Lchan: People, I luv you SOOOOOO much!!
To whom this may concern:
Since the title is "Choices" this will be about, well, choices! So Syaoran got to choose between living and fighting. Sakura will now have to choose between Syaoran and Tomoyo. Sakura's a little OOC here (BAAAAD Sakura!!). Let's say she's just WAY too touchy after the fight.
I luv you, peeps!!
V-Sakura's Dilemma
"Hora, Sakura-chan. Here's your wand."
"Arigato, Tomoyo-chan...is that Syaoran-kun's sword?"
"It needs his magic to work, but yes...it is his sword...in ball and...STRINGS form...Uhm...to the hospital please, Yumi--"
"No!! Please, let's go to YOUR place, Tomoyo-chan."
"But, Sakura...we have no doctors there. Syaoran needs help and if we can get the best medical care for him we'll get it. That means the hospital..."
Sakura stubbornly shook her head. "No...just no." She leaned forward in her seat and tapped the lady-bodyguard-driver's shoulder. "To MY house, please," she said.
"No! Touya and Kero will kill him!!" Tomoyo cried out. "Home please, Yumi- san." She flashed Sakura a pleading look. "Sakura-chan, please... I just..."
"He doesn't like hospitals!!" Sakura defended, flashing Tomoyo a look which she had never used on her best friend before. "I don't want him to wake up not liking where he is!!"
"Okay, okay, I understand."
"I can only WISH that you really do..."
"I do! Swear! But you know he still needs a doctor."
"I know. But he'll make it. I know he will."
"I didn't say he won't."
"...Sou..."
Tomoyo bit her lip, cast her amethyst eyes down and considered what Sakura had said. Then her gaze hardened as she weighed her side with her best friend's. She raised her eyes.
"He could die of hypothermia, Sakura! Haven't you even thought about that!?"
"He's NOT going to die!" Sakura wailed. "You hear me!? He's not, NOT going to die!! You're being such a pessimist! I thought you'd help me through this!! And now all you're offering me is that Syaoran might DIE!?!? What's up with you!?!? I thought you were my best friend, but now I get the feeling that you don't even care!!"
Tomoyo bit her lip as tears welled up in her eyes. This was too much. She was just trying her best to help. She didn't need her best friend shouting at her. She didn't need to be shoved to the side because she was trying to pull Syaoran out of the water. She didn't need to be glared at because she was sympathizing!!
A turmoil of emotions brought out her harsh retort.
"It's YOU who doesn't care, Kinomoto Sakura!! I can't believe you didn't know that I CARE!? After all those years you DIDN'T KNOW!?!? Don't be blind...don't ACT blind!
"I care about you--that you're emotionally and physically hurt, and that's why I'm in this stupid car with you offering you a ride to the hospital!! I care that Syaoran might die of hypothermia because I don't want to lose him any more than you do! I care about our friendship and that's why I'm doing my best to help!!"
She stopped to catch her breath, but her emotions ran wild.
"I care about you just as much as I care about Syaoran--but YOU!! When have you ever shown you cared!?!? Because you cry over him!? Yeah, that's real caring alright. But to ME. ME, your supposed-to-be best friend! You scream my name when I get accidentally involved in your adventures and that's it!?!? Oh yeah. You do care. But what about NOW!? Don't I even matter to you at this moment!? How I feel!?!? How I'm praying with all my might that's he's NOT going to die as well...? Don't you get it? Can't you see that!? Just that. Just that tiny detail...you couldn't even see that?
"I once thought that you were cute all dense and innocent like that...and you looked good in my costumes...I had fun sewing...I liked seeing my works worn by a girl who can put them to good use and can move as good as you can. But you're not just being dense right now, and neither are you being innocent. You're just...you're just being--"
She tore her heliotrope eyes away and choked down the rest of her words. "Please, Sakura...don't act blind..." she finally murmured instead.
And she broke off into deeply offended sobs.
Sakura's tears had started to fall again at the sight of her best friend's pained face, deep hurt and anger flooding the normally radiant amethyst eyes. "T-Tomoyo-chan..." She reached out a hand and touched her friend's shoulder. "I'm sorry--"
Tomoyo jerked away from her touch and averted her eyes from Sakura's guilty gaze, covering her face with her hands.
