~~~~~~~~~

Cid awoke with a start, coming awake in the darkness. He did this sometimes, and it always took him a moment to realise where he was.

"Ugh... not again. You awake Vin? I..." Cid stopped, listening to the silence as he realised what he'd said. What he'd thought for one blissful moment. He sighed and lay back flat again, his hand reaching out to the empty space in the bed, as if checking for sure that Vincent wasn't there.

It was too much. Memories of Vincent were all around him... he needed to get out or he'd drown in his grief. He got up and hastily pulled on his jacket, having fallen asleep in his clothes. He grabbed his cigarettes and rushed out of the door, down the stairs and out of the house.

~

He almost didn't realise where his feet were taking him in the dark until he was pretty much there: the beach.

He found himself making his way down to the shoreline, slowly and definitely.

And so he stood there in the cold of the night, cigarette burning away as he stared out at the mournful crashing waves.

"Vin... I miss you... Are you okay out there? Are you safe, wherever you are? I know it's selfish, but I wish you'd stayed here with me... I wish Hojo was here right now, so I could kill him again! That heartless bastard! He ruined so many people's lives... but no one suffered more than you, Vin. I hope I made you happy, in the time that we had together...?" Cid whispered, hoping Vincent could hear his voice carried on the wind.

"Can you hear me, Vin? I love you." He lowered his head, a lonely tear trickling down his cheek.

"He loves you too."

Cid started and turned to the strange voice.

It was that woman...

"You!" Cid exclaimed, hastily wiping the tears from his eyes, his face irritated. "Who are you? Why were you at the beach with us today? No one else saw you..."

The woman smiled bitterly. She turned to look at the sea, the wind blowing her long brown hair out behind her. "You don't know me. But I'm sure you know my name."

Cid was annoyed by her enigmatic allusions. "Then tell me! Who the hell are you?!"

"I'm the cause for all of Vincent's suffering. His pain. His death. It was because of me that Hojo killed him and warped him all those years ago. It is because of me that the Meteor almost destroyed this world. My name is Lucrecia."

~

Cid stared at her, his heart almost stopped. Complete and utter shock overtook him and for a moment he couldn't speak.

"L... Lucrecia..?" He asked in disbelief.

She smiled, but it was not a happy smile. She lowered her head. "Yes. I'm Sephiroth's mother."

Cid was silent. He couldn't believe who was standing in front of him, or even how.

"Why... weren't you dead? Why are you here?" He managed after a moment.

"But I'm not dead, as you can see. Just a vagrant soul with no home." She sighed, looking out at the melancholy sea. "I owe Vincent so much. The least I could do was attend his sending. I loved him too, once."

"No you didn't, you loved that monster, Hojo!" Cid accused, angry. "How @#$%ing dare you come here, after what you pair of freaks did to him!"

Lucrecia bowed her head, hurt. Her eyes squeezed shut. "It's true that I didn't love him like he needed me to, but I cared for him... he was such a good friend to me. But I was taken in by Hojo; I was a fool. If only I had been wise enough to see the mistake I was making. And my child... my poor child... what did they do to him to turn him into the monster he became..? I'm... so ashamed. I never got to hold him, you know, once he was born. They wouldn't let he hold him. I cried so much." She paused, a tear rolling down her pale cheek. "Hojo had no use for me once Sephiroth was born. He had charmed me, won my heart, told me he loved me, for months... all lies! Lies, just to procure his ultimate sample! A child!" Lucrecia looked into Cid's eyes. "So... after my baby was born... he took him and he abandoned me, and my poor baby was brought up in Shinra. Constantly tested upon in laboratories. Injected with Mako and Jenova cells, to make him the perfect soldier." Her voice was broken and tears flowed from her pale eyes. "My own baby." She whispered.

Cid looked away, ashamed for shouting at her. Why did he always react like that? The pain just made him angry...

"And..." Lucrecia sighed, sniffing. "And, um, when I realised what had happened, I tried to find Vincent - my only friend. But I couldn't find him. Hojo told me he was dead, but I wouldn't believe him. I searched and searched for so many years... the thought of finding Vincent was all I had left in this world now. I gave up my work as a scientist. I wanted so much to die... but the Jenova in me wouldn't let me die. Eventually I found a dark, secret cave to hide in and fell asleep... I had slept ever since, seeing things in my dreams. I started to see Sephiroth in my dreams so much... whispers in the dark telling me my baby was dead, but I didn't believe them either. I just dreamed and dreamed... seeing so many things. Then one day... Vincent came to my cave and I awoke. I felt so wretched, when I saw him. I saw what he had become, because of me. He ran over to me, but I told him to stay back... I couldn't bear to look at him. The pain was too much. I know it hurt him, but... I have always been so wretchedly selfish. I have never deserved his care. I will never know why he ever felt for me."

