Notes: Thanks to all reviewers of the first chapter, especially those who
read it on my Livejournal and had to put up with my neglect of an LJ-cut.
Sorry, chaps. This chapter was mostly written at home, on my shiny new PC,
which isn't nearly as interesting as me writing about wizards doing naughty
things with other wizards of the same sex in a church, but I soon realised
I had no plot, merely "Lucius gets told to shag Remus, then Lucius shags
Remus," and when I got home I added a middle, complete with plot. Am glad I
included plot. Plot is our friend.
Wolfgang made a point of always being the first to breakfast, even on a Sunday morning when any sane person was still tucked up in their bed. He was used to having the entire breakfast hall to himself for the best part of an hour, accompanied only by the headmaster and the Quidditch teacher. Professor Stunt was a tall, broad, bearded man with bright red cheeks, who wore faded red robes, enormous boots with steel toe-caps, and a hat with a removable point (for storing brandy in, Wolfgang had discovered shortly before one of the most painful detentions of his life). Stunt was known to get up at four O'clock every morning to go for a brisk run in the forest, before showing up at the great hall for breakfast at six a.m. where he started eating huge piles of ham and salmon and didn't stop until nine- thirty. On Sundays he was frequently seen shooting buzzards with an ancient cross-bow, or throwing javelins at trout in the lake. Wolfgang admired him because there were very few people as stupid as professor Stunt. His level of stupidity took real effort.
This morning, however, things were different. Wolfgang sauntered into the great hall, said "Good morning, Professor!" sat himself down at the Slytherin table, helped himself to an enormous stack of pancakes, and found himself on the receiving end of a disgruntled glare.
"You threw off my train of thought," said Lucius Malfoy. He allowed himself a fraction of a second's false agony and added, "And you didn't even say good morning to me."
Wolfgang grinned at him. "Burning the candle at both ends, aren't we, Lucius? You weren't in bed until three a.m."
"I was plotting," said Lucius, dabbing at his mouth with a serviette.
"Lupin?"
"Of course. I saw him after you left for bed. I went for a walk, and he was returning to his dorm with Black and Potter. I have seen him before, Wolf, but you were right; no one would remember him. He's completely unremarkable, except. . ."
Wolf stuffed half a sausage into his mouth. "Yesh?"
Lucius shook his head. "Nothing. Ketchup."
Wolfgang slid the bottle across the table. "Except what?" he persisted.
"I said nothing."
"Like I said yesterday, you're a filthy liar." A sly grin crept over Wolfgang's face. "You like him, don't you? You saw him and you like him."
"You don't know what you're talking about; the boy is plain. He's a werewolf, that's my only interest in this conquest."
They both fell silent as other students began to fill the Great Hall. The Head Girl, who was also in Slytherin, took her seat next to Lucius. He paid her no attention. He had dated her for their entire sixth year, when she had still been interesting, and they had been elected head boy and girl shortly before he dumped her, a coincidence which she found as amusing as a porcupine-skin cushion placed tactfully in an inviting pile of very fluffy, comfortable-looking ones. However, she hadn't given up hope yet. She flipped her long dark hair and leaned close to him.
"Good morning, Lucius," she purred.
"Morning, Bellatrix," said Lucius, without looking up from his breakfast.
"'Allo, Bella!" chimed in Wolfgang. Bellatrix Black peered down her nose at him with the same expression used by posh high-society ladies when encountering something nasty on the bottom of their shoe.
"What are you?" she asked. "Lucius' new pet monkey?"
"It's Wolfgang," said Lucius absently. He had produced a text book and was flipping through it in a bored sort of a way. "He's been my friend since the first year. And he's in all your classes. Remember?"
"No." Bellatrix peered at Wolfgang again, then suddenly realised she'd wasted altogether too much time on him, time which could be spent pestering Lucius.
"Are you –"she began.
"No."
"You don't know what I was going to say!"
Lucius glanced up from his book. "Am I going to Hogsmeade? The answer is no."
Bellatrix scowled. She took a few moments to help herself to some toast, then turned back again, but she was too late. Wolfgang was tugging frantically at Lucius' sleeve. He leaned down towards the little man, who whispered something into his ear. Lucius' thin, pale eyebrows went up. Then he straightened up, and turned his attention back to Bellatrix.
"It appears I have changed my mind," he said. "My dear, may I escort you to Hogsmeade after lunch?"
Bellatrix put on her most radiantly triumphant expression. She beamed at him, showing him all her shiny white teeth, and then demonstrated her new pout. Lucius peered expectantly at her.
"No," she said.
Lucius was stunned, but he recovered almost instantly. He wiped a non- existent crumb from the shoulder of his pristine robes. "No? Why ever not?"