"Tomoyo-chan, I'm so sorry..."
But Tomoyo wouldn't turn back around and refused to listen, her tears flowing endlessly.
Tomoyo's House
"Tomoyo, please...I didn't mean to hurt you..."
Tomoyo ignored her. But even thooough she might be spiteful, her voice didn't betray it. In fact, she spoke to Yumi in her usual sweet tones, addressing Sakura with no less affection as well. But there was something in her that changed. Sakura knew that, for the affection sounded somewhat hollow...
"Yumi, please get Syaoran," the violet-eyed beauty requested, her voice light and airy. "He'll be staying with us for the night. So is Sakura. He'll be staying in the guest room beside MY room. Sakura will sleep in the other room beside his. Please get the rooms ready. Lots of blankets and mats for Li-kun's, okay?"
"Hai, Daidouji-san. But...Sakura-san won't be sleeping in your room?"
"No, Yumi, she's not. The extra bed is...unavailable."
"I'll find another one in no time."
"No, I don't want to trouble you anymore than I already have. But thank you anyway..."
"Anytime, Tomoyo-san."
Tomoyo turned to Sakura. "Syaoran's there." She gestured towards the bodyguard who had Syaoran in her arms. "You know where he'll be sleeping. You heard."
Tomoyo had avoided Sakura's eyes the whole time she talked. She turned her back to go when Sakura caught her wrist.
"Tomoyo-chan, please!" she pleaded. "I can't sleep unless you forgive me!!"
Tomoyo just gave her a soft, empty smile and gently pulled her wrist from her grasp. Her amethyst eyes softened slightly. "Oyasuminasai, Sakura." And she walked away.
Sakura almost cried. She wasn't stupid not to notice that her name had lost that special 'chan' that signified their closeness in Tomoyo's recently updated vocabulary. She couldn't believe how messed up that evening was. She'd just used Freeze on Syaoran and now she drove her best friend away...
She was so stupid! How could she have le something like this happen to her and her friends??
A soft moan from behind her called her attention, and she whipped her head back. All thoughts of Tomoyo flew out of her mind. "Syaoran-kun!!!"
Tomoyo, eyes covered by her smooth black tresses, stood just inside the doorway, leaning exhaustedly against the wall. She could feel Sakura's gaze as she left, heard the moments of silence that Sakura used to clear her head, and listened when Syaoran's name once again rent the air...
Tomoyo's heavily lashed eyes closed to keep more tears from falling. Her friendship with Sakura was falling apart. She knew that. Maybe Sakura didn't, but she did.
Because with Syaoran around, to Sakura, Tomoyo knew she was nonexistent.
Morning
Tomoyo creaked the door to Syaoran's room open as silently as she could. He was on the bed, covered with layers of thick blankets to keep him warm.
Hypothermia was a cold death. Brain going all confused and all...just giving up at the irregularity of your lowering blood pressure, probably wondering 'hey, it's so cold; is this body dead?' Then it would think that if it had no more body to keep on caring for, then what's the use for it to go on trying? And it would just shut down, not even knowing of its master's heavy, frozen struggle...
Syaoran's case was a bit more complicated. He had a burning fever right before fighting. The combat and exhaustion of using strength and magic made his temperature rise dramatically. And then there was that sudden plunge into the icy water, and the frozen moments with the Freeze Card...
Nobody was sure how he would end up...or where...
Now he was just there, fast asleep, making little progress from his predicament the night before. The only consolation was the fact that he was still breathing, but it was too meager to lift enough tension. He was dressed in a loose, white, long sleeved shirt and baggy, white, cotton pants. He was paler than ever, but he had somehow regained that don't-pity- me-don't-look-don't-touch sort of aura that had always enveloped him. His chestnut hair was messily displayed across his forehead, sweeping the pillow as he occasionally thrashed about.
Tomoyo offered Syaoran a silent prayer and closed the door, her eyes dropping with it. Then a familiar voice called out to her, and she snapped up.
"Ohayo, Tomoyo-chan!" Sakura said cheerily, stepping out from the room next to his.
