Lola was really pissed off.
Michelle was equally pissed off.
Those madmen had abducted them from their own cabins tied them up and locked them in some kind of chopper, for no apparent reason.
They were also terribly bored. Those bastards had left them tied up, so they couldn't move their hands and have a little chat with each other while waiting for someone to show up.
Yup, there were certainly some major handicaps for mute girls like them.
If they weren't mutes, they would be able to chat as much as they want.
But wait, no. They wouldn't. Those stupid ape men had also muffled the poor mute girls. So even if they weren't mutes, they would be unable to chat at that particular time.
What's the point in muffling two mute girls, anyway?
"Are you okay?" Bobby asked with concern on his voice at a bedazzled Jubilee. She seemd to have gotten dizzy from all the fighting.
Bobby had to freeze the magazine that had been the purpose for all the fighting and chip it into little pieces for the fight to calm down. Of course the insane Wolverine groupies had wanted Bobby's ass for destroying the last remaining issue of April 1973, but as soon as they were informed that they were all going to die within 30 minutes they forgot all about the stupid porn magazine.
So Bobby and Jubes sent the W.O.L.F. members to spread the word around the ship about the forthcoming explosion ,and also tell everyone to gather at the upper deck if they wanted to escape the ship before it went boom.
Soon, a really huge bunch of panicky mutants was flooding the decks, desperate for salvation. The especially designed boats were filled and released in practically no time, leaving many frustrated mutants still on the boat.
Thankfully, Bobby had been wise enough to use his powers at the maximum and create a really huge iceberg next to the ship, big enough to comfort all those who hadn't made it to the boats.
An ice bridge connected the iceberg to the ship for easier access to the lifesaving piece of ice. The people that had been partying back at "Rectum's" ball masque were the first to get on the iceberg, and of everyone currently present, only Bobby and Jubilee managed to recognise the man who got first of all on the iceberg and comfortably sat on the higher point of its icy peak.
The man had a dark complexion and was dressed in a skimpy mermaid suit (the ball masque was in a gay bar, remember?). Glitter was covering most of his body, but Bobby and Jubes managed to see through the disguise and make who he was.
It was Osama Bin Laden.
They looked at each other with a really shocked expression, the one that everyone else in their shoes would have if a dream that they had was actually proven to be a premonition.
Bin Laden was in clear discomfort about his predicament, but he tried to stay in character (the one of a happy drag queen) and began blowing small kisses to everyone around him.
Both Jubes and Bobby knew that they couldn't go hunting after Osama right now, as this action would put back their plans of evacuating the boat and could cost the lives of all those people on the iceberg. So they let him get away with it for the time being.
As soon as everyone was comfortable on the iceberg and the boat was really deserted, Jubilee shoot some of her plasmoids on the iceberg's bridge, making it break and pushing the iceberg away from the soon-to-explode-ship.
Now both Bobby and Jubilee stood all alone and considered their options. All the lifesaving little boats were far away by now. The iceberg was also gone, and the W.O.L.F. members were the last to enter it, carrying the limp bodies of Evita and Lorna with them as well. That meant that nobody else remained on the ship except for the two of them, Wolverine and the guys from F.o.H. and Al Qaeda who passed out in the lounge.
"How are we going to escape this death-trap, Icicle? Wolvie has his healing factor, but I don't think we could stand a major explosion like this as well. C'mon, think of something, we haven't got all time!!" Jubilee said, somewhat frustrated at her own lack of ideas.
"We have less than 10 minutes, to be exact. He would have no problem jumping off the ship; we're not gonna drown or something. I'm the Iceman, remember? I can freeze the surface of the sea and walk us to the shores."
"Are you nuts?!? I'm so NOT gonna walk all the way from here to Spain on frozen water! Get your freezing head to WORK, mister!"
"Well, we don't have to walk to Spain, you know. The Canary Islands are really close to the ship right now...and I could use an ice-slide till there since it's not that far away."
"I'd rather find a safer way than walking on the sea's surface for miles, thank you." Jubilee protested again. A small scratching noise drew her attention then.
She looked at her left, then at her right. Nothing in sight.
She turned her head towards Bobby again, but then felt the scratching again. Something was scratching at her foot.
She looked down at once and saw Fluffy, the karate-bunny scratching her shoe and looking up to her pleadingly.
"I know that what I'm going to say feels like a cliche, but I think it wants us to follow it." Bobby shared his point of view.
