Chapter 2: Be Vewy, Vewy Quiet
"Okay, guys, I really don't understand why you all have to come with me," Serge called over his shoulder, trying to appeal to all these weird people one last time as the mob trooped from Arni Village toward Lizard Rock.
"It's not fair, only letting Poshul come along," Marcy pouted. "And anyway, why are you letting that girl boss you around?"
"Hey, I said yesterday I'd find those Komodo Scales for her," Serge replied. "I offered. And if she jumped on the offer right away, well, Leena's enthusiastic when she hears an idea she likes. What's wrong with that? And breaking a promise would just make me a bad boyfriend, wouldn't it?"
"I still think she's a bossy cow, and I hate her," Marcy said airily. "Almost as much as I hate you, Serge."
"Oh, thanks a lot, Marcy," Leena huffed.
Serge looked nearly as miffed.
"Darn. I forgot the other one was here," the little girl grinned. "Sorry, Leena."
"What makes you think I'm so bossy, anyway?" Leena asked, a little hurt. "We've just met!"
"W-well," Marcy began hesitantly, "I was looking around on the Internet. All the girls in Serge's online fan-club told me you were."
Serge scratched his head as, a few steps behind them, Kid brandished her daggers menacingly.
"I have a fan-club?" he asked, perplexed.
"Oui, mon Serge," Harle purred, floating closer to him and holding a button out for his inspection.
Serge exclaimed in horror at the picture of him giving a thumbs-up, complete with cheesy grin, that decorated the front.
"I look like a moron!"
"Well! It would seem that twelve-year old girls the world round disagree," Leena giggled.
"Yeah," Marcy agreed. "One girl told me that she sleeps with her button under her pillow."
"Zat seemz dangerous," Harle noted, examining the pin sticking out of the back.
"Oh, forget it," Serge said, glaring at the unoffending button. "We're at Lizard Rock, and I really think that some of you should turn back."
"Why?" Norris asked, quite puzzled.
Serge sighed.
"Have you ever hunted Komodo dragons, Norris?"
"I don't believe I have. Why?"
"Do you know what happens when you make too much noise?"
"Other people get mad," Nikki suggested immediately.
"With the dragons, Nikki. With the – I asked Norris, anyway! You stay out of this!"
"I never get to talk," Nikki pouted. Miki took his hand consolingly.
"Anyway," Serge began once again, quite exasperated. "Norris, do you know what happens when you make too much noise while hunting Komodos?"
"No..."
"They run away."
"So I can imagine. But we'll be quiet."
"Yeah," Karsh agreed. "And won't it be easier with all of us? We'll surround the little bastard and jump on it!"
"I don't like that gleam in his eye," Riddel murmured to Janice, who was munching happily away on a carrot, as Serge wailed in exasperation,
"You'll ruin the scales!"
"Alright, alright," Kid spoke up, waving for everyone else to be quiet. "I don't know if I approve o' you goin' outta yer way to get a necklace for some girl, Serge-"
"Hey!" Leena exclaimed.
"-but we probably have to do it, or we'll be stuck here forever! So, here's what we do: we split up into four groups. The first group takes a dragon, the second group takes a dragon, and the third group takes a dragon."
"What does the fourth group do?" Guile asked mildly.
Kid glared at him.
"The fourth group stays the hell outta our way! Hey, why don't ya head up the fourth group, Guile?"
"No, thank-you," the young man said with a smile. "I believe there is somewhere in Arni where a person can get a drink." He turned to Steena. "Would you like to join me?"
"Well," she began slowly, "there is the rule about shrine maidens abstaining from alcohol if they can."
"Ice cream?"
"Deal."
And with the first lapse of characterization...this sentence...the two started back to the village.
"Ice cream?!" Marcy was meanwhile exclaiming. "No fair! Come on, Van! Come on, Mel! Come on, Leah! We're going with them to demand our share of the ice cream!"
"A LITTLE GIRL, DESPITE HER GREAT SKILL," Zoah would have mused with quiet fondness, had he been anyone else other than Zoah…and perhaps Fujin, who is beside the point, as she does not exist in this universe, but is off cuddling with Seifer somewhere in her own universe.
