SHINGU ATSUZEN
BLOOD, BOOGER AND A BUNCH OF IDIOTS
The sight of Booger Tower drew closer and closer, its foul smell getting thicker and thicker.
Goku : pinching his nose Eww … it really stinks … urgh …
Gojyo : already pinched his nose with a hair clip Why are we here, anyway? Oy, Sanzo!
Sanzo : had buried his face in his long-sleeved robe …
Goku : Uh oh! Hakkai!
Hakkai : his nose clamped tightly with a peg Nandeska?
Goku : Lump of slimy white pus!
Gojyo : Like – yuck, man …
Hakkai : Not to worry, just have to avoid it –
SLURG! PLURG! FLURG!
Sanzo : (his voice sounding muffled) Let's just get the heck out of here …
Gojyo : Whose idea was this to come here?
Nobody replied.
Gojyo : Oy, Hakkai! Why did you drive us here?!
Hakkai : Honestly, Gojyo, you were the one who asked me to take the right path at that junction just now.
Goku : Stupid ero kappa!
Gojyo : It's not entirely my fault! You agreed with me!
Goku : No, I didn't!
Gojyo : Yes, you did!
Goku : No, no, no, no, no, no!!!
Gojyo : Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Goku : NO TIMES ONE MILLION!
Gojyo : YES TIMES TWO MILLION!
Goku : NO TIMES INFINITY!
Gojyo : NO TIMES THE SUM OF TWO MILLION MULTIPLIED BY INFINITY!
Sanzo : takes out his gun SHUT THE CRAP UP, YOU TWO! IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT IT'S DAMN SMELLY OVER HERE!
Hakkai : Maa, maa, we could always turn back …
Just as they looked back, a huge, solid, brick wall appeared out of nowhere, blocking their exit.
Goku : Hey, who put that thing there???
Sanzo : Crapping bloody bullets …
Gojyo : Oh, shitmatta … my hair's gonna wrinkle up any moment …
Sanzo : Dammit … I hope it's not fate that brought us here … it's just your stupidity!
Goku : You're calling me stupid?!
Sanzo : Yes, you idiotic monkey kid! YOU'RE DAMN STUPID!
Gojyo : laughing
Sanzo : You're no better, either! YOU'RE STUPID LIKE HECK!
Hakkai : takes a deep breath I think - UWEK!
Gojyo : Oi, Hakkai! What's wrong with you?!
Hakkai : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!
Goku : He's transforming!
Sanzo : Idiot, he's not transforming, he's yelling, for crying out loud, you idiotic idiot!
Hakkai : looks as if he was about to choke to death I – s - sucked in s-smelly f-foul … - BOOGER AIR!
Sanzo : Quit it, idiot.
Hakkai : trying to breath properly HAAAAA!!! FOOOOO!!! HAAAAA!!! FOOOOO!!!
Gojyo : Oh, how bad can this get?
KERUM! KABOOM! BOOM! KERUM!
The clouds turned leaf green, the sky turned gold and it started to rain heavily. Another WEIRD thing was that the raindrops were BLOODY RED!!!
Sanzo : What the –?
Goku : sniffing Raindrops don't smell like this.
Gojyo : You mean – you actually smell rain??? Oh, you're such a genuine bakazaru, Goku!
Goku : Don't expect a thank you from me!
Gojyo : Ach, double shitmatta! The rain's staining my clothes!
Sanzo : Idiots, it's raining blood, you idiotic idiots!
Goku : BLOOD?!
Hakkai : crawling on the floor, clutching his throat HAA!!! FOO!!! HAA!!! FOO!!! HAA!!! FOO!!!
Gojyo : Hey, the colour goes well with my hair, eh?
Sanzo : Shut the crap up!
Goku : Let's run into the tower before we get all bloody!
Gojyo : INTO THE TOWER?!?!?! It's stinking hell inside there, bakazaru!
