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Tears began cascading down my cheeks before Nick had a chance to say anything. I wasn't sure but I could have sworn I saw tears falling down his cheeks as well. I waited for him to start yelling at me and screaming about how I lied to him and screwed things up. I was sure he was going to leave me alone and force me to fight this thing alone. I didn't expect him to do what he did next. Nick walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. I buried my face into his shoulder and cried even harder. His arms tightened around me. We stayed that way for a long time before I pulled back.
"I'm sorry." I finally replied.
He didn't say anything for a few moments and then he began giving me the lecture I was expecting when he first walked in my room. "What the hell were you thinking Sara? I thought we were fighting this thing together. I honestly thought you were getting better, you've been eating more and you seemed so much happier. Instead, you've been lying to me and throwing up behind my back. Sara, I don't know what to do. You need help and I don't seem to be doing a good job giving it to you."
I opened my mouth to speak but he lifted his hand. "I'm not done yet. Do you know how it felt to get a phone call from Catherine saying that you're becoming bulimic? Do you even realize how much you're hurting yourself and the people around you that love you? Sara, I love you. I just don't know how to help you. What can I do? Just talk to me?"
Sobs coursed through my body shaking me to the core. "I'm... I'm sorry." I sniffled. "I... I didn't mean... I just." I covered my face with my hands.
Nick grabbed my hands and pulled them from my face. He cupped my chin and forced me to look at him. "You have to stop or you're going to die. I'm not ready to lose you Sar."
"I don't want to lose you either."
"Than you have to quit."
I nodded and leaned against him. He just held me while I cried.
I must have fallen asleep against Nick because I woke up in bed wrapped under the covers. I slept through the entire night. I pulled the covers away from me and got up. I searched for Nick but I couldn't find him. I finally found a note on the table saying that he went to the store and that he would be back later. I grabbed the remote control and flipped on the television. The Maury Show was on. I was about to turn it but the woman on the screen kept me from changing the channel. She was suffering from anorexia and she was nothing but skin and bones. I listened to her tell Maury about how she became the way she was and how scared she was that she was going to die. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I never heard Nick come in. I didn't notice he was even home until I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders.
"What's wrong sweetheart?"
"I don't want to die. I don't want to look like her." I cried.
Nick glanced at the television. "I'm not going to let you Sara. We're going to work through this together."
"Thank you." I leaned against him and we finished watching the show. When it was over, Nick turned to me and smiled.
"Do you think you could eat something?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I have to." I had a new determination that I've never had before. I decided from that moment on that I was going to do everything I could to get better. That included eating and seeking help. Nick and I discussed the different doctors that were around that I could go to. He said he would call around later. We ate breakfast together and then Nick started calling around. He was on the phone for a while and finally hung up.
"I found a doctor that said she would love to meet you." Nick informed me.
"Who is she?"
"Doctor Sherry Dean. She specializes in eating disorders."
"Okay. Did you make an appointment?"
"Yeah. You've got one tomorrow at one. Is that okay?"
I smiled. "That's fine. I just want this to be over."
Nick walked over and hugged me. "Me too sweetie." He kissed my forehead and pulled away. "I think we should call Catherine and let her know what's going on. I'm sure after last night, she's really concerned."
"I'll call her. I owe her a thank you." I smiled at Nick and then headed for the phone. I know that if it wasn't for her and Lindsey that I wouldn't be taking these steps to get better.
TBC
Tears began cascading down my cheeks before Nick had a chance to say anything. I wasn't sure but I could have sworn I saw tears falling down his cheeks as well. I waited for him to start yelling at me and screaming about how I lied to him and screwed things up. I was sure he was going to leave me alone and force me to fight this thing alone. I didn't expect him to do what he did next. Nick walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. I buried my face into his shoulder and cried even harder. His arms tightened around me. We stayed that way for a long time before I pulled back.
"I'm sorry." I finally replied.
He didn't say anything for a few moments and then he began giving me the lecture I was expecting when he first walked in my room. "What the hell were you thinking Sara? I thought we were fighting this thing together. I honestly thought you were getting better, you've been eating more and you seemed so much happier. Instead, you've been lying to me and throwing up behind my back. Sara, I don't know what to do. You need help and I don't seem to be doing a good job giving it to you."
I opened my mouth to speak but he lifted his hand. "I'm not done yet. Do you know how it felt to get a phone call from Catherine saying that you're becoming bulimic? Do you even realize how much you're hurting yourself and the people around you that love you? Sara, I love you. I just don't know how to help you. What can I do? Just talk to me?"
Sobs coursed through my body shaking me to the core. "I'm... I'm sorry." I sniffled. "I... I didn't mean... I just." I covered my face with my hands.
Nick grabbed my hands and pulled them from my face. He cupped my chin and forced me to look at him. "You have to stop or you're going to die. I'm not ready to lose you Sar."
"I don't want to lose you either."
"Than you have to quit."
I nodded and leaned against him. He just held me while I cried.
I must have fallen asleep against Nick because I woke up in bed wrapped under the covers. I slept through the entire night. I pulled the covers away from me and got up. I searched for Nick but I couldn't find him. I finally found a note on the table saying that he went to the store and that he would be back later. I grabbed the remote control and flipped on the television. The Maury Show was on. I was about to turn it but the woman on the screen kept me from changing the channel. She was suffering from anorexia and she was nothing but skin and bones. I listened to her tell Maury about how she became the way she was and how scared she was that she was going to die. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I never heard Nick come in. I didn't notice he was even home until I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders.
"What's wrong sweetheart?"
"I don't want to die. I don't want to look like her." I cried.
Nick glanced at the television. "I'm not going to let you Sara. We're going to work through this together."
"Thank you." I leaned against him and we finished watching the show. When it was over, Nick turned to me and smiled.
"Do you think you could eat something?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I have to." I had a new determination that I've never had before. I decided from that moment on that I was going to do everything I could to get better. That included eating and seeking help. Nick and I discussed the different doctors that were around that I could go to. He said he would call around later. We ate breakfast together and then Nick started calling around. He was on the phone for a while and finally hung up.
"I found a doctor that said she would love to meet you." Nick informed me.
"Who is she?"
"Doctor Sherry Dean. She specializes in eating disorders."
"Okay. Did you make an appointment?"
"Yeah. You've got one tomorrow at one. Is that okay?"
I smiled. "That's fine. I just want this to be over."
Nick walked over and hugged me. "Me too sweetie." He kissed my forehead and pulled away. "I think we should call Catherine and let her know what's going on. I'm sure after last night, she's really concerned."
"I'll call her. I owe her a thank you." I smiled at Nick and then headed for the phone. I know that if it wasn't for her and Lindsey that I wouldn't be taking these steps to get better.
TBC