"I'm all for it," Serge shrugged. "In fact, don't the rest of you think that an ice cream would taste really good right about now?"
"You know, Serge, dude," Doc started, frowning suspiciously, "I get the feeling that you're trying to get rid of us."
"Good deduction,
Doc!" Serge exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation and
ducking to the side as the Mastermune, which had come free in the air, came
back down with a crash. "I've only been saying that for the fifteen minutes!"
"You should really try to relax,
Serge, dude," Doc said wisely. "You should've gone with the kids to get some
ice cream. Hunting Komodo Dragons might be a little too much for you."
"Y'know, this might really surprise you," Serge began through gritted teeth, "but the dragons aren't really the problem here."
"Hey, dude, I can tell when I'm not wanted," Doc said as angrily as his groovy self could.
Serge sighed, nearly regretting his harsh words as he waited for Doc's tearful exit. Not the manliest of men, was this Doc fellow...
The insanely well-equipped blue-haired young man frowned, as, after several minutes, Doc hadn't started back to the village.
"Uh...weren't you leaving?" he ventured slowly.
Doc grinned at him.
"Nope. I said I knew when I wasn't wanted, dude. I didn't say I'd oblige."
"Ugh," Serge groaned painfully.
"CHA," Orcha, Macha, and Korcha added helpfully.
"What?!"
"Quota," Orcha told him wisely.
"Oi!" Kid exclaimed, feeling that she had been sadly neglected in the conversation, as much fun as it had been seeing Serge growing that angry shade of red. "Weren't we decidin' on a plan?"
"Yeah!" Serge agreed enthusiastically. "And didn't it involve at least a quarter of you BUGGERING OFF?!"
"Enough of us're gone that we don't hafta do that anymore, mate," Kid told him kindly.
"Oh," he said thoughtfully.
A pause.
Then...
"Can we do it anyway?"
"I'll split us up into three groups," Kid was meanwhile continuing, wisely ignoring Serge, who seemed rather inclined to whine today, for reasons perhaps not entirely his fault.
"Don't put me with him," Pip requested, glancing nervously at Lynx and reflecting even more nervously that he looked hungry.
"And don't put me with you," Lynx added, eyeing Kid with veiled nervousness. "For your own safety, of course," he added hurriedly. After all, it would never do for everyone here to know that he, among the strongest and most fearsome creatures in the land, worried for his safety when left alone with a scrawny thing like that. Still, he didn't like the gleam in her eye, and he was well aware with the hidden, very unnatural strength of a woman scorned. Or otherwise pissed off.
"Okay. I'll keep that in mind," Kid agreed impatiently. "Now-"
"And don'tCHA put me with her," Korcha requested, inching away from Luccia, who was admiring her very shiny, rather rainbowey-looking needle. "I had all my shots."
"Fine," Kid said even more impatiently. "First, we'll-"
"Keep in mind zat I wish to be with Monsieur Serge, you scruffy little dog of a female," Harle said, arms crossed, eyeing the blonde coldly.
"Hold yer seahorses!" Kid exclaimed, wheeling furiously on Harle as her words sank in.
"Hold your...seahorses?" Leena repeated, scratching her head. "That doesn't make a lot of sense."
"Leena, you ought to be more tolerant of other people's catchphrases," Glenn said seriously.
"But...seahorses?"
"Alright! That's it! Everyone shut up before I kick yer sorry arses so far you kiss the moons!" Kid shouted, quite at the end of her tether. Her anger had little effect on the group that continued milling around the entrance of Lizard Rock.
"You really need some new catchphrases," Leena told her seriously.
"Okay," Kid began sweetly. "How's this one: SHUT UP!"
"Effective," Leena replied, holding her hands over her ears, her expression pained.
"Thanks," Kid grinned. "Now hold still while I number you into three groups. Group 1 will go with Serge, Group 2 will go with me, and Group 3 will go with-"
"Hey, hold on," Serge protested, quite hurt. "I thought I was in charge! Who said you could make all the decisions?"