She gave him a genuinely sympathetic look which lasted for all of half a second, then rose to her feet. "I'm terribly sorry, Lucius," she said in a voice so loud that the entire Slytherin table and the Hufflepuffs next door would have no trouble hearing. "But I have a new boyfriend now. I know how much you'd love to take me to Hogsmeade, but I can't go with you. Goodbye." And she swept from the hall without a further word. Lucius stared after her, his eyebrows knitted in bewilderment; while beside him Wolfgang smacked his head on the table and stayed there.
"That was different," said Lucius, and everyone stopped staring at him and went back to the more interesting task of eating breakfast.
"Yes," said Wolf. "Of course, there's an interesting challenge in itself; win back Bellatrix Black."
"That would be an interesting one, yes." Lucius didn't seem to be paying attention. He was trying to peer all the way down the hall to the Gryffindor table. "Maybe later."
"Later? This is the girl you spent five years chasing!"
"Yes, I know."
Wolfgang looked a little worried. Lucius was oddly distracted, and he didn't like it at all. "Look," he muttered, "forget the boy. He was just a spur-of-the-moment idea. Wouldn't it be nice to see the look on Lestrange's face when you win back his girlfriend?"
Lucius had the decency to look impressed. "Lestrange? Interesting. Is there anything you don't know about the student body, Wolf?"
"If there is, it ain't worth knowing, Luci."
"If you call me Luci again I shall have you tortured in a variety of interesting ways."
"Sorry."
They were walking back from potions later that day when Lucius stopped dead in the corridor. Wolfgang walked into his back, then fell over, got trampled on by a number of people, and finally clambered to his feet.
"What was that for?" he demanded, poking Lucius viciously on the shoulder. "Someone could have got hurt!"
"Didn't you?"
"Not seriously, thanks."
Lucius hesitated for a fraction of a second, then his hand shot out like a striking snake and he shoved Wolfgang into the teeming corridor ahead of them. The red-head sprawled in an interesting and impossible formation at someone's feet, tried to stagger up again, caught sight of whose feet he was lying at and changed his mind.
"Ow," he said, raising a wrist pathetically to his forehead. "I am injured!" he added.
Lucius pushed a couple of first years aside. "Move away, please!" he called, making his way through the throng of people, all of whom were glaring angrily at Wolfgang and trying to get around him. "Come on, nothing to see here, on to your lessons, NOT you sir – "His hand shot out again and grabbed a small, bony shoulder. "You're a witness."
"But I didn't see –"the small boy began.
"Shh, not here, wait until we get to the prefect's room, it's just along this. . .oh, you are a prefect. How odd. Also very careless of me, must stay in touch with the other houses' prefects, but never mind that. Come along now."
Wolfgang watched Lucius lead Remus Lupin away, then grabbed hold of the nearest person and pulled himself up on their robes. Sirius Black gave him a horrified glare, swung his fist, and knocked the redhead out cold before stomping away down the corridor to join James outside the Charms classroom.
Wolfgang made a point of always being the first to breakfast, even on a Sunday morning when any sane person was still tucked up in their bed. He was used to having the entire breakfast hall to himself for the best part of an hour, accompanied only by the headmaster and the Quidditch teacher. Professor Stunt was a tall, broad, bearded man with bright red cheeks, who wore faded red robes, enormous boots with steel toe-caps, and a hat with a removable point (for storing brandy in, Wolfgang had discovered shortly before one of the most painful detentions of his life). Stunt was known to get up at four O'clock every morning to go for a brisk run in the forest, before showing up at the great hall for breakfast at six a.m. where he started eating huge piles of ham and salmon and didn't stop until nine- thirty. On Sundays he was frequently seen shooting buzzards with an ancient cross-bow, or throwing javelins at trout in the lake. Wolfgang admired him because there were very few people as stupid as professor Stunt. His level of stupidity took real effort.
This morning, however, things were different. Wolfgang sauntered into the great hall, said "Good morning, Professor!" sat himself down at the Slytherin table, helped himself to an enormous stack of pancakes, and found himself on the receiving end of a disgruntled glare.
"You threw off my train of thought," said Lucius Malfoy. He allowed himself a fraction of a second's false agony and added, "And you didn't even say good morning to me."
Wolfgang grinned at him. "Burning the candle at both ends, aren't we, Lucius? You weren't in bed until three a.m."
"I was plotting," said Lucius, dabbing at his mouth with a serviette.
"Lupin?"
"Of course. I saw him after you left for bed. I went for a walk, and he was returning to his dorm with Black and Potter. I have seen him before, Wolf, but you were right; no one would remember him. He's completely unremarkable, except. . ."
Wolf stuffed half a sausage into his mouth. "Yesh?"
Lucius shook his head. "Nothing. Ketchup."
Wolfgang slid the bottle across the table. "Except what?" he persisted.
"I said nothing."
"Like I said yesterday, you're a filthy liar." A sly grin crept over Wolfgang's face. "You like him, don't you? You saw him and you like him."
"You don't know what you're talking about; the boy is plain. He's a werewolf, that's my only interest in this conquest."
