Reminder: Only two parts left so let me know if you want more. Thanks to those who continue to reply you have no idea how much it means. It's hard work writing chapters, especially considering the length of mine and hopefully the emotional impact.
Love, Lies and Chances
Part 3
Vista Point
The smile that would have surprised a lot of people who thought they knew Jason Morgan hadn't left his face since he had left the Hardy House more than an hour before. His daughter, would he ever get tired of hearing that or thinking it? He didn't see how he could, his daughter was a special little girl. Her eyes had stayed on him, moved to find him whenever he spoke, and they seemed to light in a special way whenever she smiled or laughed, which was often. Michael had always been special and he couldn't love the boy anymore than he did but Michael had never smiled or laughed as often as Brenna did. He knew she was a happy and secure baby, she was obviously very loved as well. Elizabeth had done an amazing job raising her, of course he expected nothing less.
His smile faded when he remembered her words, her actions the way she had kept him from knowing about Brenna, apparently she didn't have the same confidence in him. He'd sat there and listened to her reasons, her attempts to explain why she had did what she did and they just weren't good enough. There was no reason good enough to keep him from knowing about his child. He knew he'd hurt her, but he didn't realize how much he had until he saw her with Brenna. In spite of what she said he knew the hurt was a large factor in her decision to keep him away.
Feeling weary he headed for his bike to begin the race home. And a race was exactly what it turned out to be. The bike may have raced through the city's dark streets toward the Harbor, but his mind raced even faster replaying her words. She had discovered she was pregnant the same day she found out he had married Brenda. There was probably a meaning in that and he maybe he should try to figure out what it was but all he wondered was why couldn't Nikolas have waited one day to tell her. One lousy day was all he would have needed. She would have told him about the pregnancy and all the gut-wrenching pain he was feeling now could have been avoided. All the pain and mistakes of the last year and a half could have been avoided as well. Normally he wasn't a person who looked back or played that dangerous game of what if, but somehow, at the moment, he couldn't help it. Everything would have been different if she hadn't got that one phone call. So many lives would have changed, so many hurts would never have happened.
It was ironical in a way, because one of the reasons he'd married Brenda at all was because of Elizabeth. The longer she had stayed away the more he'd given up hope. Once that occurred he didn't seem to care what happened to him. Those weeks after she had walked out on him had reminded of those first awful weeks when he had woken up in the hospital. The loud people who kept coming to see him, one of which who always seemed to be there when he woke up, the people who always got tears in their eyes when they saw him and told him repeatedly that he was Jason Quartermaine and he was their great hope for the future. Those people, the Quartermaine's hadn't meant a damn to him, nothing meant anything to him, nothing but just getting away.
He wanted nothing more than to leave the overbearing Quartermaine's, the smug doctors like Tony Jones who treated him like an imbecile because he was brain damaged, but most of all he wanted out of that place that let everyone else come and go as they pleased, everyone but him. If his door never opened again he would have been relieved. He didn't care about any of them and he didn't care about himself either.
That not caring about anything was what had brought on the train surfing, the dodging of falling crates, the racing his bike through the streets without a light, or racing it around the edge of the docks, he simply didn't care. He didn't care if he lived or died. Gradually that had changed and the change had started with Robin. She was the first person he cared about and knowing her led him to other people he began to care for. Eventually the caring for others made him learn to care about what happened to himself as well. The anger boy, the wild out of control man who didn't know how to deal with the overload of emotions in his life, finally learned and control, and he learned it well.
Now suddenly Elizabeth's abrupt departure after that amazing night together, the continued problems with an increasingly out of control Sonny, Carly's fears and her desperate plans, and everything else seem to spiral out of his control and he began not to care again. So when Brenda had approached him with the idea of marriage he really couldn't think of a reason not to do it. If he followed her plan it meant he was doing something, that he was taking an active role in trying to solve the problems that were breaking his family and wasn't that what he was supposed to do? If he were able to help Sonny and Carly at least he had purpose again. So he'd married Brenda without giving a thought to the possible consequences. Well he sure the hell cared about them now.
In the end marrying Brenda hadn't been enough, his hurt wasn't fading but his anger was beginning to grow. Anger directed at himself, at Elizabeth, at Sonny at so many people, he couldn't let it show, he couldn't lose his control, and suddenly somehow he found himself involved with Courtney. To this day he was unclear how it had happened. It just seemed that whenever he turned around she was there wanting to talk to him, wanting to be around him, she needed him, so it made sense he would be drawn to her.
Perhaps it was a night for reflections because he was finally able to admit there had been another reason for the involvement as well. He wasn't consciously aware of it at the time but he could see it clearly now. He knew that Sonny would hate the fact he was seeing Courtney and hadn't he known on some level that their dating, especially if they did it behind his back would hurt Sonny? Wasn't that one of the reasons he'd ultimately decided to keep the relationship a secret? To punish Sonny, to let go of some of the anger he had for Sonny over his role in the loss of Elizabeth. It had been Sonny's secret he'd been keeping that had hurt Elizabeth badly enough that she had fled, didn't he deserve to feel some of the pain?