"You weren't doin' anything, mate," Kid reminded him, crossing her arms and quirking an eyebrow at him.
"Well, now I'm ready, so I'm in charge again."
"Fine," Kid agreed mildly. "You divide us up."
"Okay!" Serge beamed. "I'll number you into three groups. Group 1 will go with me, Group 2 will go with Kid-"
"This is sounding familiar," Lynx commented dryly.
"I thought so, too," General Viper agreed, hiding a smile.
"Hey, can I finish, please?" Serge requested, annoyed.
"Sure thing, mate, I wanna see if yer better at this 'leader' thing that I am," Kid said, watching him intently.
"I'll show you," Serge said, mock-glaring at her. "Group 3 will go with…uh…with…with Poshul!"
Thirty-eight people blinked in simultaneous surprise and faint dismay.
"Poshul?"
"Why not?" Serge demanded with a shrug.
"I agree, Thergiepoo," Poshul added, rather hurt. "I can lead a group ath well ath anyone elthe."
"Why do I have a terrible feeling about where this is going?" Norris wondered aloud.
Serge glared at him.
"Never mind that! Let's just get going, okay?"
"Yeah," Orlha agreed. "I guess four pages is long enough to stand around, deciding what to do."
"With a group this big, I'd say four pages is pretty damn good," Karsh said.
"I believe the fourth vall has been rather badly shattered by this point," Luccia pointed out idly.
"If ye consider our situation, lass, it's not such a big deal," Fargo said with a chuckle.
"...Lass?"
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Twenty minutes later, minutes that were almost the death of Serge, who was not nearly as good at taking control as he was used to thinking he was, that same young man stalked angrily through Lizard Rock, scanning the caves and nooks for the gleam of the scales of the elusive Komodo Dragon.
"Serge," Doc called from several feet behind him. "Wait up, dude!"
"I'd rather not," Serge called back through gritted teeth.
"Dude, I know you're mad," Doc said apologetically as he jogged up to the younger man.
"Of course he's mad," Leena giggled. "He had a Komodo, and you jumped on him and pummelled him until he let it go!"
"I didn't think it was a fair fate for such a playful, innocent, light-hearted creature to be turned into a necklace so young! Is this to be his youth? Hanging around the neck of a young woman, squeezed for the rest of his existence between her – wow, dude. That doesn't sound so bad!"
"So, does that mean you'll stay out of my way until I catch it again?" Serge asked hopefully.
"Sure, dude," Doc agreed with a shrug. "I'd kind of like to take a closer look at some of the plant life around here."
"I vill come vith you," Luccia announced. "I doubt that I vill learn anything new, but perhaps I can teach you a thing or two."
"DOES THAT MEAN THAT DOC IS GOING TO GET LUCKY?" Zoah wondered as they ambled off to a rock to study a random water sample, or whatever it is smart people do – I wouldn't know.
"Hey, why don't you say that a little louder?" Serge suggested sarcastically. "I think there's a guy in the village who didn't hear you!"
"Did I just hear somethin' about Doc gettin' lucky?" Kid demanded, approaching from the upper left-hand area of Lizard Rock.
"How on earth did he manage that?" Orlha wondered with a fond smile as she followed. "I guess miracles do happen."
"Hey, hold on," Serge said suspiciously. "Where's the rest of your group?"
"Playin' hackey-sack," Kid sighed, shaking her head. "Nikki had one with him."
"Uh…right. Anyway, did you get my Komodo?" Serge asked the blonde girl eagerly.
Rolling her eyes, she held out the shiny object.
"All right! Two more!" Serge exclaimed jubilantly.
"Well, then get to it," Kid urged, arms crossed, foot tapping in great irritation.
"Fine," Serge grumbled. "Hear that, everyone? Let's corner one of those little bastards and take its scales by force…and laugh!"
"Hey; think he's getting a little too into this?" Karsh murmured to Orlha.
"Just a little," Orlha would doubtlessly have replied, had there been anyone to reply it to. However, by the time she got her mouth open, Karsh was gone.