Tomoyo hesitated. She was still offended at what Sakura had accused her of the evening before...but...she didn't want to loose Sakura completely. There was no use making the situation worse than it already was by shouting her heart out to her best friend, who would most probably cry and try to make amends, and then their nose could wake up Syaoran and make him even sicker...
Expressing her feelings wasn't worth all that...so she let go of her anger, temporarily...or maybe she just kept it in. Either way, she managed to look Sakura in the eye.
"Ohayo," she replied, sweetly, trying to sound as convincingly thrilled as she could. "Breakfast is ready downstairs. Let's go?"
Sakura paused. "...Is Syaoran-kun okay?"
Tomoyo's smile didn't waver. "Fine."
"Is he awake yet?"
"No. Soon."
And she went off, her black tresses waving behind her as if demonstrating a valediction.
Sakura could hardly keep from crying. "Tomoyo-chan..." She bit her lip. She glanced towards Syaoran's door and then flicked her confused emerald eyes in the general direction of Tomoyo's departure.
Breakfast with Tomoyo? That's good. But what about Syaoran!? She wanted to see him too!
'Why is this happening!?' she wondered. 'Why am I being made to choose between them!?!?' Sakura sniffed. 'Why do I have to face this!? Why can't I have both of them at once? I used to...didn't I?'
Or maybe not.
Flashback
Syaoran dropped down into the pool's slush, having been freed from his frozen cage, which had left him hanging in midair as soon as it disappeared.
SPLASHHH!!!!
"Sa...Sakura...chan..." Tomoyo whispered, amethyst eyes wide. "I...I'm sorry...I..." She didn't finish her sentence, ashamed at her uselessness. She dropped to her knees and reached over the water, grabbing Syaoran's soaked sleeve, which was floating near. She gathered her strength and tried to pull him to her.
Sakura, stunned and confused, once again burst into tears. "Syaoran-kun!!!" she screamed, dropping her wand as she ran towards the pool, where Tomoyo was desperately trying to pull Syaoran closer.
Almost without thinking, Sakura pushed her away and jumped into the water, her arms encircling Syaoran's torso as soon as she reached him. She hugged him close, tears streaking down her face.
"Syaoran-kun...Syaoran-kun, I'm so sorry...gomennasai...gomennasai!!"
Tomoyo rose to her feet from where Sakura had shoved her. She started to cry too, sympathy, hurt, and fear overcoming her strong facade. Silently, a tear slid down her porcelain cheeks. She lifted her camera and pressed the record button, hiding the turmoil of emotions she felt from the world behind the lens.
End of Flashback
Sakura's heart felt heavy in her chest. Guilt and panic rushed into her heart, and she knew that the only way to let them out was to cry gallons of tears and make peace with everyone whom she'd caused pain.
She leaned against the wall, eyes drowned in sorrow, already brimming with salty moisture. 'I guess I didn't really have them both at the same time. While with Tomoyo, I had Tomoyo. While with Syaoran, I had Syaoran. But while with Tomoyo AND Syaoran...I had...Syaoran-kun...because I...'
'I'm so stupid!' she screamed silently. 'How could I have hurt her like that!? How could I have shouted at her, accusing her that she doesn't care when she so obviously does? I'm the one who doesn't care! I'm the one who's insensitive enough to allow her best friend to feel that kind of pain!! I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid!!'
And she shook her head and berated herself silently, willing tears to keep from falling.
'But Syaoran...I love him, too! Shouldn't Tomoyo understand that!? Syaoran- kun is important to me too!'
And there Sakura stood in the corridor, contemplating and weighing both sides, never getting anywhere except making herself more and more confused.
Tomoyo...or...Syaoran...? It was an impossible decision!!
The idea of dining with someone whom she wasn't comfortable with wasn't very inviting. But it might be the key to repairing their friendship. Being with Syaoran would make her feel better, but she couldn't bear the thought of feeling those waves of guilt washing over her again.
"Doshiyo...?" she murmured, a trickle of salt water at last dripping down her cheek.
She shut her eyes tight to stop the rest from coming down...and then opened them, realizing another weakness: she was scared. She was afraid to solve her own problems. She just relied on time to heal everything.
"Sakura, you fool..." she grumbled to herself, softly, her voice quavering. Then she took a tentative step towards Syaoran's door. She let her hand reach out and touch the cold, metal surface of the knob.