Carly had been adamant that Sonny was in too bad of a place to know the truth, that he was behaving irrationally, that it was better to keep it quiet until things calmed down and he'd agreed. But that wasn't the only reason why. He knew Sonny would have understood easier, come to terms quicker with his and Courtney's relationship if they had been open about all along. But he, they, had chosen to keep Sonny in the dark just like he had deliberately kept Elizabeth in the dark. Sonny had gotten a taste of what if felt like when he was kept out of the loop.
At the time all this occurred he wasn't consciously aware of his actions, but now he could see there was some truth in what he'd just figured out. Eventually he had grown to care for Courtney, even love her in a way. Marriage wasn't that important to him. He'd married once to help Sonny and Carly so when Carly tried to nudge him into marrying Courtney he'd went along, he'd even been happy for a short time. But the truth of the matter was patently obvious to him now. The depth of love he had for Courtney was nothing compared to the feelings he had for Elizabeth.
Bone weary and angry with himself for hurting Courtney he sat on the motorcycle for a long time after turning it off. He wasn't sure what, if anything, his recently discovered motivations would mean. All he knew was that he didn't like what he'd figured out in the last few days. Elizabeth's leaving had colored most of the decisions he'd made in the last year and a half, and he hadn't even been aware of it. Disgusted with himself he climbed off the bike and headed past the guard posted on the floor to the elevator. What he needed now was sleep. In the last week sleeping had been sporadic at best, first it was the concern and fear over Michael, then the return of Elizabeth and his daughter. Everything seemed to be hitting him at once and he needed to shut off everything for a while.
The instant he opened the door to his place he knew he wasn't alone. He wasn't armed, he'd been going to meet his daughter not to a business meeting. Tensing he flicked on the light. "Courtney what are you doing here?"
Blinking at the sudden brightness that invaded the room Courtney got to her feet. "That's quite a welcome."
"Sorry," he tossed his keys on the desk. "It's late and I wasn't expecting anyone to be here."
Courtney had been waiting for him for hours. She had wanted to talk to him ever since Carly had filled her in on the news. Perhaps she should have stayed away because it didn't look like she was welcome. "I didn't realize I was just anyone to you."
"That wasn't what I meant." Jason shrugged out of his jacket and tried to gather his bearings to prepare for the scene that was coming.
"I came to see you because I heard something today and I wanted to hear if it was true from you," her hands clenched convulsively on her purse. "Did Elizabeth come back to town with your child?"
"Yes."
At his simple answer her entire world fell apart once again. Every dream she had once made concerning their marriage had shifted when she lost the baby and then found out there would never be another chance to be a mother. The news had devastated her, and put her into a tailspin for weeks. Jason had been grieving himself but he'd been there for her and they mourned the fact they would never have a child. But Jason did have a child, while her womb was still barren. Where was the fairness in that?
"You knew we were involved," he reminded her as the silence between them grew.
"I knew," she answered weakly. "I just didn't realize it was that serious. Did you know the whole time?"
"Of course I didn't know," he was too weary to try to stop his exasperation from showing.
"She kept your child from you." It was a statement, a realization that made her move closer to him.
"Yes."
"Did she at least tell you why?" Courtney asked.
Not wanting to get into it and more frustrated then he was used to feeling he stepped back from her approach. "She gave me her reasons earlier."
Courtney waited for him to finish but he'd stopped talking, closed up and closed her out. Hurt she shouldered her purse and moved past him to the door. "Thank you for telling me."
"Night Courtney," he followed her to the door. "How are you getting home?"
"I have a ride." She expected him to press her for more details, perhaps even offer to take her home himself but he merely nodded and closed the door in her face. The door being shut in her face capped the day for her and she began to cry.
General Hospital
"Emily I've given you the reasons why I did what I did." Elizabeth remained tense their meeting for answers had quickly deteriorated into a confrontation and it wasn't going well.
"Your reasons aren't good enough to explain why you kept my brother from his child," Emily retorted.
"I'm beginning to realize that," Elizabeth murmured.
"You're just now figuring that out?" If possible that fact made her even angrier. "I thought you were his friend. Even with the way you used him the last time he was in town, as you floated back and forth between him and Lucky, he still considered you a friend, he still defended you to me."
The fact that Jason had stood up for her didn't surprise her but it did make her feel even guiltier. "Emily I know I've made mistakes and I hurt Jason and other people, like you. I can't change what happened, all I can do is say I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling."
"Pain? Elizabeth we were best friends how could you keep something this important from me?"
"Emily get a grip," Elizabeth was beginning to lose her temper. "We hadn't spoken very often after Jason left town, you were upset with me over how I treated him and we were just figuring out how to deal with that when you were hurt and left town. Our communications were few and far between, some phone calls, some cards, letters, but nothing like we once had. You even refused to come back in town for my and Lucky's near wedding."
"You know why I couldn't come." Startled by the unexpected attack Emily's reply was late in coming.
"I know you said you didn't want to see Zander and I told you I understood. But the fact remains you were willing to miss your two best friend's wedding when you didn't have too. And it's really to bad you missed it, because it turned out to be a hell of a show."
"How can you be so flip about things?"
