vicious Damsel in Distress.
Logan woke up in agony from the nightmare that tormented him, his claws instantly extracting themselves from the knuckle area. He had that hideous dream again. In it, Osama Bin Laden was dressed in a mermaid costume, full with shells as a bra and all that, and he was blowing kisses to him while sitting on the top of an iceberg.
Logan felt a presence in the room and instantly went for the stab, but the reminder of how much of a cliche that action would be prevented him from stabbing poor, sleeping Jubilee in the gut.
The girl had apparently slept over the covers next to him last night.
He would wake her up to find out what exactly happened, but not before getting up, visiting the bathroom, freshing himself up and putting some hair gel on his big hairy "ears" to keep them in their usual shape and pointy as ever. He then proceeded to put on some aftershave (though he didn't shave) as cologne, one of a rather earthly odour... The specific aftershave was his "special little secret", his way of looking and smelling like an animalistic babe-magnet without actually having to be as icky as a feral guy like him should be.
He then tucked himself under the covers again, in order to pretend that he always looked (and smelt) fresh like that every time he awakened. Finally, he poked Jubilee and pretended to sleepily rub his eyes as he asked her:
"What are ya doin' here, kid? Got yourself locked out of your room or somethin'?"
"Uh? Mo-Mommy? The bad fish is going after me...I don't wanna go to work...not even if you force me, just let me sleep here in peace, k? I'm calling sick as soon as I wake up when I feel like it...HEY!!! My Mommy ain't so hairy...!" She rubbed her eyes in respect, washing the blurriness away "...Wolvie?"
"Being having nightmares, kid?" Logan asked in amusement.
"Yeah...it...it...was horrible! My mom wanted to force me to go to my job, but I didn't like it cause I was an orca instructor, and it wasn't really my mommy, but an Arabian looking guy in a mermaid costume and he was sitting on a piece of ice, and-"
"Oh no, stop that already! I wanna hear no more!" Logan interrupted a startled Jubilee from her rumbling, wincing at the idea of the whole concept. "What were you doing in my room in the first place?"
"You got drunk like a dizzy deer last night, so I brought you here and fell asleep right after-but that's NOT the important part, cause you won't believe what I saw last night while walking you back here..."
"Let me guess... DID YOU SEE NICOLE KIDMAN?!?!" he said in one over-enthusiastic mouthful.
"...Noooope." she responded, giving him an odd look. «Why should I?"
"Poop. Nothing. Just can't give up my hopes..." he sure was into redheads. Earlier experiences had proven it.
"Back to our topic. You still wanna guess what I saw last night?"
"...WAS IT GILLIAN ANDERSON? DID YOU SEE GILLIAN ANDERSON UP CLOSE?" he yelled in a huge expecting grin, grabbing Jubilee by the shoulders and shaking her violently. Yes, he was a slut for redheads.
"Hey, let go!" she shouted in despair and as he released her, she added: "No. I saw Roseanne Barre in lingerie."
"Ewwwwwww!!!"
"Just kidding! I saw no celeb last night. It was something bad, actually. I saw Bobby with a WOMAN! Can you believe it?"
Logan just stood stupefied.
"Is that all? You know kid, no matter how much everyone insists so, Drake isn't really gay...so seeing him with a lady is perfectly natural and should be no surprise to you..."
He suddenly stopped babbling, as he gasped and his eye bulbs almost poked out from their sockets in realisation...and terror.
"OH HELL! NO!" He had finally understood what Jubilee had wanted to point out to him from the very beginning of this conversation.
"Hell yeah. That bitch is the bride from Hell, after all." Jubilee had to add sarcastically.
"Is it...serious? You know, is he in love with her?"
"The Hell he is. You have to see the woman to actually understand. He thinks she's the love of his life...no one-night stands and such shit. They're acting like Romeo and Fucking Juliet. And from the looks of it, she's the worst kind of woman to ever bump into!"
"What's so wrong with that woman? Maybe it's just a little harmless crush...he might be over her in a flash."
"No, he won't. I told you have to look at her to believe it. Ice Cube told me that she had been a nurse. Like-"
"Like Annie? Shit!"
"That's the least of our troubles. The lady's got green hair, can you believe it? A full cruise boat of colourful mutants, and he had to pick the git with the GREEN HAIR!"
"...Uh-Oh..." the world famous expression had taken a whole new meaning with Logan's accompanying semi-growl.
"Exactly. Green hair like the ones that bitch Polaris has." she said in ever-growing panic. "And the worst of all...she's wearing skull earrings and huge pants!"
"Uh?" now Wolverine had lost her.
"Oh. I guess you don't know anything about the infamous Opal Tanaka. You really never heard of her?"
"Nah. Who's the gal?"
"Bobby's ex. The worst of all. Worse than Annie and Lorna combined. Worse than Storm when locked up in a chest."
"Oh..."
"Worse than the Blob in an unguarded kitchen."
"Shit. I see..."
"Worse than Colin Farrell when he hasn't got laid for a week."
"I SAID I SEE! I GET YOUR FRIGGIN' POINT! CAN YOU CUT THOSE EXAMPLES OUT PLEASE AND GET ON WITH THE STORY?!?"
"Uh...Okay..." Jubilee fought back the hurt from the unexpected yelling, since she knew that Logan was right. The situation was bad enough without her painful examples. "...So, she's really bad! And that Evita chick is those three ex-girlfriends combined and maybe even worse! We can't afford Bobby-boy weeping over another chick, much more SUCH a chick! You have to stop them!"
"You don't expect me to beat the boy out of his affection for the lady? That would only ensure him being hurt and would probably make him angstier than before, not to mention the grudge he would hold against me...the prank war he would unleash on me would last for years!"
"Awww Wolvie, that's so compassionate of you..."Jubilee said cooingly, probably in sarcasm. "...but yeah, that's what I expected you to do."
"You shouldn't. The whole point is to keep him safe from another emotional disaster. Getting the woman to break up with him would only make it worse."
"You got your point there. So we have to make him wanna break up with her. Can we make her fall in his eyes so that he will eventually dump her?" Jubilee, being a teenage girl, had an immense experience in mischievous plotting in breaking couples up, and that experience was now proving useful. She had grown up in a place full of hormone-crazed teens after all.
"That could be possible and appropriate. How can we do that without involving her cheating on Icicle?" Wolverine was always looking into every tiny detail, like only a truly inspired leader would.
"Getting to meet her and knowing her. This way we can use all of our knowledge of her against her and make her look like a total loser in his eyes!"
"You rock kid!" Logan responded eyes gleaming in enthusiasm, as they exchanged a a high-five.
Then they exited the cabin, rubbing their hands mischievously.
A brand new day, full of malevolent plotting, intrigue and couple-breaking was ahead of them, and they intended to make the best of it.