"Am I doing the right thing?"
She twisted the circular simple machine and gently pushed the intricately designed door open. She peeked inside the room, her emerald eyes shining with fear, hope and anxiety.
"Syaoran-kun..."
She started to take a step closer to him...but then stopped. 'Doshiyo!?!?' her mind wailed. She took a deep breath and stepped back. The door gave a loud slamming sound, which Sakura hadn't intended to produce as she let it close behind her.
She bowed her head, thinking again, leaning against the closed door. She bit her lip and raised her head, coming, at long last, to a decision.
'Just for a moment. I won't be long.'
She gathered her courage and twisted the knob again, creaking the door open and sticking her pretty head inside.
"Sakura?" Tomoyo called, her feet pounding the stairs. "Aren't you going to join...?" She stopped when she saw Sakura peering inside the Chinese boy's room. "Oh, I see...of course, I understand...I'll come by later to check on you two, okay?" And she took off.
"Wait, Tomoyo-chan!! I'll be joining you for breakfast!!!!" Sakura called.
"No!! I mean, no. You stay with Syaoran. He needs you more than I do." Tomoyo offered her a soft smile.
Sakura couldn't smile back. "Tomoyo-chan...you're not hurt...are you?"
Tomoyo's smile widened a little. "Not a bit. Ja ne." And she ran off.
But Sakura knew Tomoyo was lying, and she didn't know what to do about it.
Tomoyo collapsed in her chair and felt the tears coming back. Sakura was replacing her. She had Syaoran now. Best friends don't matter anymore.
Tomoyo sighed. For once in her life, she passed up the chance to tape Syaoran and Sakura mush.
tbc
Lchan: Not much of a chapter, ne? I know. I'm sorry, minna. I let this chapter revolve around the Tomoyo-Syaoran conflict going on in Sakura's head. I'm suffering from a severe case of writer's block, so you see my dilemma. Well...I really didn't want to keep you people waiting, and once SEM break is over, I'll have less time updating this thing...please don't flame.
Oh, and gomennasai to Goten1986!!
To whom this may concern:
Since the title is "Choices" this will be about, well, choices! So Syaoran got to choose between living and fighting. Sakura will now have to choose between Syaoran and Tomoyo. Sakura's a little OOC here (BAAAAD Sakura!!). Let's say she's just WAY too touchy after the fight.
I luv you, peeps!!
V-Sakura's Dilemma
"Hora, Sakura-chan. Here's your wand."
"Arigato, Tomoyo-chan...is that Syaoran-kun's sword?"
"It needs his magic to work, but yes...it is his sword...in ball and...STRINGS form...Uhm...to the hospital please, Yumi--"
"No!! Please, let's go to YOUR place, Tomoyo-chan."
"But, Sakura...we have no doctors there. Syaoran needs help and if we can get the best medical care for him we'll get it. That means the hospital..."
Sakura stubbornly shook her head. "No...just no." She leaned forward in her seat and tapped the lady-bodyguard-driver's shoulder. "To MY house, please," she said.
"No! Touya and Kero will kill him!!" Tomoyo cried out. "Home please, Yumi- san." She flashed Sakura a pleading look. "Sakura-chan, please... I just..."
"He doesn't like hospitals!!" Sakura defended, flashing Tomoyo a look which she had never used on her best friend before. "I don't want him to wake up not liking where he is!!"
"Okay, okay, I understand."
"I can only WISH that you really do..."
"I do! Swear! But you know he still needs a doctor."
"I know. But he'll make it. I know he will."
"I didn't say he won't."
"...Sou..."
Tomoyo bit her lip, cast her amethyst eyes down and considered what Sakura had said. Then her gaze hardened as she weighed her side with her best friend's. She raised her eyes.
"He could die of hypothermia, Sakura! Haven't you even thought about that!?"
"He's NOT going to die!" Sakura wailed. "You hear me!? He's not, NOT going to die!! You're being such a pessimist! I thought you'd help me through this!! And now all you're offering me is that Syaoran might DIE!?!? What's up with you!?!? I thought you were my best friend, but now I get the feeling that you don't even care!!"