"I don't think that we should trust this bunny so easily. It's evil."
"C'mon, let's go. I really think we should follow it; do you think a single bunny can plot a human trap or something?"
"Yeah." Jubes said with a pout.
"Now you're just being childlike." he said as he grabbed her arm and half-dragged her with him, following the bunny with haste.
"Now you're just talking like your girlfriend back there."
"Evita? She's not my girlfriend anymore."
"I guessed so. I mean, after you let her alone on that iceberg and all. And not taking her side against Lorna earlier. So you're gonna hook up with Lorna again?"
"..."
"C'mon talk to me, Bob...wait a minute. Can I call you Bobby again? Or you'll stick with Robbie now that you think Bobby is "childlike"?"
"Eeeer...I'll take none of them. Call me Robert for now."
"Eeeeew! I liked the names that bitch was calling you MUCH better."
"Robert is the name I was actually given, you know. Bobby is the name I had back at the mansion. It represents my life with the X-Men, my goofball behaviour ack there, my miserable love-life..."
"...while Robbie represents a higher plane of your existence? Was being with Evita something that gave you a better meaning in life?" she interrupted with visible irony.
"Robbie was just the name Evita had baptised me with. Robbie was the man with no particular past who was spending a really good time on a cruising boat. And he just happened to also have a new girlfriend on board. And that's all that it was. The cruise is over, and Robbie is presumed dead."
"And he WILL be dead, if we don't get our asses outta this ship as soon as possible! Where is that bunny taking-heeeey! You're no Robbie anymore? Didn't you use to love Evita and wanted to marry her? What happened to that?"
"When Lorna -representative of my life back home- barged in and fought with Evita, I realised I couldn't become Robbie. My past would come back for me no matter how much I tried to change. I don't mean that mutant haters or super villains would come after me at the home I would share with Evita, but a past's a past and I can't move on without remembering it. I didn't love Evita, but the idea of getting away from everything. From Bobby Drake, tortured member of the X-Men with no private life. I have to embrace who I was before in order to have the chance to make a difference. I didn't need to be with Lorna OR Evita."
"So, you're telling me that Lorna barging in the ship made you un-love Evita...but not because you were willing to get back to Lorna? Is that it? You just see an ex and -puff! - You can say you don't want your current girlfriend, but not your ex either? Do you expect me to believe this crap? You're not Bobby, you're not Robbie, and you're Robert the crap-philosopher?!? GET A GRIP!"
Jubilee had managed to see through Bobby's excuses... because Bobby had blushed like a healthy tomato at the time...
"So what is it? Why did you dump Evita, huh? Speak up! I wanna know this before I die!"
Bobby blushed deeper. "Well, I had sex with Evita this noon..."
"...yeah? And?"
"She's horrible at bed." he said, turning his head to the opposite direction.
"Hah! Should have known! All men are the same! You're all sluts! Only base your relationships on sex-sex-sex!"
"Shush! I think I can tell where this bunny has taken us.."
"Don't change a subject on me!!!"
"...it's our way out of the ship!" Bobby added in content.
"Yaaayyyy!!!" Jubilee forgot all about slutty Bobby as she realised she wouldn't be forced to walk on ice for some miles today...or alternatively watch a huge explosion from a fatally close point of view.
"Look! Must be the chopper the F.o.H. captain was talking about! The one with the innocent humans inside!"
Jubilee opened the sliding door to the innards of the chopper, and Bobby walked inside and saw the two known faces of the bimbos that had ignored his flirting some days earlier.
"Hey! Those are the mutes the captain was talking about? I never realised those girls were mutes!" he said in surprise.
Lola and Michelle would have commented something on his stupidity, but they couldn't "talk" due to their restraints and even if they could they were too happy that they had been discovered to nag on their saviour.
Logan stood proudly above the slashed remains of the Pamela-Anderson-looking Seductress 3000. That robo-bitch wasn't a threat for the Canary Islands anymore. Hell, she barely was a threat for Logan. He slashed through her inner mechanisms within the first five seconds of their battle. It seemed that those cyborgs were designed and programmed for far more intricate actions than close combat.
He had turned the wheel in such a position that would lead the ship as far as possible from the closest islands and the iceberg that he saw being created by Popsicle at the back of the ship. Too bad that stupid bisexual scientist Jack wasn't around to see his creation destroyed.
