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I awoke sometime the next morning. Nick's arm was across my stomach and I couldn't help smile. I didn't want to wake him up, but I really needed to use the bathroom. I gently lifted up his arm and crawled out of the sheets. I grabbed Nick's shirt and pulled it on. 'I'll give it back once he wakes up.' I told myself and proceeded to the bathroom. As soon as I was done, I washed my hands and face. I stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were still dark and I looked pretty pale. It's because I'm not eating. I decided that I was going to make Nick a wonderful breakfast. I went into the kitchen and began pulling things out of the cabinets. I was facing the sink when I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. Nick leaned down and kissed my neck. "Morning."
I smiled. "Hey." I turned to face him. "How did you sleep?"
"Great. You?"
"Wonderful thanks to you." I leaned over and kissed him. He responded in full and pushed me against the sink. We pulled apart and I grinned. "I could get use to that."
"So could I." Nick finally began looking around. "What are you doing?"
"Making you breakfast. Or at least I was going to until you came in here and distracted me."
He smiled. "Sorry." He said though he wasn't the least bit sorry. In fact, I'm sure he felt no guilt what so ever. "While you're doing that, I'm going to take a shower."
"Okay." He leaned down and kissed me again. It was quick and he began walking toward the bathroom. "By the way, my shirt looks amazing on you."
I laughed and went back to fixing breakfast. As soon as Nick was out of the shower, I had eggs, pancakes, and biscuits ready on the table for him. I would have made something with meat for him, but I didn't have anything. Nick walked in. "Smells good."
"I hope it tastes good." I replied.
"I'm sure it will." He took a seat at the table. "Are you going to join me?"
I wasn't sure if I could eat the food. I had no problem making it because I was doing it for Nick. He deserves so much more than this for putting up with me. "Nick, I'm not sure if." I couldn't finish because Nick held his hand out to me.
"You can Sar, just take a few bites of something."
I took his hand and sat down beside him. He grabbed a plate and placed a small portion of eggs and then a small pancake. He placed it in front of me and then got himself some food. He grabbed his fork and turned to me waiting.
I took a deep breath and reached for my fork. I noticed Nick didn't have anything to drink. "You want me to make you some coffee?" I asked.
"Later, right now I want you to eat."
I stared down at my food and the portion looked humongous. I glanced back up and noticed that Nick was still watching me. "Why can't I do this?" I whispered and I could feel tears beginning to form.
"You can. Right now you're not thinking straight. You have it in your head that you need to control everything and that by eating you're going to lose that control. Honey, that's not true. What you don't see is that your eating disorder is taking control of you."
I honestly never thought of it that way before. I let the tears fall and Nick wrapped his arms around me. I could feel his strength and I relished in it. I pulled away and stared at my food. "I'm going to do this." I replied with a new determination. I grabbed my fork and took a bite of some eggs. Nick was watching and then suddenly I made a face.
"What's wrong sweetie?" He asked.
"It's cold." I said giving him a smile. "I should warm these up." I glanced at his plate. "I should probably warm yours as well."
Nick returned my smile and pulled me into a hug. "I love you Sara."
My mind was reeling. That was the first time he's ever said that to me. He didn't say it last night during the time we were together, but he is now. I couldn't believe it. "I love you too." I pulled back and kissed him. We kissed for a few moments and then broke apart. "Our food's getting cold." I reminded him.
He nodded and I took our plates and warmed them. We both ate and I was able to finish eating everything that was on my plate. I know it sounds silly, but I was really proud of myself. There's no way I could have done this without Nick.
Later that afternoon, Nick and I decided that we should let the others know what was going on. It was going to be hard, but they had a right to know. Nick called them and they all agreed to come over. Warrick was the first one to arrive. I answered the door and he gave me a hug. "Hey girl."
"Hey War."
"It's really good to see you." He told me and pulled back.
"I missed you too." I stepped aside to let him in. He headed straight for the couch and flopped down. Nick walked in and the two men exchanged their hellos. Nick placed a pitcher of tea on the table and some cups.
Warrick raised an eyebrow. "Tea? Don't tell me you've given up coffee."
"No, we've got coffee too. I just thought Catherine might bring Lindsey by." Nick explained.
Warrick nodded. "Okay."
The others started arriving one by one. Soon, my living room was filled with my co-workers and friends. Warrick, Catherine, and Grissom were sitting on the couch, while Greg and Lindsey took the two chairs. Nick glanced over at me and I nodded. It was now or never. "I want to thank you all for coming." I began.