"Because it happened years ago Emily, years. I've had a lot of other things I've had to deal with since then. Besides what happened was between Lucky and I, not you. Just like what's happening now is between me and Jason, and not you."
"I'm his sister, and at one time I thought I was your friend, now I'm not so sure."
"What goes on between Jason and me is private. If he wants to tell you he can, I'm not going too. I'm through explaining myself or my actions to you. I love you Emily I still want to be your friend but I'm not going to spend the rest of my life defending myself around you. Did I make a mistake? Maybe, and if I did I'll deal with it, Jason and I will deal with it alone. What you need to do is back off."
"You have no right to be mad at me." Emily snapped. "You were the one who lied."
"And you have no reason to feel betrayed," her reply was equally cutting. "What I did, I did to Jason, not you. I didn't even think about you for months. Get over yourself Emily and grow up, you're not that important in this situation."
"He's my brother and you hurt him, deliberately."
"I know I hurt him. Don't you see I hurt him not you. I didn't set out to hurt you Emily it just happened."
"No she didn't set out to hurt you Emily," Carly commented from behind Elizabeth. "The one she set out to hurt was Jason. Congratulations you succeeded on a level even I couldn't achieve."
Elizabeth couldn't help rolling her eyes. The morning continued to get better and better, she could only wonder what would happen next. "Carly," she addressed Jason's self-appointed avenger with a raised brow.
"Carly, Elizabeth and I were getting some things straight and were not done yet," Emily tried to nudge the former blonde along. "You can talk to her later."
"Actually we are done Emily," Elizabeth corrected the younger girl and saw shock race over her features. "I've said all I'm going to say and I've said it in everyway possible, the next move is up to you. As for now I want to speak with Carly, alone if you don't mind."
Upset at the dismissal Emily stomped away without another word. Bracing herself Elizabeth faced the woman that had once been the biggest thorn in her side about Jason.
"I really do want to congratulate you." Carly fired the first shot. "You moved past Saint Robin on the destroying list."
"And where do you fit on that list Carly?" Elizabeth had gone through too much to be intimidated by Carly. She may feel guilty but she wasn't about to play dead. "You used Michael to destroy Jason on more than one occasion, another time you slept with his best friend even while you claimed to be in love with Jason. So what's your ranking on the list?"
"Don't you dare try to get smug with me." Carly hissed. She wasn't surprised the confrontation wasn't going the way she had planned it, confrontations with Elizabeth rarely worked out the way she planned, but she was more than willing to go with the flow, confidant in her ability to come out on top. "As bad as I may have hurt him you take the cake. You took his child away from him for close to a year of her life. Nothing, I mean nothing compares to that."
"I know." Elizabeth agreed surprising her foe.
"I always knew you would hurt him. With your big eyes and needy expression, he couldn't see the truth about you but I did."
"And what is this truth?"
"That you're nothing more than a selfish child. Capable of ripping the heart out of the best man you'll ever meet and stomping on it to get your point across." She moved closer to deliver her next charge. "Jason knows the truth about you now as well. Those big eyes and quivering lip won't work on him anymore."
In spite of her vow to remain calm a flicker of worry appeared in her eyes, which Carly quickly picked up on.
"He says Sonny taught him things about life, well here's a clue, he never taught him forgiveness on a major level. He never taught him that because Sonny never learned how to do it himself. Jason was in love with the Saint, he loved her in spite of all of her neuroses of which there were many," Carly couldn't help taking the jab at Robin. "Yet he turned his back on her the instant she told the truth about Michael and set the wheels in motion for the loss of his son. You deliberately kept his daughter from him. Do you really think he'll forgive you for that?"
Jolted by her words Elizabeth struggled to fight back. "You helped him lose Michael, and now you call Michael Sonny's son. What do you think that does to Jason? Do you think his fatherly love just died when he gave up his rights? I got news for you Carly it didn't. Months later, even years later, he still hurt because he wasn't considered Michael's father anymore."
Stung Carly could see the truth in Elizabeth's eyes. She'd known all along that Jason still loved Michael as a father, but it was the first time anyone had said it aloud to her. "If you knew that how could you keep his own child from him?"
"What I did doesn't concern you. It doesn't concern anyone in this town, outside of Jason, Brenna and me. If you want a punching bag Carly find someone else, I'm tired of dealing with you." Turning she started to walk away.
"I'd stay away from Jason if I were you," Carly called after her.
"Or what?" Elizabeth turned.
"Did you happen to hear about how effective of a witness I was on the stand in the custody case?" Carly asked sweetly. "I did it once I sure as hell could do it for Jason."
The subtle threat had the impact it was designed for and fear began to gather inside of Elizabeth. Carly was looking very pleased with herself when she turned to walk away. Jason wouldn't fight her for custody, she knew that, she believed it with her whole heart, and yet she wanted to run Brenna and take her away as fast as she could.
"Elizabeth." The call echoed down the deserted hall. "I was looking for you."
Elizabeth now knew never to ask what next. Girding herself for her next battle she turned to face Jason's former wide, her former acquaintance. "Courtney," her welcome was as flat as her eyes.