Or was he?
"Way to go, Logan" Jack said, as he suddenly appeared and held a weird-looking weapon to Logan's direction.
Logan growled and prepared to attack, but Jack nodded at him not to.
"One shot of this especially designed weapon will be enough to take your powers away for an hour or so. And I really think you'll need that healing factor of yours when the explosives go off, right?"
"You have lost the game already, Jack. What do you want of me now?"
"Wish I knew. I could turn that wheel back towards the closest island, but even if it reaches them it won't be enough of a message to the world. You're right; I might just shoot you and get over with it. Make someone pay for all of this."
Logan was out of options now. He had to think quickly if he wanted to survive this situation; Jack wasn't the kind of guy that would bluff. The Seductress' intricate mechanisms proved that he was also capable of inventing a gun that neutralises mutant powers for some given time.
He had to think about the enemy's weaknesses. This was his only chance to provoke a distraction and save his ass. Then something flashed in his mind; all these Playgirls. Jack's praises to his hotness. Yeah, the enemy had the hots for him. Not so much that he wouldn't bear his death, but he could still lust after him.
With one mighty strike, Logan ripped off his tight wife beater and exposed Jack to some excellent eye-candy.
The sight of the hottest man on earth's rippling abs and mighty pecs was somewhat overwhelming for poor old Jack. He felt overexcited and dizzy. He began coming back to his senses, but it was far too late; Logan had taken advantage of these few seconds of weakness and had sliced his mutant-neutralising gun open. He was helpless now, so all he could do was glare a bit more at Logan's hot and rippling torso.
That eye-candy lasted only a few minutes, because Logan grabbed Jack and threw him overboard.
A few seconds later everything went blank, as the ship exploded and sent Logan flying on the air.
The mute girls named Lola and Michelle looked with mortification at the big explosion below them. Then they gripped harder at Bobby's lap, where they had been resting for the last few minutes.
"Lookidat big boom!" Lola hastily said to her comrade. "Thank god this kind guy came in the chopper and got us away from that doomed ship!"
"Yeah. Even if the ship wasn't going down ,who knows what the captain and his thugs had in store for us once they got back! This absolute cutie saved our speechless hides, without even holding a grudge for us not responding to his flirting the other day! He's a doll!"
They felt such a huge gratitude for the man that had saved their lives in the nick of time. Too bad he couldn't understand the mute language when they tried to communicate with him.
An adorable white bunny also rested beside their feet, obviously exhausted from that tiring night that was close to ending.
"You think Logan will be okay?" Jubilee asked Bobby in concern. She was sitting on the pilot's seat and doing the stuff a pilot should do. But she wasn't enjoying as much as she should, because she was thinking of Logan.
"He said the explosion couldn't harm him. I believe him." he murmured before drifting off to sleep. The mute bimbos were not sleeping however; they just gawked at their saviour's cute characteristics.
"Uh-oh, I think old 'Robert' will soon be getting himself some groupies..." Jubes thought to herself as she kept piloting the chopper towards the sunrise.
Logan woke up, feeling wetness around him.
It pretty much made sense, since he was on the sea's surface.
"Damn!" He thought. "That explosion must have really set me flying far away!" looking around, he could see no remains of the ship. Only a big mattress that was sailing on the surface, a good few meters away from him.
He had to swim to it and grab it, if he didn't want to go sown with the fish within the next few minutes. You see, the bad thing with his adamantium laced skeleton was that it was damn too heavy for him to stay on the water's surface for long. So he just had to hold on to something. That mattress seemed perfect.
He swiftly swam to it and got a grip on the left side of the mattress. A woman's body was lying on it. A survivor from the explosion, perhaps?
The lying woman was awake, as she turned around and gave him a huge smile; it was Kate!
"Aaaargh!!!" Logan screamed in surprise. He was trapped in the middle of the ocean with the last woman he would choose to be with; the ugly-as-hell wench that followed him around and had the nerve to try and seduce him!
"BABY! I knew that you wouldn't leave me here! So I can forgive you for what you've done. Come here and let me kiss you, hot lips!!"
Logan remained speechless and backed off. He ended up splashing in the water, but he was still hanging from the edge of the mattress.
Kate brought her hands up to where his were and tried to bring him up by grabbing them and pulling on them. He wouldn't budge, however.
"No! Baby, you can't die on me...!"
