ATTENTION READ THIS! IMPORTANT!
None of my things are working, like stars to bleep out a bad word and other things so...my stories we'll look weird. (I am so sorry) In fact a lot of things might look different and that kinda depresses me.
Instead of stars to bleep out a curse, it shall now be a X.
Sorry but I just don't feel like I need to write a whole swear word down. Just me I guess...
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I'm not like you.
I don't think like you.
I'm not as smart as you.
I'm not as brave as you.
I'm not as strong as you.
I'm not as attractive as you.
I'm never calm like you.
I can't hold it all on like you.
I'M JUST NOT YOU!!
Everyday you must find something wrong with me. And everyday I must pretend that it only makes me angry. That it doesn't hurt.
Well...Just so you know...
IT HURTS!
It is shaper than any knife. More painful than a thousand hells. It is an infection that just won't be cured, a wound that just can't be sewn up. Everything you do...everything you say....
It hurts me in every single way.
I'm not you. And I don't want to be.
You hide your feelings in a cold glass jar. You wear a mask, that won't crack. You keep it all inside. You let everything build up in you until one day...you finally snap.
You've never snapped before. Never. But I knew you would one day, and yesterday was that day. As your kept in emotions pushed you over the edge, you brought me with you.
Well, I had to suffer yesterday. You told me everything you felt about me. Everything. You say these things to me all the time, but never in this way. When you snapped, you told the truth. The real angry truth, the angry uncontrollable hate you hold for me.
I let you scream at me, and I didn't answer anything you said.
I'm answering now.
"Your worthless!"
I knew that...you think I don't hear it often? Everyone says that about me.
"Your one big Joke!"
I know.
"Your a waste of space, and no one can stand you!"
Waste of space. Thank you. I got it, everyone says theses things about me. Everyone. I ignore it, and I fight against it! So I can be strong, and prove them wrong. One day you'll know I'm not a waste of space...even if you can't stand me.
"Your such a fool, you don't even KNOW, your a fool!!"
Hahaha. I do know I'm a fool. I know in the way people look at me. The disgust, and annoyance in their eyes. The false smiles, and sympathetic pats on the back. Tell me, how can someone not know their a fool, when everyone keeps spoon feeding then the truth?
Now this is what hurt.
This is what had driven me to this.
"You think we care for you, respect you?! We don't! We put up for you! These two are just to cowardly to say how they really feel! Your mother must have wished she DIED the day you were born!"
That was when they stopped you, tackled you to the ground screaming at you. But I was the real one that got you back to almost your old self.
I cried.
Everything went quiet and the others rolled off you, starring at me. You starred as well, panting from you angry screams. I sobbed. I gave no explanation then, I just ran off. But today I give a reason to those tears.
My mother died bringing me into this world. And when I was six, my father dies as well. No cause, just fell asleep and died. I think he died because of me. Everyday he would tell me how I had my mother's angel like face.
When he died, I knew it was my mothers face that killed him. So at six, I pulled out a knife, and began to cut at my face, until I passed out. I hadn't been trying to kill myself, I had been trying to cut my face off. My mom's face, the one that killed my dad.
It worked, I made my self ugly.
But it didn't change the fact that my mother was still dead. I had tried so hard to try and not think how my mother died. That my mother loved me so much, she died giving me life. But I realize...
You know what?
You were right.
She wanted to die, because she had me...me...I was what killed her.
So...
Now I know how you feel, and you know how I feel.
Kudos, to you Hiei.
Kazuma Kuwabara.
=============================================================================
Hiei stood shaking, and dropped the letter. He tried to turn to leave, when the hand on the back of his neck squeezed him. "No Hiei! Look! DAMXIT LOOK!"
He did.
Kuwabara sat in the middle of Genkai's room, where Hiei visited daily, for it was the one next to Yukina's. The one he could sit in and listen to Yukina's breathing, and then leave.
Kuwabara sat in a chair, his hands folded neatly in his lap. A small smile on his face, his hair let down, and looking wonderfully curly. There was only one thing amiss.
In his left hand there was a bloody knife, and from his left ear, to the right edge of his mouth, his throat was slit.
Yusuke released Hiei's neck, throwing him on the floor. "Hiei...when you die you'll goto Hell! HELL!" Yusuke was screaming tears pouring down his face. Kurama, Genkai and Boeton tried to calm him down, grabbing at him as he pointed a glowing finger at Hiei's head.
Hiei turned watching as Kurama punched Yusuke in the face. Yusuke went quiet, and with tears pouring down his eyes, whispered, "Hiei...I don't care if you lost it yesterday. I don't give a fuXk about what you said to me. But how could you bring up his mother like that?"
Yusuke sat on the ground, and with no emotion in his voice whispered, "How could YOU of all people, say that?"
Hiei looked back at the bloody corpse and did something most unexpected. He laid down on the hard wood floor and cried.