Walking slowly down the hall Courtney used the time to study her smaller rival. Because there was no doubt now that Elizabeth had always been her rival, even when she hadn't been in town. "How could you do that to him? Do you have any idea how much you hurt him?"
"Yes I know," Elizabeth's exasperation was showing. She was getting fed up at being constantly reminded how badly she hurt Jason. She was damned if she would take it from Courtney.
"What do you have to say to explain yourself?"
"Nothing," Elizabeth answered flatly.
"What do you mean nothing?"
"I don't owe you any explanation Courtney. I don't owe you a damn thing. In fact I don't even owe you this conversation," with that she turned away.
"Wait a minute." Courtney caught her arm before she could take more than two steps. "I'm Jason's wife I'm entitled to answers about my husband."
"Actually you're his ex-wife," Elizabeth corrected. "Just like Brenda is his ex-wife, I don't owe her any answers and I don't owe you any."
Incensed Courtney stepped closer. "I'm nothing like Brenda. He didn't love Brenda, he loves me."
"And yet he divorced you both." She was being petty but couldn't seem to help it. Courtney was the eye-catching blonde she had been fighting her whole life, beginning with her sister, next to blondes like them she always felt invisible. Added to that was the fact she had actually married Jason, and any warm feelings she might have had for the blonde had long since dried up. "Goodbye Courtney."
"I'm the one he married Elizabeth, not you. I'm the one he was willing to give up his job for, not you," Courtney struck back hard. "All you did was bed him, run away from him and then keep his child from him. Of the two of us who do you think he cares for more?"
Elizabeth kept her pace slow as she walked away even when she wanted nothing more than to run.
Lobby
"Emily we need to talk." Nikolas caught her arm and pulled her to the side before she could walk out the door. "You can't avoid me forever."
"I don't want to see you." She was still churned up inside from her run in with Elizabeth, the last thing she wanted was to have a fight with Nikolas. "I told you how I felt and asked you for time."
"How many times do you want me to apologize for hurting you?" His frustration over her unreasonable behavior was beginning to grow.
"You apologize for hurting me, but you won't admit you did anything wrong," Emily wailed.
"I don't believe I did."
"You kept a baby from her father."
"So did Jason," Nikolas reminded her. "He wasn't Michael's father yet he pretended to be for more than a year."
"That was different."
"How is it different Emily?" Nikolas pressed it was time for her to grow up and face some hard truths about the brother she adored. "Jason lied to you, to everyone for well over a year. He kept a child away from his real father during that time and showed no signs of ever telling the truth. In fact if Robin hadn't spoken up we still might not know the truth. And to my knowledge you never were angry with him over what he did. So what gives you the right to be angry at Elizabeth or me?"
"I," confused she ran a shaky hand through her hair. "That was different."
"It was the same Emily. The only difference was that this time Jason was the one being kept in the dark not A.J. Jason was the one being lied to instead of the one doing the lying." He hammered his point home. "You need to reconsider your anger. If you never were angry with Jason for hurting AJ you have no right to be angry with Elizabeth for doing the exact same thing to Jason. Think about it."
Turning abruptly he walked outside leaving her staring after him in open-mouthed shock. He knew his words had hurt her, but they needed to be said. Sometimes Emily acted so young it made him weary. She needed to realize that there were real shades of gray in the world, people made mistakes, no one was all good or all bad. He was heading for his car when a young woman with long dark hair crashed into him.
"I'm sorry I was late and wasn't looking where I was going." The woman bent over to pick up her purse and the contents that had spilled out all over the sidewalk.
He automatically bent down to help her. "No harm done." Nikolas got to his feet and held out her hairbrush.
"Thanks." She looked at his face for the first time, when her eyes met his dark ones everything inside of her shifted on its axis. "Connor?" She whispered and promptly passed out. Nikolas barely had time to catch her before she hit the ground.
Hallway
"You're just the man I've been looking for." Lucky Spencer announced loudly.
Jason ignored the boy playing dress-up in the cop's uniform
"I'm talking to you."
"I don't care," Jason walked past him.
"Wait a minute," Lucky hurried to catch up. "I want you to leave Elizabeth alone."
Ignoring him was second nature so Jason kept walking down the hall towards Michael's new room.
"Did you hear me Jason?" Lucky moved in front of him to get him to stop. "You don't talk to her or seek her out. She's made it very clear that she doesn't want you in her life."
"What goes on between Elizabeth and me is none of your business." Jason's reply was cool his tone unfriendly.
"I make it my business when I see a friend being hurt. Anyone can see your angry with her, we may not be engaged any longer but I still care about her," he poked Jason in the chest. "So stay away from her."
Lucky may be doing his best Taggert impression but he was still only an imitator. But imitator or not he was getting on his nerves. "Don't push me."
Lucky began to wonder if he could provoke Jason enough to take a swing at him. If he could arrest Jason while Elizabeth was in town she would see he was nothing more than a thug. "You don't have any right to be mad at her. All she wanted was to keep her child safe, and there was no way for that to happen if you were around."
Lack of sleep, added to the unexpected situation he had found himself thrust into were stirring up emotions he knew were better left under wraps. But even though he knew Lucky was trying to get a reaction from him he couldn't help but rise to the bait. "You have no idea what is going on."