Logan considered his options...apparent death at the bottom of the ocean or being deserted in the middle of the aforementioned ocean with the ugliest bitch ever?
"...not now that we are back together!!!"
Agonising death all the way.
Logan imitated the best Leo Di Caprio Titanic death scene that he could and slowly let his hands go out of reach for Kate. He slowly slipped into the water, ignoring her cries and wailing.
When his ears were too underwater, he felt happy that he couldn't listen to her anymore.
As he kept his descent to the depths of the ocean, Logan was beginning to lose consciousness. Air was escaping his lungs, and no new air would come to replace it.
But then he felt two pairs of delicate hands stroking his own hands and back.
A pretty redhead face came in front of his and kissed him without asking.
Then Logan felt fresh air filling his lungs, and he managed to look better at the creature in front of him.
It was a mermaid! A really gorgeous mermaid with big boobs, a fish tail and red hair that was pointing at all directions in the water.
Next to him there was another mermaid. She also was a redhead and she looked a bit like the other one. She was smiling welcomingly at him.
The two otherworldly creatures dragged Logan further into the dark territories of the uncharted depths.
EPILOGUE (Uh oh...!)
Bobby Drake, using the escaping chopper, ended up in Iceland, along with the two indebted mute bimbos, Lola and Michelle. There, both girls confessed that they had fallen hard for him. So, he converted into Islam, so that he could marry both of them, and made himself a little harem.
Now, you can imagine how sweet life can be when you're a guy married to TWO hot chicks who are also unable to talk and therefore mumble, grumble, nag at you like most wives do. So the three of them, like a happy family, spent an equally happy life with lots of kids from both women. Thus, Bobby was somewhat repaid for his horrid love life up till then.
What a lucky guy!
Jubilee, crushed from Logan's disappearance and having found a new perspective on men after her disastrous affair with Jack, went off to Holland. There, she became a very successful pimp for male prostitutes.
She became devastatingly rich and she eventually bought the Playgirl magazine, for which all the male X-Men posed in the very next issue, which was an "X-Mas special".
Jubilee is currently living in Playgirl mansion. Fluffy the karate-bunny is her exclusive bodyguard.
Osama Bin Laden surprisingly avoided being arrested from the Spanish cops that recollected the survivors on the iceberg. The poor bastards apparently mistook him for a simple drag queen. However, Osama caught a cold from sitting semi-naked on a huge, freezing iceberg and died dishonourably within the next three days.
Jack swam up to the shores of the Canary Islands all by himself, and thus also avoided arrest. Unfortunately for him, the word about his robotic creations got out in the world, and inevitably reached the ears of the celebs he made his cyborgs look like. Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson sued him for messing up with their image. Yasmine Bleeth also set a detective on him, who discovered all of her stolen underwear in Jack's place.
Jack lost everything he had and he's currently a beggar residing in the streets of L.A.
Jean Grey was majorly pissed off. Bobby didn't return happy; he didn't return at all, to be more exact, since he ran off to Iceland with some mute bubbleheads. Jubilee also ran off to a European country and Logan was presumed dead. That means 0 out of three. That was NOT what she expected to come off this cruise. So, guess who was the one to pay for all of these? Yes, Lorna, since she was the only one to return from the cruise, and she wasn't even supposed to be their in the first place!
So, Lorna met her match in utter bitchiness.
Evita's further path in life isn't so clear, but she was once seen in Las Vegas and she was winning in Blackjack. Everyone around her was losing, of course.
Kate never got married. That was fortunate, because her genes weren't passed on.
After Logan's apparent demise, the organisation known as W.O.L.F. changed its function. They lanced a CD named "Tribute to Wolverine" that resembled the tributes to Notorious B.I.G., with the participation of stars like Eminem, Sarah Brightman and Diana Krall. It wasn't successful, because the people wouldn't believe that Wolverine was dead, and always said that he was hiding somewhere along with Elvis.
And Logan really wasn't dead. He had been dragged in an underwater kingdom inhabited by mermaids. There were no mermen in that kingdom, so the poor mermaids had to bring strong outlanders like Logan there and breed with them.
Logan spent the rest of his life in a cosy underwater apartment "fertilizing" mermaid hotties.
He was happy to oblige.
After all, all of those mermaids were redheads.
And we all know how Logan has a thing for redheads.
THE END
Phew, that was BIG!
At last, it's ended.
