Robbie woke up in agony.
He had that dream again. Osama Bin Laden was sitting on top of an iceberg as he blew naughty kisses towards him.
Once in a while, his hands were travelling down to his body and stroked his fish-tail, since he was dressed as a mermaid. Glitter was applied all over his dark face.
At least the dream always lasted a few minutes. And Robbie was really good at waking up quickly enough to skip the worse parts of his nightmares.
As his breathing pace slowly returned to normal, Robbie glanced around to investigate his whereabouts.
Evita's room.
The skulls on the home-made curtain she had put over the small round window-thingy on the ship's wall was enough to ensure him about that.
Evita was lying next to him on the bed, her wonderful green hair sprawled all over the place and covering most of her face.
So they had slept together.
Just slept though. No sex had occurred, from what he remembered. But they had been intimate enough to make him confident that this woman was the one made for him. Like special pre-ordered delivery or something.
But why didn't they have sex? She was all for that, as Robbie could remember...
"Maybe I can't remember what happened cause I'm freshly out of sleep" he thought, subconsciously trying to comfort himself.
He would just go to sleep again. And after he had woken up again, then he would try to remember.
Logan walked hastily to the room where Jubilee had told him to meet her in the distress call she made to him. His haste didn't have anything to do with the fact that Jubilee could be in danger, but it was due to the ugly rabid groupie that began following him around since he popped up through her toilet last night.
That Kate girl sure wouldn't be stopped by any violent means. He had tried threatening her but she just squirmed in excitement and pointed out how hot he was when he was angry.
So here he was now, trying to find the girl he was protecting and that desperate groupie was already stalking him around.
You know, if she was anything good to look at, Logan could have given her a quickie so that she would be satisfied enough to leave him in peace.
But that woman was the beautician's nightmare. Washed out red hair, pimples all over her face (and not only there, from what Logan could say) and a butt ugly face that had scared him as well when he popped up into her bathroom after hours of finding his way in the ship's sewer system.
You know, normally Logan was totally into redheads, but this one was something he would NEVER like to be into. Not in any meaning of the words.
And that creature was haunting him in every single step for the last few hours, begging him for attention, salivating after his smooth walking and broad shoulders. What a pain in the ass!
As he finally reached the cabin that Jubes had told him to meet her, he found out that the door was already half-open. He gave a half-growl, realising that must have been the cabin of Jubes' date.
Kate squirmed sensually at hearing his growl, and half-jerked her hips in arousal.
Being reminded of the groupie's presence, Logan decided to act swiftly. He quickly lashed inside the cabin and closed the door on Kate's face, locking her outside.
Ignoring his groupie's protests and desperate knocking, he turned around and walked further inside. The sight in front of his eyes was, for the lack of a better word, shocking.
Jack awakened to the growling sounds that someone was making above his head. Without really opening his eyes and betraying to the others present that he was awake, he found out that he was tied to his bed.
Oooow, kinky. That girl Jubilee was surely into S/M stuff. But wait, he couldn't remember having sex with her. The last thing he remembered of last night was showing her around his room while having a few drinks, then her complaining about him not showing her to his lab, then...nothing.
"You did anything with that guy? Want me to gut him?" a growly voice came from a few metres beside him. It seemed that the growly man from the bar was there and was talking to Jubilee. What was his business here?
"No, Wolvie. Relax. I did NOT have sex with the guy, if that's what you mean."
"KID! You've spent the night in another man's room! You really want me to believe it's just a sleepover with a girlfriend of yours?"
As the blurriness from Jack's eyes began to retrieve itself, he started to recognise the man that was looking after Jubilee. He had seen him somewhere before. But where?
"Relax, Wolvie. I drugged the guy last evening and he has been sleeping ever since. I'm just worried cause he was supposed to have awakened by now, that's why I made that distress call."
Jubilee drugged him? That explained everything. She must have spiked his whiskey last night. But why? Why would such a sweet girl do that?
"You drugged the boy? Why?" Jack's fair questions were echoed in the growly man's voice.
"I need something from him. I was using him all the time. There is something that he has and we both need it in order to avoid getting our butts kicked by the Phoenix once we get back to the mansion."
"He can help us with the Evita problem? Is that what you mean? But, how?" Logan said somewhat excitingly.
"He's a scientist. I found out about him while reading one of Hank's science magazines back home. His name's Jack Evans and he had invented an android with great potential to solve our Robbie problem!"
Jack couldn't help glaring his eyes open upon hearing this. That filthy wench had used him, selling love to him in order to get to his 'child'.
"You filthy bitch! You used me!!! You're nothing more that a simple prostitute!"
"Hey-hey, he's awake after all!" the growly man pointed out with amusement.
"Listen...we have to make him tell us where his secret lab is...it must be around here, but I wasn't able to find a secret door or something. The Seductress 3000 is in there!" Jubilee seemed so dedicated to the cause that she even ignored Jack's badmouthing to her.