Tomoyo bit her lip as tears welled up in her eyes. This was too much. She was just trying her best to help. She didn't need her best friend shouting at her. She didn't need to be shoved to the side because she was trying to pull Syaoran out of the water. She didn't need to be glared at because she was sympathizing!!
A turmoil of emotions brought out her harsh retort.
"It's YOU who doesn't care, Kinomoto Sakura!! I can't believe you didn't know that I CARE!? After all those years you DIDN'T KNOW!?!? Don't be blind...don't ACT blind!
"I care about you--that you're emotionally and physically hurt, and that's why I'm in this stupid car with you offering you a ride to the hospital!! I care that Syaoran might die of hypothermia because I don't want to lose him any more than you do! I care about our friendship and that's why I'm doing my best to help!!"
She stopped to catch her breath, but her emotions ran wild.
"I care about you just as much as I care about Syaoran--but YOU!! When have you ever shown you cared!?!? Because you cry over him!? Yeah, that's real caring alright. But to ME. ME, your supposed-to-be best friend! You scream my name when I get accidentally involved in your adventures and that's it!?!? Oh yeah. You do care. But what about NOW!? Don't I even matter to you at this moment!? How I feel!?!? How I'm praying with all my might that's he's NOT going to die as well...? Don't you get it? Can't you see that!? Just that. Just that tiny detail...you couldn't even see that?
"I once thought that you were cute all dense and innocent like that...and you looked good in my costumes...I had fun sewing...I liked seeing my works worn by a girl who can put them to good use and can move as good as you can. But you're not just being dense right now, and neither are you being innocent. You're just...you're just being--"
She tore her heliotrope eyes away and choked down the rest of her words. "Please, Sakura...don't act blind..." she finally murmured instead.
And she broke off into deeply offended sobs.
Sakura's tears had started to fall again at the sight of her best friend's pained face, deep hurt and anger flooding the normally radiant amethyst eyes. "T-Tomoyo-chan..." She reached out a hand and touched her friend's shoulder. "I'm sorry--"
Tomoyo jerked away from her touch and averted her eyes from Sakura's guilty gaze, covering her face with her hands.
"Tomoyo-chan, I'm so sorry..."
But Tomoyo wouldn't turn back around and refused to listen, her tears flowing endlessly.
Tomoyo's House
"Tomoyo, please...I didn't mean to hurt you..."
Tomoyo ignored her. But even thooough she might be spiteful, her voice didn't betray it. In fact, she spoke to Yumi in her usual sweet tones, addressing Sakura with no less affection as well. But there was something in her that changed. Sakura knew that, for the affection sounded somewhat hollow...
"Yumi, please get Syaoran," the violet-eyed beauty requested, her voice light and airy. "He'll be staying with us for the night. So is Sakura. He'll be staying in the guest room beside MY room. Sakura will sleep in the other room beside his. Please get the rooms ready. Lots of blankets and mats for Li-kun's, okay?"
"Hai, Daidouji-san. But...Sakura-san won't be sleeping in your room?"
"No, Yumi, she's not. The extra bed is...unavailable."
"I'll find another one in no time."
"No, I don't want to trouble you anymore than I already have. But thank you anyway..."
"Anytime, Tomoyo-san."
Tomoyo turned to Sakura. "Syaoran's there." She gestured towards the bodyguard who had Syaoran in her arms. "You know where he'll be sleeping. You heard."
Tomoyo had avoided Sakura's eyes the whole time she talked. She turned her back to go when Sakura caught her wrist.
"Tomoyo-chan, please!" she pleaded. "I can't sleep unless you forgive me!!"
Tomoyo just gave her a soft, empty smile and gently pulled her wrist from her grasp. Her amethyst eyes softened slightly. "Oyasuminasai, Sakura." And she walked away.
Sakura almost cried. She wasn't stupid not to notice that her name had lost that special 'chan' that signified their closeness in Tomoyo's recently updated vocabulary. She couldn't believe how messed up that evening was. She'd just used Freeze on Syaoran and now she drove her best friend away...
She was so stupid! How could she have le something like this happen to her and her friends??
A soft moan from behind her called her attention, and she whipped her head back. All thoughts of Tomoyo flew out of her mind. "Syaoran-kun!!!"