"I know you're mad at her when all she did was the exact same thing you did to AJ. You kept AJ's child from him the same way she kept yours from you. So you don't have any right to try to act superior."
"You shut your trap Lucky." Carly shrieked, moving closer she put her hands on her hips and cut him to shreds with her eyes. "You don't have the first clue about what was happening with Michael, at that time you were still playing in the sandbox so don't even try to pretend with us."
"I know he's nothing more than a kidnapper," Lucky retorted ignoring the fact he'd agreed with what Jason had done when he first heard the truth about Michael.
"You want to hear what I know Lucky?" Carly asked in a sweet voice to soften him up for the impending blow. "I know you once injected Lucas with a vial full of drugs that made him sick enough he nearly died, all so you could have Tony revive the demented Stavros Cassadine. I know you were whacked enough in the head that you escaped from jail and let Sorel out at the same time, so he was loose to terrorize Emily, Zander, Sonny and myself." She took great pleasure in seeing the color fade from zoner boy's face. "So the next time you want to hold yourself out as morally superior, I'd remember that. Now get lost."
Carly turned her back on Lucky's sputter and smiled when she saw the half-amused expression on Jason's face. "Michael's been asking for you."
"How's he doing today?" Jason knew better than to comment on her interference with Lucky. They both ignored the still fuming play cop as they walked down the hall.
"He's so much better," Carly was practically glowing in relief.
"Kids bounce back quickly. Soon he'll be running you and Leticia ragged."
Carly couldn't wait for that to happen. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine."
"Jase…"
"It doesn't do me any good to tell you to leave it alone does it?" He half asked, half accused.
"Has it ever?" Carly wanted to know and was surprised when Jason stopped and hugged her. She may hug him all the time but he very rarely initiated the contact. "What was that for?" She asked when he drew back.
"Carly," he cupped her face in his hands and she grew even more confused. "I love you and I know you love me in your own way. But for once I really need you to listen to me."
Carly instinctively wanted to pull away, she knew whatever he was about to say wasn't going to be something she wanted to hear. "So talk," she grumbled finally.
"I need some time and while you give it to me I need you to leave Elizabeth alone." When her dark eyes shifted away from his he groaned. "It's too late isn't it? You've already seen her haven't you?"
She didn't even bother to lie. "I ran into her."
"What did you say?" He asked tiredly. Whatever it was he knew it hadn't been good.
Having been in this particular position many times before Carly knew how to handle it she shifted away from him before answering. "Lot's of things were said I can't remember every word."
"Carly this is between Elizabeth and me, I don't need you defending me or making things worse so stay out of it," he snapped.
"Do you really think I'll stay out of it? That I could stay out of it after seeing how she hurt you?"
"That's right she hurt me Carly me, not you so back the hell off."
"Don't you think I hurt when you're in pain?" She asked sharply. "I haven't seen you look this wrecked since Robin, there's no way I can ignore it or ignore her."
"You have to, and you will because I'm asking you too. Don't cross me on this, not on this," he warned her.
"Oh my god." Her stomach dropped to her knees when she figured out what he was doing. "You're protecting her. She broke your heart and you're still protecting the little bitch."
"Carly," Jason's anger began to show. He couldn't help his knee-jerk reaction when it came to Elizabeth but that didn't mean he wanted any attention drawn to it, especially not by Carly. "Leave it alone, and leave her alone."
"She kept your baby from you Jason."
"I know that," he snapped angrily. "Don't you see how much that hurts me? We have a lot to work out, a lot of things to deal with and I don't need you interfering and making things worse between us."
Us. It was word that should have been out of place and yet it wasn't. There was something in his eyes that worried her, and that made her test him. It was the only way she could figure out what he was really feeling about Elizabeth.
"I don't see that you have that much to work out. You'll file the custody papers tomorrow, the temporary hearing will be soon, I'll testify for you so will lots of others like Emily, hell even the Quartermaine's would love to get involved, you'll get custody of your daughter and little Miss Muffin face will be left out in the cold where she belongs," Carly made her play.
"I am not suing for custody," his reaction was immediate. "I won't do that to Elizabeth. I could never hurt her that way, or hurt Brenna. She is with her mother, and that's who Brenna needs to be with. After the hell you just went through in the custody suit how could you encourage me to put my own child through one?"
His angry tirade convinced her that her worst fears were accurate. She was reminded of her conversation with Sonny and his warning that Jason may not feel the same way they did about what Elizabeth had done. She hadn't thought it was possible that Jason could forgive the little bitch, but now she feared he would, with time, if she didn't make him crawl too much. Forgiving the unforgivable was incomprehensible for her, but apparently not for Jason.
"Carly?" He touched her arm to get her attention.
"What?"
"Promise me you'll back off," he asked softly.
"I," she tried to look away but he bent slightly and countered her movements until she couldn't avoid meeting his eyes. "I promise. For now I won't say anything more to Elizabeth. But if she pulls one more thing on you I'll be all over her ass."