Hakkai : (you can say he's suffering from a bad case of asthma) HAAAAA!!! FOOOOO!!! HAAAAAA!!! FOOO!!! HAAAA!!!! FOOOOO!!!
Goku : Doesn't HA mean prawn and FU mean pants in Cantonese?
Sanzo : I don't care a damn about it! Get on the blasted jeep now!
Hakkai : cross-eyed already HAAAAA!!! FOOOOO!!! HAAAAA!!! FOOOOO!!! HAAAAA!!! FOOOOO!!!
Goku and Gojyo hopped into the blood-flooded (or should I call it bloody …?) jeep and pulled the asthmatic Hakkai in. Sanzo stomped on the pedal and they drove off like an F1 Ferrari.
As soon as they dramatically crashed into the Booger Tower (knock down those booger walls, yea!), Sanzo immediately jumped out of the jeep, cursing and swearing. Everyone was drenched from head to toe, clothes dyed red. The atmosphere around them was stinking horrible … or, in other words, you could die in it. The booger-scent air was so strong and thick that the only colour you could see was green (that's besides the bloody red Sanzo-ikkou who're definitely HARD TO MISS).
Sanzo : Crapping bloody bullets …
Gojyo : Now I know why Hakkai's always driving! You drive like shit, Sanzo!
Goku : Hey, this blood tastes good … starts sipping blood from the over-flowing blood jeep
Gojyo : Oh, please, you're not a vampire, bakazaru!
Hakkai : (his mouth gets bigger every time) HAAAAA!!! FOOOOO!!! HAAAAA!!! FOOOOO!!! HAAAAA!!! FOOOOO!!!
Sanzo : Stupid, idiotic, crapping, crud, damn bloody rain …
Gojyo : Look! I'm all wet and red! Yeesh … stupid corrupt monk …
Sanzo : SHUT THE CRAP UP!!! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE ALL WET?!
Gojyo : Don't you have a monk driving license?! You drove as if you couldn't control the steering wheel!
Sanzo : What the heck's your problem, red idiotic idiot?
Gojyo : You drove zigzagged so the blood in the jeep splashed all over us! I think I even swallowed some!
Goku : Mmm!!! This blood is yummy! slurps the blood inside the jeep
Gojyo : cringing slightly Nozaru, you're creeping me out, you know.
Goku : faces Gojyo, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth It's nice! Try it!
Gojyo : Only total idiots would do that.
Hakkai : (about to fall out of the jeep) FAAAAA!!! POOOOO!!! FAAAAA!!! POOOOO!!! FAAAAA!!! POOOOO!!!
Sanzo : For crap-ness sake, stop that idiotic crap, Hakkai, you idiotic idiot!
Hakkai : FAAAAA, POOOOO???
PLOP!
Hakkai did a back-flip somersault and fell to the ground.
Hakkai : his mouth practically kissing the booger-ish ground FA-HAAAA!!! POO-HOOOO!!! FA-HAAAA!!! POO-HOOOO!!!
Goku : I love BLOOD!
Gojyo : Just quit it with the blood, bakazaru!
Goku : Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got blood in my tummy …
Gojyo : Oh, this bloody place stinks like hell …
Sanzo : Yeah, like you!
Hakkai : FAAAAA!!! POOOOO!!! FAAAAA!!! POOOOO!!!
Gojyo : NANDATOOOOO?!?!?!
Sanzo : YOU STINK AND SMELL LIKE BOOGER, OLD FART!!!
Hakkai : FAAAAA!!! POOOOO!!! FAAAAA!!! POOOOO!!! FAAAAA!!! POOOOO!!!
Gojyo : SAY THAT AGAIN!!!
Sanzo : YOU STINK AS BAD AS THIS CRAP BOOGER PLACE!!
Goku : I love you, you love me, I like drinking red liquid …
Gojyo : PREPARE TO DIE, CORRUPT MONK!
Goku : … with a great big gulp and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you'll be mine too?