Now FEEDBACK, people! :-)
Michelle was equally pissed off.
Those madmen had abducted them from their own cabins tied them up and locked them in some kind of chopper, for no apparent reason.
They were also terribly bored. Those bastards had left them tied up, so they couldn't move their hands and have a little chat with each other while waiting for someone to show up.
Yup, there were certainly some major handicaps for mute girls like them.
If they weren't mutes, they would be able to chat as much as they want.
But wait, no. They wouldn't. Those stupid ape men had also muffled the poor mute girls. So even if they weren't mutes, they would be unable to chat at that particular time.
What's the point in muffling two mute girls, anyway?
"Are you okay?" Bobby asked with concern on his voice at a bedazzled Jubilee. She seemd to have gotten dizzy from all the fighting.
Bobby had to freeze the magazine that had been the purpose for all the fighting and chip it into little pieces for the fight to calm down. Of course the insane Wolverine groupies had wanted Bobby's ass for destroying the last remaining issue of April 1973, but as soon as they were informed that they were all going to die within 30 minutes they forgot all about the stupid porn magazine.
So Bobby and Jubes sent the W.O.L.F. members to spread the word around the ship about the forthcoming explosion ,and also tell everyone to gather at the upper deck if they wanted to escape the ship before it went boom.
Soon, a really huge bunch of panicky mutants was flooding the decks, desperate for salvation. The especially designed boats were filled and released in practically no time, leaving many frustrated mutants still on the boat.
Thankfully, Bobby had been wise enough to use his powers at the maximum and create a really huge iceberg next to the ship, big enough to comfort all those who hadn't made it to the boats.
An ice bridge connected the iceberg to the ship for easier access to the lifesaving piece of ice. The people that had been partying back at "Rectum's" ball masque were the first to get on the iceberg, and of everyone currently present, only Bobby and Jubilee managed to recognise the man who got first of all on the iceberg and comfortably sat on the higher point of its icy peak.
The man had a dark complexion and was dressed in a skimpy mermaid suit (the ball masque was in a gay bar, remember?). Glitter was covering most of his body, but Bobby and Jubes managed to see through the disguise and make who he was.
It was Osama Bin Laden.
They looked at each other with a really shocked expression, the one that everyone else in their shoes would have if a dream that they had was actually proven to be a premonition.
Bin Laden was in clear discomfort about his predicament, but he tried to stay in character (the one of a happy drag queen) and began blowing small kisses to everyone around him.
Both Jubes and Bobby knew that they couldn't go hunting after Osama right now, as this action would put back their plans of evacuating the boat and could cost the lives of all those people on the iceberg. So they let him get away with it for the time being.
As soon as everyone was comfortable on the iceberg and the boat was really deserted, Jubilee shoot some of her plasmoids on the iceberg's bridge, making it break and pushing the iceberg away from the soon-to-explode-ship.
Now both Bobby and Jubilee stood all alone and considered their options. All the lifesaving little boats were far away by now. The iceberg was also gone, and the W.O.L.F. members were the last to enter it, carrying the limp bodies of Evita and Lorna with them as well. That meant that nobody else remained on the ship except for the two of them, Wolverine and the guys from F.o.H. and Al Qaeda who passed out in the lounge.
"How are we going to escape this death-trap, Icicle? Wolvie has his healing factor, but I don't think we could stand a major explosion like this as well. C'mon, think of something, we haven't got all time!!" Jubilee said, somewhat frustrated at her own lack of ideas.
"We have less than 10 minutes, to be exact. He would have no problem jumping off the ship; we're not gonna drown or something. I'm the Iceman, remember? I can freeze the surface of the sea and walk us to the shores."
"Are you nuts?!? I'm so NOT gonna walk all the way from here to Spain on frozen water! Get your freezing head to WORK, mister!"
"Well, we don't have to walk to Spain, you know. The Canary Islands are really close to the ship right now...and I could use an ice-slide till there since it's not that far away."
"I'd rather find a safer way than walking on the sea's surface for miles, thank you." Jubilee protested again. A small scratching noise drew her attention then.
She looked at her left, then at her right. Nothing in sight.
She turned her head towards Bobby again, but then felt the scratching again. Something was scratching at her foot.
She looked down at once and saw Fluffy, the karate-bunny scratching her shoe and looking up to her pleadingly.
"I know that what I'm going to say feels like a cliche, but I think it wants us to follow it." Bobby shared his point of view.