"I expected nothing less from you." The love he felt for his friend was reinforced in that moment by her reluctant backing down from a fight he knew she'd loved to have.
It was past time to change the topic to more pleasant thoughts and Carly thought she knew one that would make Jason's day. "So tell me about your daughter."
Jason's smile was automatic and the weight eased from his shoulders. "She's so beautiful."
Seeing the happy look on his face she couldn't help thinking up appropriate tortures to inflict on Elizabeth for keeping this happiness from him for so long.
Courtney came around the corner just as they turned another. Tears were beginning to fall again because of the conversation she'd overheard. Any bravado or confidence she'd been feeling after her run-in with Elizabeth had quickly faded under Jason's defense of her.
Room 217
"Did you get any sleep at all?" Audrey Hardy voiced her concern over her granddaughter's appearance.
"Some," she didn't want to complain but couldn't help it at the moment. "I knew this was going to be hard Gram, I just didn't realize it would be this hard."
"There was a lot of hurt and miscommunication between you and Jason before you left, that was bound to be stirred up with your return, and then when you add this precious girl to the mix, it was bound to be difficult."
"I know." When Audrey began to shift on the bed and show the pain on her face she knew it was her clue to take Brenna and leave, bending over she began to gather up her things. "It's about time for your next shot."
"I hate those shots, they always put me to sleep." It was Audrey's turn to complain. "If they hadn't made such a large incision the pain wouldn't be nearly this bad."
"If they hadn't made that big incision you would have died Gram," she reminded her. "The break severed an artery, if you hadn't been in the hospital when you fell you would have bled to death, as it was they pumped so much blood in you on the operating table it was like you had an oil change," she teased to ease the fear she still felt when she remembered the phone call she had gotten late one night.
Sorry she had worried her Audrey quit complaining. "You'll be back later?"
"Count on it." She pushed the stroller holding her sleeping baby towards the door.
"Elizabeth," Audrey waited until she turned before speaking. "You used to tell me over and over what a good man Jason was."
"I remember, what about it?"
"Nothing I just wanted to remind you of that. Oh Amy you're here with my salvation," she cried when Amy entered the room with a tray full of drugs.
"Careful Audrey you're beginning to sound like a junkie." Amy teased before turning her attention on the woman she most wanted to speak too. "Elizabeth I wanted to tell you how lovely your daughter is."
"Thank you."
"I have to say there's something about her eyes that's so familiar," she hinted.
"Amy what are you doing?" Audrey's tone was dry. "You've already spread it around the hospital that Jason Morgan is the baby's father, it's a bit late to try to check the facts don't you think?"
Amused Elizabeth walked out of the room when Amy began to sputter. She pushed the stroller in the direction of the elevator while she tried to puzzle out the meaning of her Gram's words. Was Audrey telling her to trust Jason? Or trust that she had been right about him all along? Or was she just confused because of the obvious pain she was in and wasn't clear on what she was saying.
Children's Wing
Michael was lying on the bed talking animatedly with Jason and Sonny couldn't take his eyes off of him. Since coming out of the surgery Michael had improved dramatically and was already hinting about for his desire for his favorite meal of hot dogs and ice cream. It was hard to believe that barely 48 hours before he'd been fighting for his life.
"That's a great thing to see isn't it?" Carly appeared by his side.
"I can't take my eyes off of him," he agreed.
"I know what you mean."
"You came in with Jason did he say anything about last night?" He couldn't hold his curiosity at bay any longer.
"I know he's head over heels in love with his daughter, and still protective of Elizabeth."
Sonny couldn't say he was surprised. He could never do it but Jason had always be a better man than him. "I warned you that Jason doesn't react the same way we do to hurts."
"This isn't merely a hurt this is his child which Elizabeth kept away from him." Carly reminded him. Thanks to her promise she wouldn't confront Elizabeth but that didn't mean she couldn't voice her opinion to anyone that would listen.
"She must have had her reasons."
"You know him Sonny is there any reason good enough to keep him away from his child?"
"No."
"Excuse me," Elizabeth interrupted them. "I was hoping I could find Jason here."
"He's with Michael," Carly snapped.
"I heard what happened to him, I'm relieved he's going to be okay."
When Carly snorted her disbelief Sonny shot her a warning glare. "Jason should be out soon, do you want to wait? I know he'd love to see you."
Sonny may have been addressing her but Elizabeth was well aware the sentiment was directed to her daughter. The decision to seek Jason out in a place she knew Sonny and Carly would be had been made on the spur of the moment. But now that she was there she wasn't about to let them see her turn tail and run. "I'll wait over there." She headed for a small couch on the other wall, there was no reason to remain close to them, especially not after overhearing their conversation.
Sonny could see the decision had cost her but made no comment. His loyalty was to Jason not to her. His focus shifted to the sleeping girl in the stroller. "You said her name was Brenna?"
"Yes."
"She's beautiful." The compliment slipped out of Carly before she could stop it. "Then again Jason always had good genes."
Chagrined Elizabeth's temper began to spike. As if sensing the undercurrents in the room Brenna began to stir. Ignoring the audience Elizabeth immediately picked her up. In that moment she needed the reassurance that could only be given through contact with her daughter.