"We wouldn't be anywhere Sara." Grissom told me.
"Thanks." I turned to Lindsey. "Hey Linds, I'm not sure if you want to hear what's been going on with me lately. So, I'm going to leave it up to you and your mom."
Catherine glanced over at her daughter. "Lindsey, do you think you can handle listening to her?"
"I think so. Besides, I'm worried about Sara and I want her to get better."
I was touched by her words. "Thanks Lindsey." I walked to the center of the room and looked at each one of them in turn. "I've been really depressed lately and I was going to jump off the roof but Warrick found me."
Lindsey began crying and the others except Warrick were shocked. I walked over to Lindsey and bent down in front of her. "I'm sorry if I'm scaring you. You can go in my room and watch tv if you want to." I wiped a tear off her cheek.
Lindsey wrapped her arms around me. "Don't die Sara."
I held her tightly. "I'm not." She pulled away.
"Okay. Can I watch tv now?"
"Sure." I stood up and reached for her hand. We walked together toward my bedroom. Once inside, I grabbed the remote and handed it to her. She jumped on my bed and leaned back. "If you need anything, call me okay."
"I will." I was started heading back out. "Aunt Sara."
I turned around. "Yeah?"
"I love you."
I smiled. "I love you Linds." I walked out and made my way back in the living room. The others were quietly talking. I gave them an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry." I directed more toward Catherine.
The older woman nodded. "She might still have some questions."
"I'm sorry. I should have made her go straight to my room." I felt incredibly horrible. I can't do anything right.
"Sara, I'm not mad at you. You warned us both."
"I know."
Warrick wrapped his arm around Catherine. "It's okay Cath. I'll talk to her later as well since I'm the one that caught Sara."
"Okay."
Grissom glanced over at me. "You have more to tell us, don't you?"
"You're good. Maybe you should be a CSI."
"Funny." Grissom commented. "Continue."
I glanced over at Nick and he walked over and reached for my hand. I needed his strength to tell them and he was offering it to me. I sighed and turned to my friends. "I've been losing control of everything. I didn't like who I was or what I'm becoming. Last week, I decided to take some control back."
"What did you do?" Greg asked speaking for the first time since we all got together.
"I developed an eating disorder. I'm anorexic." Tears began trailing down my cheeks. "I stopped eating last week and that's why I was getting dizzy."
Warrick nodded. "I thought you were getting thinner. I just thought it was from depression."
"It was, well some of it."
"Are you eating now?" Grissom replied.
"Last night was the first night I ate something. Nick found out and drug me grocery shopping. It's still hard for me to eat. I'm trying, but it's not easy."
Warrick stood up and wrapped me in a hug. "I'm so sorry." He pulled back and kissed my forehead. "I'm here Sara. Anytime you need me, call okay."
"I will."
Everyone took his or her turn embracing me. Each one saying that they were going to help me in any way possible. I told them thank you and soon they started packing up to leave. Grissom walked over to me. "Sara, I know that Nick's helping you and we're all going to help as well, but I seriously think you should get counseling. Eating disorders aren't easy to lose and even if you're getting better, it's easy to start again."
"I know. When can I come back to work?"
"Right now, you're not emotionally or physically ready. I'm serious about seeking help Sara. In fact, I'm not going to let you come back until you've spoken to someone and they tell me you're ready."
Nick walked up and wrapped his arm around me. "Don't worry Griss, I'll make sure she does."
"Thanks Nick." Grissom faced me again. "I'm here if you need me."
"I know. Thank you." Grissom nodded and then left. Soon everyone was gone with the exception of Nick and I knew he wasn't going to leave any time soon.
"I'm proud of you." He told me.
"Really?"
"Yeah. You took a big step telling them what's wrong and realizing you need help."
"They had a right to know." I walked over to the couch and sat down. Nick followed suit and was right beside me. "What do you want to do now?"
"We could watch a movie." He suggested.
"Sounds good. You pick it out."
Nick smiled. "Okay." He stood up and kissed my forehead. He worked his way through my DVDs and pulled out Finding Nemo. "You forgot to give Lindsey her movie back."
"She can get when she comes over again."
Nick nodded and took the movie out and put it in the player. I smiled as he sat down beside me pulling me closer to him. "Finding Nemo Nick? That's the movie you want to watch?"
He smiled. "I happen to like it and besides we need some comedy in our lives right now."
I couldn't argue with that. I snuggled closer to him and we watched the movie.