Hakkai : freezes for a moment then hunches, his hands sticking out MY PRRRRECIOUSSSSS … MY PRRRRRECIOUSSSSS!!!
Goku : Drink me, baby, one more time … gulps down a whole thing of blood
Sanzo : Beware of San-Zo Jinn!takes out a purple-coloured light saber
Gojyo : Oh, yeah?! takes out a red-coloured light saber Sha-Gojyo-Kenobi will bring you down to pieces!
Sanzo : Go to hell, idiotic idiot!
Gojyo : ARGH!!! charges at Sanzo
Sanzo : DIE, UNGIFTED ONE! charges at Gojyo
Hakkai : breathing loudly Prrrrreciousssss … where is prrrrreciousssss … ?
Goku : Oops, I drank you again …
Hakkai : I WANT PRRRRRECIOUSSSSS!!!
(Gojyo and Sanzo battling like those Jedis from Star Wars)
Sanzo : You're just wasting time fighting me, idiotic evil idiot! I'm sure to win!
Gojyo : Ahem, you're the idiotic evil idiot, not me! And I'm sure to win!
Sanzo : Shut up, I'm gonna win and that's a fact!
Gojyo : You can't prove that it's a fact yet until you've won!
Sanzo : SHIINE, IDIOTIC PIG!!!
Gojyo : DIE, YOU UGLY BOAR!!!
Hakkai : (uh oh)takes another deep breathI want prrrrrecioussss!!! I want – UWEK!!!
Goku : You want uwek? licking blood from the tip of his fingers
Hakkai : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
Sanzo : Idiotic asthmatic idiot! Stop breathing in too deeply!
Gojyo : DIE, SAN-ZO GENN!!! lunges forward
Sanzo : dodges him and spits on Gojyo TAKE THAT!
Gojyo : (the spit landed on top of his head) ACH! Acidic mouth saliva!
Sanzo : cackles like a mad man KYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Gojyo : NOOOOO!!! I'M BALDING!!!
Goku : Oh, triple shitmatta!!! The blood's finished! looks around for more blood
Hakkai : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
Goku : Goku has a thirst for blood, thirst for blood, thirst for blood …
Gojyo : NO! MY HAIR!!!
Sanzo : NYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Hakkai : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
Goku : Goku has a thirst for blood and he wants it right now …
Gojyo : ACH! MY BA-YU-TI-FOOL HAIR'S DISAPPEARING!!!
Sanzo : BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Hakkai : Hey, you blonde fool!
Sanzo : What the heck did you just call me?!
Hakkai : Interested in dueling with me?
Goku : Whenever drank the blood, in the jeep on my own …
Sanzo : Who wouldn't be?
Gojyo : sobbing I never thought I'd be bald one day …
Hakkai : All right, fellow wizard, prepare to be defeated once and for all!
Sanzo : Oh, PA-LEESE …
Goku : Sing a song of red blood, a pocket full of blood, I want some more yummy blood, baked in some blood!
Hakkai : a wand magically appears in his hand RICTUSEMPRA!!!
Sanzo : uses his gun as a wand Hah, you missed! MIMBLE WIMBLE!!!
Hakkai : sticks out his tongue You missed, too! FLIPENDO!!!
Sanzo : What the crap?! You trying to flip me over?! EXPELLIARMUS!!!
Gojyo : It took me so long to grow back my hair - and now … sob … it's gone …
Hakkai : DIFFINDO!!!
Sanzo : What do you think I am, stupid?! Do I look like a plant to you?!
Hakkai : A yellow mushroom, infact!
Sanzo : SKURGE!!!
Hakkai : I'M NOT GHOST SLIME FOR GOSH-NESS SAKE! ENGORGIO!!!
Goku : I miss you like crazy … even more than those pork buns …
Sanzo : WHAT'RE YOU TRYING TO ENLARGE?! AVADA NEUTROGENA!!!