An awkward silence descended on the three, there was so much that could have been said but no one seemed willing to start things while Brenna was there. The strain of the silence was beginning to get to them all and Elizabeth was about ready to swallow her pride and leave when the door to Michael's room opened.
"Elizabeth," Jason's surprise was evident.
Brenna seemed to recognize the new voice and squirmed in her mother's arms until she saw Jason and held out her arms in a signal to be picked up. Jason immediately moved to her side then hesitated his eyes went to Elizabeth for permission.
"Go ahead," she handed her daughter off. Brenna had always been a friendly child but she had never taken to anyone the way she had to Jason.
Carly was ill prepared for the tears in her eyes when she saw her best friend's face. Without a word to the others she disappeared inside Michael's room.
"I was wondering if you wanted to take Brenna for the afternoon." Elizabeth made the offer before she could chicken out. When he didn't answer right away she looked in Sonny's direction. "If you're busy we can do it another time."
"No I'm not busy," Jason assured her. He had just been surprised by the unexpected offer, but when he saw her look at Sonny he knew he needed to speak. "I'd love to take her."
"Everything you need should be in the bag, if she gets cranky take her by the water it calms her down, the purple cat is what she likes to sleep with these days," she began to babble. "Do you still you live at the penthouse?"
"Yes."
"I'll come by around 6:00 to pick her up?"
"She'll be napping," he remembered the baby's schedule from the night before.
"I thought we could talk some more while she slept."
"I'd like that," he shifted the baby more securely on his hip when she began to fuss with the collar of his shirt.
"Okay," she stepped towards her daughter to kiss her goodbye only to freeze when she realized Jason was holding her. In order to kiss Brenna she would have to touch Jason and that was something she wasn't ready to do. Backing away she blew her daughter a kiss instead. "Bye baby girl."
Brenna squealed a farewell then went back to numbing her teething toy and Elizabeth quickly hurried away.
"Sonny I want you to meet my daughter Brenna Marie Webber." Jason took great pride in introducing his child for the first time to the man he considered his surrogate father.
"She's stunning." Sonny couldn't help getting choked up at the sight. A light was back in Jason's eyes a light he hadn't seen in years, not since he'd been raising Michael.
Penthouse
"Courtney I don't want to argue with you anymore." Jason felt his patience with her begin to ebb. He hadn't expected her to show up with no warning, and since his daughter was asleep upstairs he hadn't liked her timing.
"I just don't know how you can defend Elizabeth's behavior after what she did to you." Courtney had come by to talk to him and found him with Brenna and that had spooked her enough that she had broached the subject of Elizabeth with him and apparently that had been a big mistake. A wall had come crashing down between them, and she was determined to break through it, she was determined to make him see he didn't need to excuse Elizabeth's actions just to be a part of his daughter's life. It was Elizabeth who needed to beg for his forgiveness.
"And what did she do to me Courtney?" Patience gone the anger of the last several days was once again front and center.
"She kept you from knowing about your child," she cried.
"So did you." The words were out before he could stop them and Courtney looked like he'd just hit her. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that," he was instantly contrite.
Stung by the words Courtney could barely breathe, finally she turned and walked out of the penthouse slamming the door hard behind her.
Angry at himself, at Elizabeth, at the world Jason wanted nothing more than to break something but he didn't. He learned from his mistakes. With Brenna in the house there was no way he would risk frightening her the way he once had frightened Michael. The afternoon he had spent with her had been one of the best of his life. They had walked many different places, saw things that he rarely paid any attention too, and even though he had her stroller he mainly carried her and the more he did the more he hated to put her down. Elizabeth had been right about the little girl's love of the water too, she'd taken one look at the river and began to bounce in excitement.
Brenna was small, yet she was also big, he had missed so much of her life and could only learn about it second hand. He knew she had been born prematurely but had been a fighter from her first breath. He knew she hated plums and would rather wear them then eat them, and that she was allergic to bee stings. But there was so much he didn't know about her, so many milestones he'd already missed and he felt incredibly cheated.
But no matter how he was feeling he had no right to take it out on Courtney. She hadn't deserved to bear the brunt of his frustration, she was an innocent party in this mess. He knew his comment about the baby they lost had devastated her, and felt bad for it. But it was also the truth, she had kept the knowledge of their child from him until it was too late to do anything but grieve for the loss.
The pain of losing a child he hadn't known existed paled in comparison to the possibility of him losing Brenna. He'd barely known of her existence for 36 hours now and he already knew he'd do anything to keep her in his life. He didn't want to live without her but Elizabeth had said nothing about staying in town.
The knock on the door drew him from his grim thoughts. He hesitated with his hand on the knob and took a hard breath to prepare for the visitor. "Come in Elizabeth," he automatically helped her with her coat and placed it on the desk chair.
"Thanks." Elizabeth moved further inside a room she'd once vowed never to step foot inside again. The first thing that struck her was the changes that had been made, they weren't as extensive as she figured Courtney would have made. Her eyes went to the sofa looking for an afghan that used to lie there. She wasn't surprised to see it was gone she'd had no reason to hope it was still there, but she did. "Did you have fun with Brenna?"