But tears won't bring back the dead.
None of my things are working, like stars to bleep out a bad word and other things so...my stories we'll look weird. (I am so sorry) In fact a lot of things might look different and that kinda depresses me.
Instead of stars to bleep out a curse, it shall now be a X.
Sorry but I just don't feel like I need to write a whole swear word down. Just me I guess...
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I'm not like you.
I don't think like you.
I'm not as smart as you.
I'm not as brave as you.
I'm not as strong as you.
I'm not as attractive as you.
I'm never calm like you.
I can't hold it all on like you.
I'M JUST NOT YOU!!
Everyday you must find something wrong with me. And everyday I must pretend that it only makes me angry. That it doesn't hurt.
Well...Just so you know...
IT HURTS!
It is shaper than any knife. More painful than a thousand hells. It is an infection that just won't be cured, a wound that just can't be sewn up. Everything you do...everything you say....
It hurts me in every single way.
I'm not you. And I don't want to be.
You hide your feelings in a cold glass jar. You wear a mask, that won't crack. You keep it all inside. You let everything build up in you until one day...you finally snap.
You've never snapped before. Never. But I knew you would one day, and yesterday was that day. As your kept in emotions pushed you over the edge, you brought me with you.
Well, I had to suffer yesterday. You told me everything you felt about me. Everything. You say these things to me all the time, but never in this way. When you snapped, you told the truth. The real angry truth, the angry uncontrollable hate you hold for me.
I let you scream at me, and I didn't answer anything you said.
I'm answering now.
"Your worthless!"
I knew that...you think I don't hear it often? Everyone says that about me.
"Your one big Joke!"
I know.
"Your a waste of space, and no one can stand you!"
Waste of space. Thank you. I got it, everyone says theses things about me. Everyone. I ignore it, and I fight against it! So I can be strong, and prove them wrong. One day you'll know I'm not a waste of space...even if you can't stand me.
"Your such a fool, you don't even KNOW, your a fool!!"
Hahaha. I do know I'm a fool. I know in the way people look at me. The disgust, and annoyance in their eyes. The false smiles, and sympathetic pats on the back. Tell me, how can someone not know their a fool, when everyone keeps spoon feeding then the truth?
Now this is what hurt.
This is what had driven me to this.
"You think we care for you, respect you?! We don't! We put up for you! These two are just to cowardly to say how they really feel! Your mother must have wished she DIED the day you were born!"
That was when they stopped you, tackled you to the ground screaming at you. But I was the real one that got you back to almost your old self.
I cried.
Everything went quiet and the others rolled off you, starring at me. You starred as well, panting from you angry screams. I sobbed. I gave no explanation then, I just ran off. But today I give a reason to those tears.
My mother died bringing me into this world. And when I was six, my father dies as well. No cause, just fell asleep and died. I think he died because of me. Everyday he would tell me how I had my mother's angel like face.
When he died, I knew it was my mothers face that killed him. So at six, I pulled out a knife, and began to cut at my face, until I passed out. I hadn't been trying to kill myself, I had been trying to cut my face off. My mom's face, the one that killed my dad.
It worked, I made my self ugly.
But it didn't change the fact that my mother was still dead. I had tried so hard to try and not think how my mother died. That my mother loved me so much, she died giving me life. But I realize...
You know what?
You were right.
She wanted to die, because she had me...me...I was what killed her.
So...
Now I know how you feel, and you know how I feel.
Kudos, to you Hiei.
Kazuma Kuwabara.
=============================================================================
Hiei stood shaking, and dropped the letter. He tried to turn to leave, when the hand on the back of his neck squeezed him. "No Hiei! Look! DAMXIT LOOK!"
He did.
Kuwabara sat in the middle of Genkai's room, where Hiei visited daily, for it was the one next to Yukina's. The one he could sit in and listen to Yukina's breathing, and then leave.
Kuwabara sat in a chair, his hands folded neatly in his lap. A small smile on his face, his hair let down, and looking wonderfully curly. There was only one thing amiss.
In his left hand there was a bloody knife, and from his left ear, to the right edge of his mouth, his throat was slit.
Yusuke released Hiei's neck, throwing him on the floor. "Hiei...when you die you'll goto Hell! HELL!" Yusuke was screaming tears pouring down his face. Kurama, Genkai and Boeton tried to calm him down, grabbing at him as he pointed a glowing finger at Hiei's head.
Hiei turned watching as Kurama punched Yusuke in the face. Yusuke went quiet, and with tears pouring down his eyes, whispered, "Hiei...I don't care if you lost it yesterday. I don't give a fuXk about what you said to me. But how could you bring up his mother like that?"
Yusuke sat on the ground, and with no emotion in his voice whispered, "How could YOU of all people, say that?"
Hiei looked back at the bloody corpse and did something most unexpected. He laid down on the hard wood floor and cried.
But tears won't bring back the dead.