They both fell silent as other students began to fill the Great Hall. The Head Girl, who was also in Slytherin, took her seat next to Lucius. He paid her no attention. He had dated her for their entire sixth year, when she had still been interesting, and they had been elected head boy and girl shortly before he dumped her, a coincidence which she found as amusing as a porcupine-skin cushion placed tactfully in an inviting pile of very fluffy, comfortable-looking ones. However, she hadn't given up hope yet. She flipped her long dark hair and leaned close to him.
"Good morning, Lucius," she purred.
"Morning, Bellatrix," said Lucius, without looking up from his breakfast.
"'Allo, Bella!" chimed in Wolfgang. Bellatrix Black peered down her nose at him with the same expression used by posh high-society ladies when encountering something nasty on the bottom of their shoe.
"What are you?" she asked. "Lucius' new pet monkey?"
"It's Wolfgang," said Lucius absently. He had produced a text book and was flipping through it in a bored sort of a way. "He's been my friend since the first year. And he's in all your classes. Remember?"
"No." Bellatrix peered at Wolfgang again, then suddenly realised she'd wasted altogether too much time on him, time which could be spent pestering Lucius.
"Are you –"she began.
"No."
"You don't know what I was going to say!"
Lucius glanced up from his book. "Am I going to Hogsmeade? The answer is no."
Bellatrix scowled. She took a few moments to help herself to some toast, then turned back again, but she was too late. Wolfgang was tugging frantically at Lucius' sleeve. He leaned down towards the little man, who whispered something into his ear. Lucius' thin, pale eyebrows went up. Then he straightened up, and turned his attention back to Bellatrix.
"It appears I have changed my mind," he said. "My dear, may I escort you to Hogsmeade after lunch?"
Bellatrix put on her most radiantly triumphant expression. She beamed at him, showing him all her shiny white teeth, and then demonstrated her new pout. Lucius peered expectantly at her.
"No," she said.
Lucius was stunned, but he recovered almost instantly. He wiped a non- existent crumb from the shoulder of his pristine robes. "No? Why ever not?"
She gave him a genuinely sympathetic look which lasted for all of half a second, then rose to her feet. "I'm terribly sorry, Lucius," she said in a voice so loud that the entire Slytherin table and the Hufflepuffs next door would have no trouble hearing. "But I have a new boyfriend now. I know how much you'd love to take me to Hogsmeade, but I can't go with you. Goodbye." And she swept from the hall without a further word. Lucius stared after her, his eyebrows knitted in bewilderment; while beside him Wolfgang smacked his head on the table and stayed there.
"That was different," said Lucius, and everyone stopped staring at him and went back to the more interesting task of eating breakfast.
"Yes," said Wolf. "Of course, there's an interesting challenge in itself; win back Bellatrix Black."
"That would be an interesting one, yes." Lucius didn't seem to be paying attention. He was trying to peer all the way down the hall to the Gryffindor table. "Maybe later."
"Later? This is the girl you spent five years chasing!"
"Yes, I know."
Wolfgang looked a little worried. Lucius was oddly distracted, and he didn't like it at all. "Look," he muttered, "forget the boy. He was just a spur-of-the-moment idea. Wouldn't it be nice to see the look on Lestrange's face when you win back his girlfriend?"
Lucius had the decency to look impressed. "Lestrange? Interesting. Is there anything you don't know about the student body, Wolf?"
"If there is, it ain't worth knowing, Luci."
"If you call me Luci again I shall have you tortured in a variety of interesting ways."
"Sorry."
They were walking back from potions later that day when Lucius stopped dead in the corridor. Wolfgang walked into his back, then fell over, got trampled on by a number of people, and finally clambered to his feet.
"What was that for?" he demanded, poking Lucius viciously on the shoulder. "Someone could have got hurt!"
"Didn't you?"
"Not seriously, thanks."
Lucius hesitated for a fraction of a second, then his hand shot out like a striking snake and he shoved Wolfgang into the teeming corridor ahead of them. The red-head sprawled in an interesting and impossible formation at someone's feet, tried to stagger up again, caught sight of whose feet he was lying at and changed his mind.
"Ow," he said, raising a wrist pathetically to his forehead. "I am injured!" he added.
Lucius pushed a couple of first years aside. "Move away, please!" he called, making his way through the throng of people, all of whom were glaring angrily at Wolfgang and trying to get around him. "Come on, nothing to see here, on to your lessons, NOT you sir – "His hand shot out again and grabbed a small, bony shoulder. "You're a witness."
"But I didn't see –"the small boy began.
"Shh, not here, wait until we get to the prefect's room, it's just along this. . .oh, you are a prefect. How odd. Also very careless of me, must stay in touch with the other houses' prefects, but never mind that. Come along now."
Wolfgang watched Lucius lead Remus Lupin away, then grabbed hold of the nearest person and pulled himself up on their robes. Sirius Black gave him a horrified glare, swung his fist, and knocked the redhead out cold before stomping away down the corridor to join James outside the Charms classroom.