"I don't think that we should trust this bunny so easily. It's evil."
"C'mon, let's go. I really think we should follow it; do you think a single bunny can plot a human trap or something?"
"Yeah." Jubes said with a pout.
"Now you're just being childlike." he said as he grabbed her arm and half-dragged her with him, following the bunny with haste.
"Now you're just talking like your girlfriend back there."
"Evita? She's not my girlfriend anymore."
"I guessed so. I mean, after you let her alone on that iceberg and all. And not taking her side against Lorna earlier. So you're gonna hook up with Lorna again?"
"..."
"C'mon talk to me, Bob...wait a minute. Can I call you Bobby again? Or you'll stick with Robbie now that you think Bobby is "childlike"?"
"Eeeer...I'll take none of them. Call me Robert for now."
"Eeeeew! I liked the names that bitch was calling you MUCH better."
"Robert is the name I was actually given, you know. Bobby is the name I had back at the mansion. It represents my life with the X-Men, my goofball behaviour ack there, my miserable love-life..."
"...while Robbie represents a higher plane of your existence? Was being with Evita something that gave you a better meaning in life?" she interrupted with visible irony.
"Robbie was just the name Evita had baptised me with. Robbie was the man with no particular past who was spending a really good time on a cruising boat. And he just happened to also have a new girlfriend on board. And that's all that it was. The cruise is over, and Robbie is presumed dead."
"And he WILL be dead, if we don't get our asses outta this ship as soon as possible! Where is that bunny taking-heeeey! You're no Robbie anymore? Didn't you use to love Evita and wanted to marry her? What happened to that?"
"When Lorna -representative of my life back home- barged in and fought with Evita, I realised I couldn't become Robbie. My past would come back for me no matter how much I tried to change. I don't mean that mutant haters or super villains would come after me at the home I would share with Evita, but a past's a past and I can't move on without remembering it. I didn't love Evita, but the idea of getting away from everything. From Bobby Drake, tortured member of the X-Men with no private life. I have to embrace who I was before in order to have the chance to make a difference. I didn't need to be with Lorna OR Evita."
"So, you're telling me that Lorna barging in the ship made you un-love Evita...but not because you were willing to get back to Lorna? Is that it? You just see an ex and -puff! - You can say you don't want your current girlfriend, but not your ex either? Do you expect me to believe this crap? You're not Bobby, you're not Robbie, and you're Robert the crap-philosopher?!? GET A GRIP!"
Jubilee had managed to see through Bobby's excuses... because Bobby had blushed like a healthy tomato at the time...
"So what is it? Why did you dump Evita, huh? Speak up! I wanna know this before I die!"
Bobby blushed deeper. "Well, I had sex with Evita this noon..."
"...yeah? And?"
"She's horrible at bed." he said, turning his head to the opposite direction.
"Hah! Should have known! All men are the same! You're all sluts! Only base your relationships on sex-sex-sex!"
"Shush! I think I can tell where this bunny has taken us.."
"Don't change a subject on me!!!"
"...it's our way out of the ship!" Bobby added in content.
"Yaaayyyy!!!" Jubilee forgot all about slutty Bobby as she realised she wouldn't be forced to walk on ice for some miles today...or alternatively watch a huge explosion from a fatally close point of view.
"Look! Must be the chopper the F.o.H. captain was talking about! The one with the innocent humans inside!"
Jubilee opened the sliding door to the innards of the chopper, and Bobby walked inside and saw the two known faces of the bimbos that had ignored his flirting some days earlier.
"Hey! Those are the mutes the captain was talking about? I never realised those girls were mutes!" he said in surprise.
Lola and Michelle would have commented something on his stupidity, but they couldn't "talk" due to their restraints and even if they could they were too happy that they had been discovered to nag on their saviour.
Logan stood proudly above the slashed remains of the Pamela-Anderson-looking Seductress 3000. That robo-bitch wasn't a threat for the Canary Islands anymore. Hell, she barely was a threat for Logan. He slashed through her inner mechanisms within the first five seconds of their battle. It seemed that those cyborgs were designed and programmed for far more intricate actions than close combat.
He had turned the wheel in such a position that would lead the ship as far as possible from the closest islands and the iceberg that he saw being created by Popsicle at the back of the ship. Too bad that stupid bisexual scientist Jack wasn't around to see his creation destroyed.