Tomoyo, eyes covered by her smooth black tresses, stood just inside the doorway, leaning exhaustedly against the wall. She could feel Sakura's gaze as she left, heard the moments of silence that Sakura used to clear her head, and listened when Syaoran's name once again rent the air...
Tomoyo's heavily lashed eyes closed to keep more tears from falling. Her friendship with Sakura was falling apart. She knew that. Maybe Sakura didn't, but she did.
Because with Syaoran around, to Sakura, Tomoyo knew she was nonexistent.
Morning
Tomoyo creaked the door to Syaoran's room open as silently as she could. He was on the bed, covered with layers of thick blankets to keep him warm.
Hypothermia was a cold death. Brain going all confused and all...just giving up at the irregularity of your lowering blood pressure, probably wondering 'hey, it's so cold; is this body dead?' Then it would think that if it had no more body to keep on caring for, then what's the use for it to go on trying? And it would just shut down, not even knowing of its master's heavy, frozen struggle...
Syaoran's case was a bit more complicated. He had a burning fever right before fighting. The combat and exhaustion of using strength and magic made his temperature rise dramatically. And then there was that sudden plunge into the icy water, and the frozen moments with the Freeze Card...
Nobody was sure how he would end up...or where...
Now he was just there, fast asleep, making little progress from his predicament the night before. The only consolation was the fact that he was still breathing, but it was too meager to lift enough tension. He was dressed in a loose, white, long sleeved shirt and baggy, white, cotton pants. He was paler than ever, but he had somehow regained that don't-pity- me-don't-look-don't-touch sort of aura that had always enveloped him. His chestnut hair was messily displayed across his forehead, sweeping the pillow as he occasionally thrashed about.
Tomoyo offered Syaoran a silent prayer and closed the door, her eyes dropping with it. Then a familiar voice called out to her, and she snapped up.
"Ohayo, Tomoyo-chan!" Sakura said cheerily, stepping out from the room next to his.
Tomoyo hesitated. She was still offended at what Sakura had accused her of the evening before...but...she didn't want to loose Sakura completely. There was no use making the situation worse than it already was by shouting her heart out to her best friend, who would most probably cry and try to make amends, and then their nose could wake up Syaoran and make him even sicker...
Expressing her feelings wasn't worth all that...so she let go of her anger, temporarily...or maybe she just kept it in. Either way, she managed to look Sakura in the eye.
"Ohayo," she replied, sweetly, trying to sound as convincingly thrilled as she could. "Breakfast is ready downstairs. Let's go?"
Sakura paused. "...Is Syaoran-kun okay?"
Tomoyo's smile didn't waver. "Fine."
"Is he awake yet?"
"No. Soon."
And she went off, her black tresses waving behind her as if demonstrating a valediction.
Sakura could hardly keep from crying. "Tomoyo-chan..." She bit her lip. She glanced towards Syaoran's door and then flicked her confused emerald eyes in the general direction of Tomoyo's departure.
Breakfast with Tomoyo? That's good. But what about Syaoran!? She wanted to see him too!
'Why is this happening!?' she wondered. 'Why am I being made to choose between them!?!?' Sakura sniffed. 'Why do I have to face this!? Why can't I have both of them at once? I used to...didn't I?'
Or maybe not.
Flashback
Syaoran dropped down into the pool's slush, having been freed from his frozen cage, which had left him hanging in midair as soon as it disappeared.
SPLASHHH!!!!
"Sa...Sakura...chan..." Tomoyo whispered, amethyst eyes wide. "I...I'm sorry...I..." She didn't finish her sentence, ashamed at her uselessness. She dropped to her knees and reached over the water, grabbing Syaoran's soaked sleeve, which was floating near. She gathered her strength and tried to pull him to her.
Sakura, stunned and confused, once again burst into tears. "Syaoran-kun!!!" she screamed, dropping her wand as she ran towards the pool, where Tomoyo was desperately trying to pull Syaoran closer.
Almost without thinking, Sakura pushed her away and jumped into the water, her arms encircling Syaoran's torso as soon as she reached him. She hugged him close, tears streaking down her face.