TBC
I awoke sometime the next morning. Nick's arm was across my stomach and I couldn't help smile. I didn't want to wake him up, but I really needed to use the bathroom. I gently lifted up his arm and crawled out of the sheets. I grabbed Nick's shirt and pulled it on. 'I'll give it back once he wakes up.' I told myself and proceeded to the bathroom. As soon as I was done, I washed my hands and face. I stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were still dark and I looked pretty pale. It's because I'm not eating. I decided that I was going to make Nick a wonderful breakfast. I went into the kitchen and began pulling things out of the cabinets. I was facing the sink when I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. Nick leaned down and kissed my neck. "Morning."
I smiled. "Hey." I turned to face him. "How did you sleep?"
"Great. You?"
"Wonderful thanks to you." I leaned over and kissed him. He responded in full and pushed me against the sink. We pulled apart and I grinned. "I could get use to that."
"So could I." Nick finally began looking around. "What are you doing?"
"Making you breakfast. Or at least I was going to until you came in here and distracted me."
He smiled. "Sorry." He said though he wasn't the least bit sorry. In fact, I'm sure he felt no guilt what so ever. "While you're doing that, I'm going to take a shower."
"Okay." He leaned down and kissed me again. It was quick and he began walking toward the bathroom. "By the way, my shirt looks amazing on you."
I laughed and went back to fixing breakfast. As soon as Nick was out of the shower, I had eggs, pancakes, and biscuits ready on the table for him. I would have made something with meat for him, but I didn't have anything. Nick walked in. "Smells good."
"I hope it tastes good." I replied.
"I'm sure it will." He took a seat at the table. "Are you going to join me?"
I wasn't sure if I could eat the food. I had no problem making it because I was doing it for Nick. He deserves so much more than this for putting up with me. "Nick, I'm not sure if." I couldn't finish because Nick held his hand out to me.
"You can Sar, just take a few bites of something."
I took his hand and sat down beside him. He grabbed a plate and placed a small portion of eggs and then a small pancake. He placed it in front of me and then got himself some food. He grabbed his fork and turned to me waiting.
I took a deep breath and reached for my fork. I noticed Nick didn't have anything to drink. "You want me to make you some coffee?" I asked.
"Later, right now I want you to eat."
I stared down at my food and the portion looked humongous. I glanced back up and noticed that Nick was still watching me. "Why can't I do this?" I whispered and I could feel tears beginning to form.
"You can. Right now you're not thinking straight. You have it in your head that you need to control everything and that by eating you're going to lose that control. Honey, that's not true. What you don't see is that your eating disorder is taking control of you."
I honestly never thought of it that way before. I let the tears fall and Nick wrapped his arms around me. I could feel his strength and I relished in it. I pulled away and stared at my food. "I'm going to do this." I replied with a new determination. I grabbed my fork and took a bite of some eggs. Nick was watching and then suddenly I made a face.
"What's wrong sweetie?" He asked.
"It's cold." I said giving him a smile. "I should warm these up." I glanced at his plate. "I should probably warm yours as well."
Nick returned my smile and pulled me into a hug. "I love you Sara."
My mind was reeling. That was the first time he's ever said that to me. He didn't say it last night during the time we were together, but he is now. I couldn't believe it. "I love you too." I pulled back and kissed him. We kissed for a few moments and then broke apart. "Our food's getting cold." I reminded him.
He nodded and I took our plates and warmed them. We both ate and I was able to finish eating everything that was on my plate. I know it sounds silly, but I was really proud of myself. There's no way I could have done this without Nick.
Later that afternoon, Nick and I decided that we should let the others know what was going on. It was going to be hard, but they had a right to know. Nick called them and they all agreed to come over. Warrick was the first one to arrive. I answered the door and he gave me a hug. "Hey girl."
"Hey War."
"It's really good to see you." He told me and pulled back.
"I missed you too." I stepped aside to let him in. He headed straight for the couch and flopped down. Nick walked in and the two men exchanged their hellos. Nick placed a pitcher of tea on the table and some cups.
Warrick raised an eyebrow. "Tea? Don't tell me you've given up coffee."
"No, we've got coffee too. I just thought Catherine might bring Lindsey by." Nick explained.
Warrick nodded. "Okay."
The others started arriving one by one. Soon, my living room was filled with my co-workers and friends. Warrick, Catherine, and Grissom were sitting on the couch, while Greg and Lindsey took the two chairs. Nick glanced over at me and I nodded. It was now or never. "I want to thank you all for coming." I began.