"The Seductress 3000? What kind of android is that?" Wolverine asked, as this whole situation was leaving him dumbfounded. This time he had to get all the available information before going on.
"She's an android...a cyborg to be more specific. She's especially designed to seduce people. Bored wives can use it on their husband in order to get a well-paid divorce. It looks so much like a real woman that nobody can resist. Never mind the programming that has given the Seductress a thousand different methods to seduce men. She can get our Bobby unstuck from that green-haired bitch in a glitch!"
"Sounds capable enough to me...! But I have to warn you...Evita has some rather powerful mutant powers that can screw up our plan. She seems to sport some kind of Longshot's powers..." Logan finally exclaimed, happy to have gathered all the information needed, for once, but also concerned of the plan's welfare.
"So, she's incredibly lucky?" Jubilee questioned in agitation. If that woman was so lucky she would have snatched Brad Pitt instead of Bobby Drake.
"Nah, she just jinxes the people around her...especially people like us, who want to harm her. What I'm trying to say is, the plan might not work out as we want to."
"The Seductress is not a person...it's a robot! The wench won't be able to affect it if it's an inanimate thing!" Jubilee gasped happily at the clever thing she had just thought up.
"This is good reasoning...It might work, after all! So, where is the damn robot?"
"In his lab, probably...We have to make him tell us where the lab is...We need the Seductress as soon as possible, and we should even use violent methods to make him spill the beans if all else fails!" she said, pointing at Jack mischievously.
"I hope you didn't call me here in order to beat the shit out of the poor, manipulated guy...cause I won't do it."
"I don't think you'll need to... We can always blackmail him into telling us!"
"I won't talk bitch! I could have lent you the Seductress if you had asked nicely, but now I'd rather die than see her in your pretentious, two-faced hands!!!" Jack made his point clear by hacking and spitting at her direction upon finishing this sentence. However his spit-gobble only reached as far as his feet, and splashed gloriously on his left big toe.
"You wouldn't have given her to me!!! I was ready to put out for you and you haven't even showed me to your lab, you sneaky bastard! I bet you just wanted to bone me and dump me!!!" Jubilee yelled hysterically.
"Relax, kid... let's stick to the plan instead of falling into obscenities...what's the method you propose we should use...to make him spill the beans?" Logan intervened soothingly.
"While searching his room for a secret switch or something...I bumped onto something very interesting...and useful." she said with an evil grin as she walked towards Jack's wardrobe. She opened it slowly and pulled out a stash of colourful magazines.
"What are these?" Logan questioned as he watched in terror Jubilee's eyes lighting up in fiery malice.
"Listen Jack..." she called out to the poor guy tied to the bed, "...either you tell us where this damned lab of yours is, or you'll have to watch us as we rip all of your Playgirl's one-by-one!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Jack exclaimed in panic. "NOT THE ONE WITH RICK THE GREEK!!!"
"Oh, how nice of you to inform me, now THAT one will be the first to be ripped...hey Logan, wanna help me out with those claws of yours?"
"Logan...?" Jack's eyes beamed in recognition. The current presence of the Playgirls also helped him combine all of the loose pieces of information in his mind and finally form the memory of the growly man he was trying to recall all that time.
"You're Logan!!!" he yelled happily at Wolverine.
"Yeah, that's my name. Is there anything you know that I don't know?" Logan was so sick of all the situations where he would bump onto people from his past that would happen to know more about him than what he knew. "Just remind me what you know of my past and get over with it." he said indifferently.
"You're James Logan, Playgirl's Issue # 14, Mr. April 1973!!!"
"Huh?" both Logan and Jubes asked in unison.
"Yeah! You're the guy who posed for Playgirl back at '73! Damn hot! That was the issue that made the magazine go national! That issue is a collector's Chimera right now!" Jack said in excitement. He had met the wet dream of thousands of women (and men) since the 70's! After the issue's success, the model named "James Logan" was never to be found again, so he had become somewhat of a legendary sex symbol at those early press days. "Oh man, I'm so excited to meet you in person!"
"Don't be." Logan looked at him with cold eyes. Then he lashed at the Playgirls on Jubilee's hands with his deadly claws and ripped them to a thousand little pieces. A cloud of little pieces of paper surrounded Jubilee and the poor girl coughed her lungs out, as she had inhaled some of the damn paper.
"NOOOOOOO!!! MY PLAYGIRLS!!!!" Jack cried out and tried to get away from the ropes binding him on his bed. Of course he didn't manage to even loose them up a little. So he just began crying at that terrible loss in his sexual life.
Jubilee also began to stain her cheeks with tears, not because of sympathy for her victim, but because she had almost choked on a cloud of ripped paper. As she managed to get her breath back, she didn't lose time and started to talk to Jack again.