Gojyo : Neutrogena? Hey, doesn't Flora Chan use Neutrogena?
Hakkai : the spell hits him ARGH! NO! NOT THE MOISTURIZING SPELL!
Sanzo : To tell you the truth, you skin looks horribly oily and yucky like BOOGER!!!
Hakkai : ARGH! IT HURTS LIKE TAU FOO FA!!!
Gojyo : Hey, it actually works, you know … I used Neutrogena and the zit on my forehead vanished so quickly …
Goku : You mean you've actually used Neutrogena before?! I thought it was for girls!
Sanzo : So, you had a zit before, eh?
Gojyo : What's wrong with that? vein throbbing Didn't you have one before?
Sanzo : Drinking a large amount of Hannya's water everyday keeps my forehead from getting lumpy.
Gojyo : Stupid monk.
Hakkai : OH, NO! I'VE GOT A ZIT!!!
Goku : Where?! (sounding absolutely delighted) I can pop it for you and suck the blood from it so that –
Hakkai : DON'T TOUCH ME, FILTHY MUDBLOOD!
Gojyo : I never knew you knew anything about Harry Potter, Hakkai.
Hakkai : covering his forehead The name's Draco Malfoy.
Sanzo : Oh, and I'm supposed to be the famous Harry Potter?
Goku : Come on … I'm thirsty like heck …
Gojyo : I've got an idea : cut your finger and drink the blood oozing out of it.
Goku : Bangali you.
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
Gojyo : Who the hell's laughing?!
"BWAHAHAHAHAAHAH!"
Goku : Maybe we can ask that person if he or she has some blood ...
Gojyo : … stupid monkey, you're still at it?
Goku : I'm so thirsty I could die of thirst, Gojyo! Gimme some of your blood!
Gojyo : Wha? Me?! Go to hell, Goku!
"GYAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!"
Sanzo : Cih, you call that laughing? I can laugh better than that!
"NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Hakkai : Hah, there's only one person in this universe who could be that laughing ghost! It's – VOLDEMORT!
Gojyo : gasp VOLDEMORT! NO!
Sanzo : Who the heck's Voldibort? He sure sounds like an idiot! He can't even laugh properly, not like me! KAHKAHKAHKAHKAH!!!
Gojyo : When have you started laughing like that, corrupt monk? You're freaking me out, dude!
Sanzo : KEEHKEEHKEEHKEEH!!!
Goku : Does he have some blood for me?
Hakkai : Bwah, you?! I doubt it! He'd never - falls to the ground, unconscious
Sanzo : Hey, look at the idiotic fainter! He's fainted again! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Goku : Maa … I was hoping for some … sits on Hakkai's back
"YAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Sanzo : MWAHAHAHAHAH!!
"MIAHAHHAHAHAH?"
Sanzo : BAUAHGYAHAH!
"AAAAAAAAH!!! YAHAYAHAHAYHAHA?!"
Sanzo : KRAHAHA-NYAHA-BWAHA-DAH!
"WAKAHNIHHOBOHLAH!!!"
Sanzo : NAHDAHTOH?!
Gojyo : What in the world …? You're communicating by laughing?!
Sanzo : Nyeh? I'm just laughing, I don't understand myself.
Hakkai suddenly jumps up, fully conscious, dropping Goku on the floor.
Goku : ITAI! That bloody hurts, Hakkai! You must give me some blood in repay!
Hakkai : swirly eyed It's a race, it's a race!
Gojyo : And who are you now?
Hakkai : Me? I'm Enrico Pollini, and I'm in a race!
Gojyo : Aren't you –
Sanzo : BWAHAHAHAHAH!!! drops to the ground OF ALL PEOPLE?!
Hakkai : Look! I won a coin, a gold coin!takes out a gold coin from his pocket
Gojyo : Hey, aren't you that idiotic French guy from Rat Race?
Sanzo : I thought he was Spanish?