Cid didn't know what to say. What could he say? Even though hearing about Vincent's pain hurt him, and even Lucrecia's pain made him feel for the poor woman to some extent, he wanted to hear more about Vincent from someone who had known him for so long. It was as if her memories of the tragic dark haired man were adding to his own. He looked long at Lucrecia, noticing once again how much she resembled Shera. He wondered vaguely if Vincent had ever thought the same, and if looking at Shera would have constantly reminded him of the woman he once cared so much about.

He never told him if he did.

"Look..." Cid began quietly. "It's cold out here. Come up to the house with me, you can stay the night. I'd like to talk to you some more about Vincent later, but it's too late now."

Lucrecia smiled wanly at him. "Thank you for your understanding and your kindness... I'm glad Vincent found you. I know that you gave him the love he deserved. Thank you for caring for him." She looked out at the sea. "But I will remain here for a while. You go back home." She paused. "It is good to talk to a friendly face, and we have at least one thing in common. If you ever wish to talk to me... I will be at the cave by the pool in the river."

Cid nodded at her, looking at her for a moment before turning and making his way back up to the house.

He looked back once, but she was gone...

***

Shera yawned as she waited for the kettle to boil.

She had got up early to make a cup of tea for the captain when he awoke... she was going to take care of him after he'd spent so much of himself looking after Vincent. She poured the hot water into the cup. After he'd gone to bed last night, she had remained up for a few hours while Cloud and the others were still there, talking about Vincent, and about Cid. How tired he looked these days.

That was when Shera had decided to look after Cid even more than ever. So after she had seen everyone off and wished them a safe journey home, she tidied the living room and kitchen a little, making sure everything was nice for the captain in the morning.

She stirred the tea before washing the spoon and putting it away. She was about to carry the cup upstairs when she was met halfway on the staircase by Cid coming down. He still looked just as tired as last night... he'd probably lain awake all night. It was going to be hard for Cid for a long time... but she hoped that time would eventually dull his pain. She didn't mean she wanted Cid to forget Vincent, far from it - but she hated to see the captain in this state.

"Hey, Shera. What are you doing up? It's early." He said quietly, gratefully taking the cup from her hands as they both then came down the stairs.

"I made you a cup of tea, and I was going to bring it up to you."

Cid smiled weakly, his eyes were so red and weary looking. "You're good to me, y'know that? You know I don't mean it when I yell at you, don't ya?" They sat at the familiar kitchen table.

"Of course." Shera nodded. They sat in quiet for a while, gathering their thoughts.

Cid decided not to tell Shera about Lucrecia just yet. He didn't know what she'd make of it; if she'd think he was making it up or hallucinating. But it really was strange how the two resembled each other. Maybe they were distant relations.

"What are you doing today, captain?" Shera asked, trying to make light conversation.

Cid sighed. He didn't know. He didn't feel like doing anything. He wanted to talk to Lucrecia again... but he'd realised last night that the cave was unreachable by normal means; the only way there was on a golden Chocobo or by using the submarine. Cloud had the keys to the submarine, and he also had the only gold Chocobo they had left... That meant that if Cid wanted to go to see Lucrecia he'd need to go to Midgar first.

He sighed and leaned his face into his hands. He just didn't have the energy to go on the trip... what could he do in the house? Well, Vincent's things needed sorting. It hurt him deeply to think of it, but he couldn't just leave all his things lying around, collecting dust, reminding him constantly of his loss, his pain...

But in a way, he didn't want to forget his pain, because at least when the pain was so fresh it felt like Vincent hadn't been gone so long. Sometimes it felt like he hadn't really gone at all.

He couldn't bear the mental image he had of folding up Vincent's clothes and putting them in boxes, never to see use again... losing his scent and just becoming old, forgotten memories...

He felt stuck. He didn't want to have either... he needed to get out of the house.

"Shera..."

"Hmm?"

"I'm taking the Highwind out for a while." He stood up and fetched his goggles and jacket from the coat rack.

"Captain, are you sure you're okay to fly the Highwind? I mean, after yesterday... and you look so tired..."

"Shera, stop worrying." He muttered, tucking a packet of cigarettes into his goggle strap and tying his thin white scarf loosely around his neck. "I'll be fine. Look, I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay..." Shera murmured as she watched him go out the door.

***