"Syaoran-kun...Syaoran-kun, I'm so sorry...gomennasai...gomennasai!!"
Tomoyo rose to her feet from where Sakura had shoved her. She started to cry too, sympathy, hurt, and fear overcoming her strong facade. Silently, a tear slid down her porcelain cheeks. She lifted her camera and pressed the record button, hiding the turmoil of emotions she felt from the world behind the lens.
End of Flashback
Sakura's heart felt heavy in her chest. Guilt and panic rushed into her heart, and she knew that the only way to let them out was to cry gallons of tears and make peace with everyone whom she'd caused pain.
She leaned against the wall, eyes drowned in sorrow, already brimming with salty moisture. 'I guess I didn't really have them both at the same time. While with Tomoyo, I had Tomoyo. While with Syaoran, I had Syaoran. But while with Tomoyo AND Syaoran...I had...Syaoran-kun...because I...'
'I'm so stupid!' she screamed silently. 'How could I have hurt her like that!? How could I have shouted at her, accusing her that she doesn't care when she so obviously does? I'm the one who doesn't care! I'm the one who's insensitive enough to allow her best friend to feel that kind of pain!! I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid!!'
And she shook her head and berated herself silently, willing tears to keep from falling.
'But Syaoran...I love him, too! Shouldn't Tomoyo understand that!? Syaoran- kun is important to me too!'
And there Sakura stood in the corridor, contemplating and weighing both sides, never getting anywhere except making herself more and more confused.
Tomoyo...or...Syaoran...? It was an impossible decision!!
The idea of dining with someone whom she wasn't comfortable with wasn't very inviting. But it might be the key to repairing their friendship. Being with Syaoran would make her feel better, but she couldn't bear the thought of feeling those waves of guilt washing over her again.
"Doshiyo...?" she murmured, a trickle of salt water at last dripping down her cheek.
She shut her eyes tight to stop the rest from coming down...and then opened them, realizing another weakness: she was scared. She was afraid to solve her own problems. She just relied on time to heal everything.
"Sakura, you fool..." she grumbled to herself, softly, her voice quavering. Then she took a tentative step towards Syaoran's door. She let her hand reach out and touch the cold, metal surface of the knob.
"Am I doing the right thing?"
She twisted the circular simple machine and gently pushed the intricately designed door open. She peeked inside the room, her emerald eyes shining with fear, hope and anxiety.
"Syaoran-kun..."
She started to take a step closer to him...but then stopped. 'Doshiyo!?!?' her mind wailed. She took a deep breath and stepped back. The door gave a loud slamming sound, which Sakura hadn't intended to produce as she let it close behind her.
She bowed her head, thinking again, leaning against the closed door. She bit her lip and raised her head, coming, at long last, to a decision.
'Just for a moment. I won't be long.'
She gathered her courage and twisted the knob again, creaking the door open and sticking her pretty head inside.
"Sakura?" Tomoyo called, her feet pounding the stairs. "Aren't you going to join...?" She stopped when she saw Sakura peering inside the Chinese boy's room. "Oh, I see...of course, I understand...I'll come by later to check on you two, okay?" And she took off.
"Wait, Tomoyo-chan!! I'll be joining you for breakfast!!!!" Sakura called.
"No!! I mean, no. You stay with Syaoran. He needs you more than I do." Tomoyo offered her a soft smile.
Sakura couldn't smile back. "Tomoyo-chan...you're not hurt...are you?"
Tomoyo's smile widened a little. "Not a bit. Ja ne." And she ran off.
But Sakura knew Tomoyo was lying, and she didn't know what to do about it.
Tomoyo collapsed in her chair and felt the tears coming back. Sakura was replacing her. She had Syaoran now. Best friends don't matter anymore.
Tomoyo sighed. For once in her life, she passed up the chance to tape Syaoran and Sakura mush.
tbc
Lchan: Not much of a chapter, ne? I know. I'm sorry, minna. I let this chapter revolve around the Tomoyo-Syaoran conflict going on in Sakura's head. I'm suffering from a severe case of writer's block, so you see my dilemma. Well...I really didn't want to keep you people waiting, and once SEM break is over, I'll have less time updating this thing...please don't flame.
Oh, and gomennasai to Goten1986!!