Or was he?
"Way to go, Logan" Jack said, as he suddenly appeared and held a weird-looking weapon to Logan's direction.
Logan growled and prepared to attack, but Jack nodded at him not to.
"One shot of this especially designed weapon will be enough to take your powers away for an hour or so. And I really think you'll need that healing factor of yours when the explosives go off, right?"
"You have lost the game already, Jack. What do you want of me now?"
"Wish I knew. I could turn that wheel back towards the closest island, but even if it reaches them it won't be enough of a message to the world. You're right; I might just shoot you and get over with it. Make someone pay for all of this."
Logan was out of options now. He had to think quickly if he wanted to survive this situation; Jack wasn't the kind of guy that would bluff. The Seductress' intricate mechanisms proved that he was also capable of inventing a gun that neutralises mutant powers for some given time.
He had to think about the enemy's weaknesses. This was his only chance to provoke a distraction and save his ass. Then something flashed in his mind; all these Playgirls. Jack's praises to his hotness. Yeah, the enemy had the hots for him. Not so much that he wouldn't bear his death, but he could still lust after him.
With one mighty strike, Logan ripped off his tight wife beater and exposed Jack to some excellent eye-candy.
The sight of the hottest man on earth's rippling abs and mighty pecs was somewhat overwhelming for poor old Jack. He felt overexcited and dizzy. He began coming back to his senses, but it was far too late; Logan had taken advantage of these few seconds of weakness and had sliced his mutant-neutralising gun open. He was helpless now, so all he could do was glare a bit more at Logan's hot and rippling torso.
That eye-candy lasted only a few minutes, because Logan grabbed Jack and threw him overboard.
A few seconds later everything went blank, as the ship exploded and sent Logan flying on the air.
The mute girls named Lola and Michelle looked with mortification at the big explosion below them. Then they gripped harder at Bobby's lap, where they had been resting for the last few minutes.
"Lookidat big boom!" Lola hastily said to her comrade. "Thank god this kind guy came in the chopper and got us away from that doomed ship!"
"Yeah. Even if the ship wasn't going down ,who knows what the captain and his thugs had in store for us once they got back! This absolute cutie saved our speechless hides, without even holding a grudge for us not responding to his flirting the other day! He's a doll!"
They felt such a huge gratitude for the man that had saved their lives in the nick of time. Too bad he couldn't understand the mute language when they tried to communicate with him.
An adorable white bunny also rested beside their feet, obviously exhausted from that tiring night that was close to ending.
"You think Logan will be okay?" Jubilee asked Bobby in concern. She was sitting on the pilot's seat and doing the stuff a pilot should do. But she wasn't enjoying as much as she should, because she was thinking of Logan.
"He said the explosion couldn't harm him. I believe him." he murmured before drifting off to sleep. The mute bimbos were not sleeping however; they just gawked at their saviour's cute characteristics.
"Uh-oh, I think old 'Robert' will soon be getting himself some groupies..." Jubes thought to herself as she kept piloting the chopper towards the sunrise.
Logan woke up, feeling wetness around him.
It pretty much made sense, since he was on the sea's surface.
"Damn!" He thought. "That explosion must have really set me flying far away!" looking around, he could see no remains of the ship. Only a big mattress that was sailing on the surface, a good few meters away from him.
He had to swim to it and grab it, if he didn't want to go sown with the fish within the next few minutes. You see, the bad thing with his adamantium laced skeleton was that it was damn too heavy for him to stay on the water's surface for long. So he just had to hold on to something. That mattress seemed perfect.
He swiftly swam to it and got a grip on the left side of the mattress. A woman's body was lying on it. A survivor from the explosion, perhaps?
The lying woman was awake, as she turned around and gave him a huge smile; it was Kate!
"Aaaargh!!!" Logan screamed in surprise. He was trapped in the middle of the ocean with the last woman he would choose to be with; the ugly-as-hell wench that followed him around and had the nerve to try and seduce him!
"BABY! I knew that you wouldn't leave me here! So I can forgive you for what you've done. Come here and let me kiss you, hot lips!!"
Logan remained speechless and backed off. He ended up splashing in the water, but he was still hanging from the edge of the mattress.
Kate brought her hands up to where his were and tried to bring him up by grabbing them and pulling on them. He wouldn't budge, however.
"No! Baby, you can't die on me...!"