Glancing around confusedly, she then sighed and shook her head at the sight of the axe-wielding Deva scurrying over the rocks after the little creature, giggling maniacally and brandishing the aforementioned axe above his head.
"Get back here, ya slimy bastard!" he bellowed.
Needless to say, the Komodo Dragon seemed to feel no pressing urge to comply.
"Good job, Karsh!" Serge called to his friend, turning briefly from where he was chatting animatedly with Leena. "Keep on its trail!"
"I don't think so, mate," Kid said through gritted teeth, seizing Serge by the arm and steering him over to where Karsh was now yelling at a small pond in the rock, presumably one that the Komodo had just jumped into.
"Hey, dude, will you calm down?" Doc implored from the other side of the pond.
"You vill scare avay all the creepy-crawlies in the vater," Luccia added, peering sternly over her glasses at him.
"Yeah, Karsh," Serge agreed. "And yelling at the Komodo won't make it come out any sooner."
Karsh eyed Serge sceptically.
"Then whaddaya you suggest, kid?"
"Well, first, get away from the edge of the water!" Serge said exasperatedly, tugging Karsh along with him.
Karsh nodded.
"Now what?"
"Act like you're not paying attention. And whatever you do, don't jump at it the second it comes out of the water!"
"Sure," Karsh agreed. "Don't attack it the second it comes out of the water. Under no circumstances, do we attack the second that dragon comes out of the water. Got it."
"Why do I think that's a miracle too good to last?" Serge wondered, rubbing his forehead wearily.
He was to find out in short order, when he glanced up a second later to find Karsh gone.
Peering about him in confusion, he flopped forward in dismay, a sweatdrop suspended at the side of his head, at the sight of Karsh flying through the air at the Komodo Dragon who had just taken its first shaky steps from the water.
With a frightened yelp, the little creature darted back into the water, but Kid, who, as she always said, was more than just a pretty face, had thought quickly enough to get between the dragon and the water. Unfortunately, no one else seemed to be thinking quickly enough to get between the dragon and its other route of escape.
"Ach! What're ye doin' b'y?" Zappa bellowed at Karsh from the edge of a pond where he had spied something shiny and immediately supposed it to be some of the elusive Rainbow Shell.
"Oh, right," Karsh laughed sheepishly. "DON'T attack the second it comes out of the water! Don't! Got it."
Serge glared at the older man, and would have unleashed as vicious a tirade as he could manage, had a high-pitched scream of fright not interrupted him. As one, Serge, Leena, Kid, Zappa, Karsh, and Glenn, who had hitherto felt that the scene had neglected him most unforgivably, bolted in the direction of the scream.
The scene that awaited them was a curious one. Apparently, Miki's wispy sleeve thingies were enough for the Komodo that she had charmed into coming her way, to get irreversibly tangled in. When Norris, General Viper, and Korcha had decided to use this to their advantage, the much-sought-after creature had realized that his life would end soon, and bolted. Unfortunately, this had given Miki no time to disentangle herself, and thus she was dragged along after the dragon, bouncing painfully over the rocks. Brute physical strength had never been Miki's specialty...
"Oh, brother," Serge muttered, dropping his head to his hand.
"I'll save you, Miki!" Nikki assured her, leaping forward, gallant as ever had been fairy-tale hero.
Unfortunately, playing his guitar in the direction of the dragon had proved rather ineffective, save to make the dragon veer even more crazily about the rocks.
"You know, you can all feel perfectly free to jump in whenever you want," Miki called, the sound growing curiously louder and quieter in turn as she was dragged past the startled group.
Finally, at least one member of the group was able to overcome their surprise, and the next instant, the Komodo fell to the ground, unconscious, with Macha's frying pan resting over its head.
"Hey! We have a scale now!" Serge exclaimed jubilantly, bouncing over and retrieving the shiny object.
"Ow..." Miki said weakly, flopping to the ground exhaustedly.
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End Notes: [Pout] Well, that didn't go quite like I had planned...I had something much more chaotic in mind. Ah, well. There'll be plenty of time for unbridled chaos later on. We're only at Lizard Rock, after all. Geez...at this rate, this story'll be...really durned long, anyway.