"We wouldn't be anywhere Sara." Grissom told me.
"Thanks." I turned to Lindsey. "Hey Linds, I'm not sure if you want to hear what's been going on with me lately. So, I'm going to leave it up to you and your mom."
Catherine glanced over at her daughter. "Lindsey, do you think you can handle listening to her?"
"I think so. Besides, I'm worried about Sara and I want her to get better."
I was touched by her words. "Thanks Lindsey." I walked to the center of the room and looked at each one of them in turn. "I've been really depressed lately and I was going to jump off the roof but Warrick found me."
Lindsey began crying and the others except Warrick were shocked. I walked over to Lindsey and bent down in front of her. "I'm sorry if I'm scaring you. You can go in my room and watch tv if you want to." I wiped a tear off her cheek.
Lindsey wrapped her arms around me. "Don't die Sara."
I held her tightly. "I'm not." She pulled away.
"Okay. Can I watch tv now?"
"Sure." I stood up and reached for her hand. We walked together toward my bedroom. Once inside, I grabbed the remote and handed it to her. She jumped on my bed and leaned back. "If you need anything, call me okay."
"I will." I was started heading back out. "Aunt Sara."
I turned around. "Yeah?"
"I love you."
I smiled. "I love you Linds." I walked out and made my way back in the living room. The others were quietly talking. I gave them an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry." I directed more toward Catherine.
The older woman nodded. "She might still have some questions."
"I'm sorry. I should have made her go straight to my room." I felt incredibly horrible. I can't do anything right.
"Sara, I'm not mad at you. You warned us both."
"I know."
Warrick wrapped his arm around Catherine. "It's okay Cath. I'll talk to her later as well since I'm the one that caught Sara."
"Okay."
Grissom glanced over at me. "You have more to tell us, don't you?"
"You're good. Maybe you should be a CSI."
"Funny." Grissom commented. "Continue."
I glanced over at Nick and he walked over and reached for my hand. I needed his strength to tell them and he was offering it to me. I sighed and turned to my friends. "I've been losing control of everything. I didn't like who I was or what I'm becoming. Last week, I decided to take some control back."
"What did you do?" Greg asked speaking for the first time since we all got together.
"I developed an eating disorder. I'm anorexic." Tears began trailing down my cheeks. "I stopped eating last week and that's why I was getting dizzy."
Warrick nodded. "I thought you were getting thinner. I just thought it was from depression."
"It was, well some of it."
"Are you eating now?" Grissom replied.
"Last night was the first night I ate something. Nick found out and drug me grocery shopping. It's still hard for me to eat. I'm trying, but it's not easy."
Warrick stood up and wrapped me in a hug. "I'm so sorry." He pulled back and kissed my forehead. "I'm here Sara. Anytime you need me, call okay."
"I will."
Everyone took his or her turn embracing me. Each one saying that they were going to help me in any way possible. I told them thank you and soon they started packing up to leave. Grissom walked over to me. "Sara, I know that Nick's helping you and we're all going to help as well, but I seriously think you should get counseling. Eating disorders aren't easy to lose and even if you're getting better, it's easy to start again."
"I know. When can I come back to work?"
"Right now, you're not emotionally or physically ready. I'm serious about seeking help Sara. In fact, I'm not going to let you come back until you've spoken to someone and they tell me you're ready."
Nick walked up and wrapped his arm around me. "Don't worry Griss, I'll make sure she does."
"Thanks Nick." Grissom faced me again. "I'm here if you need me."
"I know. Thank you." Grissom nodded and then left. Soon everyone was gone with the exception of Nick and I knew he wasn't going to leave any time soon.
"I'm proud of you." He told me.
"Really?"
"Yeah. You took a big step telling them what's wrong and realizing you need help."
"They had a right to know." I walked over to the couch and sat down. Nick followed suit and was right beside me. "What do you want to do now?"
"We could watch a movie." He suggested.
"Sounds good. You pick it out."
Nick smiled. "Okay." He stood up and kissed my forehead. He worked his way through my DVDs and pulled out Finding Nemo. "You forgot to give Lindsey her movie back."
"She can get when she comes over again."
Nick nodded and took the movie out and put it in the player. I smiled as he sat down beside me pulling me closer to him. "Finding Nemo Nick? That's the movie you want to watch?"
He smiled. "I happen to like it and besides we need some comedy in our lives right now."
I couldn't argue with that. I snuggled closer to him and we watched the movie.
TBC