Logan considered his options...apparent death at the bottom of the ocean or being deserted in the middle of the aforementioned ocean with the ugliest bitch ever?
"...not now that we are back together!!!"
Agonising death all the way.
Logan imitated the best Leo Di Caprio Titanic death scene that he could and slowly let his hands go out of reach for Kate. He slowly slipped into the water, ignoring her cries and wailing.
When his ears were too underwater, he felt happy that he couldn't listen to her anymore.
As he kept his descent to the depths of the ocean, Logan was beginning to lose consciousness. Air was escaping his lungs, and no new air would come to replace it.
But then he felt two pairs of delicate hands stroking his own hands and back.
A pretty redhead face came in front of his and kissed him without asking.
Then Logan felt fresh air filling his lungs, and he managed to look better at the creature in front of him.
It was a mermaid! A really gorgeous mermaid with big boobs, a fish tail and red hair that was pointing at all directions in the water.
Next to him there was another mermaid. She also was a redhead and she looked a bit like the other one. She was smiling welcomingly at him.
The two otherworldly creatures dragged Logan further into the dark territories of the uncharted depths.
EPILOGUE (Uh oh...!)
Bobby Drake, using the escaping chopper, ended up in Iceland, along with the two indebted mute bimbos, Lola and Michelle. There, both girls confessed that they had fallen hard for him. So, he converted into Islam, so that he could marry both of them, and made himself a little harem.
Now, you can imagine how sweet life can be when you're a guy married to TWO hot chicks who are also unable to talk and therefore mumble, grumble, nag at you like most wives do. So the three of them, like a happy family, spent an equally happy life with lots of kids from both women. Thus, Bobby was somewhat repaid for his horrid love life up till then.
What a lucky guy!
Jubilee, crushed from Logan's disappearance and having found a new perspective on men after her disastrous affair with Jack, went off to Holland. There, she became a very successful pimp for male prostitutes.
She became devastatingly rich and she eventually bought the Playgirl magazine, for which all the male X-Men posed in the very next issue, which was an "X-Mas special".
Jubilee is currently living in Playgirl mansion. Fluffy the karate-bunny is her exclusive bodyguard.
Osama Bin Laden surprisingly avoided being arrested from the Spanish cops that recollected the survivors on the iceberg. The poor bastards apparently mistook him for a simple drag queen. However, Osama caught a cold from sitting semi-naked on a huge, freezing iceberg and died dishonourably within the next three days.
Jack swam up to the shores of the Canary Islands all by himself, and thus also avoided arrest. Unfortunately for him, the word about his robotic creations got out in the world, and inevitably reached the ears of the celebs he made his cyborgs look like. Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson sued him for messing up with their image. Yasmine Bleeth also set a detective on him, who discovered all of her stolen underwear in Jack's place.
Jack lost everything he had and he's currently a beggar residing in the streets of L.A.
Jean Grey was majorly pissed off. Bobby didn't return happy; he didn't return at all, to be more exact, since he ran off to Iceland with some mute bubbleheads. Jubilee also ran off to a European country and Logan was presumed dead. That means 0 out of three. That was NOT what she expected to come off this cruise. So, guess who was the one to pay for all of these? Yes, Lorna, since she was the only one to return from the cruise, and she wasn't even supposed to be their in the first place!
So, Lorna met her match in utter bitchiness.
Evita's further path in life isn't so clear, but she was once seen in Las Vegas and she was winning in Blackjack. Everyone around her was losing, of course.
Kate never got married. That was fortunate, because her genes weren't passed on.
After Logan's apparent demise, the organisation known as W.O.L.F. changed its function. They lanced a CD named "Tribute to Wolverine" that resembled the tributes to Notorious B.I.G., with the participation of stars like Eminem, Sarah Brightman and Diana Krall. It wasn't successful, because the people wouldn't believe that Wolverine was dead, and always said that he was hiding somewhere along with Elvis.
And Logan really wasn't dead. He had been dragged in an underwater kingdom inhabited by mermaids. There were no mermen in that kingdom, so the poor mermaids had to bring strong outlanders like Logan there and breed with them.
Logan spent the rest of his life in a cosy underwater apartment "fertilizing" mermaid hotties.
He was happy to oblige.
After all, all of those mermaids were redheads.
And we all know how Logan has a thing for redheads.
THE END
Phew, that was BIG!
At last, it's ended.
Now FEEDBACK, people! :-)