Goku : Ne, you watched that stupid movie, too?
Gojyo : Idiotic monkey, we watched it together!
Hakkai : Oh, isn't this wonderful …? Look at this place … what a beautiful place … have you seen this place?
Gojyo : rolls his eyeballs DUH! We're IN it!!
Sanzo : Beautiful?! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!! It's stinks like crazy!!!
Goku : twitches his nose Ne, I smell blood! I smell fresh blood!
Gojyo : Go get it, Fido!
Goku raced off into the darkness of the tower.
Hakkai : You have to pace yourselves! Carbohydrate is important, pasta is good, breathing – breathes in and out – is important!
Gojyo : Why don't –
KNOCK!
Suddenly, something hit Gojyo, sending him falling to the booger-ish floor.
Sanzo : Oroooooooo?!?!?!??!?!?
Hakkai : running all around the tower, not knowing where to go I'm winning, I'm winning!
"LET ME GO, YOU OLD FART!!!"
Goku carried a familiar-looking person to the definitely OOC Sanzo-ikkou and dropped her down.
Atsuzen : Watch it, I could've broken my butt-bone!
Goku : panting, his tongue stuck out WOOF!
Sanzo : Atsuzen?! WAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Hakkai : The key, the key! I've lost the key! Oh, no! I can't find it!
Atsuzen took out something that looked like a remote control from her pocket and threw it on the floor.
Goku : BWAK!
Sanzo : MAK!
Hakkai : BAPAK!
She started stomping on it.
Goku : MAMI!
Sanzo : SAMI!
Hakkai : SALAMI!
Then she started jumping on it.
Goku : TORTILLA!
Sanzo : MOZILLA!
Hakkai : GODZILLA!
Last of all, she took out her gun and shot it.
Goku : LET IT GO!
Sanzo : SHINJIYOU!
Hakkai : POOPOOT!!!
Atsuzen : Wake up, stupid people! The tensai is here!
Sanzo : blinks a few times What the -? What the heck are you doing here, Atsuzen?
Atsuzen : Oh, me? I was just …
Goku : Ugh … I think I taste blood … I feel like throwing up …
Hakkai : looks at his dirty, messy, booger-covered clothes Heheh … what's been going on?
Sanzo : And what is that idiot doing on the floor? Eating booger?
Gojyo was lying on the floor, still unconscious.
Atsuzen : laughing silently
Sanzo thrust a dirty look at Atsuzen.
Sanzo : What the hell have you been doing, Atsuzen?
Atsuzen : Why're you looking at me like that?! I didn't kill anyone!
Goku : You made me eat blood, didn't you?
Hakkai : Goku, you can't eat blood, but you can drink blood. clears his throat My throat hurts … massages his throat
Atsuzen : W-what?! Stop staring at me like that!
Sanzo grabbed Atsuzen's sweater and dragged her along the booger floor, pulling her outside. Hakkai carried Gojyo and followed. Goku was still examining the green floor when he heard the engine start.
Goku : WAIT JUST ANOTHER SECOND!
Waiting miraculously patient outside, Sanzo waited while having a good time hitting Atsuzen with his paper fan.
Hakkai : I wonder what's wrong with Gojyo …
Sanzo : Ask this bloody girl, she should know!
Atsuzen : All right, all right! I just threw a small stone at Gojyo's head, that's all!
Goku comes running out of the tower with his hands full.
Goku : Sorry, sorry!
Everyone got into the jeep and headed back to wherever they came from.
Atsuzen : What's that you got there, Goku?
Goku : holding something green, chewing on it Uh … it's …
Sanzo : Whatever it is, it stinks like hell.
Atsuzen had a closer look at the weird green thing Goku was eating. Suddenly, her eyes widened.
Atsuzen : HOLY SHIT! GOKU, YOU'RE EATING –
Goku : - I just thought it tasted good!
Atsuzen : BOOGER!