"See, Jack? Now, spill the beans, or else the Playgirls remaining in your closet will suffer the same fate." she warned him, hoping that he would budge this time.
"What? There are more of them in the closet?" Logan yelled in panic. If he really had posed for Playgirl back at the time he had no memories from, then those issues should be utterly destroyed. And they should be destroyed yesterday.
So he just walked over to the open closet and threw his cigar on the remaining stash. Porn magazines must be really flammable, because the fire that popped up quickly consumed every single inch of paper in the closet...and everything else in there as well.
"AAAAAARGHHHHH!!!" Jack acted as if he was the one on fire, instead of those useless pieces of paper. "YOU KILLED MY BABIEEES!!!" he yelled accusingly at Wolverine.
Logan just looked at him with a cool smile, and then got himself another cigar from his pocket and lighted it.
"Way to go, Wolvie. Now what will we blackmail him with?"
"We don't have to wait for him to tell us where his damned lab lies. I can sniff it from here, you know." Logan said while walking over to the west wall of the rather big cabin. He sniffed again and then leaned his head against the wall. "The lab's right through this wall, darling."
"Don't 'darling' me, Wolvie! How the hell are we gonna find the secret switch for that wall to get outta the way?"
snickt
"Oh, I see" she added in realisation.
"You always forget about the adamantium, girl." Logan taunted as he slashed his way through the wall and created himself a nice triangular door that seemed to lead to some stairs.
"Ladies first" he told her pointing at the newly created door, and Jubes accepted his kind offer, worried that Logan wouldn't go first and scout his way in there.
As she helped herself into the lab door, Logan took advantage of the few seconds he had alone with Jack to stick his tongue out to the man tied to the bed.
"You won't get away with this!!!" Jack promised to him as menacingly as a man tied to a bed with a pink fuzzy rope could sound.
"Damn my luck!" Kate exclaimed while kicking on the unknown door for a last time. That door was parting her from the man of her dreams. As pissed as she was for being away from him right now, she still had to thank fate for that little break from Logan, as it gave her the chance to think clearly for a second (after all, Wolverine's musk was intoxicating and wouldn't allow her to think as a sane person).
"I will need some assistance in this." she said to herself, but that was said out loud and a maid that was passing by looked at her like she was nuts or something.
Kate picked up her cell phone and quickly formed a number she knew very well. She placed the cell phone by her left ear, but it prickled the pimple infestation on it and she had to switch ears.
"Just wait until the girls at the club hear about this..." she thought to herself in excitement.
"Robbie, my dear..."
"Yes, sweetheart?" Robbie responded with slavish devotion to Evita's words, as he lied on their bed with his head nestled under one of her armpits.
"Wanna go to the Lounge Bar tonight? I heard that Dazzler is singing tonight...one-night-only." the woman who had enslaved him shamelessly pointed out without actually waiting for a positive answer. After all, Robbie's obedience to her word was for granted by now.
"Sure, I'd like that." he said, leaving her with a grin of bossy satisfaction on her face. He wouldn't dare say "No", anyway.
"Now, what about getting our asses out of this bed and going to get ourselves something to eat, huh?" Evita proposed, even now without actually waiting for an answer. As soon as she had finished her words, she had got up and was getting herself dressed up, while Robbie had to deal with the loss of her warm body under his head.
"C'mon, get up! We haven't got all day!" she yelled bossily.
Robbie got up, instantly killing the slightest urge to mumble. Such things only happened to married couples that spent years together.
That thought gave him an idea that struck him like a lightning does on an old barn.
He should marry her.
And what better place or time to propose to your girlfriend than a cruising boat in the middle of the summer? Sun glowing through the sides of her hair, salty wind stroking her delicate features as she starts crying and yells: "YES!!! I would be honoured to be your wife!"
"Are you day-dreaming again? God, one would think that you can never sleep enough! " her sarcastic comment utterly disrupted his romantic trail of thoughts.
So Robbie just reached for his sandals, as he began thinking about the ring's right size and how would he meet Evita to his parents.
As he activated his cell phone, he got himself to listen to a recorded message from an earlier call that he missed, since his cellular was turned off all morning.
"Hello, Mr.Robert Drake, we're calling you from the 'Finders Keepers' radio show! If you had responded to that call, you would have instantly won a date with Uma Thurman as a prize! Well, we're sorry. Better luck next time..." an irritatingly friendly voice came a bit electronic from the other side of the line.
"Hell! Talk about bad luck...that message has been sent like, three minutes ago..." he thought to himself, pissed at the massive exhibition of bad luck that his fate had showed off at him with... "Well, I've got Evita, so who cares about Uma Thurman in the first place!" he tried to console himself and eventually succeeded.
He couldn't possibly know that missing this call was no coincidence at all...it was the first sign of the bad karma that was about to come, as a side effect of him being close to that woman...