"Yes." He followed her to the couch and took a seat next to her. It was strange to see her here again. After the way she had stalked out of this place that last night he wasn't sure she'd ever come back. He could tell she didn't want to be there now, and the tension between them began to grow.
Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably on the couch. This was more awkward than their meeting last night had been and she thought she knew why. They had no memories inside her Gram's house, no baggage they had to wade through like they did here and so many other places in town. There were good memories wrapped inside this penthouse like the time they had admitted they wanted to be together, but there were some ugly memories as well.
"When are you leaving?"
"What?" Elizabeth was puzzled by the abrupt question. "I thought Brenna was asleep."
"I meant when are you leaving town?" His question was forced out past the lump in his throat. "I need to know when you'll take her away from me again. You walked back into my life with a daughter I never knew I had. I deserve to know when you're going to walk out of it again, and this time I deserve to hear it from you not in some cowardly note."
At last his anger was making itself known and she was relieved to see it. Anger was a cleaner emotion than pain was and that made it easier to deal with. "I could only get a week off, we leave Saturday night."
"So soon?" Four days that was all he had with them. Four lousy days and it wasn't enough, it wasn't nearly enough.
Hearing the pain in his voice she couldn't help responding to it. Tentatively she covered his hand with hers. "It was all I could get. We'll be back later in the summer, and I hoped you'd visit us."
He didn't want to visit his daughter he wanted to see her everyday, to be around her everyday. "If it's a matter of money…"
"It's not," she cut off his offer. He was an honorable man she knew he'd mention money to her sooner or later. "It's a matter of choice. We have a life in California, a life we need to get back to."
"A matter of choice?" He repeated angrily. He couldn't sit still and listen to her talk about taking his daughter away from him. "What about my choices? Does what I want count for anything with you?"
Surprised by his outburst she could only laugh bitterly. "Do you have any idea how much I would have given to hear you say that even once to me?"
"What are you talking about now?" He'd made it as far as the desk when her behavior made his stop.
"You." She got to her feet to move after to him. "You were always so determined never to influence any decision I may have to make. You were so determined to have me make up my own mind that you never once told me what you wanted to happen. It's impossible to have a relationship when only one person is willing to fight to make it happen."
"You wanted me to fight you," he asked in confusion.
"If it meant you cared for me then yes. God Jason you never seemed to care enough to fight for me or with me so you could get what you wanted out of life."
"I was ready to fight that day that last day when you left me sleeping in a bed by myself, a bed we made love in all night long." He retorted angrily not caring at the moment if he hurt her. "I woke up alone in that bed and went to find you. I vowed to do anything I had to do in order to make you understand, I wasn't going to let you run away from me, and I wasn't going to run from you, for once we were going to fight to make things work. Then I got to your studio and read the note you left me." Yanking open the desk drawer he pulled the note out to show her. "This note."
"You kept it?" Her surprise showed on her face.
"Of course I kept it," he advanced on her. "This note destroyed me Elizabeth. You could have shot me that morning and it would have hurt less then these 8 words did."
"I'm so sorry," she whispered.
"I don't want you sorry I want to go back in time," he whispered back.
Pushed to the limit he did what he'd wanted to do ever since she'd stepped off the elevator, he kissed her. She didn't struggle merely kissed him back. His arms tightened around her while his tongue pressed on her lips demanding entry. When she finally opened for him he poured everything he was feeling into the kiss. The pain, the anger, the hurt, the longing, so many feelings, a mixture that was killing him, a mixture that was stunningly powerful poured from him into her and she met him with her own rush of feelings.
After all the time apart the kiss should have been awkward but it wasn't and it was quickly spiraling out of control. When they broke apart to breathe he was still angry even as his lips roved her face and her hands moved up his back. Soon their lips met again and this time passion took the pace of hurt. As the passion took hold he began backing her to the couch.
"No." Using the last vestige of her strength Elizabeth broke free of the kiss and twisted away from him. "We can't do this."
Sanity was slow to return and until it did all he wanted to do was keep kissing her. He had been in this place with her before and wasn't willing to go back. As long as he was kissing her he didn't feel angry or hurt, as long as he was kissing her they had a chance. "Are you saying you don't want me."
"Of course not." It would be easier for her to claim she didn't need to breathe than it was to try to claim she didn't still want him. "But wanting isn't enough."
"Why not? It worked for you that night at Jake's," he reminded her bitterly.
"That's not true," she retorted angrily. "That night was about love, today, this right here would be nothing but want, and the need to punish each other and all we would end up doing is hurting each other even more. It would be easy to continue. Who knows we might even make another Brenna. But would that change anything between us? There's always been a spark between you and me but is there trust? You hurt me, I hurt you and trust was broken on both sides. The feelings maybe even the love is still between us but there's so much pain between us as well. I don't want to be hurt worse by moving to soon and giving into need and I don't think you want to be either."
"So where does that leave us?"
She was spared from making a reply when Brenna's cry came over the baby monitor. "I'll get her and go home I don't think there's anything left to say tonight."
Jason watched her run up the stairs and soon all he had to think about was the memory of her lips on his and her words.